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Family Matters:  Have you ever felt?  |
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classygram
True Blue Farmgirl
1812 Posts
Brenda
Pleasant Hill
Mo.
USA
1812 Posts |
 Posted - Apr 03 2010 : 05:57:24 AM
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That no matter what you do it just doesn't help. Like my health, it seems like I get things in order and then another problem crops up. Or you try to be helpful, but the one on the other end doesn't what your help or you just didn't do it right by their standards. It makes me stop and think "What am I doing wrong in my life, that keeps me from moving ahead." I feel like I have 10 ton bricks holding me down and can't move on. I try to live the life that I think God wants me to, but it just seems at times everything is just getting worse. And there's just no breathing time! It seems that I never get the time to live my life and interst. But can't please the ones I'm responsable for. I try to stay strong and feel that there is a purpose here. But when it goes on and on it wears you down. Am I alone in this situation or do any of you feel that way also? If so how to you see the sunshine ahead of you?
Brenda
"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony" Mahatma Gandhi |
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Karrieann
True Blue Farmgirl
1900 Posts
Karrieann
Northeast
Georgia
USA
1900 Posts |
Posted - Apr 03 2010 : 06:12:33 AM
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Brenda... you will never be alone in this matter! I am learning and re-learning that you need to come first for many reasons.. for the sake of your health and well being. Help when you can with the goodness of your heart.. and if it does not suit them... thats their problem. God wants you to be the best that you can be. We will never please everyone... just can't.
Brenda, please know, you are not alone and I am praying for you. Just put your chin up and dust off your shoulders and make this a great day for yourself.
(((HUGS)))
Karrieann ~ Farmgirl Sister #766 (29 Sept 2009)
My Blog: ...following my heart, dreams and Jesus
...http://karrieann-followingmyheartandjesus.blogspot.com/
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classygram
True Blue Farmgirl
1812 Posts
Brenda
Pleasant Hill
Mo.
USA
1812 Posts |
Posted - Apr 03 2010 : 06:41:10 AM
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Karrieann thank you so much and I sure could use the prayers. My main problem is my mom. She'll be 86 this month and still just as bosy and controling as ever. I love her dearly but just give in because it's better than what would come if I didn't. I only have one brother and he doesn't help at all. How can I just refuse her? Even though I'm trying to get things done for my surgery April 12th she still thinks she must come first. It is really affecting DH and I. He see's how upset she can get me and then gets angry. I can't blame him at all. I'm 57 yrs old and should have control of my own life. But stepping back from her,as I've done several times, she makes life H#ll for you. I have asked God to show me how to handle this situation and I just don't seem to be getting an answer from him. I know God says to honor you parents but does it mean to let her literaly take the life out of me! I know that what you have said is right. I seem to be able to tell my friends when something just can't be done. But we all except each other for who we are and still love is there. But family members is very hard to deal with. I often do put the chin up and go on doing what is asked (told) of me and deep down it is just like a dagger twisting inside. I know that this is very hard to understand, but I've never met anyone like her. Well enough of my boohooing and I need to get on with this day.
Thank you so much, Brenda
"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony" Mahatma Gandhi |
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maggie14
True Blue Farmgirl
6784 Posts
Hannah
Washington
USA
6784 Posts |
Posted - Apr 03 2010 : 11:26:15 AM
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Hugs to you Brenda!!! Love ya girlfriend!
Hugs,
Channah
Farmgirl sister #1219
Friendship is not something that can be bought, it is earned. |
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vintagediva1
True Blue Farmgirl
1251 Posts
Michele
Brighton
Michigan
USA
1251 Posts |
Posted - Apr 03 2010 : 1:31:27 PM
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Sounds like we could have the same mom. Luckily we are 3 sisters to share the load. Since you don't have any sisters, feel free to email us(me, vintagediva1 and my sis rodeorise) and vent. I know how hard it can be. These kind of people were referred to in a Bible study group as "extra Grace Required"
I do know where you're coming from
Last week we went out to dinner with our mom and everything that I said, she yelled at my sister for.
Somedays you just caqn't win
Seriously, email us.
Farmgirl Hugs,
Michele
www.2vintagedivas.etsy.com
www.sissyandsisterstitch.etsy.com
www.sissyandsisterstitch.artfire.com
Love that good ole vintage junk |
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Annika
True Blue Farmgirl
5602 Posts
Annika
USA
5602 Posts |
Posted - Apr 03 2010 : 1:50:39 PM
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Warm hugs to you and remember that as long as there are farmgirls, you are never alone =)
Wishing you gentle days and much sunshine and love
Have a wonderful and joyous Easter!
Annika
Farmgirl & sister #13
Palouse Prairie Girls Chapter
http://palouseprairiegirls.blogspot.com/
http://prairiegirlsjournal.blogspot.com/
Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication. ~Leonardo DaVinci
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knittinchick
True Blue Farmgirl
1854 Posts
Megan
Wisconsin
1854 Posts |
Posted - Apr 03 2010 : 2:24:49 PM
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Brenda, you're definitely not alone. For me right now, it just seems that right when things are about to get better, something else comes up that is bad. Hugs to you Brenda!
God's Blessings,
Megan aka Loretta Rae
At heart, I am both a sassy city girl and a down-home country gal. |
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Faransgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
895 Posts
Beth
Houston
Texas
USA
895 Posts |
Posted - Apr 03 2010 : 7:28:27 PM
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This may sound strange but try visualizing something different happening. When you know you will see her again try visualizing a nice time with no strife. I just finished reading a book called The Vortex. It is about relationships and how you fall into a pattern that just repeats and repeats. Try visualizing how you would like the visit to go before it happens and your reactions to how she is. I found it helps a lot with one of the women in our barn. She is very difficult and today she actually came to me and apologized, wished me Happy Easter and stated that she would like to start all over because she has become aware that most of the problems are her fault. I was so shocked I heardly knew how to respond to her. I don't believe it will work after just one try but I do think it helps.
You have my best wishes.
Farmgirl Sister 572
When manure happens just say "WOO HOO Fertilizer". |
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Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - Apr 03 2010 : 7:58:15 PM
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Brenda:
You must not allow them or anyone to make you feel down. It took my years to figure that one out!!!! When a family member or good friend starts that stuff with me, I just say outloud, "Stop." That makes them listen. Then, I tell them I'd rather not have the conversation or that I dissagree. Period. I often say, "I will not allow you to make me feel bad today". It works for me. But, I shall pray for you to find your enter peace.
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
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classygram
True Blue Farmgirl
1812 Posts
Brenda
Pleasant Hill
Mo.
USA
1812 Posts |
Posted - Apr 03 2010 : 8:02:21 PM
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I want to thank all of you girls for the love and concern I felt from your post. I've tried so many times to just have a good time with her. And we can at times. But it seems she just can't be satisfied unless she it telling me what I need to do and what I need to change. It hurts! It really does. But I know that I will continue to be there for her. It makes me very angry at myself that I put up with it. Yet don't think I could live with myself if I ever hurt her. But I do believe this has been a great relief being able to just voice what is going on inside of me. Thank you my dear sisters for being so kind and caring.
"What lies behind us, and what lies before us are small matter compared to what lies within us."
Ralph Waldo Emerson |
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Karrieann
True Blue Farmgirl
1900 Posts
Karrieann
Northeast
Georgia
USA
1900 Posts |
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Lainey
True Blue Farmgirl
2401 Posts
Elaine
Waco
Kentucky
USA
2401 Posts |
Posted - Apr 04 2010 : 03:11:15 AM
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Oh Brenda, big hugs to you! I'm sorry you are going through this. I do know a bit of what it's like. You will be in my prayers and hope that things go better for you.
Farmgirl Sister #25
http://countrygirldreams.blogspot.com/
An Angel says, 'Never borrow from the future. If you worry about what may happen tomorrow and it doesn't happen, you have worried in vain. Even if it does happen, you have to worry twice.' |
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mellaisbella
True Blue Farmgirl
1862 Posts
melanie
living on Anne of Green
Gables land
Canada
1862 Posts |
Posted - Apr 04 2010 : 04:00:26 AM
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Oh Brenda...how frusterating that must be for you. Just know that we are all here for you and hope that helps. Peace be with you:)
"we must be the change we wish to see in the world"
farmgal #150 |
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farmmilkmama
True Blue Farmgirl
2027 Posts
Amy
Central MN
USA
2027 Posts |
Posted - Apr 04 2010 : 5:55:20 PM
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I'm sorry you're going through this - that must be so frustrating! To be around someone who pulls you down constantly and makes you feel like what you do isn't enough isn't a good situation at all. Its harder when its your mom! I'm sure it is frustrating for hubby to watch you get so beat up (figuratively) when all you are trying to do is help out. Even though you only have a brother, you've got lots of sisters here to vent to!!! (and it looks like a few who are even in a similar situation who said "Email us please"!) I hope at sometime you can be granted peace about this situation...in the mean time, feel free to spit and cry and crab and vent to all of us...all you want!!
--* FarmMilkMama *--
Farmgirl Sister #1086
Be yourself.
Everyone else is already taken.
-Oscar Wilde
www.wakeupstartlearning.blogspot.com
www.farmfoodmama.blogspot.com |
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lovingewe
True Blue Farmgirl
212 Posts
marlyn-neleh
norwood
Ontario
Canada
212 Posts |
Posted - Apr 04 2010 : 7:22:12 PM
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Brenda I am going through the same thing. I have 6 brothers but not one of them lives close by. My father (84) is going through dementia and mom (83) I believes feels like he is demanding all the attention. I am the only one living close by and it takes me 45 minutes to get to them. I am there all the time.
As a child I was never good enough for mom. Now at 52 I am still treated like I am 12 and not good enough. I clean their house, make their meals, and bring them to appointments. But it isn't good enough.
It upsets me, and then I try to think like they do. They get easily confused. They think they are in control of everything in their life but it keeps crumbling down around them. things look better in the past ( they were both children in Europe during the WWII and saw awful things so the past isn't too cheery).I think old age is scary to them.
Every night I go to bed thinking is this the last day I saw them?
Then I go back in the next time, cheery and bring them things to see, and do and the knock down begin all over again. I wish I could say you get use to it all, but you go home looking in the mirror and question who you are.
It is hard but you are doing exactly what the Bible says to do, look after your family members. You will be rewarded someday.
http://sweetlocuslane.blogspot.com |
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classygram
True Blue Farmgirl
1812 Posts
Brenda
Pleasant Hill
Mo.
USA
1812 Posts |
Posted - Apr 04 2010 : 7:31:58 PM
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I want to Thank all of you for your concern and prayers! Miracles do happen with pray. Today mom called and told me she didn't think she'd go up to the hospital the day of my surgery because she'd just be a burden for DH. Because he'd have to help her get around and get things for her that she needed. Was that ok with me. After trying to get a breath and thanking the Lord I told her that would be fine. That I was concerned that she would get worn out being there all day. So I talked to my DD and she is going to pick her up after she gets off work and bring her up to the hospital to see me. God Bless her. She has to make so many arrangements for the children to be taken to after school activities. But she's a wonderful daughter and I love her so much. She has told me she is so thankful that I have let her live her life and I don't demand her attention. It's nice knowing when she comes over or ask me to go with her somewhere that she really wants to share her time with me. For a moment I began to feel guilty that I had ranted so to all of you and then she turns around and makes it easy on us. First time ever!!!! Then I stopped and remembered all the prayers and knew that this was all God's doing. If only we would bring him into it from the beginning, before the stress gets to us. I can't say enough how much your prayer's have meant to me. Sister's I will always be here for you, please know that and let me help when needed.
Farmgirls are a blessing! Brenda
"What lies behind us, and what lies before us are small matter compared to what lies within us."
Ralph Waldo Emerson |
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Family Matters: Have you ever felt? |
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Have you ever felt?
