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Parenting & Farm Kids:  Lost: My mind!!!  |
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LouisvilleMom
True Blue Farmgirl
246 Posts
Kathryn
Louisville
KY
USA
246 Posts |
 Posted - Jun 09 2010 : 2:20:34 PM
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For those of you who were so kind on the prayer board you are up to speed as of a few weeks ago. Short history: 4 boys, youngest is VERY high needs due to a genetic disorder.
I swear I don't even know where to begin but I will confess this: Had I known that parenting this child was going to be this hard I never would have done it...seriously. I do not remember what a good day feel like. Every single day I am at my wits end. I am exhausted both mentally and physically and due to his new-found skills he has learned how to escape despite the 1000's of dollars spent to keep him in the house. Neighbors who don't know better called the police, police who were ignorant and rude tossed dh in their car for two hours while they argued with my neighbors. Seriously worst day of my life. One of our dearest friends who has an MBA in Special Needs Education and a Ph.D in Education was trying to talk to the cop about our family and his response was "I have taken a training course so I get it". Uh yea guy that definitely trumps two decades of higher learning.
It was ridiculous. We had no less than a dozen friends trying to get them to see what was in front of them and in the end they cited us for child endangerment and turned us over to CPS. CPS has already stated that this is clearly unsubstantiated as there is nothing we have not done to protect this child.
Now we have to go to court. Two attorneys have told us to sue in civil court for unlawful detainment (no Miranda). There is even more to this story but I am too tired to write any more of it.
Thanks for listening.
SAHM mom to four great boys.
http://ksfarnsworth.blogspot.com/ |
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Lin
True Blue Farmgirl
807 Posts
Lin
Sioux City
IA
USA
807 Posts |
Posted - Jun 09 2010 : 2:41:02 PM
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Oh my, Kathryn, my heart is heavy for you. My daughter is 13 and is very mild Aspergers, but even that is a daily challenge. I cannot imagine how tired mentally, emotionally and spiritually you are and I want you to know you can email me anytime you need to vent or talk or whatever! My thoughts and prayers are with you full force!!! Hugs and Smiles, Lin
"Our beautiful earth is worth saving"!! |
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nubidane
True Blue Farmgirl
2916 Posts
Lisa
Georgetown
OH
2916 Posts |
Posted - Jun 09 2010 : 2:43:19 PM
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Kathryn, I don't even know what to say. Just know that we are all here for you, & with such a large network of good farmgirls, some beneficial information may soon come your way.
Praying daily for your family. |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
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MaryLD
True Blue Farmgirl
861 Posts
Mary
New Braunfels
TX
USA
861 Posts |
Posted - Jun 09 2010 : 4:32:42 PM
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Dear Kathryn,
Though these legal issues sound as though they will sort themselves out in the end, getting there sounds very trying! It's so, so hard not to internalize these kinds of things, or anything that involves our children. Is there any sort of respite care program or family / parent support group in your area for those with special needs kids? I know you are giving tons of yourself to your family and esp. your youngest. I wish I could pop by and give you a big fat time out. regulardate with hubby, and some time alone/ with friends could do wonders. Maybe there is a way for you to recharge on a weekly basis.
I was a Parent Partner for those with special needs kids, and I went to court, school meetings,etc, as a support person. I almost always picked moms up and drove them. I also helped families find resources , such as "whole family can ride" theraputic riding programs and stress reduction programs. We hosted a moms' breakfast rap group and a monthly meeting for families that included parties and special events.
I know you have a lot of support from friends, and maybe the community has some resources out there, too.
My Best Wishes to You,
Mary LD
Haflingers- You can't have just one!
( I'm just one short of a drill team!) |
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LouisvilleMom
True Blue Farmgirl
246 Posts
Kathryn
Louisville
KY
USA
246 Posts |
Posted - Jun 09 2010 : 6:31:17 PM
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We have one respite waiver but we get $800 every 6 months but it is being used for his preschool this summer. We don't qualify for SSI because of our income. We are being walked through the steps to get a different waiver that would give him more therapy but as for getting time off it just isn't happening. We don't live in the same state (or even timezone) as our family and they are too intimidated to watch him anyway. If he were MR it would be easier because he wouldn't be able to figure out everything and Houdini his way out of the house. We had to buy the $200 keyless knobs for the three doors that lead to the deck, front and back yards as they were the most dangerous. We have drilled the gates closed, removed the stairs from the back deck, put alarms on the doors, bought a locater device (he takes it off his clothes) and tried every lock that exists.
Yes the legal will take care of itself as our attorney is going to get the citations dismissed and then try to open a case in civil court since they trampled dh rights. It would be somewhat funny to use any money from this to help ds.
Anywho I am just exhausted.
SAHM mom to four great boys.
http://ksfarnsworth.blogspot.com/ |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
Posted - Jun 09 2010 : 9:54:57 PM
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Kathryn- I would be too! You are a very strong lady to take care of all you do. You are being an excellent mom! *hugs* I hope that someway you are able to find some help and maybe get away for a day Perhaps with the preschool that will help so you can have a break. Everyone needs to refuel their batteries somehow and we moms tend to give until there is nothing left. *hugs*
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.awarmheart.com
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
www.allergyjourneys.blogspot.com
Put your pin on the farmgirl map! www.farmgirlmap.blogspot.com |
Edited by - Alee on Jun 09 2010 9:56:44 PM |
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classygram
True Blue Farmgirl
1812 Posts
Brenda
Pleasant Hill
Mo.
USA
1812 Posts |
Posted - Jun 10 2010 : 01:52:53 AM
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Oh sweetheart my heart is just breaking for you. Prayers that your will find help in taking care of your little one. What are the doctors suggesting to help keep him calmer? Your days have to be very long, and pray that you can find someway to give you some space to gain back strenght!
Hugs, Brenda
"What lies behind us, and what lies before us are small matter compared to what lies within us."
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Seek reasons to Love..In every sigment of everyday-look for something that brings forth within you a feeling of Love-Abraham Hicks |
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Cindy Lou
True Blue Farmgirl
2325 Posts
Susan
Lonsdale
MN
USA
2325 Posts |
Posted - Jun 10 2010 : 02:58:45 AM
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Kathryn,
Many prayers are with you and your family. I know you will be in mine daily. Most people don't have a clue what it would be like to deal with what you do daily. You are stronger than you know but exhaustion weighs heavily on a person.
I was so glad to hear that you have the support of caring friends, count us farmgirls in as part of support group. We may not be there physically but definately are in spirit. Sometimes talking or posting about your frustrations may be a relief in itself. Know that we care. Our hugs may be virtual, but they are also heartfelt.
Is there any kind of support group for caregivers in your area? Do you know parents of other high needs kids? Would it be possible to trade a couple of hours a week to deal with both kids so the each mom can breathe, take a relaxing bath or go out to lunch or shop like a free adult?
I don't know what your son's genetic disorder is or how he is affected. Is there any possibility of a change of diet that might help? Dear friends of ours adopted twins and were literally at their breaking point when it was discovered that a milk allergy was causing hyperactivity. When their diet was changed there was a world of difference.
DH worked with autistic kids for years. Sometimes there is a calming activity that really helps. For one of his little guys it was swinging. If he spent a few minutes gently swinging he could ride the bus home without incident. Before that he had to be transported alone with an aide in attendance.
Hugs,
Susan
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
Mary Oliver |
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Karrieann
True Blue Farmgirl
1900 Posts
Karrieann
Northeast
Georgia
USA
1900 Posts |
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LouisvilleMom
True Blue Farmgirl
246 Posts
Kathryn
Louisville
KY
USA
246 Posts |
Posted - Jun 10 2010 : 8:54:15 PM
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Thank you all so much (again). My best friend moved back to England two months ago so I have felt very lonely lately and then IT hit the fan. We are really hoping that the new drug trial he is doing will help. We just don't know what else to do for/with him. It is taking its toll not just on me but on my husband, the other kids and most especially my oldest son. He is having nightmares about his dad and brother being taken away and that breaks my heart. He feels helpless and this is not a stress that he should have.
SAHM mom to four great boys.
http://ksfarnsworth.blogspot.com/ |
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Roxy7
True Blue Farmgirl
1083 Posts
Robin
Denver
CO
USA
1083 Posts |
Posted - Jun 16 2010 : 07:17:10 AM
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| Can your child wear an ID bracelet that outlines the issue? Prayers sent. |
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LouisvilleMom
True Blue Farmgirl
246 Posts
Kathryn
Louisville
KY
USA
246 Posts |
Posted - Jun 17 2010 : 11:15:41 AM
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No he won't wear one. We had our CPS visit the other day and the worker and her supervisor were so horrified by how the police treated us they offered to testify for us in court. They also said as bad as some of their cases are it was wonderful being with a family who loved each other so much. They firther said they had no concerns whatsoever about our ability to parent or the safety of our kids. That being said Noah found another way out today. Luckily the neighbors that found him were really cool about it. I swear this kid is going to give me a stroke before I am 40.
SAHM mom to four great boys.
http://ksfarnsworth.blogspot.com/ |
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mrsamy
True Blue Farmgirl
167 Posts
Amy
Milwaukee
WI
USA
167 Posts |
Posted - Jun 28 2010 : 03:55:58 AM
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Kathryn,
My prayers are with you. My youngest has a ton of special needs as well and we have been through the wringer of genetic test after genetic test without diagnosis, yet. Mine is soon to be four, just started to talk a little, and is becoming something of an escape artist as well. You will NOT have a stroke before 40. You will get through each day, always ready for bed...exhausted, but KNOWING that you have done your best. If there is an Easter Seals near you, you may be able to enroll your older kids in the sibling workshops. They will get together with other kids that have sibs with special needs and a counselor who can help them work through some of the angst and stress. Easter Seals has shifted it's focus toward Autism and Developmental Disabilities and you may me able to get your youngest into some type of programming for even a short while that would give you a break. I know how it feels when you have to be ON every minute of every day, literally listening for the click of the door or the creak of the floor.
Perhaps an informational page about your son, his disorder, his special needs and how neighbors/local businesses/police should respond to him if he should wander could be handed out to the neighbors in your area? If the police are being creeps about this, maybe it is time to contact your alderman, county executive, mayor (whatever elected official you can think of to bug) informing them of your unique situation and requesting help and understanding. It is their job to provide for public safety and your son is a member of the public. There should be a street sign of some sort posted on your street to warn drivers of his possible crossing, even if the only one they can come up with is a deaf child sign. It would alert drivers to be aware of an inattentive child in the area on the street.
You have not lost your mind. You are tired and frustrated and in love with a child who is a tough nut to crack. It is okay to be tired and frustrated! Hang in there and know there are LOTS of folks praying for your whole family!!
Prayer costs nothing, but is worth the most. |
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LouisvilleMom
True Blue Farmgirl
246 Posts
Kathryn
Louisville
KY
USA
246 Posts |
Posted - Jun 28 2010 : 7:29:28 PM
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Thank you Amy. Those are all lovely ideas. It is so exhausting to listen for every creak, groan, etc. I will look into the Easter Seals thing and will keep everyone informed as to what happens in court July 9th. Fun, fun!
SAHM mom to four great boys.
http://ksfarnsworth.blogspot.com/ |
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Parenting & Farm Kids: Lost: My mind!!! |
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Lost: My mind!!!
