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Parenting & Farm Kids:  frustrated with attitudes  |
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farmmilkmama
True Blue Farmgirl
2027 Posts
Amy
Central MN
USA
2027 Posts |
 Posted - Apr 12 2010 : 2:29:23 PM
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I know that you farmgirls will either have some advice or support. I'm all ears, because I'm feeling like I'm gonna pull my hair out!!
I have two kids (boys, 6 and 7) who I think would sit on their duff and watch tv all day if I didn't harp on them to get up and be productive. We homeschool and our school day is done by noon. I have told them countless times that we didn't keep them home from public school so they could watch television 8 more hours a day than their publicly schooled peers. But oh-my-gosh, everything is so boring and there is nothing to do. Nothing, Mom! Never mind the acres of land to run around on, the toys outside, the stuff inside...gosh, not to mention the stuff they could be HELPING with...you're right. There is nothing to do!!
I am tired of being the warden. I've feel like I've tried so many different things to make this not turn into a "Mom says this, mom says that..." I have this fantasy that I will just explain to them "Gosh, do you get it that if you'd come outside and help me with the chicken barn or do your vaccuming or etc etc etc without a nasty attitude, I'd be more apt to let you watch tv for awhile or play that wii game?" and then they will get it. But seriously it feels like its a constant harping and I'm so very very (very) tired of it.
Its not to say that they whine and then get to watch endless tv. They don't. But that doesn't mean they aren't whining and complaining and being ridiculously sour in their attitude. And that is like nails on a chalkboard.
Sometimes I think part of the reason is that I'm with them all day: first as teacher (Colton, you need to finish your math before school is done) and then as Mom...telling them "No, you can't watch tv all day" and "You need to do your chores before you can ____" Is this just a negative backlash of homeschooling - being "boss" at both ends? I also think its hard because of their age being so close (12 months) - its like having two buddies ganging up on one mom.
I'm trying super hard to keep my attitude positive, because I know that a crummy attitude on my part isn't going to help anything. I'm more about using humor and silly tactics than flat out yelling and screaming, although sometimes it gets to yelling and screaming. And its really hard to want to teach your kids math and reading when you're still steaming from the snippy attitude they gave you last night about what you give them for allowance. (Seriously??? The gall!!! Where does this come from??)
I'm looking for suggestions about the cruddy attitude from my kids, the laziness, etc....or just a virtual hug from the "been there, done that" standpoint. And maybe a wig so when I do pull my hair out, I'll still be able to wear a braid. :)
--* FarmMilkMama *--
Farmgirl Sister #1086
Be yourself.
Everyone else is already taken.
-Oscar Wilde
www.wakeupstartlearning.blogspot.com
www.farmfoodmama.blogspot.com |
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gypsy goat
True Blue Farmgirl
673 Posts
mary jo
michigan
673 Posts |
Posted - Apr 12 2010 : 2:52:43 PM
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been there done that-and still doing it. i have two boys 15 and 9 and i get the same thing-so here's virtual hug(hug). i wish i had something more to give you but know that you are doing good by your children and i've heard one day when they are gone you will miss that-i'm not sure about that!!
whatever you are be a good one-abe lincoln |
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1badmamawolf
True Blue Farmgirl
2199 Posts
Teresa
"Bent Fence Farms"
Ca
USA
2199 Posts |
Posted - Apr 12 2010 : 3:14:12 PM
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1ST off, get rid of the TV and video games, at least during the week, my kids grew up without TV, and they didn't have any kind of video games, and all of them still really don't watch TV. My G/sons are being raised the same way, they have movie night, and thats on Saturday eve, its a rented or bought DVD, "G" rated only. My kids also knew that saying they were bored was a bad thing, cause on a ranch/farm, there is always something to do. They all had their chores, which started when they were around 4 yrs of age, all the way til they moved out. Whinning, pouting, being sourpusses, etc, just got them time in the corner, and as they got older, grounded to their rooms, so I had little trouble that way, cause what farm/ranch kid wants to sit in their room all day! My kids got allowences according to they chores, and how well they did them, no automatic money everyweek, and then 1/2 of it went into a bank, for something special down the line. These are just a few ideas, good luck.
"Treat the earth well, it was not given to you by your parents, it was loaned to you by your children" |
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farmmilkmama
True Blue Farmgirl
2027 Posts
Amy
Central MN
USA
2027 Posts |
Posted - Apr 12 2010 : 3:14:39 PM
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Thanks Mary Jo. I appreciate virtual hugs. ;) I was told once (by a fellow homeschooler) that if I would just leave the kids alone they would eventually put limits on themselves and get bored of watching Tv or playing Wii. Not sure if I buy it. It would be like telling me that if I was given an unlimited supply of money and space, that I would "self limit" myself on how many chickens I would buy. Not gonna happen!!! Thanks for the hug, Mary JO!
--* FarmMilkMama *--
Farmgirl Sister #1086
Be yourself.
Everyone else is already taken.
-Oscar Wilde
www.wakeupstartlearning.blogspot.com
www.farmfoodmama.blogspot.com |
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farmmilkmama
True Blue Farmgirl
2027 Posts
Amy
Central MN
USA
2027 Posts |
Posted - Apr 12 2010 : 3:21:05 PM
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Thanks for the advice, Teresa. Our kids don't get automatic allowance, they have to work. When my son told me I didn't pay him enough I told him I wasn't upping his pay. He said he wasn't doing his chores. I told him that was his problem when he didn't have money. He only wants to do work if he gets paid a lot. I told him that wasn't the way it worked and that he didn't have the option of doing "special" bigger pay jobs if he couldn't manage to do his normal daily/weekly chores. He thought that was mean. I told him to get over it. But that doesn't mean that he's not being a sourpuss about it. I'm not giving in, that's not what this is about. I guess its more about the cruddy attitudes when I put my foot down. ;) I just feel like I've had to put my foot down so much over the past couple months that its starting to give me bald spots. ;) I think we need to put serious limits on the TV and Wii...agreed wholeheartedly. Maybe I just need an atta-girl at all the you can't you can't you can't you can't that is coming out of my mouth lately. I'm tired of being the warden! I know that sometimes that's how the cookie crumbles, but I get sick of it!!
--* FarmMilkMama *--
Farmgirl Sister #1086
Be yourself.
Everyone else is already taken.
-Oscar Wilde
www.wakeupstartlearning.blogspot.com
www.farmfoodmama.blogspot.com |
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maggie14
True Blue Farmgirl
6784 Posts
Hannah
Washington
USA
6784 Posts |
Posted - Apr 12 2010 : 3:34:58 PM
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Sending you tons of Hugs Amy!!
Hugs,
Channah
Farmgirl sister #1219
Just a small town country girl trying to live her dreams. :) |
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farmmilkmama
True Blue Farmgirl
2027 Posts
Amy
Central MN
USA
2027 Posts |
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maggie14
True Blue Farmgirl
6784 Posts
Hannah
Washington
USA
6784 Posts |
Posted - Apr 12 2010 : 5:15:34 PM
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I bet you are Amy. lol
Hugs,
Channah
Farmgirl sister #1219
Just a small town country girl trying to live her dreams. :) |
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Sheep Mom 2
True Blue Farmgirl
1534 Posts
Sheri
Elk
WA
USA
1534 Posts |
Posted - Apr 12 2010 : 5:24:42 PM
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Unplug the TV or get one of those timers that turn things on and off at a certain time. Program it for an hour or whatever limit you have and then it will shut the power off all by itself. or Hook your TV to a stationary bike that generates the power for the TV - they have to bike to watch. As to attitude - it's becoming rather universal I'm afraid and a lot of that comes from TV. Ever notice how the kids on the Disney shows treat each other and their parents? I used to tell my kids - this isn't a democracy, it's a dictatorship and when they'd yell that they hated me at that moment I'd say - well I don't like you very much either but I'll always love you. Just remember self-esteem is earned and not handed out on a platter. You esteem yourself for accomplishments.
Blessings, Sheri
"Work is Love made visible" -Kahlil Gibran |
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solilly
True Blue Farmgirl
726 Posts
Lillian
Williamsburg
Virginia
USA
726 Posts |
Posted - Apr 12 2010 : 5:33:50 PM
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Tons of hugs and been there.
Amy I do not believe in the let them be alone thing. I did not have a farm with my kids but I made them do choires. No choires no money, no money no extras when we go shopping. I'm all the way with Teresa. We took the games away and when they we more behaved they came back. As my son got older and had his own tv sending him to his room was no good so we took the tv out. When they think you are mean about not paying them more on a real job there is no chice at all. Then what they will be one of these people out there who can not hold a job because they think it is unfair or dumb. You are doing right. It hurts but you will get through it. My son is now 36 with 3 sons and my daughter is 33 with a daughter so now I can set back and say I told you so. Take care and simle time is on your side. Lilly 
learning the life I always wanted. |
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farmmilkmama
True Blue Farmgirl
2027 Posts
Amy
Central MN
USA
2027 Posts |
Posted - Apr 12 2010 : 6:54:04 PM
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Thanks ladies. I appreciate your words of wisdom. I also had a big talk with my husband tonight after he woke up/before he left for work at 9 pm. We agreed that they should have a limited amount of screen time per day (which includes ANY screen, but doesn't include anything I might have them do in school, of course). I told him I felt like a warden and was tired of spending every waking moment yelling at the boys for something. He said "Well, maybe that's just the way it has to be right now." I told him I didn't think we had chosen to homeschool so I could have twice as much time to yell at the boys. ;)
I'm trying to be patient and know that I'm trying to do the hard dirty work of parenting that sometimes (maybe a lot of the times!) isn't fun and games. You just want things to be simple sometimes. Then again, the "simple life" isn't easy. If I wanted easy, I'd just keep the television on 24 hours a day and give up the need to communicate with the kids!!!
--* FarmMilkMama *--
Farmgirl Sister #1086
Be yourself.
Everyone else is already taken.
-Oscar Wilde
www.wakeupstartlearning.blogspot.com
www.farmfoodmama.blogspot.com |
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Faransgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
895 Posts
Beth
Houston
Texas
USA
895 Posts |
Posted - Apr 12 2010 : 7:26:33 PM
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I have three girls and I absolutely agree that limited TV time is essential. We did not have a wii or game boy or x-box or anything like that. They all had computers but no games on them. They also learned very early not to say they were bored. If they did they got to do an extra chore that was generally harder then the usual chores. Like washing a wall or bathing the dog. I had a friend that use to fine herkids a quarter every time the said they were bored or they didn't have anything to do. But I don't think the "leave them alone and they will limit themselves thing" works. My other friends son played video games from the time he got up till he went to bed. He had no chores to do and still (he is 23) when he gets home from work he goes straight for the video games. Another friend has a son that ended up in rehab because he was addicted to video games and lost his job, his car, failed out of school etc. They never learn to self limit. Good luck and lots of hugs.
Farmgirl Sister 572
When manure happens just say "WOO HOO Fertilizer". |
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farmmilkmama
True Blue Farmgirl
2027 Posts
Amy
Central MN
USA
2027 Posts |
Posted - Apr 12 2010 : 7:32:43 PM
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Thanks for the advice. It seems like the new thing is to go for "self limiting" and I struggle sometimes with wanting kids to be kids and the image of happy hippy freedom that comes with that...and then I go to farmgirl and knowing that learning respect and hardwork and all that doesn't necessarily come with being able to run free through a field with no shoes on. (Sorry, I hope I didn't offend anyone. I'm just thinking of all the blogs I've read that talk about how perfect life is in their rule-less home.) So thanks for pointing me in the right directions girls.
--* FarmMilkMama *--
Farmgirl Sister #1086
Be yourself.
Everyone else is already taken.
-Oscar Wilde
www.wakeupstartlearning.blogspot.com
www.farmfoodmama.blogspot.com |
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kristin sherrill
True Blue Farmgirl
11303 Posts
kristin
chickamauga
ga
USA
11303 Posts |
Posted - Apr 12 2010 : 7:45:30 PM
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Amy, I love the timer! I use it with my grands when they are here and want to get on the computer. I set the timer. When it goes off the computer goes off. It's great. They also have lots to do outside here. You need some goats. They are great for kids to ride. Little kids that is. And it's hillarious. They don't really sit on them all the way. And they get bumped off alot. But they also have a trampoline and they love riding the mower all over the place. They kind of find things to do here. They'll play upstairs too.
I hope you can find that happy medium. It's there somewhere. Kids do need to be kept busy for sure. It seems like when they aren't they do the most whining and complaining. Even nature walks or leaf identifying keeps them busy. but I know how you feel. It's hard to keep coming up with things. That's when they need to get creative theirselves. And I'm sure they can.
More hugs, Kris
Happiness is simple. |
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farmmilkmama
True Blue Farmgirl
2027 Posts
Amy
Central MN
USA
2027 Posts |
Posted - Apr 12 2010 : 7:58:41 PM
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Thanks Kris. You bring up a good point the happy medium...and about creative parenting and keeping them busy. Maybe I falsely believed that at this age they would be better equipped at entertaining themselves. Maybe its also one of those things about homeschooling they don't tell you about when you start out - its sometimes really exhausting to be the really creative teacher AND the really creative parent, because they aren't necessarily one in the same. I'm always searching for that happy medium, and figuring out where center is. Then again...it seems like when you finally find center...center moves!!
--* FarmMilkMama *--
Farmgirl Sister #1086
Be yourself.
Everyone else is already taken.
-Oscar Wilde
www.wakeupstartlearning.blogspot.com
www.farmfoodmama.blogspot.com |
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natesgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1735 Posts
angela
martinsville
indiana
USA
1735 Posts |
Posted - Apr 12 2010 : 8:26:58 PM
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Think of homeschooling more like a tornado, the calm center is always moving and impossible to reach. You have to learn to ride the tornado! It's very frustrating at first, but does get better if you don't give in too much. I have a chore board my girls and a household chore chart. The board is what they do to earn goin into town with me and havin phone, tv, and computer priviledges. The houshold chart is the extra stuff they do to earn money, brownie mixes, special foods, goin to a friends, or havin a friend over. If they whine I simply walk away, then when they ask for something I whine back and refuse it. After a couple times of that they want to know whats goin on. I tell them I'm gonna keep doin it till they stop doin it to me. If I ask them if they want to help me and get told no, the next time they asl me for something I tell them, 'remember when I wanted help with... no.' They don't like it and it's brought a bit of change around here. It's not perfect but what can you expect when you fight a tonado with a hurricane! I'm bigger, I can blow bigger and they learn to avoid my wind.
God - Gardening - Family - Is anything else important? |
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theprimitivepilgrim
True Blue Farmgirl
217 Posts
Michelle
Baggs
Wyoming
USA
217 Posts |
Posted - Apr 12 2010 : 9:31:43 PM
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Oh Amy, my heart goes out to you. Homeschooling is no easy task~ We do not allow any games, TV, computer etc. during the school week. Actually we don't have TV, just vcr/dvd for movies on the weekends. My son earns 1hr of his choice for each good day we have during the week. That means doing chores, completing school work, and no complaining. This seems to work pretty well, as he has a goal to work towards, and we just don't have those battles anymore. We have also used the zone cleaning charts from trigger memory systems. They are great. Structure seems to work much better for us. Not that everyday around here is a picture of organization...But my son does better knowing what the limits are, and what is on schedule for the day.
Sending hugs your way~
~Michelle |
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gypsy goat
True Blue Farmgirl
673 Posts
mary jo
michigan
673 Posts |
Posted - Apr 13 2010 : 08:02:42 AM
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i think i'm going to use some of these suggestions too-thanks everybody
whatever you are be a good one-abe lincoln |
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MissLiss
Farmgirl Legend Schoolmarm
322 Posts
Melissa
Corona
CA
USA
322 Posts |
Posted - Jun 14 2010 : 12:58:55 PM
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HUGS to you! I don't homeschool (yet) as mine daughter is only 4, but she is learning by example from the attitudes she sees on t.v. and can get quite sassy with me. We have limited her t.v. time to only before bed if she gets her toys picked up in time and this seems to be helping with the attitude a lot. Also she is playing a lot more (imaginative) games now than she did when she watched more t.v. It seemed then that when she played, she mimiced things she had seen in cartoons. When my brother and I were little my mother would send us in the back yard to play. We weren't really allowed back in the house unless it was too hot or too cold or rainy. We had some balls, bikes and a sand box and had to figure out ways to entertain ourselves. I can remember days when I hated it, but mostly I just remember playing. Where I live now has NO backyard which is ok since it's over 90* from June to November here, so a bit too hot for a 4 year old to play in for the day, but I think if you live in a climate and have a yard that permits it, sending them outside is always an option. And I agree with some of the other ladies that taking things away until the attitude changes is a good strategy. No video games if you are going to behave this way. They are a privilage, not a right. No allowance at all if you are going to complain about it, but you will still do your chores. No chores, no video games or t.v. or whatever. It stinks to be strict, but it is important. If they see a weakness they will learn that they can push your buttons and you will give in. Hold strong to the rules you set and in time they will not test the limits because they won't want to face the punishments they KNOW are there.
Melissa ~ Farmgirl #724
Mother Hen to The Knitty Gritty Farmgirls of the Inland Empire
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Jennifer Q.
Farmgirl in Training
26 Posts
Jennifer
Irmo
SC
USA
26 Posts |
Posted - Jun 17 2010 : 6:48:53 PM
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| Sounds frustrating! I don't know if you have a video camera, but maybe having them do some projects, like community service or informative videos, can combine their passion for watching tv and get them active too! I remember this one class that worked on gathering and raising money for items for refugees and how they videotaped their project to leave on for the next class. It turned out really cool, they got to learn about diversity, and do it in a modern active way. Windows and mac both have really great and easy video making programs! Hopefully soon they will realize how lucky they are to be home-schooled by a patient mom! |
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texdane
Farmgirl Legend Chapter Leader Chapter Guru
4658 Posts
Nicole
Sandy Hook
CT
USA
4658 Posts |
Posted - Jun 18 2010 : 06:38:35 AM
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Hi Amy,
Got your letter yesterday. Everytime I get one, I wish we lived closer. :)
I get attitude too, and have seen it from my daughter's friends as well, both girls and boys. Definitely limit the tv and guard what they watch. What they see on tv is a big influence. Unplug the darn thing. I have used the cpu and tv time as reward, ie, she has to earn the tv time. And no allowance if the chores are not done, and they have to be done without attitude. Hugs to you sweetie. I will start my letter and get it out to you. Wish I could mail you a big hug!!!!
Nicole
Farmgirl Sister #1155
KNITTER, JAM-MAKER AND MOM EXTRAORDINAIRE |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Jun 18 2010 : 08:27:05 AM
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I didn't read every thing, bu a big majority. I have 16 siblings.
I say, get rid of the TV! If you have to use it for schooling, only use it for schooling, I would say absolutely NO TV unless it's for education. (and limit that if you can too!).
allowance for chores? We never got that, was called being in a family. Every member of the family has chores/duties to help the household run smoothly. Our parents responsbility was to provide us with food, shelter and clothing.....extra money wasn't part of it. We had to go above and beyond our chores to get "extra" money.
So personally if it's too small, I would take it away completely. And if the chores still weren't done there would be other things taken away too, what ever they like (what ever their currency is, which you'll find it!) take it away. They may end up with a room with a bed and sheet on it and nothing else, but eventually they will do.
Now the attitude thing, I wouldn't worry about it too much, as long as they are doing what you tell them, the attitude will change with age I think.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Jun 18 2010 : 08:39:31 AM
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Like some one else said, I was sent out all the time too, unless it was just too cold. But, even in the rain we were to play outside under the porch roof, or the playhouse, or what ever. Personally I never remember disliking it. In fact, we were more then happy to be outside and out of the house-got in less trouble outside! lol haha I remember one time a friend of my mom's coming to the house, to talk to my mom privately about some issues she was having. And my mom send me, and her friends step daughters outside the play. The girls were having meltdowns! Screaming, crying, beating on our door. Their step mom was going to give in, my mom was like they are kids, this is my house, and right now they need to be outside so we can talk. They are safe out there, and there is nothing wrong with them! I remember thinking they were weird as heck! I thought they would want to play. And they just wanted to sit around and moan/cry and have melt downs! When my cousins came over, it was expected/known we would be outside to play while the adults were together in the house. And we loved it! We played tag (several types), jumped rope, hide and seek, every thing, all the way up to high school! And never thought a thing about it.
I now live in NYC in a tiny apartment. I have two daughters, and feel sick I can't just send them outside. When we visit my parents farm, my older daughter (the younger one is still a new born! lol) is sooooooo happy to be outside all day! We have to really work at getting her in the house!
I personally was not going to let her watch TV, but my MIL and FIL started letting her. I seen a huge bad influence it had on her, even though they were "good" shows, not bad ones even! I think it must be the lights or something, I don't know but it's bad. My mom and sister came to visit last month, we live in a one room apartment, and have 2 kids, so they decided to stay at a hotel down the road. Well, they wanted my oldest to stay with them over night while they were in town. The next day I said something about the TV making her act CRAZY! And my sister said yes it does! They had turned it on at the hotel and she was acting nutty afterwards. It really is the difference between night and day in her attitude and how she behaves with and with out it. And she's only 3! And only watched G rated good educational tv shows! When we move to Kansas this fall, that's it no more tv! My parents don't have TV thankgoodness and we aren't going to either. I can't wait.
I only have great memories of romping outside all day, in my childhood, and how much fun it was. When I would go to friends homes with TV, and they only wanted to watch it, I remember even telling them it was boring! I wanted to go outside! lol haha I'm sure my girls will be the same, as when they get to be outside they are happy as larks!
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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farmmilkmama
True Blue Farmgirl
2027 Posts
Amy
Central MN
USA
2027 Posts |
Posted - Jun 20 2010 : 12:25:33 PM
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Well...its a been awhile since I originally started this post, but I want to thank everyone for their suggestions. Things have gotten worlds better since I posted (thank goodness). We did not get rid of the TV, but we did put limits on their screen time (which includes computer, tv, and Wii.) They get an hour a day during the school week (which includes summer since we school year round)of screen time. They decide what they want that screen time to be. So the TV issue actually solved itself, because given an hour, neither of them wanted to "waste" it on "dumb television" (their words, even!) My oldest will generally choose a game on the computer and my youngest will choose the Wii. And since they only have games that we've approved, it doesn't seem to be an issue with them encountering anything questionable or that will cause "attitude issues" later. I can't remember the last time the kids watched TV :0
It also helps that the weather here is finally worth going outdoors for and we generally have several things going on outside to help out with. Even if its raining, its not uncommon to find us out (perhaps making a bit of a mess!) in our raincoats and mudboots. :)
As far as chores, we did find this cool site called myjobchart.com that is a neat way to organize the work in the house and "rewards" (which don't necessarily mean money). My boys love it, because its like they are sneaking in an extra couple minutes on the computer (to check their chart or mark something done). I didn't think I would like it, but its really growing on my husband and me.
As far as attitudes, I think we were in a bit of a downward spiral. I was having major crabbiness issues (dealing with the estrogen crud) and they were feeding off of me, so I was feeding off of them, and on it went. We seemed to break through that and now things are much smoother.
Just my little update!
--* FarmMilkMama *--
Farmgirl Sister #1086
Be yourself.
Everyone else is already taken.
-Oscar Wilde
www.wakeupstartlearning.blogspot.com
www.farmfoodmama.blogspot.com |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
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Parenting & Farm Kids: frustrated with attitudes |
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frustrated with attitudes
