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Across the Fence:  Do you have a wise woman in your life?  |
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FlipFlopFarmer
True Blue Farmgirl
198 Posts
Carla
Molalla
Oregon
198 Posts |
 Posted - Apr 17 2006 : 9:54:49 PM
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If so, who is she? Mom? Grandma, a friend? What wisdom has she given you either in knowledge or in life?
My family has never been much of the family type and well, I feel sort of cheated. I've never had a woman in my life that I looked up to like my Mom (as bad as that is to say) or my Grandma(s) or just someone who took the time to show me things...(how to bake, knit, sew, garden, change a flat etc....) People have always commented on how I go after things I want, learn on my own and stand on my own two feet. While I realize in their eyes it is a compliment, it feels rather sad to me. I will always enjoy learning new things but most of all, I'd like to find a wise woman that's been there, done that and can teach me the things I've always wanted to learn with the brilliance and wisdom that only time and experience can make. Someone to talk with when things are crappy whose only words of advice are things like "This too shall pass" and "It'll all come out in the wash."
So for those of you with children and grandchildren....even if you don't think they're interested or that they care to know that things that you know....try anyway and keep trying because someday they'll look back and wish you had.
Sorry if this sounds like I'm "wallowing in it" tonight, but well...I kinda am. 
 Carla
Live simply.
Love generously.
Care deeply.
Speak kindly. |
Edited by - FlipFlopFarmer on Apr 18 2006 06:04:32 AM |
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grammazena
Farmgirl in Training
17 Posts
IA
USA
17 Posts |
Posted - Apr 17 2006 : 10:21:06 PM
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| Give yourself a hug, Carla! You recognize the importance of what you miss, and you can be that wise woman to someone else. I think i understand what you are saying. I had a birthmother and an adopted mother. (Neither wanted me) However, i have been blessed with others in my life. My mother-in-law is a real treasure, and says all those thing I missed. And, I have been lucky to be surrounded with true friends that share those very bits of wisdom. The only thing I remember my birthmother saying directly to me was, "you must never hurt anyone on purpose".(I was four), and my adopted mom would say, "I guess you can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear." (I beg to differ with her) Ha! :) I think their are lots of wise women for you on this site. |
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Aunt Jenny
True Blue Farmgirl
11381 Posts
Jenny
middle of
Utah
USA
11381 Posts |
Posted - Apr 17 2006 : 10:29:33 PM
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My Grandma (who I called Mom) was such a wise woman and mentor for me. She died in 1992 and I miss her every day. I learned most all the things I like to do most from her. She had a take charge (some say bossy) way about her and got things done. I tend to be that way too I guess. I hope I am someday just a fraction of how special she was and still is to me. She taught me so much. There are still some days I can't talk about her without crying.
Jenny in Utah
Inside me there is a skinny woman crying to get out...but I can usually shut her up with cookies
http://www.auntjennysworld.blogspot.com/ visit my little online shop at www.auntjenny.etsy.com |
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Horseyrider
True Blue Farmgirl
1045 Posts
Mary Ann
Illinois
1045 Posts |
Posted - Apr 18 2006 : 04:53:05 AM
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I had a wise woman in my life; my mother. She was a remarkable person. She taught me so much, including how to go after things you want without help. Sometimes she didn't have any, either. She had such grace and style, and love for everyone. It's funny how someone could be so gentle and still so strong. There's absolutely no way I could outline everything she taught me in the confines of a post.
She passed away in 1997, and even in that taught me how to go from this life to the next with grace and acceptance. There isn't a day that goes by where I don't think of her and thank her for her legacy. She was a remarkable person.
Time goes on, and the wheel of life turns. Now I know I'm the wise woman in the lives of some very special younger ones. I feel humbled by the task, and hope to do right by them.
Carla, as wonderful as my mother was, my dad was distant. I also feel those yearnings you talk about sometimes. But I know that what we don't get from our parents we have to learn to give to ourselves. It's okay. I know my dad did the best he could with what he knew at the time. Perhaps it's the same with your family. |
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Destiny~
True Blue Farmgirl
195 Posts
Dar
west
TX
USA
195 Posts |
Posted - Apr 18 2006 : 05:39:01 AM
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I was blessed to have several women like that in my life. I had an Aunt that is twelve years older then me, she guided me a lot when I was growing up. Eventually she became manic/depressive and I've lost my connection to her-not by my choice. My mother was another one. We fought a lot when I was growing up-she was envious of her sister, but now I see how much she influenced my life and we're pretty close now.
I was the closest child to my grandmother, she had Cancer for as long as I can remember but she always had a smile for me. She taught me a lot about strength and courage and dignity. She died when I was eight.
The last one would be the mother of some friends of my first husband and mine. She had nine living children, she had birthed twelve. She was loving and gentle and smart. When I was recovering from my abusive marriage she let me take her china painting classes for free. She helped me to heal. That was fifteen years ago and her affect on me is still as strong today as it was then.
Granted, I've had some bad things happen-but I've been truly blessed. |
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sillyfoulks
True Blue Farmgirl
164 Posts
Elizabeth
Illinois
USA
164 Posts |
Posted - Apr 18 2006 : 06:31:29 AM
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Carla, I feel much the same as you. Even though I have ones to call for questions on particular subjects. I call my grandmother for things canning related, my mother and step-mother for all things sewing or crafting related, and my father or MIL for all things garden related. The wise women is missing from my life. Each women in my life is, to put it mildly, disfuctional. I love them all, and each one has a special place in my heart. However, I take each ones advice with a grain of salt. I to, terribly miss having a wise women figure in my life, someone to comfort, guide, and teach me.
Years ago, I promised myself that no girl I know would ever feel this way, if I had anything to say about it. Because of this promise, I strive to be a mentor for the young female figures in my family. I try to always be there for not only my own daughter, but also my nieces. My home is and has always been a safe haven for them. A place to come, relax, be loved. A place to find comfort and support. I came to the realization years ago that my mothers and grandmothers will never change, they are what they are. But for some strange reason, being there for my nieces, is as if they are really there for me.
Elizabeth
Not how long, but how well you have lived is the main thing.
http://livingcountrystyle.blogspot.com/ |
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Julia
True Blue Farmgirl
1949 Posts
Julia
Shelton
WA
USA
1949 Posts |
Posted - Apr 18 2006 : 09:51:00 AM
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I have been blessed with a wise and wonderful Mom. She is my best friend. She has taught me not just how todo things but has taught me beauty and grace. She gave me a rock foundation in our shared love for the Lord.
As she gets older I long more for being close by her. Though we are only 6 1/2 hours away gas and time make it hard to see when I want to.
As I have always lived away sometimes really far away from my mom I had to find other wise women to fill the void. I have found that it isn't very easy to do. People seem som much more guarded these days. I hope that I will always make myself available to other women to be an encouragement and support so that they learn to do the things they want and to leave with them beauty.
Grammazena is right, carla, you can break the cycle and be a wise women to other younger women as well as your children. Hugs to you! Julia V
"...the setting sun is like going into the very presence of God." Elizabeth Von Arnim |
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Amie C.
True Blue Farmgirl
2099 Posts
Finger Lakes Region
NY
2099 Posts |
Posted - Apr 18 2006 : 09:55:52 AM
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Carla, I'm right there with you, too. For whatever reason, I just never connected with anyone in or out of my family in that way. There is something satisfying about taking care of yourself, but on the other hand, it would be nice (especially as a young girl) to feel like you are growing up and being initiated into a community of accomplished women.
I wish I could have met my fathers' grandmother. When my parents were first married, they lived in the same three family house with his parents and grandmother. Grandma Rose taught my mom to cook some of the traditional Italian foods that my own grandma never wanted to bother with. She came to this country as a young girl and ran a successful business with her husband (a bakery) even though she never learned to read or write. When my father was a little boy, she would take him around with her as she got things done. Once she carried a bucket and a bag of concrete on the bus to the cemetery. When she got there, she mixed up the concrete and fixed the headstone with it. Other times, she would take him to the local amusement park so that she could ride the rollercoasters (he was scared of them). I think about her often, and even though she died when I was a year old I think she's been a big influence in my life. This weekend, I'm going to try cooking dandelions from the lawn, just like my mother says Grandma Rose used to do.
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rabbithorns
True Blue Farmgirl
544 Posts
Allison
Fort Scott
KS
USA
544 Posts |
Posted - Apr 18 2006 : 11:00:58 AM
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My grandfather was such an eccentric and colorful character, grandma (while loud and ever-present) was not so muchy in the limelight. But when he died and I went to take care of her now and then, I really got to know her better. I spent every summer with them while I was growing up, but missed masses of wisdom, until I was older. I'd have to say, she taught me more than my mother about many things. Neighbors, death, playfulness, duty, patience, loyalty, laughter, gin rummy...
I also have a stepmom who is younger than my parents and we have a wonderful relationship, so I think when it comes to a "mom" rather than an aunt or grandma, she's my current wise woman. She puts up with so much in the family, so much stress, so much loss, and carries on, not stoicly, but boldly. She's amazing.
More recently, my own teenaged daughter has turned into my personal, at-home wise woman. Not that she makes any sense, but she's teaching me how to listen, how to remain centered, how to love more fully.
I am much blessed! |
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JennyWren
True Blue Farmgirl
201 Posts
USA
201 Posts |
Posted - Apr 18 2006 : 11:24:53 AM
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Hi Carla,
I think you came to the right place! This place is loaded with wise women! Just because we are on the Internet, please don't discount the friendship. (My husband and I met through a friend via the Internet, he was in Germany and I was here in the states) Friendships here are real. I am sure that anyone of us including myself would "adopt" you in a heartbeat! (Not saying that I am wise, but I have lived through an awful lot, and after a while .. you catch on haha) Good for you to advocate for yourself! That is healthy and WISE. I think you are a wise woman in training :)
Take care,
Carla...
If you treat an individual as what he is, he will stay that way, but if you
treat him as if he were what he could be, he will become what he could be.
-- Goethe
www.jennywrensurbanhomestead.blogspot.com/ |
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Utahfarmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1940 Posts
Portland
Oregon
USA
1940 Posts |
Posted - Apr 18 2006 : 2:46:13 PM
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Cheer up, Carla. You've got us - a whole gaggle of wise farmgirl women. I feel so fortunate to have the friendship of these women! My mom wasn't so forthcoming with wisdom, but in the past few years, I've become close with my aunts, her sisters (age 80 and 85 but sharp as tacks). I wish I had cultivated these friendships earlier in my life, but I'm grateful for the years I have with them now. I'm going to Conn. to see them in May.
Farmgirl hug,
Patricia
Come visit my Etsy store at www.chezPatricia.etsy.com
Farmgirls do it organically! |
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FlipFlopFarmer
True Blue Farmgirl
198 Posts
Carla
Molalla
Oregon
198 Posts |
Posted - Apr 18 2006 : 5:25:33 PM
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I really have enjoyed reading your posts and hope that more will chime in as well.
It's nice to hear that a lot of you do have wise women in your lives and that there are also a lot, like me, that don't - or at least don't YET!
I was really feeling low last night and I am grateful for your {hugs} & kind words. Life has been hard lately and I really need a day to sit and rest and collect myself.
I need:
A wise woman to talk with.
A good rocking chair to sit and think in.
A REAL hanky (not a fakey ol'kleenex that will leave fuzz on my nose)
Some tea for my nerves and a good cry.
For those of you with a loss of connection with wise women in your life, feel free to email me. The only way to rectify this situation is quite possibly just stepping up and being someone else's wise woman.
Yes Jenny Wren...I am willing to be adopted! Sign me up!
Again, thank you all for your kind words. They really do mean a lot to me.
Carla
Live simply.
Love generously.
Care deeply.
Speak kindly. |
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westernhorse51
True Blue Farmgirl
1681 Posts
michele
farmingdale
n.j.
USA
1681 Posts |
Posted - Apr 19 2006 : 09:22:41 AM
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Carla, as I read your post I kept thinking what a blessing you will be to the person or persons who will learn from you. You've got so much to offer & give w/ your own perspective that I think THAT will be the blessing in your life. And don't give up on that women of wisdom, I had 2 moms & didnt find my real women of wisdom until I was in my forties. My bio & step mom were fine but not what we define as "wisdom woman". My grandmother was the most wonderful woman on the face of the earth and I can still cry when I think of her but she died when I was 14. I cant wait to see her again, I have great, warm, fuzzy memories of her and I wish she wasnt taken away from me so soon but she was. Marion the woman I mwt at 40 has been my wisdom woman. She introduced me to weaving, spinning, sheep and alot of older time things. She is now 87, in a nursing home that she likes but has become kinda mean, grouchy and now I can't do anything right but it's ok. I love her and the real her isn't any different really. Don't give up. You'll get a double blessing I just know it.
she selects wool and flax and works with eager hands Prov.31:13 |
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ladybugsmom6
True Blue Farmgirl
128 Posts
Tami
Horicon
WI
USA
128 Posts |
Posted - Apr 19 2006 : 10:34:35 AM
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My mom went through some serious abuse, so she taught us her daughters to stand alone, depend on no one but your self. She got tough, and so did we. So Carla, I know how you feel when complimented on being take charge, and tough,(and bossy). I see what i missed, and see the strengths, what is toughst for me, is teaching both charachter s to my 6 girls. It is good to have women friends to help you, it is also good to have the strength and courage to stand alone and search fr your own answers. We need to find ourselves but we dont need to do it alone. My Wise Women are Sr. Rita Ann, my pre school teacher and longtime family friend and fellow artist, she keeeps me grounded as only a woman religous can. A Dear friend Rose who homeschools her 8 chidren on their family farm, she is helping me be more organic, in the garden and out, her example of strength is astounding. I also have a group of women at church, some not yet moms, some great grandmoms, the wisdom that gatherd in that room is astounding. If I were to sit in my home and wing it alone as my mom did i would realy be crazy by now, instead of nuts, like so many people think I am, (outside of this foum of course!)
We need to find our wise women in the places we are, not always in the place we expect to find them. God Bless You Carla! We are here for you! We all need all the things you posted that you need, dont ever fear falling off that rocker, the floor is close and the landing is real life!
-Tami
now ladybugsmom7, the newest farm girl Danielle elizabethwas born March23, Danielle Elizabeth |
Edited by - ladybugsmom6 on Apr 19 2006 10:38:59 AM |
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coconutcakes
True Blue Farmgirl
52 Posts
Emily
Summerfield
NC
USA
52 Posts |
Posted - Apr 19 2006 : 11:37:38 AM
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My mother and maternal grandmother are the wise women in my life.
My mother grew up in the 50's and 60s, became a mother in the early 70s. . . continued having children for 22 more years. She is unlike the majority of other women I have met of her generation. She's lived her life (and continues on in such a way) that she is unswayed by cultural changes. She lives simply. She lives in moderation. She is steadfast and modest. She is not judgmental, but she is very critical when it comes to choosing what standards she will and won't apply to her own life. When she wanted to be a stay-at-home-mother and concentrate on being a mother and homemaker, she was criticized openly and harshly by the feminists around her. . . Instead of being a feminist or "adopting" such political philosophies, she wisely followed timeless, tried and true life principles. She has this gift for seeing through things and calling the situation what it is. Perhaps she's even a bit cynical, but she's also childlike and encourages people to be what God wants them to be. . . Her values aren't of the world. They are of her faith. And she values everyone and doesn't judge them by the world thinks of them. . . She appreciates with humility the purpose of every human life. (None of this belief that we are only important by our professional or monetary status.)
My grandmother is also like this. But I also value her for her life experience wisdom. She has been through alot like being widowed at an early age. Her brother was killed in motorcycle accident when they were teenagers. And all sorts of tragedy. But she sets this joyful example that yes, life can be said, but it's the way it is. . . you learn and grow from it, and you keep on moving.
I don't know why, but I trace this kind of thinking back to the hard but real tobacco farm sharecropping both sides of my family come from.
Sorry to rattle on so. . . but this gave me an opportunity to stop and think about this legacy I'm inheriting. And it is one of importance to me.
Emily
"After a long period abroad nothing could make me more homesick or emotional than an American magazine ad of a luscious layer cake, except one, and that was a pictured lemon pie." Irma Rombauer, Joy of Cooking (1943) |
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JennyWren
True Blue Farmgirl
201 Posts
USA
201 Posts |
Posted - Apr 19 2006 : 7:08:52 PM
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Carla ~ Please consider yourself Adopted!
Sometimes it's nice to just have someone to ask about things. My best friend was a wise woman, she was 45 years older than me. She knew everything as far as I was concerned. When she had health problems, she came to live with us. She lived with us for 5 years. She died a few years ago, I miss her every single day.
I will email you. Please feel to email me any time you would like.
Carla...
If you treat an individual as what he is, he will stay that way, but if you
treat him as if he were what he could be, he will become what he could be.
-- Goethe
www.jennywrensurbanhomestead.blogspot.com/ |
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theoanne
True Blue Farmgirl
282 Posts
teddie
CARROLLTON
GA
282 Posts |
Posted - Apr 19 2006 : 8:28:05 PM
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My wise women would be my grandmother, my aunt and my best friend. Grandma raised me till I was 10. Then my Mom deceided she wanted me (another story) Grandma taught me to sew, and do embroidery. I remember a 4 she made me sit on a footstool by her for a short time everyday to embrioder on a dish towel. She said this is somethings ladies learn. She also made sure I had piano lessons. She was a very independant woman and very involved in her kids school and church activities. I still do all these things . Guess I learned well. My aunt was still living @ home when I was there so she was more like a much older sister. She is still my role model. She is like grandma except more mellow. Now for my best friend. She is only 8 months older,but somehow I always felt she was so much wiser than me. We have been "buds" for more than 40 yrs. Both grew up in Oh but now both live in GA. Seven kids between us. There isn't much we do without consulting each other.
I don't think your strong person has to be your Mom. Isn't it nice if It works out that way,but.... I think you can learn from lots of people. If you are a good role model for some one then then you still will have shared. There are good points to being your own person too.
Sorry you had a bad day .Hope we have shared some helpful thoughts and made you feel not so alone. If you need something just ask. we re all here for you. Teddie |
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WednesdaysChild
Farmgirl in Training
33 Posts
Mandy
Suncheon
Korea
33 Posts |
Posted - Apr 19 2006 : 9:27:00 PM
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I have been blessed with many wise women in my life. Especially my maternal grandmother, who I lost a few years back. I miss her constantly, we were very close. She taught me to be lenient with people, because you never know what's really going on in their personal lives. She taught me by example, to not underestimate the power of prayer, to get just the right pinch of herbs or spice in a recipe, what to look for in good "second hand" china, and when to take cookies out of the oven. She drowned me in love, and hugged me so hard each time I came over that it hurt. She taught me not to leave the house at least without your lipstick on, if nothing else is "fixed up" (*smiles*) - and wear clean underwear, because you never know when you could end up in an accident - and you don't want the doctor finding you in dirty undies! (This always cracked me up, dressing up for the doctor. We always had to get her into her best dress before the ambulance came, regardless of the condition she was in.)
My mother taught me to fight for myself, that I could achieve anything I wanted if I worked hard enough, the nuts and bolts of cooking (so that I could do anything by the time I was 12), how to cross-stitch and knit and draw and paint... and raise chickens and how to groom horses and wean baby animals. She taught me to love plants, and passed on her green thumb. She taught me not to listen to/care what other people think. She taught me how to stay close to my elders.
I had an aunt and older cousin who taught me the finer points of makeup and nail polish (hehee!), and how to properly accessorize.
I had an aunt who showed me how to be regal and dignified at the same time as being down to earth and accessible.
I had elementary school teachers who were ex-missionaries and artists who showed me so many things about myself.
And those are just from my childhood! As a result, I tend to gravitate to and attach myself to any "old/er" woman I meet. I just love them. Each one has something about them that enriches your life. I know you will find yours, if you aren't too intimidated to reach out. Volunteering at a local rest home to spend time with seniors is a great avenue - they need someone to talk to just as badly as you do - someone to listen to their stories of the past, someone to pass on their wisdom to, and they love to hear our stories and woes to. Makes them feel involved in the world outside their "ward".
Mandy
A Canadian farmgirl in S. Korea. |
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Northerngal
Farmgirl in Training
33 Posts
Gale
Iowa
USA
33 Posts |
Posted - Apr 21 2006 : 7:13:07 PM
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I've been fortunate to have more than one wise person in my life. From my Mom, I learned how to knit, sew, crochet, and bake. From my Dad, I learned how to change a flat tire. I remember being home from college and having my first flat tire. Dad showed me how and made me change it myself. At the time I really wished he would've been like my friends' Dads and would just do it for me. But a few years later when I was alone and had another flat, I changed it all by myself! So, I guess that knowledge came in handy.
There are a lot of things that I just learned on my own, too. Being independent isn't at all bad.
Carla, I like your nickname, Flip Flop Farmer. Most of the time when I'm not at work, I'm wearing a pair of flip flops. Life just seems better when you're wearing flip flops and a comfy outfit. |
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Across the Fence: Do you have a wise woman in your life? |
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Do you have a wise woman in your life?
