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Across the Fence:  A little farmgirl insight UPDATE on the house  |
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melanie47601
True Blue Farmgirl
1949 Posts
Melanie
Boonville
IN
USA
1949 Posts |
 Posted - May 16 2010 : 10:11:31 AM
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I have some great news!!! This morning I was getting ready to go to church and thought I saw my aunt go up the road- like she was looking for my house. Well I had promised my sister I would be at church so the kids and I went, then we came home to do a potty run and headed for mamaw's old house. And do you believe it?! My aunt was there!!! And she was trying to sort things. She was having a bit of a rough patch.
I was right in thinking that my aunt suffers from hoarding. She told me she was glad I showed up, because she wouldn't have gotten nearly as much done. She does realize she has a problem, but we made some progress. She doesn't mind giving to family and close friends. She has a problem giving to strangers, espcially things she thinks has some value.
If any of you have some suggestions on dealing with people who hoard, I would be ever so grateful if you would share. And please say a little prayer for me that I may have patience with her.
Before we left she asked me what room I wanted to tackle next, so there's another good sign- she's willing to admit she needs help.
And.... yes there's more...at first the agreement was I was going to rent the house, but my aunt just made the last payment and is waiting on the deed. And she has decided that she will sell me the house now!! That was a total surprise, but not a bad one!!
We made a good dent in the house today and I'm going to pick up some boxes tomorrow to drop off for our next work day. 
Many of you know that we have been anticipating moving into my mamaw's old house. That we would be renting from my aunt. I first brought this up to my aunt last September. She told me there were some repairs that needed to be done first and if we were sure we wanted to live there, it was fine with her. The repairs- busted water lines, install shower attachment and washer and dryer hookups. And to go through and move out mamaw's things. So here we are 8 months later...
I called my aunt a couple of weeks ago to see how things were coming along. She sounded as though she was ready for us to move right in. But after talking to my cousin who is doing the repairs, the house isn't quite ready. He is down to hooking the water pipes together under the floorboards and a vent still needs to be installed for the dryer. My aunt gave me permission to go ahead and start a garden out back of the house. So my mom and I went over to look over the yard again and we decided to go in and have a look around at the house since we were there.
Nothing has been moved out. All of mamaw's things are still there. And there is so much of it that I cannot store it in the back room and live in the rest of the house. Besides I had really hoped to use the back room as a craft room. My cousin has done other repairs, things that weren't on the "to-do list" (so to say). He does really good work, don't get me wrong. But these are things that did not have to be done right away. Things like- replacing the front step, a new bathroom door (nothing was wrong with the old one), new light in the kitchen, more lights in the upstairs (at this time the area upstairs is unusable), there is this long hallway at the back of the house that goes to the back room and then outside. He put in an extra steel door. Why I do not know., new window in the kitchen.... OH and now he wants to make the laundry area into it's own room. It really isn't necessary. I have offered to help my aunt and cousin before, but they always tell me no.
I tried again. I called my aunt over last weekend since the kids were with their dad. I asked if I could help her sort through the things in the house. She had made mention of having a yard sale. But there are some things that cannot go in a sale. And I was just planning on separating everythin into piles for her.
She has no problem getting our cousin to do the repairs, seems to have no problem with the kids and I moving in, but when it comes to taking the things in the house out she clams up. She said she would come down this weekend and put some stuff out for a sale, but she didn't make it.
Mamaw had made the comment to my mom before she had passed that you couldn't get through my aunt's home. That there is just a walk path. I don't know. I have never been to my aunt's. But I do remember when she lived with my mamaw and her room was almost impossible to get through. So now I am wondering if she is a hoarder? And if she has formed some kind of attachment to the things in mamaw's house.
Also before mamaw passed away. Well you'd have to know my mamaw. She was a very outspoken, oppinionated woman. She and my aunt had words before my mamaw passed away. They hadn't spoke in a long time and I don't know if they ever patched things up.
I guess I'm wondering if I am wasting my time waiting on this house? I'm wondering about my aunt, wondering if she is having trouble letting go. We had really hoped to be moved by now. I do not want to go through another summer and refuse to go through another winter in this trailer. We are so cramped. And I know we are blessed to have a roof over our heads. But we have the means to move into something with more space. And we plan on giving our mobile home to family.
What would you do if you were in my shoes and how would you handle the situation? Really need some great farmgirl advice. My nerves are so frazzled right now, I know I won't handle the situation right.
Thanks for all your help and support,
Melanie
Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says "Oh Crap, She's up!"
Blog~ http://wheelsarealwaysturning.blogspot.com/
Swap Blog~ http://mels-swapshop.blogspot.com/ |
Edited by - melanie47601 on May 30 2010 9:03:36 PM |
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natesgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1735 Posts
angela
martinsville
indiana
USA
1735 Posts |
Posted - May 16 2010 : 10:45:45 AM
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Melanie, I am so sorry for what you are going through. In this situation you must talk to your aunt about the things in the house. Start by asking her what things she would like to have. Then ask her what the plans are for the rest of the stuff. Be sure to offer to sort and move the things for her. If there is anything you would like to keep bring that up only after her requests have been made. If you have no place for a garden, I would still start one there. I take every possible inch of growing space I can get my hands on. Your aunt may actually be unable to deal with the things in the house simply because it's too painful. Maybe she is hoping you will do it for her. My mother-in-law wouldn't clean out her house after my father-in-law passed even though we were supposed to be moving in. I offered to do it for her and she jumped on the idea. It was simply too painful for her. Try talking to your aunt and see how it goes. I will be praying for you.
Farmgirl Sister #1438
God - Gardening - Family - Is anything else important? |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
Posted - May 16 2010 : 11:00:13 AM
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Honestly, Melanie- I think it is time to find a different house. You have posted a couple times where it would "only be a few more weeks" etc because that is what she is telling you but then you still haven't been able to move in. I think when you originally posted it was only going to be 3-4 weeks? This is crazy! And if I also remember correctly you have neighbors that are possibly cooking meth in a shed that is adjacent to the where your kids play in the back yard?
I would maybe give it one more shot with your aunt right away. Let her know that the repairs on the house are looking great, but because of previous conversations you had expected to be able to move in a long time ago and you are concerned that this just isn't going to happen. Then of course offer whatever help she needs to be able to move forward with this transition.
I think this should be the last time you give her extra time. If she still can't get it all wrapped up and follow through with what she said. If not I think it will be healthier for you and your family to find a different place to live.
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.awarmheart.com
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
www.allergyjourneys.blogspot.com
Put your pin on the farmgirl map! www.farmgirlmap.blogspot.com |
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MrsRooster
True Blue Farmgirl
1168 Posts
Amy
Seabrook
TX
USA
1168 Posts |
Posted - May 17 2010 : 06:52:08 AM
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I agree with Alee.
You have to do what is right for your family.
Lots of prayers to you.
www.mrsrooster.blogspot.com
Farmgirl #1259
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melanie47601
True Blue Farmgirl
1949 Posts
Melanie
Boonville
IN
USA
1949 Posts |
Posted - May 17 2010 : 09:20:52 AM
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I know you're right, Alee. I can try again to get her to let me help. I don't really think it will do much good. I guess I'm just afraid of starting a family squabble. I don't want to hurt her feelings. I know she has put so much money already into the house trying to get it ready. And with the company she works for going out of business and her only having a few more weeks of work. I guess I'm feeling really guilty about the possibility of having to back out of the house. But this is crazy! It has went on for way too long.
Thanks for your help.
hugs~ Melanie
Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says "Oh Crap, She's up!"
Blog~ http://wheelsarealwaysturning.blogspot.com/
Swap Blog~ http://mels-swapshop.blogspot.com/ |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
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kristin sherrill
True Blue Farmgirl
11303 Posts
kristin
chickamauga
ga
USA
11303 Posts |
Posted - May 31 2010 : 06:38:44 AM
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That is some good progress, Melanie! I hope you are in your new home soon.
Kris
Happiness is simple. |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
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graciegreeneyes
True Blue Farmgirl
3107 Posts
Amy Grace
Rosalia
WA
USA
3107 Posts |
Posted - May 31 2010 : 08:18:33 AM
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Melanie - that is awesome, I know it means a lot of work ahead dealing with your Aunt, but still, now you know what you are dealing with. And how cool that you get to buy you Mamaw's house, hopefully that is feasible for you without putting you in a bind. I wish I had been in the position to buy my grandparent's house when grandma needed to sell it - it is now torn down and it just makes me sick.
Good luck and keep us posted !!
Amy Grace
Farmgirl #224
"use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without"
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melanie47601
True Blue Farmgirl
1949 Posts
Melanie
Boonville
IN
USA
1949 Posts |
Posted - May 31 2010 : 12:19:43 PM
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Amy Grace~ I think it will work out just fine even with the surprise of buying. When my mom dropped in yesterday to pick the girls up for me, my aunt made the comment, "only Melanie would want this old place." LOL But my aunt is pretty easy going. I think she will let me buy on contract from her. That's how she bought the house and it seems to be the way she advises anyone she knows to buy a home. We didn't get a chance to discuss details yesterday, but we will next time we work at the house together. 
Ooooo I went back a bit ago and went through a couple of things since my aunt told me that anything I want I can have. So I did box up a couple of little things and put in my "keep" pile. And when we got there, we noticed that my cousin (that's been doing the repairs) had been there. He replaced the stairs going down into the cellar!!! The old ones were rough and I was scared to death to think of going down them. But he had the new stair case all done and looks great. I didn't go down cause I was wearing flip flops and I'm not graceful in flippy shoes. heeheehee
Thanks gals!! I'm super excited!!
Melanie
Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says "Oh Crap, She's up!"
Blog~ http://wheelsarealwaysturning.blogspot.com/
Swap Blog~ http://mels-swapshop.blogspot.com/ |
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Kirksmom71
True Blue Farmgirl
873 Posts
Mel
Dallas
Texas
USA
873 Posts |
Posted - May 31 2010 : 10:28:59 PM
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OMG I am soooooo excited for you! To be able live in your Grandmothers home is so terrific in my eyes. Hope it all works out just the way you want. Isn't life an amazing experience? God bless ya, kiddo!
My best to all,
Mel
Sassy City Girl with Farmgirl Fantasies! |
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Across the Fence: A little farmgirl insight UPDATE on the house |
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A little farmgirl insight UPDATE on the house
