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Parenting & Farm Kids:  Parents of teens, gather here!  |
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krissy
True Blue Farmgirl
278 Posts
Kristen
Snohomish
WA
USA
278 Posts |
 Posted - Oct 21 2010 : 3:06:54 PM
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Is it just me or are you frustrated with your teen as well? Mine is 13 and a boy and the laziest person on planet earth. He was the one who said, "I have too many chores." So we revisited the chore list and gave some of his to his little bro, but now he doesn't do anything! UGH! And the lack of respect for the house rules just has me red with anger! 
If you have a vent or are in need of support (like me), please, feel free to post/reply.
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~Farmgirl Sister #986~
http://achickenwithherheadcutoff.blogspot.com/
http://lateinlifemommy.blogspot.com/
http://www.youravon.com/kristenparkinson |
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countrified_city_gurl
Farmgirl in Training
27 Posts
najia
heidelberg
Germany
27 Posts |
Posted - Oct 27 2010 : 3:31:10 PM
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Yup. I feel ya. My 14 year old flirts with death on a daily basis. Every single morning we go rounds with getting him up and out the door in time for school. His grades are for crap as well. We (my DH and I) are pretty strict and do not let any of this slide but OMG it is wearing me down. Some days I am counting down until his 18th birthday.
Najia, the countrified city girl! #2221
Maybe a person's time would be as well spent raising food as raising money to buy food. ~Frank A. Clark
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Oct 27 2010 : 4:33:53 PM
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Oh my goodness - THANK you for bringing this up! I have been feeling so alone in this! Yep - mine, too, definitely! He's a wonderful 14 year-old on so many levels, and I am truly proud of him (and even still in love with the kid) but suddenly at some point last year he just turned on me. Some days I hardly even recognize him - and I'm sure that's mutual! LOL! I try to put it out of my mind and tell myself it's just the age, but there are days that I would just... just... well, let's just say there are days when the roof starts a-rockin' due to my "high-pitched pterodactyl screech" as my husband likes to mock (he even takes his life in his hands, making the sounds and motions, the bugger!). Now that is just not who I want to be - that is not me!!! It's just so hard, and there is only so much a sane woman can take, right? Geez... They're trying to find their places in this world, figure out who they are, and suddenly they feel any semblance of apron strings must be hacked away. I was just thinking the other day about writing a book or a song - or both - entitled, "My Tattered Apron Strings." Not that I want him tied to them, but I sure don't want him to treat them like they mean nothing, you know what I mean? In homeschool there are days that he just gets so abrasive about doing his work - he says it's "stupid" and he's "never gonna use this." My response is, "you're never gonna use your XBOX again, either, buddy!" (he only gets to play Friday evenings and Saturday during the days). It's a constant tug-of-war and many a night I am brought to tears when I peep into his bedroom and see my not-so-little boy so innocent looking and fast asleep. Why can't it be like it used to? I used to be everything to him, now I have dwindled down to "Mom-can-I?" or "Awwwww, Mom! Come oooonnnnnn!" Ugh. My husband comes home, my son's outside playing football with his friends, the dog is fast asleep, and here is his beloved wife, hair resembling something like that of the Heat Miser, eyes glazed over, blood boiling, and with electricity ready to shoot like lightning bolts from the very tips of her fingers at the next person who even attempts to tap-dance on her last, highly-strung nerve. Now isn't that just pretty? Lately, I have literally begun tuning out when my son starts with me - I take long, deep breaths and talk myself down. I tell myself that someday - in the not so far future - this little man of mine is going to leave home, start his new life at college, and I will miss these days intensely; I really do want to be sure he comes back! And I also recall the days when he was an infant, sick and having one of those all night shrieking sessions when I'd pace the floor or rock endlessly thinking I would either die from the sound or exhaustion. It's kind of like that, isn't it? Well, we made it through those times, we'll make it through these, too, girls. And someday, when they're off on their own with a bundle of laundry and a growling tummy, we'll be the sun, moon and stars all over again. We just gotta hang tough, that's all. Plus, I really will relish the day he calls me about his beligerant 14-year-old... I'm going to respond just like my Mom does, "Well, isn't that interesting? I don't remember ever going through that with you... You were an angel..." LOL!!! Payback, I believe, is definitely going to be worth the wait!
Big hugs, girls - keep the faith! - Nini
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
Farmgirl Sister #1974 |
Edited by - Ninibini on Oct 27 2010 7:33:46 PM |
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countrymum
True Blue Farmgirl
97 Posts
Lorie
PA
USA
97 Posts |
Posted - Oct 28 2010 : 08:30:21 AM
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Thank You for starting this post! I had thought of posting several times but being fairly new, it seems most have younger children.
Anyway, I can very much relate. I have a 14yr.old son and a 12yr old daughter. Everyone has warned me over the years about my daughter in her teen years,and coming from an all-girl family except my Dad, I am prepared. HOWEVER............. Nobody warned me about boys! Ugh, where to begin. First, I am thankful that in general his is a good kid. He is almost straight A's and he is very intelligent, but it's like he's so smart he's stupid. Common sense = Zero.
I sound like a broken record everyday. "Will you just think".....or "Once again".....or "Obviously you don't care".... and on and on.
Most times just asking him how was school and do you have any homework results in sighing, rolling eyes, total silence or my personal favorite "mom will you stop nagging me."
He doesn't believe in cleaning his room because "it's not a priority to me, Mom."
Clean folded laundry goes from bed, to floor, to dirty laundry basket because we don't put it away when we're supposed to.
He doesn't use his assignment book at school because he says he can remember it all, but when he does forget something, he can't understand why we are angry with him.
Last month he broke his bed frame. Instead of telling us, he threw out the broken board and propped up that side of the bed with books. My husband saw it one day walking in his room and asked him. He told him that he didn't want to get in trouble by telling us, so he "solved the matter himself." My husband was furious because he could have fixed it, but since Mr.Genius threw out the broken board, he now sleeps on a bed propped up with books.
I feel like an emotional pedulum with him, one minute I love him the next I could, well you know. And I know he feels the same with me and my husband but geesh.
Nini- I am keeping the faith but some days it REALLY gets tested.
"Life is brief & very fragile. Do that which makes you happy."- Flavia |
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countrified_city_gurl
Farmgirl in Training
27 Posts
najia
heidelberg
Germany
27 Posts |
Posted - Oct 28 2010 : 12:00:26 PM
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LMAO at Mr. Genius!!
Wow. We are clearly in need of a support group...or a margarita party. I will take mine on the rocks, no salt.
Najia, the countrified city girl! #2221
Maybe a person's time would be as well spent raising food as raising money to buy food. ~Frank A. Clark
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child in harmony
True Blue Farmgirl
55 Posts
Marcia
Middleboro
MA
USA
55 Posts |
Posted - Oct 31 2010 : 3:41:36 PM
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My two youngest have been always unschooled (daughter 12, son 14). I think boys change somewhat around 13 and 14...it must be hormones or something. But what has worked for me is to *lighten up*. That doesn't mean let them walk all over you, we still live by the principle of respect at all times(me respecting them as well!) but lighten up with everything. Giving less chores or better yet help HIM do them...doing things together opens up conversation. Teens NEED to be listened to...whole heartedly, without judgement.
I started walking by my son at the computer and *I* would bring his dirty dish or glass into the kitchen. I also gave him extra time to *finish* up his involved video game or having him tell me when a good time to break was, insted of demanding him to come *right now* .
I started to SHOW HIM that I really did value his opinions, his interests, his passions, which ultimately translates into valuing him. Soon he would bring MY dishes into the kitchen and offer to help ME do something I needed help with. I don't think there is anything more important than the relationship with your child. If it is not working then re-evaluate and see what small step you can take to make life more joyful for all of you.
My son's room is a bomb. sometimes I clean it, sometimes I say clean your room!,sometimes I just sigh and shut the door.
Another thing that helps is to say yes more, or at least say things in a *positive* way, or at least listen to what they want or where they want to go.
I also think kids of this age need more control of their own lives, they need to make choices and have more freedom. They are trying their *wings*. And they shouldn't be afraid to try, to make a mistake, for fear of retaliation from parents. We need more people in this world , freethinkers ,who will take a chance and take risks, to try new things, to bring about change.
I know many people think that if kids aren't *made to* do this and do that NOW how will they ever hold a job and be responsible , etc? BUT think about it, a child who lives with unconditional love, whose parents respect him as they would another adult, who gives him choices to decide how to fill his time and really listens to his hopes and dreams about what matters in his life, this child WILL have an up in the job market and in his own future because he is full of self-worth.
Teens also NEED to hear I LOVE YOU...even if its in an email or a text or a note under his door.
~marcia
www.harmonywoodsfarm.com
www.childinharmony.com
"Enriching,nurturing and inspiring Life with nature,animals
and the arts .. for the child and the child within" |
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Oct 31 2010 : 6:27:03 PM
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Oh, Marcia - my son gets all of that and more. That's great advice, though. 'Guess it's just something he has to go through - and I have to breathe deeply through. :) The days where he likes me still come every once in a while, just not near as often as I'd like. :) Please forgive me, but I don't understand what you mean by "unschooled?" Will you please explain? Thanks! - Nini
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
Farmgirl Sister #1974 |
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child in harmony
True Blue Farmgirl
55 Posts
Marcia
Middleboro
MA
USA
55 Posts |
Posted - Nov 02 2010 : 4:02:07 PM
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Unschooling is a form of homeschooling where it's more life learning... you learn all the time with many different means, vs a curriculum with certain tasks to complete daily. You use whatever you *want* to use without coercion, punishment or expectations.
I am a facilitator to his education in which he delves into his interests and passions and I am forever providing, exposing him to and offering new things to expand his world. But I also need to be ok if he isn't all that interested in certain things.
A component of unschooling, as we know it, is a vital parenting part..mindful parenting... treating your child as respectfully as you would another adult and allow them to make choices from a young age, and trust that they know what they need, but always beside them to guide and help if needed. To let them know not to be afraid to make a mistake.
It's taking a long look at how we learn and it is not just from textbooks. They are immersed IN the world and their learning has *meaning* for them.
For example my son has not done any math program since age 5. He has learned math from what he has needed to find out in his everyday life, and it took him just two weeks to be at the top of his algebra class. Kids don't need years and tears of math * drills* (or any drills!) to understand math.
~marcia
www.harmonywoodsfarm.com
www.childinharmony.com
"Enriching,nurturing and inspiring Life with nature,animals
and the arts .. for the child and the child within" |
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Nov 02 2010 : 6:19:36 PM
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Wow - I've never heard of that before! That's very interesting! Thanks for sharing, Marcia! :) - Nini
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
Farmgirl Sister #1974 |
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krissy
True Blue Farmgirl
278 Posts
Kristen
Snohomish
WA
USA
278 Posts |
Posted - Mar 15 2011 : 12:00:59 PM
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Sorry for not replying in my own thread! I broke my ankle in January and things have been crazed since then. I am just now re-learning how to walk.
Anyway, my teen will be 14 on Wednesday. I cannot believe it. I swear, he acts like he's 4 half the time. I loved some of your comments, girls, and thanks for making me laugh! So I am not alone in this, obviously! LOL
Marcia, very good advice and I do a lot of that already.
The problem I'm currently having is that my son has no courtesy, no consideration for others. It's all "me, me, me" and it's very tiring. I don't know where this comes from, because I certainly didn't raise him that way. Maybe I expect too much from him.
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~Farmgirl Sister #986~
http://achickenwithherheadcutoff.blogspot.com/
http://lateinlifemommy.blogspot.com/
http://www.youravon.com/kristenparkinson |
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Ninibini
True Blue Farmgirl
7577 Posts
Nini
Pennsylvania
USA
7577 Posts |
Posted - Mar 15 2011 : 1:23:10 PM
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Welcome back, Kristen! Here's a link to the "Teenage Boys" posts...
http://www.maryjanesfarm.org/snitz/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=49032
You might enjoy that, too.
I honestly think it's just the age, but that sure doesn't make it easier on dear ol' Mom, does it? :) Hang in there - I know with all my heart that our boys will grow into wonderful men... It's just one of those unpleasant phases we must endure while they try to figure themselves out!
Hugs - Nini
God gave us two hands... one to help ourselves, and one to help others!
Farmgirl Sister #1974 |
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krissy
True Blue Farmgirl
278 Posts
Kristen
Snohomish
WA
USA
278 Posts |
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Parenting & Farm Kids: Parents of teens, gather here! |
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Parents of teens, gather here!
