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Family Matters:  Neighbor Kid Advice??  |
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TJinMT
True Blue Farmgirl
211 Posts
TJ
Billings
MT
USA
211 Posts |
 Posted - Sep 12 2010 : 2:20:04 PM
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Hi ya'll!
I wonder if I can ask you guys' advice on something?? I have a 4.5 year old son and 3 year old daughter. We're in the early stages of homeschooling - no preschool outside - although we do lots of social activities like Mothers of Preschoolers, Awana, church, BSF, and occasional playdates with friends. The neighborhood boys come around to play quite frequently also, although they are older - 5, 9 and 9. My concern is with one of the boys in particular, I'll call him Abraham. Abraham gets virtually no parental supervision - his parents are in their own little world, and other than buying him expensive toys basically ignore him. So his behavior is pretty much what you'd expect - he's sneaky, occasionally openly rude and defiant, gets in trouble alot, and I have to watch him like a hawk when he's over here so he's not destroying stuff or hurting our dog. On the other hand, he's skinny and little from not having had attention/probably proper nourishment, often underdressed for the weather, and has a rather bad stutter.
Trying to be nice and accepting of this poor kid as a Christian mom, I do let Abraham come over and let the kids play outside together, keeping a close eye on them while trying to be casual about it. My kids aren't allowed off our property yet - we live on a fairly busy neighborhood street.
The problem is that my 4.5 year old son's attitude suffers greatly after Abraham comes over. He starts back-talking me and throwing fits. We're working on that, but the newest development is that he's started a stutter, "talking like Abraham", just this week. It's pretty bad, getting stuck on one word for 7 or 8 attempts sometimes. My son doesn't have a stutter naturally. He's just emulating the older boy. I don't know what to say to stop this!! I have tried to explain that God gave him a good vocabulary and the ability to speak clearly, and that he needs to use it. But how do you explain this stuff to a little boy, who repeats everything??
Any ideas???
~TJ |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22937 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22937 Posts |
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TJinMT
True Blue Farmgirl
211 Posts
TJ
Billings
MT
USA
211 Posts |
Posted - Sep 12 2010 : 3:29:03 PM
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Alee - that's sort of what I'd told him, but more clear. Definitely worth repeating!
What would you do about the friendship in general? Abraham is so much older than my kids that I find it odd that he wants to come over at all - except that I think he is just bored out of his skull by himself all the time, and may even like the negative attention of getting mine in trouble. Would you monitor it closely, keeping an ear out and eye open? Or do you think I'm hovering too much?
I just hate the influence that this one particular kid seems to have! As busy as we are, with all the other GOOD kids around (including Nora!), how come the most "at risk" kid is the one mine choose to emulate at this point???
I really feel for all those moms in areas with BAD older kids - gangs and violence, drugs and sexual activity and all of that - and how do you let your little precious ones out into that??? I guess just alot of prayer and continual vigilance. *sigh* It's sure not a unique problem!
~TJ of Green Willow Place
"You can never get a cup of tea large enough or a book long enough to suit me." -CS Lewis |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22937 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22937 Posts |
Posted - Sep 12 2010 : 6:32:54 PM
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TJ- If the child is coming over, he is under your supervision and your rules. If he is being bad I would explain to him that you really enjoy having him come over (even though that might be stretching the truth a bit) but that type of behavior isn't allowed. Then clearly outline the rules and when he disobeys tell him that because he isn't minding he has to go home. Then let him know that even though he is being sent maybe after a time or two of being sent home where he doesn't get to play will make him respect the rules.
Hopefully your son will also pick up on the correlation between the other boy going home and bad attitude.
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
www.allergyjourneys.blogspot.com
Put your pin on the farmgirl map! www.farmgirlmap.blogspot.com |
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Karrieann
True Blue Farmgirl
1900 Posts
Karrieann
Northeast
Georgia
USA
1900 Posts |
Posted - Sep 12 2010 : 6:33:37 PM
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TJ... Long ago when my kids were little like yours, we also had an older neighbor child that "like" to play with mine. She came from a lack of disciplined rules in her home. I had to tell her that we have rules in this house and if she would behave as such, she is welcomed to stay and play, but if she did not like my rules then she can go home. I have found over a bit of time, she really liked to come over and play under my rules. my guess is that it is her first time to be in a loving home with rules set and set for all. She became to love our family and respected us. She always had a great time when we baked, did crafts and other fun things. This was 20 years ago... just the other day she found me on Facebook! :o) She has turned out to be a bright and lovely lady.... my girls had come to understand.. just because someone is being in a way that isn't ok and unable to help themselves.. we do not copy them. I know that isn't much help... but stand on your ground and your house rules... it will go a long way!
editted in.. Alee! Get out of my head!!! LOL
Karrieann ~ Farmgirl Sister #766 (29 Sept 2009)
My Blog: ...following my heart, dreams and Jesus
...http://karrieann-followingmyheartandjesus.blogspot.com/
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Edited by - Karrieann on Sep 12 2010 6:35:15 PM |
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TJinMT
True Blue Farmgirl
211 Posts
TJ
Billings
MT
USA
211 Posts |
Posted - Sep 12 2010 : 7:13:02 PM
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Thanks, you guys! So ya'll think it's OK to be involved in what they're doing - it's not hovering, just parenting?! Which is what I think, but, you never know how you're coming across...
It's harder when he's over here All. Day. Long. from 8:30AM to 7:30PM when we finally MADE him go home... but I do want my kids to learn the lesson that you can still like a person even if you don't like their behavior! God's longsuffering with us, we should be with others too... my worry has just been the influence.
Thanks for your thoughts!!!!!
~TJ |
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emsmommy5
True Blue Farmgirl
1547 Posts
Angie
Buckley
WA
USA
1547 Posts |
Posted - Sep 13 2010 : 07:24:35 AM
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Agreed. Set your own boundaries for your home. He can abide by them or not be there. I'd also set a time limit on his visits. over 12 hours is too much. I had to put a sign on our front door. Smiley the neighbor kids could knock and play, frowny... not available. You will find as your kids get older, you will want that separation even more so you can get your homeschooling accomplished. It's too easy to get distracted and play all day and get nothing done.
As far as being involved in what they are doing..... Oh my goodness YES!!!! Whether it is hovering or parenting, over-protecting or whatever...if you are not VIGILANT there is a certain price to pay. Recognizing the negative influence is the first step in preventing it from entering your home.
Do what you love, love what you do. |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22937 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22937 Posts |
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pnickols
True Blue Farmgirl
808 Posts
Patricia
Parma
Ohio
808 Posts |
Posted - Sep 13 2010 : 5:10:37 PM
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| i agree with Karrieann, we had a similar situation, I think the boy is probably looking for your structure and disciplined home because he doesn't get it at home. Don't be afraid to demand he behaves when he's in you home. He needs rules and boundaries |
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Annab
True Blue Farmgirl
2900 Posts
Anna
Seagrove
NC
USA
2900 Posts |
Posted - Sep 14 2010 : 03:41:50 AM
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I agree....same as what the other ladies said...love, attention and boundaries!
Maybe next time you need you kids to assist you w/ a small project or task you can include this boy- and if the task is completed, reward him as well.
As for the stuttering and your own child...my advice is ignore it and it ought to extinguish itself whe he doesn't get the rise he is looking for |
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TJinMT
True Blue Farmgirl
211 Posts
TJ
Billings
MT
USA
211 Posts |
Posted - Sep 14 2010 : 06:48:02 AM
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Thanks very much you guys!!!
My hubby and I have talked about this situation alot - I think that one of the good things that have come about because of it is that he decided to join me with being more involved with the kids at night. Do more family things together, like bike rides and throwing the ball around, going to the park or whatever - so we're limiting the time that the kids are home bored, and giving them more FAMILY. One of the whole points of homeschooling, after all!!
I really appreciate all ya'lls points of view and thoughts!!! Thanks again, it really helped!
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Family Matters: Neighbor Kid Advice?? |
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Neighbor Kid Advice??
