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Parenting & Farm Kids:  How are boys supposed to act these days? UPDATED  |
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Calico Countess
Farmgirl in Training
16 Posts
Christie
Bow Island
Alberta
Canada
16 Posts |
 Posted - Apr 13 2010 : 7:35:09 PM
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Hello everyone,
I'm writing this out of sheer frustration and concern. My son is 6, nearly 7 and I've been getting messages in the form of assessments, etc from the school he attends about their "concerns" for him.
He is an active kid, he's always been so, even in the womb. In fact, I swear the bruises my liver had on it from his kicking only disappeared a month or two ago! :-) He tends to not want to sit still for long periods of time, is very hands on, is not afraid to speak his mind and tends to be clumsy. He is doing very well academically though, and is a likable kid, or so I've been told by everyone.
The school has informed me that he is very dysfunctional because he does things like trail his fingers along the wall while walking down the hall, wraps his legs around the legs of his chair, leans forward on his desk (apparently this is not a sign of boredom but of weak torso muscles, who knew?), mouths or chews on the end of his pencil, writes some of his letters (like Z) backwards, etc. I also received a call from a therapist today who wants me to take him to a doctor because she feels there is "something more" that he needs to be diagnosed. He is in a class of about 16 kids, 13 girls and 3 boys, of which he is one.
Everyone else who knows him says he's a normal 6/7 yr old boy and that he'll grow out of a lot of these things in a couple years. He has always had a very strong, intense personality (something like his mother's father) but he's also very loving, very keen on treating people fairly and is very tender hearted.
My question is this...I do NOT want to dope him up on drugs. I do not think he needs them. I would much rather look at natural, homeopathic methods to address any issues the Dr thinks he may have. I suppose I can't really get any specific suggestions from any of you until I know what they think is "wrong" with him, so I guess I'll have to keep everyone posted.
I've been trying to keep his food as pure as possible (as well as his sister's) by making sure there is very little exposure to food dyes, chemicals, etc. I'm not perfect at it, but I am trying to keep their food as wholesome as possible.
I'm also concerned about this idea that little boys should be made to sit perfectly still, be quiet, be fastidious in appearance (that was another "dysfunction", he does not clean his face of crumbs immediately after eating and if one shirt sleeve is pushed up and the other is down, he doesn't mind) and basically act like a lady-like girl. Am I out to lunch?
I guess I should wrap this up as I've gone on long enough. He's not perfect but I really don't think he's as big of dysfunctional mess as they are saying. Any words of wisdom will be appreciated! Thank you!!
"Too much of a good thing can be wonderful" ~ Mae West |
Edited by - Calico Countess on Sep 22 2010 10:04:58 PM |
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laurentany
True Blue Farmgirl
3259 Posts
Laurie
Patchogue
NY
USA
3259 Posts |
Posted - Apr 13 2010 : 7:46:45 PM
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My prayers are with you- I think you are doing all the right things as far as watching his diet etc and are smart to be very cautious of the medications that most people will automatically suggest. As a mother- stick with your instincts- that "mom sense" and everything will work out.
Blessings to you!
cntrygrlathrt |
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farmmilkmama
True Blue Farmgirl
2027 Posts
Amy
Central MN
USA
2027 Posts |
Posted - Apr 13 2010 : 7:57:10 PM
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Oh my goodness - a big mama-of-boys hug to you. I have two boys, ages six and seven and oh my, they are exactly like you describe your boy to be. My youngest especially is always moving. I mean, always. And won't stop talking. He's got big things to say. Not that he's rude, he's just got a lot to say and wants to move! I am not sure where the idea came that boys (or girls!) are supposed to sit for eight hours a day without so much as a peep. Yes they need to listen when its time to listen, but come on. It seems to me that kindergarten nowadays is more like 2nd grade was when I was in school. My mom says she doesn't remember anything about reading before she was in second grade. Now it seems like they want kids "reading" by the time they get to Kindergarten...and if they aren't, you must have done something wrong!! (Oh, and by the way...SIT STILL!! But don't sit in front of the TV all day, that will rot your brain. But SIT STILL!!! We will have ten minutes of recess later!!!) It seems completely unnatural to me, and it makes me mad to think the school would freak about things like him chewing on his pencil or leaning forward in his desk. Seriously? I STILL chew on my pencils.
Since we homeschool, I can't really speak to what the "school says" about my kids. But I do know that my uncle has a son who is six who is very similar to my youngest (and, from what you've said, maybe your son as well). My uncle was informed by his son's school last month that it simply isn't normal for a kindergartner to not sit properly in a desk for less than 20 minutes at a time. And it simply isn't normal that he's twirling his hair (he has longer hair). Oh gosh, MEDICATE HIM!!! They also called my uncle in to discuss test results with him - apparently when his son was asked to randomly name the first three animals that came to mind, the correct answer they were looking for was cat dog and horse. Well, Max answered dinosaur, eagle, and fox. When Max was asked "what lights up the sky at night?" Max answered "a flashlight" (he'd just been camping in the backyard). They of course were looking for the "moon and stars". Apparently Max gave wrong answers and required immediate attention.
I don't get how boys or kids in general are supposed to act these days. They get so many mixed messages. I can see why you are very frustrated!!!
--* FarmMilkMama *--
Farmgirl Sister #1086
Be yourself.
Everyone else is already taken.
-Oscar Wilde
www.wakeupstartlearning.blogspot.com
www.farmfoodmama.blogspot.com |
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natesgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1735 Posts
angela
martinsville
indiana
USA
1735 Posts |
Posted - Apr 13 2010 : 9:22:14 PM
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I am so sorry you are going through this, but I am so glad to know I am not the only one. My now 9 y/o daughter was in public school for three years. Well, 2 and 1/2 really. Our trouble began in kindergarten with a note to have our daughter checked by a dr and put on ridilan on her 2nd day of school. My daughter is no more active than any of my friends and familys children. As a matter of fact, everyone thought there was something wrong with her from about age 1 due to a lack of energy and movement. She had a problem with going in her pants and after 6 differnt drs and 6 years of being the 'overly dramatic' mom, she was diagnosed with a spinal tumor. During the year of testing and prep for her surgery the abuse at school got worse. I was repeatedly berated by the teacher for feeding my child white sugar causing her weight problem. I went so far as to bring in a letter from her dr stating the tumor had caused it as well as continuing weakness of her legs. They then called me in and told me she was 'refusing' to do p.e. They said she was sitting down and saying she couldn't breathe. The dr found that the tumor was affecting her lungs. The situation culminated in her teacher refusing to allow her to clean herself up after an accident and having her stand in front of the class so they could tell her what a baby she was. I pulled her out for homeschooling that very day. After 12 hours of surgery she was much better. Much more active. She is also doing great since I am the one teaching her. I don't require her to sit for 8 hours straight, which she was and still is incapable of doing physically. I am glad she's here with me each day. And I love that I don't have to send her off each morning in tears, hers of fear, mine of frustration.
Don't allow them to force you to put your child on medication. If you tell a dr that the school asked for your child to be seen they will diagnose adhd no matter what. My nephew went through that his entire education only to find out as an adult that his is actually mildly autistic. It would have been so much easier for him in school if they weren't giving him sedatives when he was in need of mental training instead.
You are your childs voice and only protector!
God - Gardening - Family - Is anything else important? |
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MrsRooster
True Blue Farmgirl
1168 Posts
Amy
Seabrook
TX
USA
1168 Posts |
Posted - Apr 14 2010 : 07:29:36 AM
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They sound perfectly normal to me.
Public schools are too quick to diagnose and doctors are quick to follow as they get a nice every month med write and check ups.
Are you in a position to homeschool? Does a Christian school fall into your budget? You have other options.
My sister who is a Psychologist says that kids today are way too medicated.
I hope you find a better path.
www.mrsrooster.blogspot.com
Farmgirl #1259
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gramadinah
True Blue Farmgirl
3557 Posts
Diana
Orofino
ID
USA
3557 Posts |
Posted - Apr 14 2010 : 07:30:11 AM
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My heart goes out to you.
Diana
Farmgirl Sister #273 |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22937 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22937 Posts |
Posted - Apr 14 2010 : 07:47:44 AM
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Oh my gosh! That is absolutely ridiculous!! I was EXACTLY like that at his age and there was NOTHING wrong with me! Are they serious! I have three older sisters and two of my sisters have boys and each boy has their own personality. One of my nephews is very tender hearted and loves to be very active. Another one of my nephews likes to be active but he sits still a bit more- but then again he REALLY likes to play video games. Then my last nephew would need glue to hold him in one spot and he sounds EXACTLY like your boy. Very sweet- fun loving- and ACTIVE! And I know there is nothing wrong with him (they are about the same age).
I would request that the teachers quick armchair doctor diagnosing him and focus on teaching! Okay...that might not be the most diplomatic, but I don't think they should be trying to diagnose him with medical disorders as that is not in their training.
I don't know why this situation bothers me so much. Maybe because the mental load of being considered "Different" or "strange" can affect how the child views himself and how his peers do too. I had allergies when I was little so I was the "different" kid in class and it definately made my elementary and middle school years MUCH harder. *hugs*
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.awarmheart.com
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
www.allergyjourneys.blogspot.com
Put your pin on the farmgirl map! www.farmgirlmap.blogspot.com |
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
Posted - Apr 14 2010 : 07:51:50 AM
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I'm so sorry to hear this...he sounds like a very...normal boy to me. I would agree that the simple (and often overused) answer today is "medication". I'm pretty sure I did all those things (and I'm a girl) and I even went through a phase where I REALLY wanted my hair to look like Rod Stewart's (when he was in The Faces) and I didn't comb it for three or four days...
I feel like you should sit down with these people and then take their findings to someone else. Have him evaluated by YOUR choice of doctor. That satisfies what they want to do, and it puts the control back in your hands. Naturally, he's probably already sensing something is amiss, so I would make sure to do this as quickly as possible so he doesn't start thinking he's weird or different than other kids. Because he will. And if they are talking with him during school hours, other children will pick up on it as well, and we all know how horrible that can be.
Just take control of the situation!
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
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Faransgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
895 Posts
Beth
Houston
Texas
USA
895 Posts |
Posted - Apr 14 2010 : 07:58:00 AM
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I feel for you as I had a daughter that went through alot of that and ended up medicated for a while. That was years ago. I think it is ridiculous that they expect our kids to sit perfectly still for 8 hours with very few short breaks. They are kids for Goodness sake. Our schools are so dumbed down that the smart kids get bored and fidgety and then they are "dysfunctional". When we moved back from over seas and put our girls in American Schools I was getting notes and phone calls all the time. I got a note from the P.E. teacher telling me there was something wrong with my 5 year old because she didn't know how to bounce a basket ball. We lived in Scotland she had never even laid eyes on a basket ball never less learn how to bounce one. But give her a soccer ball and she knew what to do. It is as if the teachers don't know how to handle the kids and are to lazy to deal with ones that don't fit into their little boxes. And kids that actually play outdoors are like aliens. I am glad my kids are in college. I let them convince me to medicate my oldest for a short time. I really regret that.
Farmgirl Sister 572
When manure happens just say "WOO HOO Fertilizer". |
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msdoolittle
True Blue Farmgirl
1143 Posts
Amanda
East Texas
USA
1143 Posts |
Posted - Apr 14 2010 : 08:23:42 AM
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(I apologize because the 'mama bear' in me is coming out) Ok, everyone is different, right? I myself find it difficult to stay still more than a few minutes at a time.
I especially was bothered by "trail his fingers along the wall while walking down the hall, wraps his legs around the legs of his chair, leans forward on his desk (apparently this is not a sign of boredom but of weak torso muscles, who knew?), mouths or chews on the end of his pencil, writes some of his letters (like Z) backwards, etc"
And, this is cause for concern? Give me a break!!! I would be concerned if he were not doing well in school or trying to harm other kids. This is just being a kid. And where are they getting this 'expert' advice, anyway? EVERYONE on this great Earth has some sort of habit which could be profiled in a negative way. For that matter, who ISN'T dysfunctional in some way??? And, for the record, my daughter who is almost 7 herself still writes 'Z' backwards, too, and she excels at reading and writing. Big deal!
I'm trying to calm down now! Lol. I would talk one on one with the school about this. If they continue to try and label him, I'd personally get him right out of there. I know that is a huge decision, but I think that schools can go so far as to become abusive when they try to make kids into little cookie cutter children. And I wouldn't medicate either. Our society is much more concerned about treating the symptoms rather than the cause (which can be said on SO many levels). However, from the way you described your son, to medicate him would be ludicrous. You know what? He's probably just bored! I know I was through most of my school days, and I was constantly drawing through every class in high school!!!
I would seek an outside professional if need be, if only to find out the best learning environment for your son. :0)
Good luck!
Adventures in Homesteading!
www.mylittlecountry.wordpress.com |
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Calico Countess
Farmgirl in Training
16 Posts
Christie
Bow Island
Alberta
Canada
16 Posts |
Posted - Apr 14 2010 : 10:34:59 AM
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Hi everyone,
Thanks for the encouragement. I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks that all this so-called "dysfunction" is just kids being kids.
He is scheduled to see our family Dr. next Friday and I will be telling the Dr. what I think. I will also bring along the letter that outlined his many, many "dysfunctions". He and his wife have raised a large family with several boys so I think he will be reasonable. At the end of the day though, they cannot make us put him on any meds. I will do with a naturopathic route first.
We (hubby and I) have considered moving him to another school in our town, that's only about a block from the school he's currently at. The really big plus to that is in the grade he'd be in at the other school there are a lot more boys in the class. With there only being 3 in his current class (and the other two are cousins), he's the odd man out in everything. Homeschooling is not an option, but I'm also going to look at what the local Christian school has to offer (which I was actually an aide at when I was pregnant with him!). I would like him to have more boys his age to chum with. He's friends with a couple of the girls in his class, but I think it's good for him to have boys for friends as well.
I am also going to speak to the leaders of his boy's club that he attends to see if they have any issues with him. He really likes the club and it's a highlight of his week.
Anyhow, thanks again for the encouraging words. I'll let you all know what the Dr. says and how the parent teacher interview goes tomorrow. Thanks again!!! :-)
"Too much of a good thing can be wonderful" ~ Mae West |
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MrsRooster
True Blue Farmgirl
1168 Posts
Amy
Seabrook
TX
USA
1168 Posts |
Posted - Apr 14 2010 : 11:04:30 AM
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My daughter is bright and fairly advanced. (She is an only) She gets bored and starts getting fidgety.
I felt much better after I went to an open house at a Christian School that is close to me. They are testing her for Kindergarden and First grade. I don't want to put her ahead, but they will know how to help her.
I just don't really care for public schools as a general feeling. I went to one. But now it is so polical.
www.mrsrooster.blogspot.com
Farmgirl #1259
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MaryLD
True Blue Farmgirl
861 Posts
Mary
New Braunfels
TX
USA
861 Posts |
Posted - Apr 14 2010 : 7:21:42 PM
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Where to start? I know it's long, but PLEASE read it.
My son actually does have a form of dyslexia and a ( now somewhat treated) severe visual processing disorder. I asked for testing from about second grade, and the school system let me down 100% with imcomplete testing and no adadptaions. " Nothing is wrong with him" He's lazy" He has ADD" His second grade teacher asked me EVERY DAY to put him on Ritalin. EVERY DAY! I was never willing to do it.
I looked into allergies, saw a homeopath, a naturpath, and an acupuncturist. A good book on child allergies and how they can mimic developmental delays is called " Is This Your Child" by Dr. Doris Rapp.
This is different from your son , because the only thing the school could tell me, is that 96% of the population performs more closely to their full potential academically, than my son did. This was based on testing.They could not tell me why. They gave no adaptations except doing fewer math problems on homework- nightly homework took 4 hrs in grade school. I fought and fought and fought for complte testing, to no avail. When my son was 13, he was failing everything and getting kicked out of Charter School for grades and acting out behaviors. ( My son did " fine" in school academically for the most part until it got harder in 5th grade. He uderstood everything and had a large knowledge base.) I was grieving the loss of my husband, my son's stepdad, and my grief counsellor suggested vision therapy. She felt sure that my son had a form of dyslexia and a visual processing disorder. I found a behavioral opthamoligist working with a vision therapist, and my son's diagnosis was made. He was treated with vision therapy and made huge improvements at home and school. The only adaptation he got at school was being excuded from a foreign language due to the type dyslexia he had. So he continued to struggle in school until we moved to TX, where he got an adaptive plan he can also take to college, after 8 weeks of school here! It takes into account that he has learning diasbilities, and gives him extra time and help where needed. He is very, very, very bright but tests poorly, cannot spell ( genetic form of dyslexia is the cause of that), and has a hard time with written assignments as well as spacial relations. Everyone loves him, and he has huge empathy. Very charismatic.
Seeing a naturpath/ homoepath, in my case, helped my son be calmer and healthier, but it did not overcome his learning disabilites. My friend's daughter has " school issues" and she says that seeing a naturpath will give you a very healthy, developmentally delayed child, who remains developmentally delayed. This is not to say that your son falls into that catagory, but it is something to consider. It may be helpful to see a wholisticaly minded pediatric occupational therapist. They deal with sensory issues and developmental issues. A clean bill of health can put your mind at ease, and give you something to stand on at school. Someone like that could help explan and treat the stomach muscle issues, etc.
My son's vision therapy doc told me that my son's ADD behaviors were how his brain coped with the challenges he was born with, many of which are genetic/ run in families such as is true in mine. They are not ADD! One in 4 kids has a visual processing disorder. It is not about having 20/20 vision- many, many of these kids do, including my son. Parent Advocates for Vision Education had a GREAT website called PAVE.org. which has moved but I bet you can find it. Here's why it is so great:
They had a chart that showed which child behaviors/ "problems" were normal, which were due to allergies ( which my son has), which were ADD, which were visual processing disorder, which were sensory proecessing disorder. Of course, it forms a grid where several symptoms overlap several " causes" because the symptoms overlap one another HUGELY. That's why unskiled lay people think every active kid has ADD, etc. There can be other causes of high activity, or it can be normal. ADD is the big catch all for all kinds of other potentially treatable conditions.
Another holistic way to treat developmental isses is by finding a Neuroscience provider. I am a midwife, and I use Neuroscience with my gynecology clients who are having issues with chronic fatigue, depression, anxiety, low mood, insomnia, etc. The client gives a saliva and or urine sample, and it is tested for neurotransmitters, cortisol, etc. The lab company then prescribes herbal/ nutritional / amino acid supplements to treat the person, helping correct the imbalances that are making the person "feel bad." How does this apply to kids? They have test kits specifically for kids- developmental delay, mood, etc. I never treated kids, but the programs are out there. Some naturpaths offer the testing, and I have seen the treatment work wonders in adults.
Maybe this is all overkill, and your son would not benefit from any of what has helped us! But maybe it will help someone, somewhere.
My Very Best,
Mary LD
As a midwife and the mother of a boy-boy- boy, former constant candidate for Ritalin, etc, etc, I would still recommend the wholistic occupational therapist, if you can find one. If any challenges do exisit, co mingled with normal behavior and too many girls, lol, you will have a jump start on getting them addressed.
Haflingers- You can't have just one!
( I'm just one short of a drill team!) |
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MaryLD
True Blue Farmgirl
861 Posts
Mary
New Braunfels
TX
USA
861 Posts |
Posted - Apr 14 2010 : 7:27:15 PM
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PS
Also take a look at the Feingold diet. My friend has used it with great success. I did not know if it in my son's early childhood, and he has outgrown a lot of sensitivities.
The American Acdeamy of pediatrics had to rescind their statement that the diet does not help child behavior/ ADD/ autism. Many, many of the foods that made my son hyper- like grapes- are on the no- no list. I thought it was the sugar in the grapes but it is the (spelling) salicitates.
I had to super control my son's diet just like you are doing, and it helped, but he still had underlying issues as I've mentioned. It would have been SO much worse on an unregulated diet
Haflingers- You can't have just one!
( I'm just one short of a drill team!) |
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Ingrid
True Blue Farmgirl
432 Posts
Ingrid
BC
Canada
432 Posts |
Posted - Apr 15 2010 : 1:44:24 PM
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I think schools are getting absolutely ridiculous with trying to label or diagnose a child because he or she is active. I have two girls and a boy, 15,13,and 10 and have been told from the day they went to school they are too busy, too active, too talkative, too outspoken and on and on, but I held my ground and said no to all the suggestions of testing etc. There is nothing wrong with them. They all do well in school, they are all social, they are all active in sports. They are "normal" kids. The problem with today is nobody in the school system wants to deal with busy kids. They want them all to be exactly the same so they don't have to work that hard. I would much rather have children like mine than have children that are boring, don't talk or can't have a conversation and don't want to be active. Keep on doing exactly what you are doing with your son he is perfect just the way he is and don't let anyone else tell you different.
I'm sorry if this sounds really tough but I am tired of schools trying to fit our kids into one category of how they should be and if they don't they want to give them drugs or treatment. It is crazy.
Give thanks to yourself everyday for all the wonderful things you do! |
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greentea
True Blue Farmgirl
76 Posts
Alicia
Wisconsin
USA
76 Posts |
Posted - Apr 19 2010 : 10:37:26 AM
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My very young son is in speech therapy. And his success with therapy has changed my take on some things.
First, I agree, kids are being pushed, and confined way to early these days. Even retired teachers that I know are shocked when they go back to substitute.
But, with a proper assessment you may get some ideas to help your son. While it doesn't seem like there's really anything wrong with him according to your son's school, Occupational Therapy can be amazing. And, while I've been afraid of labels, I now am so happy I have my son in therapy because it has really helped with his self-esteem. Self Esteem is ultimately much more important that academic achievement.
So, I don't think the treatments have to be drugs-no drugs, but OT is a wonderful option.
My son's blog (designed to keep in touch with Grandma and all her friends:
http://babycork.blogspot.com/ |
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Fiddlehead Farm
True Blue Farmgirl
4562 Posts
Diane
Waupaca
WI
USA
4562 Posts |
Posted - Apr 19 2010 : 11:27:04 AM
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I think he sounds like a normal boy to me. I am so worried about all these children they put on anti-depressants and other meds these days. It seems like we will soon be a society of zombies. You are right about the food, the less preservatives the better. Does he get a lot of excersize? That can really help.
Why not go out on a limb, that's where all the fruit is! "Mark Twain"
http://studiodiphotosite.shutterfly.com/
farmgirl sister #922 |
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tziporra
True Blue Farmgirl
234 Posts
Robin
Seattle
WA
USA
234 Posts |
Posted - Apr 20 2010 : 1:31:28 PM
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I am a homeschooling mom of 4 (3 boys, 1 girl). I homeschool because I am passionate about teaching, not because of difficulties with the school system.
However.
Is ANYONE here focused on RESULTS?
Completely leaving aside the question of whether or not your son's behaviors are "normal", I would ask how they are detrimentally affecting his schooling. That is what he is in school for, correct? I would ask this again and again, until someone gave you a coherent answer.
"Is my son's dragging his fingers along the wall affecting his schooling?"
"Is my son's wrapping his legs around his desk affecting his schooling?"
etc. In other words, do these behaviors have ANY detrimental outcomes. I would take this approach with any doctors you see as well.
If it is not his schooling that is being affected but rather the teacher's ability to deal with him, then perhaps she needs to be put on medication. You might be able to recommend a good Occupational Therapist for her to see as well.
On the other hand, if there are MEASUREABLE outcomes that can be demonstrated to you are detrimental, I would take these seriously. If it can be demonstrated that his torso muscles are weak, for whatever reason, of course you want to help him strengthen these (although I have yet to hear of a medication for strengthening muscles).
I think what everyone here is saying, and what your instincts are telling you, is that it is not neccessary to treat behaviors that are not a problem. Behaviors that other people don't like are inevitable, and I dare say every one of us has some. Problems that effect performance and achievment, such as dyslexia or other learning disorders should be addressed, and taking a holistic route to that is very appropriate.
As a general aside (not specific to the original poster), I can't resist harping on my favorite parenting topic - SLEEP. I think that proper sleep hygiene is just as important as diet and exersize, and that many children do not get appropriate amounts of sleep for their age. Anyone dealing with an ADD diagnosis may wish to read "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" which addresses poor sleep habits as a possible root cause of the disorder.
Best,
Robin |
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highlandviewpantry
True Blue Farmgirl
214 Posts
WV
USA
214 Posts |
Posted - Apr 25 2010 : 05:28:30 AM
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You are his Mom and your instincts are best. I've noticed at my children's school boys getting involved in more clique like social problems. It used to be more of a girl social problem. My point is there is a trend right now among our society that seems to take the man out of the boy. He sounds fine to me.
www.thehighlandviewpantry.blogspot.com |
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Melbick
True Blue Farmgirl
81 Posts
Melanie
Venus
TX
USA
81 Posts |
Posted - Apr 25 2010 : 07:50:17 AM
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My thoughts and prayers go out to you in dealing with the school. More and more these days schools are "diagnosing" children, when the principle and the school counselor tried this with my son, the first thing I asked them for was their medical degrees (which by the way niether could produce. We found a wonderful homeopathic vitamin at a store here called Bright Child, it worked to the extent that he was able to pay attention for longer periods of time. However I must caution you to be very careful with handling the school, as if they don't feel you are doing enough to handle and gain control of your sons "condition" as they see it, then they will get the authorities involoved on the basis of neglect. Apparently to them a medicated child is a child who is a better learner (hahahha). My 11 yo daughter and my 9 yo son are both very artistic and have been since the time they could hold a pencil or crayon. They learn better by associating things through art, yet according to the public schools, that is a learning disability that we should have been fighting and refusing to use with them. My son is also a very sensative person, he always has been, he takes things personally because he strives to achieve, yet this is a sign of a mental disfunction (one school theropist actually told me she was affraid that he would turn into a "school shooter"). Last year when I was called in to the school for testing results and told my daughter, who is a 6th grader, was only learning on a 3rd grade level, I actually stood up in this little ARD meeting of theirs and looked them all in the eyes and said "if she has a learning problem and has been left behind, it is through no fault of mine, it is your faults because you have tried to change the way my child learns, forcing her to conform to the way that is easiest for your robot teachers to teach the children." I then walked into the office and checked them both out of school. It has taken us almost a year to break all the worry and concern about doing a math problem the "correct" way and to get both my children up to their appropriate grade levels, in fact they are both way above grade level right now on most aspects of their learning.
I realize that homeschooling is not the right way to go for many people, but being a full time student myself, and a mom I can tell you it is very rewarding. I pray for you to have the strenght to stand up to the school and remember knowledge is key, arm yourself with everything you can find about these sympotoms and what they supposedly are a sign of when you go to battle, this way they will know that you can not be pushed over and you will not allow your child to be transformed into one of thier little conformist students.
Melanie Bickham
Homegrown Girls
http://thebickhamfamily.blogspot.com/ |
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MrsRooster
True Blue Farmgirl
1168 Posts
Amy
Seabrook
TX
USA
1168 Posts |
Posted - Apr 25 2010 : 12:54:22 PM
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You go Melaine!!!
We are letting schools tell us what are kids should be. We are their parents.
www.mrsrooster.blogspot.com
Farmgirl #1259
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Calico Countess
Farmgirl in Training
16 Posts
Christie
Bow Island
Alberta
Canada
16 Posts |
Posted - May 17 2010 : 12:10:40 PM
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UPDATE:
We've now had the parent teacher interview and my son has been to our family GP. Our doctor does not think he has ADD or ADHD and did not refer us to the child psychiatrist but to a pediatrician, whom we will see on the 20th.
I received a call from the school last Friday and they now want to test my son's intelligence as they feel he might not be challenged enough with his regular course work.
We shall see what the pediatrician says but I'm hopeful that it will go well. Thank you to you all for your words of encouragement. They have really meant a lot to me, my husband and my family to know that we are not alone in this.
Stay tuned for the next update! :-)
"Too much of a good thing can be wonderful" ~ Mae West |
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levisgrammy
True Blue Farmgirl
9324 Posts
Denise
Beavercreek
Ohio
USA
9324 Posts |
Posted - May 17 2010 : 1:34:23 PM
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I can't believe they first insinuate something is wrong and now that he has seen someone, he must be bored. Why can't we let kids be kids. They do need discipline and to be taught manners but gee whiz we played a lot when I was a kid and even fiddled around in school. So what? I and all of my children actually grew up to be responsible adults. Go figure how that could happen and we were never labeled because we fidgeted or whatever at school.
Go with your mama instincts.
If he seems fine to you then I wouldn't worry about it. Whatever happened to the school and parents working together and not the school telling the parents what to do with their kids?
And I applaud your giving them sensible diets. Tons of pesticides on the food can't be good. And they wonder why we have all these illnesses around.
"All you need is faith, trust and......a little bit of pixie dust" ~Peter Pan |
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sherrye
True Blue Farmgirl
3775 Posts
sherry
bend in the high desert
oregon
USA
3775 Posts |
Posted - May 20 2010 : 08:58:29 AM
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well here is my experience with 4 boys in public schools. state by state teacher by teacher school by sckool. always different. so i learned to get in the system. work with it. be accepted into the pta -volunteered for field trips etc. some cant do this they work. i could there for i did. i also was yard duty at lunch break. i knew all the kids and saw how mine behaved in social groups.
i then read books. i too want to recommend the book...is this your child? she is very smart and respected in her medical community. she has spoken before the senate and with the former president. she is a strong activist for children. i know she knows her stuff.
in many places the schools are physically toxic to the kids. you find behaviour problems that only occur there. the traces of the exposure in their system builds. the kids get sick. there is mold in lots of heating systems that are older. filters are not changed. its like the food we eat. NO ONE IS WATCHING THEM. they use pesticides on the fields where the kids play. they use toxic chemicals in schools where the ventilation system is not good....OR
they are in a new school with a soup of new man made chemicals in the air. OUTGASSING just like the laundry isle of the store. no one knows what nerve problems and cancers will arise from the new construction materials. there is NO TESTING NO GAURD AT THE DOOR..
i have a medical condition triggered by man made toxic chemicals. my children had a 40 percent chance as boys to inherit this. i believe 2 did.when my eldest boy was in my womb he bounced around like a ball. when he was born he was hyper. as he grew we found he was sooo smart. teachers disliked him. they wanted my 2 boys to sit down shut up and listen. well that was not to be in their best interest. so i negotiated with the teachers. mind you we as a family with porphyria were not diagnosed till my kids were grown. so back then i had to listen to my child first. one teacher an angel explained to us our boys these 2 are not visual. they learn without eye contact. without the focus others were asking for. they could wiggle appear distracted looking away and be absorbing everything. they are extremelt bright men now. artistic funny joyful SMART kind .i tried ridilin on the first son. at the time we were in a mobil very toxic. never knew any different. also the school opened the year we moved there. he was so sick hyper and difficult. we tried it. he became a pussy cat. scared me silly. i stopped the drug. i told him i would help him but he had to do without the pill. the school was livid. oh well my kid. so anyway many variables in a childs life. i am glad he is not add or adhd. i still would look at environment. manmade chemicals are everywhere.
sincerely i share with love in my heart for those with kids in public schools. no recess no pe no band no music no art there all day SIT STILL what is this world thinking. sherrye
the learn as we go silk purse farm
farmgirl #1014
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22937 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22937 Posts |
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knead2garden
True Blue Farmgirl
359 Posts
Ashley
Spring City
TN
USA
359 Posts |
Posted - May 22 2010 : 5:32:59 PM
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The advice offered from all the other gals sounds wonderful and I can't think of anything to add, but my heart goes out to you all. I have three boys and it can be rough. Good luck with this tough situation.
~Ashley
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Parenting & Farm Kids: How are boys supposed to act these days? UPDATED |
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How are boys supposed to act these days? UPDATED
