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Family Matters:  Is it wrong to want a BIG break?  |
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Sitnalta
True Blue Farmgirl
4208 Posts
Jessica
NJ
USA
4208 Posts |
 Posted - May 11 2010 : 3:44:35 PM
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Just thought I'd bounce it off of you all...
Most of you know, I have three little kiddos and so our house can get a little loud and hair raising at times.
Is it wrong for me to want a BIG BREAK?
I feel so guilty asking my husband to take all three kids so I can have a breather, so I haven't been away from all three of my kids at the same time yet. Charlie was born in February and I am trying to enjoy every moment, but with the physical problems he's been having topped with regular baby growing (like teething) it's getting hard to do.
My hubby does sweet things, like let me get my nails done every few weeks, but I still have to talk to another human being and quite honestly, I've had enough of interaction with everyone..lol
How terrible is that?!
I just want a quiet break for maybe two hours with no one but me & my own thoughts and most of all, pure quietness.
Is this wrong for me to ask? JW
hugs
Jess
"I have been driven many times to my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had no where else to go." ~Abraham Lincoln
www.messiejessie2.blogspot.com |
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Annika
True Blue Farmgirl
5602 Posts
Annika
USA
5602 Posts |
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Farmtopia
True Blue Farmgirl
1465 Posts
Zan
New York
New York
USA
1465 Posts |
Posted - May 11 2010 : 4:24:38 PM
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Jessie--I don't think there's anything wrong with it and frankly I know plenty of married folks where the father takes the kids for a day every other week or some such. I don't know why people think that someone can stand being around noise and commotion all the time and I don't think that makes you a bad mother. Just my two cents.
~*~Dream all you dreamers~*~
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ddmashayekhi
True Blue Farmgirl
4737 Posts
Dawn
Naperville
Illinois
USA
4737 Posts |
Posted - May 11 2010 : 5:02:56 PM
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We all need some down time. You will feel better and refreshed because of it. That is something all of you will benefit from!
Dawn in IL |
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Sheep Mom 2
True Blue Farmgirl
1534 Posts
Sheri
Elk
WA
USA
1534 Posts |
Posted - May 11 2010 : 5:25:05 PM
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Jesse - my husband and I had a deal - Sunday afternoon was my day off and his day with the kids. I went upstairs and hid out and sewed and listed to Public Radio and he played with the kids or watched movies or whatever he chose to do with them. I needed that time to re-charge so I had something to offer to all of them. If I hadn't had that time to myself, I'd probably have gone nuts. I hope you get your time off - soon.
Blessings, Sheri
"Work is Love made visible" -Kahlil Gibran |
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KanMogirl
True Blue Farmgirl
349 Posts
Katherine
Rock
Kansas
USA
349 Posts |
Posted - May 11 2010 : 6:01:01 PM
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No, you are not wrong for wanting some time off. And don't feel bad about asking your husband to watch the kids. They are his kids, also. I would, also, suggest you find a trustworthy babysitter and you & your husband go on a date occasionally. Its good for the kids, also. I truly believe if they get used to it a little, its easier in case you need them to leave them with someone in case of an emergency. I know some may disagree with me, though.
I would rather wear out than rust out.----Richard Cumberland |
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1badmamawolf
True Blue Farmgirl
2199 Posts
Teresa
"Bent Fence Farms"
Ca
USA
2199 Posts |
Posted - May 11 2010 : 6:14:36 PM
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My kids baby Doc used to say that kids need breaks from their parents, so get a sitter and go somewhere for an afternoon or more.
"Treat the earth well, it was not given to you by your parents, it was loaned to you by your children" |
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classygram
True Blue Farmgirl
1812 Posts
Brenda
Pleasant Hill
Mo.
USA
1812 Posts |
Posted - May 11 2010 : 6:27:18 PM
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Oh sweetie, of course your not wrong. I only had two children and had to have my time alone. It's just DH and me now and I still want my special quiet time. With him laid off I just want to push him out of the house at times. I agree that the time apart is good for you "and" the children. I'd consider a baby sitter every so often. With summer coming, even if she were to take them outside to play, have a picnic and a walk. You could have some peace and quite for a little while. I hope something comes up that you will be comfortable with. We all need "Me TIME".
Hugs, Brenda
"What lies behind us, and what lies before us are small matter compared to what lies within us."
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Seek reasons to Love..In every sigment of everyday-look for something that brings forth within you a feeling of Love-Abraham Hicks |
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Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - May 11 2010 : 7:31:31 PM
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I surely think you do need a break, and the kids need a break. There is NO wrong about that. After you take a break, let us know how great it was for you. Take care. God Bless.
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
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debtea2
True Blue Farmgirl
1853 Posts
deborah
nutley
nj
USA
1853 Posts |
Posted - May 11 2010 : 7:54:33 PM
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you deserve a break, for sanity alone you need down time too.
no one can work 24 7 and not feel overwhelmed and you should not feel bad about
wanting time to yourself or adult company.
go have some girl time..deborah
http://jerseyfarmgirl.blogspot.com/
inch by inch we find our way
jersey farmgirl
#1330
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maggie14
True Blue Farmgirl
6784 Posts
Hannah
Washington
USA
6784 Posts |
Posted - May 11 2010 : 10:27:45 PM
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yup I agree with these ladies. Take a break deary! You deserve one and with three kids you need one. :) My mom has 4 and sometimes she needs to take a break too. :) But now that we are older we do alot of things on our own but it wasn't always like that. We are all pretty close in age so my mom had 4 little ones and I don't know how she did it. :)
But everyone needs a break. :) It doesn't make you a bad one either.
Hugs!!
Channah
Farmgirl sister #1219
Just a small town country girl trying to live her dreams. :) |
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gypsy goat
True Blue Farmgirl
673 Posts
mary jo
michigan
673 Posts |
Posted - May 12 2010 : 05:58:25 AM
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i am in agreement with all these ladies too-i grow up as an only child and had alot of alone time. being a homeschooling mom of two boys now sometimes i just need to shut off with noone around me, so i totally understand how you feel. talk to hubby and tell him what you need - it only going to help you be a better mom!
farmgirl#1362 whatever you are be a good one-abe lincoln |
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sherrye
True Blue Farmgirl
3775 Posts
sherry
bend in the high desert
oregon
USA
3775 Posts |
Posted - May 12 2010 : 07:40:34 AM
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wow YES take a break farmgirl. i raised 4. when that much power goes out we need time to put some back. papa and i came to the agreement early i NEED a break. i had to have the house to my self. NO phone NO people. he would have to find a place to take them. be gone long enough for me to depressurize and then actually enjoy myself. it ended up fun for them. after a while they had to think of adventures to go on. i wanted a WHOLE DAY. i know with a baby maybe thats too long. start small so its not hard for him. we also set a date night. sometimes at home sometimes a walk. we had no money so we had to be creative with this.when the boys were growing we had a all hands on deck meeting. fights between siblings were discussed, they felt safe. not always did they like it but they did have a voice there. raising my boys the time went too fast. i do miss needing a break from them. they are all 4 fine men. take breaks you earned them. just my thoughts happy days sherrye am i too long winded? i think i am some times girls
the learn as we go silk purse farm
farmgirl #1014
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kristin sherrill
True Blue Farmgirl
11303 Posts
kristin
chickamauga
ga
USA
11303 Posts |
Posted - May 12 2010 : 07:48:37 AM
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When my kids were little and my hubby came home I would give them both to him and leave for a few hours. That really helped my sanity a whole lot. Every mother needs that time away so she can refresh and renew to be able to give her family what they need. You are right to want to do this. Go for it.
Kris
Happiness is simple. |
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Firemama
True Blue Farmgirl
1731 Posts
Amanda
Medical Lake
WA
USA
1731 Posts |
Posted - May 12 2010 : 08:26:38 AM
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Jess, what is that saying... You arent asking your husband to babysit, they are his kids too : ) Leave, you will love them and your life more after a break
Mama to 2
FarmGirl# 20
People can only make you feel inferior with your permission, and you dont have my permission......
Dont let the chain of love end with you.....
http://myfarmdreams.blogspot.com/
http://www.etsy.com/shop/justanotherhousewife |
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Faransgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
895 Posts
Beth
Houston
Texas
USA
895 Posts |
Posted - May 12 2010 : 10:29:00 AM
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Absolutely a break is necessary. When my youngest was born we moved from Alaska to Scotland when she was three weeks old. After a while I was going crazy. My husband took three weeks vacation from work and I came to the states for three weeks. I felt like a different person when I got home and he actually enjoyed his time with the girls. After that we got a part time nanny and I got time to myself. Scotland was at the time a very much "The Kids should be seen and not heard" place. It was almost impossible to go anywhere and take the kids with you. A break is necessary and good for everyone.
Farmgirl Sister 572
When manure happens just say "WOO HOO Fertilizer". |
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msdoolittle
True Blue Farmgirl
1143 Posts
Amanda
East Texas
USA
1143 Posts |
Posted - May 14 2010 : 06:48:39 AM
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I smell 'Mommy Guilt'! Lol. Seriously, YES YOU NEED A BREAK. Everyone does! To stay sane, you must spend some time alone.
My DH used to take the kiddos with him on 'part runs' for our business to give me several hours breaktime. Oh, how wonderful he is!!! Lol. He still does this if need be, though the girls are at an age now (4 and 6) where they are very independent and I do not feel myself getting smothered during the day.
As moms, sometimes we feel guilty about doing things for ourselves, and just as bad, we don't want to leave the kids with someone (even our DHs) because in the back of our minds we're thinking that they won't do things the way we do it. Yes, this is SO TRUE, but I have found that even though Dad didn't change the diapers as often as I did, nor fed them what I fed them, and (GASP) even let them swing on the swings too high, they still survived, and I got some great 'me time'.
SO! Go have yourself a break and let Daddy keep the kids for a few hours. Kids need their daddies as much as they need mommies! Plus, dads are typically more laid back than moms (Not all the time, I know), and so the kids end up getting a break, too! I know that I can get snippy with the kids, and it is just signaling that it's time for me to get a break.
Have fun!!!
FarmGirl #1390
www.mylittlecountry.wordpress.com |
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OneCraftyBugger
True Blue Farmgirl
626 Posts
R
USA
626 Posts |
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Sourceress
True Blue Farmgirl
76 Posts
Elisabeth
Thurmont
MD
76 Posts |
Posted - May 24 2010 : 11:33:29 PM
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Definitely you deserve a break! All mamas need a break once in a while!
When my boys were babies, I used to drive them around in my van until they fell asleep, and then I'd park somewhere, lock the doors, leave the motor running (Corwyn, once asleep, was out for several hours, but Galen would wake up if I turned off the engine), and take a nap. Or if I wasn't quite that exhausted, I'd just sit and do some needlework or something. It was one of the few moments of peace and relaxation in my day. I spent many an afternoon parked at the public boat ramp on the Delaware, watching the river and doing cross-stitch or needlepoint (I hate needlepoint, actually, but I had a couple of UFOs from when I was a teenager, and I wanted to finish them before the yarn totally disintegrated...)
Now that they're older, I occasionally ask my husband to watch them for an afternoon on the weekend so I can go shopping or whatever. He's also watched them for a weekend now and again so I could spend it with my friend. I really appreciate the breaks, since being a mama is my full-time job. Now that we're back in Maryland, we also enlist his family to help out and watch the kids periodically as well so we can spend some child-free time together remembering why we got married in the first place. ;-)
My dream is to someday start an organization to provide support for moms, especially new moms. I want it to be a place where an exhausted, fragged-out mama can come when she's reached the end of her rope and is starting to fantasize about doing awful things to her child just to get a few minutes of peace and quiet, and someone will take the baby and figure out what the problem is, and fix it, or take the toddler/child/etc. and entertain them for a while, and someone else will lead the mama to a big comfy chair, and sit her down, and maybe wrap a cozy afghan around her shoulders if it's winter, and bring her a cup of hot cocoa and tell her that she really is a good mother, and it's okay to be stressed out and frustrated - raising children is *hard* sometimes!!! And generally just have a bunch of caring, supportive women, especially older women who've been there, done that, to help mamas get a break, or help them with problems, or whatever. If I ever do get to start this organization, I want to call it Inanna House. Inanna was a Sumerian Mother Goddess. One of the most well-known stories about her recounts her descent into the Underworld (and her subsequent return). It's a story about strength and perseverance even in the face of terrifying obstacles. It's a story about going through a dark time and emerging from it, not unscathed, but stronger than before. It seemed appropriate for a place whose goal it is to help provide a support network for all mothers, but especially for mothers who don't have a support network of partner, family, friends. There is a crying need for this kind of thing. I just hope someday I'm able to make it a reality.
There's all this talk about how important mothers are, about babies and what one should do when one finds oneself expecting one unexpectedly, but it seems to me like nobody's talking about the real issues, one of which is that our society is not at all supportive of pregnant women or mothers. I strongly believe that if we change the way pregnant women and mothers are treated by society in general, especially women who became mothers under less-than-ideal circumstances, women will be more likely to value motherhood as a worthwhile occupation, and more likely to choose it, even if they weren't necessarily expecting to be mothers just yet, kwim?
Lis
*the Sourceress*
unschooling mama to
Corwyn (4/99)
and Galen (5/01)
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Annab
True Blue Farmgirl
2900 Posts
Anna
Seagrove
NC
USA
2900 Posts |
Posted - May 25 2010 : 03:20:54 AM
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Take heart and know that even mothers in the animal kingdom need a break. Cows, apes, elephants and a bunch of other types of mammals leave their youngsters for a time.
Cows especially. Take a look next time you are driving around. You may see a bunch of little ones all clustered together and 1 adult standing there.
If not, could this be whey some mothers ear their young??? Just couldn't take it any more I guess and were driven to it. Kidding...
Seriously, call a sitter and the both of you go on a date, or you just go and do something by yourself. It'l help you keep your sanity
It's not bad parenting, its BETTER parenting! Even kids get time by themselves every nap time, so please, take a break! |
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JudyT
True Blue Farmgirl
196 Posts
Judy
Southwest
Wisconsin
USA
196 Posts |
Posted - May 25 2010 : 03:32:12 AM
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It's not wrong to want a break. You deserve a break, you have to do it to keep your sanity. This would be one way for the kids to have one on one with their dad. Having raised 11 kids I sure needed it and I made sure I got it, for everyone's sake :)
Judy~Farmgirl Sister #599
I was born a city girl, but I'm a "farmgirl" at heart, sharing my life at...http://dailyyarnsnmore.com
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smiley
True Blue Farmgirl
650 Posts
lea
pea ridge
arkansas
USA
650 Posts |
Posted - Jun 06 2010 : 08:02:25 AM
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| When my were little and I couldn't seem to go out for the needed break I created my own. I told my hubby I was taking a bath and he would he keep an eye on the kids. I loaded the tub with bubbles put on a cd of peaceful outdoor sounds lit a candle and went on a spa retreat right there in my own home. Just a small break and it did wonders. |
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natesgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1735 Posts
angela
martinsville
indiana
USA
1735 Posts |
Posted - Jun 06 2010 : 7:32:42 PM
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I tried to be 'supermom' for nearly a year. I had a very sick baby, a 9 y/o with health problems, and a typical mouthy 15 y/o. Top that off with living with my MIL and a husband who was on medical leave from work and you have a massive pressure cooker that is way past it's capacity! I thought it was all my job to handle everything for everyone. I would go for days and even weeks without a bath, cause I couldn't let go of my precious 4 hours a night sleep. I actually snapped. I walked out of the house without saying a word to anyone and started driving. When I finally stopped and colapsed in the back seat I woke up in Mississippi, 4 states away from home! My Hubby talked to me and decided I needed time away. I spent 3 days alone and then the family joined me for 3 days of playing. It was the first vacation I had taken since my second child was born, 9 years before. Now my DH makes sure I get a bath and have at least 20 minutes a night for me. He also makes a point to take the kids outside with him once or twice a week for a few hours, so can read or work on my hobbies, which he insists I have to have three of. He borrowed a camper from his uncle for his Mom to live in to reduce my stress level, and has made the apartment for her his priority project. He also insists that the girls help me with dinner so they can learn to cook and he watches the baby in the kitchen so he can learn too. I now have one to three nights a week that they cook for me. Sometimes a lot of little breaks is just as good as a big one. Start with asking DH to take the kids outside for a few hours and have the house to yourself. Then move up to havin him take them to the park or out to dinner and he can bring you back something to eat. Believe me, it's better than having a breakdown.
Farmgirl Sister #1438
God - Gardening - Family - Is anything else important? |
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HealingTouch
True Blue Farmgirl
3448 Posts
Darlene
Kunkletown
Pa
USA
3448 Posts |
Posted - Jun 06 2010 : 8:10:49 PM
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| I really feel so sad that we women need to ask for a break. When my children were little my husband didn't do anything. There were men's jobs and women's jobs, according to him, and you guessed it, never a break. Make sure you get a break so you don't end up resenting your hubby. Bless those husbands that love and respect their wives to help care for their own children and bless their mother's for raising them right. Prayers and Blessings, Darlene |
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
Posted - Jun 08 2010 : 09:48:23 AM
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When Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy! Look. I struggle with this and I only have one child (but 4 dogs and two cats who throw up all day long...). I also get to go to work to alleviate the stress that comes from daily mothering. And I KNOW what you mean about needing some quiet time--and when I do, I get in the car and I drive. Away. I go all over the country, seeing little towns, taking some time to shop in little antique stores, discovering what's out there...whatever I feel like doing.
Does that make me a bad mother, asking my husband or my mother to watch Vi for a couple of hours? Nope. It makes me a BETTER mother. Anyone who says they don't need a break from their children and the daily grind is either a martyr or telling a fib!
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
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Butterscotch Grove
True Blue Farmgirl
196 Posts
Melissa
Fairbanks
AK
196 Posts |
Posted - Jun 09 2010 : 11:12:58 AM
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It's not babysitting if they're your own kids. You NEED quiet time. And I get not wanting to talk to grown-ups, either...next time you get your mani or pedi, tell the tech you don't want to talk. They are providing a service that you are paying for, you should be able to take a nap in the chair if you want! OR take the time and hide in the library. A couple hours is not a BIG break. I have two kids, and I have a hard time getting past the "well, if Laura Ingalls's Ma could do it with 3 and then 4 kids, without ______ (fill in the blank on modern conveniences), I should be able to do it." I am constantly reminding myself that, Farmgirl or not, I'm NOT a pioneer. Our lives are different now, and if you are ready to flip out, you need a break. I live very far away from my family, so don't have much in the way of support system - hubby is just about it. When he comes home from work (he's a high school science teacher), he's not alway ready to be the responsible parent, but he knows that sometimes I need to closet myself in the bedroom for a while, for the good of our family.
You are SO not alone, honey!
Melissa
Elisabeth - I have that same dream! Only I call my place "Nest."
My blog:
http://ButterscotchGrove.wordpress.com |
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Family Matters: Is it wrong to want a BIG break? |
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Is it wrong to want a BIG break?
