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Family Matters:  is there life after kids?  |
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northernkid
Farmgirl at Heart
6 Posts
Christine
Fort Frances
Ontario
Canada
6 Posts |
 Posted - Mar 29 2010 : 10:46:50 AM
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| Does anyone out there know how to deal with this? My children aren't gone yet but my son has a first girlfriend and is 18 and graduated from school this year. My daughter is 15. Suddenly I am second guessing everything in my life. My likes, my hopes, my goals, my future. I have been a stay at home mother and loved every second of it. The kids and I were attached at the hip and did everything together. I can't even bare to remember them as children because it just devastates me to know its over. I loved it soooooo much and wanted a large family. God only sent us two. Not just any two but the best, the greatest kids in the whole world. We are crazy in love with these kids. I poured myself into them and now I can't seem to stop crying and resenting the ticking of the clock. They deserve to grow up and I know that is the goal but there will be such a hole left in my life that I don't know what I am going to do to cope. I worry they won't eat there brocolli and good organic food. That the people they chose to marry may not like anything we like. How has this worked out for anybody else. I just wish either I could freeze time or still have 5 more still young at home. |
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clothedinscarlet
True Blue Farmgirl
1333 Posts
Siobhan
Battle Creek
MI
USA
1333 Posts |
Posted - Mar 29 2010 : 11:54:16 AM
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I can't offer any advice as I am just starting out, really, but I just wanted to send some (((HUGS))) your way as I can't imagine what that day will be like for me.
Farmgirl Sister #1110
Siobhan - AKA Liza-Jane (my farmgirl name), wife to my best friend, Trent, and mommy to Camden (11/28/05) and Bennett (7/11/07). and Truman (7/28/09) |
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Nancy Gartenman
True Blue Farmgirl
9093 Posts
Nancy
West Seneca
New York
USA
9093 Posts |
Posted - Mar 29 2010 : 12:31:17 PM
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Don't worry Christine, they never really leave. They might not live at home anymore but they are always part of your life. And as nature has it, they add new babies for you to love.
www.Nancy-Jo.blogspot.com |
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solilly
True Blue Farmgirl
726 Posts
Lillian
Williamsburg
Virginia
USA
726 Posts |
Posted - Mar 29 2010 : 12:41:34 PM
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Sorry it is so hard on you. I never made my kids (2) my whole life. They have been gone for the better part of 15 years. The good part is I get to spoil the grandkids all 4 of them. My dh and I take them on camping trips and they come for sleep overs so you see you will have a whole new way of doing things. We get together at the Holidays and I still do all the meals so what really changes. Just time. remember you did it to your folks. Lilly 
learning the life I always wanted. |
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jpbluesky
True Blue Farmgirl
6066 Posts
Jeannie
Florida
USA
6066 Posts |
Posted - Mar 29 2010 : 12:53:42 PM
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Nancy is right.....with as much love as you have given them, you will find they will never leave for very long. I felt the same way when my only daughter was fleeing the nest, but now, at this very moment, there is a little grandboy near me in a pack and play, and she has three children, and now I feel so blessed! I had to let her go, but she stayed close.....I pray that happens for you too, and I bet it will!
Farmgirl Sister # 31
www.blueskyjeannie.blogspot.com
Psalm 51: 10-13 |
Edited by - jpbluesky on Mar 29 2010 1:01:30 PM |
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Fiddlehead Farm
True Blue Farmgirl
4562 Posts
Diane
Waupaca
WI
USA
4562 Posts |
Posted - Mar 29 2010 : 1:21:00 PM
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Christine, it is hard, but be proud that you raised them so well and they are independent. My daughter married a military man and moved far away. It rips my heart out. We are very close and I visit often, but I really want her closer so we can do things whenever we want. She gets very homesick also. I just have to be proud of the strong, young woman she has become. My son is close by, so that helps. Still no grandkids, just granddogs...someday. We are here for you, it will be hard but it sounds like you did a wonderful job of parenting.
Why not go out on a limb, that's where all the fruit is! "Mark Twain"
http://studiodiphotosite.shutterfly.com/
farmgirl sister #922 |
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maggie14
True Blue Farmgirl
6784 Posts
Hannah
Washington
USA
6784 Posts |
Posted - Mar 29 2010 : 1:21:19 PM
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Sending many hugs and prayers your way deary!
Hugs,
Channah
Farmgirl sister #1219
Friendship is not something that can be bought, it is earned. |
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MrsRooster
True Blue Farmgirl
1168 Posts
Amy
Seabrook
TX
USA
1168 Posts |
Posted - Mar 29 2010 : 2:58:28 PM
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This is the reason that I have interests and hobbies away from home and kids. I love my daughter more than anything in the world. But I also know that God didn't put her on the planet for my plans. She will have a life of her own someday. I am teaching her what I think she needs to know and what I would like her to know.
I wanted many kids. I got one. I am blessed. I just want her to be happy. Not my happiness or my idea of happiness.
My prayers are with you. Please remember that God has a plan for you and you need to find out what that is.
www.mrsrooster.blogspot.com
Farmgirl #1259
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kristin sherrill
True Blue Farmgirl
11303 Posts
kristin
chickamauga
ga
USA
11303 Posts |
Posted - Mar 29 2010 : 4:56:18 PM
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Christine, we just had 2 daughters. They would go off then come right back again. Just when I would get used to them being gone and on their own too. So we'd do it all over again. And again. And again. And then they get married and have kids and move in next door and now I take care of grandkids. They are like starting all over again. I love my kids but I sure love those grands a whole lot more! When my kids were little I did everything for them. I didn't really teach them alot. But with the grands, they help cook and garden and we embroider and sew. It's so fun now. Where before it was work.
Anyway, you must be doing a greta job with your kids. I bet they will both choose wonderful mates that will love you too. Just pray for them and who they will marry. I didn't. I didn't know to do that when mine were growing up. I do that now with my 3 granddaughters. We talk about it too. That's so important to do when they are young.
I don't think you ever get over being a mother. Or caring so much for your kids. It never stops. It just gets deeper and stronger. Then they have kids of their own. And there ya go!
Kris
Happiness is simple. |
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northernkid
Farmgirl at Heart
6 Posts
Christine
Fort Frances
Ontario
Canada
6 Posts |
Posted - Mar 29 2010 : 5:25:57 PM
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Thank u sooo much for all your hugs and advice!<3 I have literally Been crying for 9 hours straight. Reading your messages just cheered me up a whole bunch!:) I threw out that question not knowing what to expect, you guys are awesome, thanks |
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delicia
True Blue Farmgirl
917 Posts
delicia
cincinnati
ohio
USA
917 Posts |
Posted - Mar 29 2010 : 5:40:59 PM
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Christine, it is really hard. When we left my son in up state New York for college I truly cried from New York back to Cincinnati and then I would just sit on my deck and think that my whole life was over. I did get past it and it get's better. You do re think your life because you forget what it was like before you had kids. I have always had a lot of friends and worked outside the home but, it was still really hard. I will pray for you just hang in there it is another part of life and God will help you get through it.
delicia |
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Faransgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
895 Posts
Beth
Houston
Texas
USA
895 Posts |
Posted - Mar 30 2010 : 08:55:57 AM
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Christine, I know just how you feel. I am a little ahead of you in this process and will not tell you that it isn't going to hurt. My oldest graduated college (she stayed home for school) and moved out last march. Things didn't work out where they were living and she moved back in in October. She is now planning to move out again in May. I already miss her. My middle one Moved out last year after 3 years of college to go to a different college. She went about 5 hours away and is living with my youngest who moved out when she went away to TWU to College. I miss them all so much. The youngest had a very serious car crash almost a year ago and has emotional and health problems since. I worry every minute about her. But, they have their lives and I know they have the tools to do well. The middle one is graduating college in 6 weeks and has already started her master degree. You know them and you gave them the tools to succeed, you will miss them but they will come back and you will be very proud of them. None of my daughter plan to have children so I don't have the grandchildren to take care of. Now I spend time with my horses and dogs and sewing and talk to them on the phone as often as I can. One of my girls has a boyfriend that we don't care for. But, she is strong and we she is here with us now. They won't always eat their veggies and they won't always handle things they way you think they should but you have done your best now you will have to trust them.
I know that probably isn't what you want to hear but that has been my experience.
They will call to say Hello or how do I get the stain out of my hoodie or how do you make salmon croquettes etc. Just love them and allow them to grow and be proud.
Farmgirl Sister 572
When manure happens just say "WOO HOO Fertilizer". |
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Karrieann
True Blue Farmgirl
1900 Posts
Karrieann
Northeast
Georgia
USA
1900 Posts |
Posted - Mar 30 2010 : 09:41:38 AM
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..my simple answer to that question is... yep, there's grand-kids! even grand pups!. I understand how you may feel. my heart aches all the time because... I'm in Georgia.. they're in Texas and Washington.
Karrieann ~ Farmgirl Sister #766 (29 Sept 2009)
My Blog: ...following my heart, dreams and Jesus
...http://karrieann-followingmyheartandjesus.blogspot.com/
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solilly
True Blue Farmgirl
726 Posts
Lillian
Williamsburg
Virginia
USA
726 Posts |
Posted - Mar 30 2010 : 3:08:12 PM
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It is hard to think now but it will be great in time to come. Lilly
learning the life I always wanted. |
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vintagediva1
True Blue Farmgirl
1251 Posts
Michele
Brighton
Michigan
USA
1251 Posts |
Posted - Apr 03 2010 : 1:36:14 PM
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They never really leave. I referred to one of mine as "Bomerang Ked" because he kept moving back in.
But, seriously, I do know how you are feeling and I have been there.
My kids are now, 39, 35 and 26. They all have their own lives but we are as close as ever. Love to have them over for dinner and have family games nights. You just have to make more of an effort when they are no longet under your roof.
And hang in there, that teen-aged-not-wanting-to be- around- family thing doesn't last forever.
Hugs,
Michele
www.2vintagedivas.etsy.com
www.sissyandsisterstitch.etsy.com
www.sissyandsisterstitch.artfire.com
Love that good ole vintage junk |
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happydaze
True Blue Farmgirl
136 Posts
lorraine
atlanta
ni
USA
136 Posts |
Posted - Apr 03 2010 : 4:41:42 PM
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| I must be the only one here that had to give the kids the house and move away from them! They tracked us down like a pack of mad dogs and tried to borrow money!!lol |
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Lessie Louise
True Blue Farmgirl
1406 Posts
Carol
PECULIAR
MO
USA
1406 Posts |
Posted - Apr 04 2010 : 06:17:07 AM
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My last one leaves next year, and I kinda realized we do spend our whole lives getting them ready for that moment. He is the most ready to leave, and wants to join the military. I am hoping to get goats. I got a new puppy whe my daughter left. That helps, Carol
Forget buns of steel, I'd rather have buns of cinnamon!
Farmgirl #680! |
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theoanne
True Blue Farmgirl
282 Posts
teddie
CARROLLTON
GA
282 Posts |
Posted - Apr 05 2010 : 7:43:02 PM
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When my 4 sons started leaving I felt like many of you. What do I do now????? Then I started to think of all the things that I had wanted to do over the years,but could not do because the kids came first. So I started taking Pottery class, and reading more, and spending more time sewing. I eventually found ME!.
After sending 3 sons to the Military (lots worse than sending them to college coz ya can't call them when you want) And 3 have been overseas ( Iraq and Korea) I have learned that they are very stong self sufficiant men. I have one son who did not go military,but he says him and I are" military support"
They are all wonderful and I am proud of them all. I so enjoy this part of my life as we are all friends and enjoy each others company.
It will work itself out,as it is meant to be. It takes some getting used to just as all change does. we are here to listen to you too.
TEDDIE
Sewing Forever, Housework Whenever
I have SABLE ( Stash Accumulating Beyond Life Expectancy) |
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Cindy Lou
True Blue Farmgirl
2325 Posts
Susan
Lonsdale
MN
USA
2325 Posts |
Posted - Apr 05 2010 : 8:40:07 PM
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Yes, there is life after raising kids, but its not really life after kids, more like life without them in your house (if you are lucky!) because they are yours forever! Even when they aren't in your house they are a part of you, but it would be sad to expect them to stay with you forever and never really have lives of their own.
Have you thought about foster care or respite care for families in need? It sounds like you have lots of love to share. Maybe you could volunteer at a school.
Our oldest is getting married this summer. Though I like her guy in some ways I can't really understand him, he's a nice guy and right for her though not one I would have picked for her.
My second is dating a divorced guy with custody of two kids, and two step kids he sees often. He's a good responsible man but I am amazed how well my daughter deals with the crew at 25. Our youngest graduated from college this past spring, he and his girl friend live with us now as he searches for a permanent job and works temporarily at a local deli. They are all people I would like even if they weren't my own. My DH and I do a lot together and
"You can't roller skate in a buffalo herd.....
But you can be happy if you've a mind to. All you've gotta do in knuckle down, buckle down and do it, do it, do it!" |
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Family Matters: is there life after kids? |
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is there life after kids?
