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Family Matters:  DD's accident - Boyfriend came back - Update  |
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Faransgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
895 Posts
Beth
Houston
Texas
USA
895 Posts |
 Posted - Nov 27 2009 : 8:18:39 PM
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Well, things haven't gotten much better for my little girl over the summer. Luckily the Boyfriend is still in jail and the charges are mounting up against him. That is the good thing. Three weeks ago an off duty police officer talking on a cell phone pulled out in front of her and although she slammed on her breaks she still ended up clipping the rear of his car. So she was without her truck for a over a week. She just got it back and was working last evening and some girl trying to make it through the light before it turned red t-boned her truck. Now she is without it again and she needs it for work. The up-side is that she wasn't hurt but it isn't helping with her PTSD. She really needs a break and actually the whole family really needs a break. 
Last May my youngest daughter had a really serious car accident. She injured her face very badly and had to have surgery on her nose and will need it again. Several broken bones in her face and stitches in her mouth etc. Since then she can't seem to get her life together. She temporarily went back to a boyfriend that was abusive - she is trying to get rid of him again. She has had to call the police on him a couple of times and change her phone number. She and her sister are moving apartments so he doesn't know where she lives. She lost her job because she couldn't work and can't seem to get another one. She is having alot of trouble controlling her temper and as a result has broken her rather expensive cell phone and laptop. She can't sleep in her bed and spends most of her night watching TV and them sleeping on the sofa all day. She is away at school and shares an apartment with her older (just barely older) sister.
I am sure that the problem is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder but I don't know what to do for her. My husband and I are both laid off work so getting medical (mental) care for her is almost impossible. Does anyone have any suggestions? I am really worried about her. I think she is drinking to much and is depressed.
I want to bring her home but she does seem to be doing really well in her classes and I don't want to take that away from her. She is very proud of her grades and the fact that she is going to a very good College.
For the first time since I became a Mom I really have no idea how to help her.
UPDATE - So I went on vacation last week and took my horses to a Park for trail riding. The second night we were there my cell rang at 12:30 a.m. It was my daughter. She was very strangely calm and said Mom you need to be sitting down if you aren't (of course I was asleep in a cabin with three other sleeping people so I had to get up and go outside) you need to. Then she said, "I am ok Mom but I almost wasn't", It seems the abusive boyfriend found out from someone he knew that she was working in a college club signing people up so they can go in. Tyler decided he didn't like that a followed her home to her new apartment. He knocked on her door and when she refused to open it he started beating on it. She got her phone and called 911 and he went around to her bedroom window and broke the window and came into her apartment. He grabbed her phone and smashed it interrupting the call and then grabbed her from behind and tried to choke her. She got away but he caught her and threw her down on the floor and put his hand over her mouth and nose trying to suffocate her. She got away again and ran outside where he grabbed her and threw her down on the sidewalk and tried to choke her. A neighbor came out and he let her go and ran back to her apartment grabbed her wallet and keys and got in her truck. As he was trying to get it started the police came into the complex. She was still lying on the ground as he had broken her tail bone so badly she may need surgery and tore up the muscles running from her neck to her tail-bone. They will decide Monday if she will need surgery. He had seriously cut up his hand when he broke the window. She didn't realize how badly she was hurt until she could hardly get out of bed the next day. The police took him to the hospital to get stitches and interviewed her. While they were talking to her he called her from the hospital and the Police told her to answer the call. She had put her sim card in her room-mates phone so she could call her sister. She took the call and put it on speaker-phone. She managed to get him to admit what he had done and 3 policemen heard him over the phone. They arrested him as soon as the doctor's finished sewing him up. They found a large bag of marijuana in the back of her truck with his blood all over it where he had tossed it in.
He has been charged with Assault with broken bones and extreme bodily harm.
Interference with a 911 call. Which carries a heafty bond (who knew).
He may be charged with grant theft auto but they aren't sure if they can because he didn't actually move the truck.
We discovered that he was out on Bond for Felony theft and forgery charges by a girl he had been dating for a short time. She had broken up with him and he stole her checkbook and wrote several large checks off her account. So his bond was revoked.
Because of that and the fact that his parents won't help him anymore (or so they say) he probably won't be able to get out.
He started calling her from the jail so she went to the police station and talked to them. They put him is solitary confinement in the county jail to keep him away from a phone.
The counselor that talked to them both says he is a sociopath with a profile similar to Ted Bundy.
If he gets out, the Victims Advocacy Program will relocate her. We have already moved her twice.
I am just glad she is alive and hope that he gets locked up for the rest of his life. I am upset that they won't charge him with attempted murder.
Farmgirl Sister 572
May the force of the horse be with you. |
Edited by - Faransgirl on Sep 24 2010 08:04:30 AM |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22937 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22937 Posts |
Posted - Nov 27 2009 : 8:34:51 PM
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Since she is in school she is required to have health insurance. She needs to go see the campus health clinic and get a referal for some counseling. If she won't listen to you I would call student services at her school and talk to them. I know this isn't the first time something like this has happened and they should have protocols set up for helping students in these situations.
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.awarmheart.com
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
www.allergyjourneys.blogspot.com
Put your pin on the farmgirl map! www.farmgirlmap.blogspot.com |
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piddlin sweetie
Farmgirl in Training
46 Posts
Vickie
Kentucky
USA
46 Posts |
Posted - Nov 27 2009 : 9:03:03 PM
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Hi Beth,
Gosh your daughter has been thru ssooo mmuuch this past year! from the sound of it she is going a very traumatic time. The good thing in your post is that she still is going to school and attending classes and is proud of her schooling!!!! Way to go!
I was in an abusive marriage and its the pits.. You go thru so much emotionally and anything else just compounds it. Im guessing she is overwhelmed with it all and the drama with the guy is really pushing her limits.. thus her being angry.. gosh you know it is understandable from my experience.. but yes it can be damaging.. My best suggestion would be to get her to a Doctor and talk with him/her.. if needed he/she can prescribe a mild medication to help her not that I totally agree with medicating but sometimes it is needed.. Back when i was in College they had the (medical building for student care).. and I am sure they have someone on staff that she could talk to for free.. that could help her work thru her feelings and troubles... It is best to do it now as I am also so familiar with the "drinking" problems that can arise while away at college...
And as for the abusive boyfriend.. if she could talk to someone who deals with Domestic Violence...to help her understand that its not okay to be treated that way and its definately NOT okay to be stalked.. gosh what I went thru with my now ex... and I didnt even know what Domestice Violence was .. until a court volunteer (victims advocate) pulled me aside one day and every question she asked I answered it and it was definately an abusive situation... My advice if I could speak to her is break all ties now.. as it will not get better... if he is abusive.. he is dangerous... and her moving tells me exactly that.. IF IF it still is a problem and he follows or harrasses her that makes her feel scared she needs to contact the police. She can get a protective order against him that will help.. also dont forget the basics of always being on guard... If I could go back the one thing I so wanted desperately to hear from my family or my friends was "im there if you need me.. no questions asked when your ready im ready to help"... most of my friends disappeared.. my family only helped because they finally saw how dangerous he was to my son and me.. I spent two years of having someone go with us because he could be out there...
Sorry this is so long.. but this country girl just cant stop typing when it comes to situations like this... and I dont get to talk much about it in normal conversations.
Good Luck and I hope she gets the help and you find the right words to let her know you are there for her and will help her... Oh yeah for the anger...well nothing helps like the good ole.. stop.. breathe.. count to 10.. |
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Annab
True Blue Farmgirl
2900 Posts
Anna
Seagrove
NC
USA
2900 Posts |
Posted - Nov 28 2009 : 03:27:14 AM
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I hate to bring the tax payers of your state into this, but I do believe you can seek a counselor by way of the state you live.
Ir if one is available at the school she attends, then by all means, get her started soen this path so you all can get back to living.
If it is post traumatic stress, she will need it. For the abuse if nothing else....I speak from experience.
Sorry about all this
We'll keep your family and daughter in our paryers |
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Hosanna
True Blue Farmgirl
466 Posts
Hosanna
Alton
Virginia
466 Posts |
Posted - Nov 28 2009 : 08:23:06 AM
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A few years ago, (in my early 20's) I had an incident with one of my horses and was kicked in my face. I had surgery on my mouth to repair the damage, and endured some broken teeth, etc.
I had some emotional problems after that; and though I was never diagnosed, my mom sayd I had some PTSD also. I couldn't sleep without a light on, I had confidence issues in my horseback riding (NOT good, as I was a full time instructor) I didn't want to be alone, etc. It got worse and worse and I felt like my life was falling apart and it was. I was angry all the time, too. Angry and depressed.
I never got professional counseling, but looking back, I should have. The most important thing with me was TALKING about it. I have an older brother who confronted me at a certain point, and got me to just talk about EVERYTHING that was bothering me. I talked, I yelled, I cried, I threw fits. But I got it out.
The first step in getting better for me was admitting I had a problem. Once I was able to say "I am messed up; I have a problem; I need help," I started to feel better. And the thing was, my family was like, "Yes. You have a problem. And that's ok - we're here for you to help you get over this."
And I did. It took a year or so, but I moved on. I was happy again, started instructing again, started doing all the stuff I lived to do before; met my husband, got married, and here I am!
So, I would try to get your daughter to a counsellor, or get her on some meds, and get her talking about her issues and whatever happens, always be there for her and never judge her! It is ROUGH. I know. Hope everything turns out ok.
www.happilyeverafterhosanna.blogspot.com
www.thewindofheaven.blogspot.com
www.CarolinaRoses.etsy.com |
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Faransgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
895 Posts
Beth
Houston
Texas
USA
895 Posts |
Posted - Nov 29 2009 : 7:00:47 PM
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I am here with her now and tomorrow I am contacting her school to see if she can get counseling through the school. I am also going to contact the local Shelters for Abused Women and see if they might have a counselor she can talk to. I am then going to the police station that is just a few blocks from her house and talk to someone there. We tried the protective order route and they told us he actually has to hurt her physically before they can do anything but talk to him. I am hoping that the school counselor can help with the PTSD and their is a shelter counselor that can help her with the Tyler problem. She knows I am here for her and she calls alot but with her so far away I am worried. My other daughter told me yesterday that she saw him following her home from school and then try to run her off the road when they were on the street that went to their apartment but when she (the older daughter) pulled up he took off. I am really scared but don't want to try to force her to move home. I am hoping the counselor might be able to tell me what to do.
Thank you all for your help. It is great to have a group of sisters that you can get help from.
Farmgirl Sister 572
May the force of the horse be with you. |
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piddlin sweetie
Farmgirl in Training
46 Posts
Vickie
Kentucky
USA
46 Posts |
Posted - Nov 30 2009 : 6:38:32 PM
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Beth
ask again about a protective order (epo) im not sure why they told you that he has to hurt her (phsically)as that doesnt sound right... Him following her, stalking her, any phone calls,and yes the following her home.. goes with abuse which is mental physical and verbal...
Good Luck |
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Faransgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
895 Posts
Beth
Houston
Texas
USA
895 Posts |
Posted - Dec 04 2009 : 08:16:18 AM
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I talked to them again as you suggested and they told me that for them to take action he has to hurt her. But, we can sue him ourselves if we want to. Problem is we are both laid off right now and Lawyers are more than our budget can manage at this time. We got her moved into a new apartment and he doesn't know where she is yet. He has a tendency to follow her and her friends to find her. He even follows her home for the holiday breaks from school. The Police talked to him again and she has had three days with now attempt to contact. There is a policeman that lives in the apartment complex where she lives and he is on call for the residents. She has talked to the management and she has his pager number. I can only pray that this is the end of it.
Farmgirl Sister 572
May the force of the horse be with you. |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22937 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22937 Posts |
Posted - Dec 04 2009 : 09:08:32 AM
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Oh I hope so Beth! I am glad she has a police officer so close by! I hope the stalker ex doesn't find her again but hopefully if he does then the police officer neighbor can drive his patrol car home for a week or two to show the stalker that "Hey buddy there is a police officer around don't even try anything" but I guess that might be a bad idea because that would just advertise when he wasn't there to be protective. Darn. Thought I had a good idea for a minute.
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.awarmheart.com
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
www.allergyjourneys.blogspot.com
Put your pin on the farmgirl map! www.farmgirlmap.blogspot.com |
Edited by - Alee on Dec 04 2009 09:10:21 AM |
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Diane B Carter
True Blue Farmgirl
1270 Posts
Diane
Blasdell
N.Y.
USA
1270 Posts |
Posted - Dec 04 2009 : 09:40:47 AM
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I had asked for protection also and I called he police when I came home from work late one night. I called my husband and told him I was sent out on a call. He called my work every 15 minutes to see where I was. At 2am when I got back to work he called again I told him I had to write up my report and I would be right home. When I got there he hit me ect. I called 911 and they sent the Cheektowaga police who said we didn't see him hit you as my lip was split and my eyes swelling and a patch of my hair ripped out they made me wake up our sons and I had to leave. When I filed for a divorce it got worse. My job kept my location from him and I always had police proctection while on the job but I never felt safe until he died.(cancer 12 years later). Please tell your daughter as much as she believes she loves him if he isn't willing to go to counsiling with her for life to please get out of it and don't look back ever.
As far as the accident thank God everyday it wasn't worse. Please let her know I'm praying for both of you. It's scary having our children live so far away. Mine live only 1 hr. away and that even seems far away at times.
Hope all your days are Sunnydays.
dianebcarterhotmailcom.blogspot.com |
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Hosanna
True Blue Farmgirl
466 Posts
Hosanna
Alton
Virginia
466 Posts |
Posted - Dec 04 2009 : 10:34:21 AM
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My husband's x girlfriend stalked me after we got married. She came over to the house and broke windows and threw stuff around. Then the calls started..... I called about a protective order, and they said I had to talk to the magistrate. So we made an appt, told him what was going on, and he gave us the restraining order; without her having to physically hurt me. We had to appear in court and all, but we got it, and for 3 years. If she violates, it's $5,000 and jail time. BTW they also arrested her after the order went out! She got her brother to bail her out, but then she was in the mental health wing of the hospital for four days. So talk to your magistrate and see what you can do. I don't know about your state/county, though. May be totally different.
www.happilyeverafterhosanna.blogspot.com
www.thewindofheaven.blogspot.com
www.CarolinaRoses.etsy.com |
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Kayce
True Blue Farmgirl
290 Posts
Kayce
Sebring
FL
USA
290 Posts |
Posted - Dec 08 2009 : 06:05:39 AM
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I dont have any advise to give. I sure do know where to turn to get some now though. These ladies are wonderful. Sharing experiences, advice, and most of all encouragement and support.
My heart goes out to you and your daughters. I encourage you to be relentless, if a door shuts then pound on another to get help for your children. Me Im the shy type so this is much much easier to encourage someone else to do. You are in my prayers. And just you are a good mother. |
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walkinwalkoutcattle
True Blue Farmgirl
1675 Posts
Megan
Paint Lick
KY
USA
1675 Posts |
Posted - Dec 08 2009 : 06:30:40 AM
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Please, please go to court and file an emergency restraining order. Especially if there is a history of abuse. about 2 years ago I broke up with a very abusive man and moved into an apartment on my own. I thought that I was finally free, and safe from that horrible controlling man. I never thought through enough to figure out that me breaking up with him would send him over the edge. Since he had NO control over what/where/when/why's of my life, he literally tried to ruin my life. He'd drive by my apartment, he'd come to my work, etc. Once, when I decided to meet him to talk (Yes, I'm dumb!) I told him I had an important phone call coming at a certain time, and that I needed to leave when the phone call came in, and that it was a friend from the new church I was attending. He seemed understanding, but when that phone call came in, and I told him I needed to go, he FLIPPED out and chased me. I locked myself into my apartment (Thankfully I beat him to the door) and he tried to bust out my windows, throw himself through my door, screaming at me at the top of his lungs-it was HORRIBLE. He vandalized my car, put my number on craigslist as a prostitute, started posting on forums I frequented; it was HORRIBLE.
I went to get a restraining order the very next day. I have to say that that was one of the most difficult things I've had to do. Why? Because you have to go through and list the abuse that occured, and the reasoning for the restraining order. Once I was finished listing my reasons over a 4 year relationship, I got a copy of the order, and turned it in. It was granted right away. I stood there in disbelief re-reading what I had wrote. I KNEW it was abuse, but it took someone else validating it for me, and protecting me from him, for me to realize that I was doing the right thing. At that point I started seeking professional help, and not long after that the restraining order went to court. My ex boyfriend didn't even show up, and he had to drive all the way from Idaho, where he'd gone to hide, to turn in all his unregistered firearms. The judge looked at the order, and granted me the max: 7 years.
All the counseling in the world, however, didn't instill the strength in me that filing that restraining order did. I know this sounds disjointed, and maybe it is, but, filing that restraining order made me realize that what I was feeling, and what had been going on in the relationship, was WRONG. No question about it. you and your family are definitely in my prayers!
Starbucks and sushi to green fried tomatoes and corn pudding-I wouldn't change it for the world.
www.cattleandcupcakes.blogspot.com |
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Faransgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
895 Posts
Beth
Houston
Texas
USA
895 Posts |
Posted - Dec 10 2009 : 8:02:14 PM
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My daughter called today and he has started calling her again. He still doesn't know where she is and he has started trying to get her other friends to hang out with him. Gosh, I am so worried about her. I am going to forward some of you comments if that is ok. I would like her to hear it from others who have been there. I am asking for your permission to forward your comments to her.
Thanks so much for your stories and encouraging words.
Farmgirl Sister 572
May the force of the horse be with you. |
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MrsRooster
True Blue Farmgirl
1168 Posts
Amy
Seabrook
TX
USA
1168 Posts |
Posted - Jun 26 2010 : 08:32:19 AM
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Had an ex-boyfriend stalk me. My husband (boyfriend at the time) made it very clear to him that he would pay very seriously if he didn't leave me alone. He had been calling me and bothering me. It was terrible. He beat me up once and that was the end of it for me, but he bothered me for a long time after.
Sorry, but taking to a conselor won't help if she doesn't want it to change. She must have to want things to change. Get a hold of legal aid. They can give her a lawyer free of charge and have her go after him. But if she won't, you really can't do much.
Lots of prayers to you, your family, and her.
www.mrsrooster.blogspot.com
Farmgirl #1259
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Faransgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
895 Posts
Beth
Houston
Texas
USA
895 Posts |
Posted - Jun 26 2010 : 09:06:27 AM
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She is going after him. She was the one that called the bondsman and got his bond revoked. She is going to the Legal Aid people on Tuesday. She told me the night she called after he attacked her that she realized that she was lucky to be alive and she realized that he isn't going to change or get any better. She looked at his mug shot and said "Mom he is evil." So I think she is ready for a change. She is keeping track of what is happening with him "in case" he gets out so she can get out of there until they can move her. I am fairly confident that she is done with him.
Farmgirl Sister 572
When manure happens just say "WOO HOO Fertilizer". |
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Fiddlehead Farm
True Blue Farmgirl
4562 Posts
Diane
Waupaca
WI
USA
4562 Posts |
Posted - Jun 26 2010 : 09:43:21 AM
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Oh my how scary, I just read this. Beth, how is your daughter doing now? Between the accident and the abusive boyfriend, it's no wonder her emotions are not the best right now. I hope he stays in jail and I hope she can get on with her life. Prayers to her and you.
Age only matters if you are wine or cheese.
http://studiodiphotosite.shutterfly.com/
farmgirl sister #922 |
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Faransgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
895 Posts
Beth
Houston
Texas
USA
895 Posts |
Posted - Jun 26 2010 : 11:51:23 AM
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Thanks Diane for asking. She is doing pretty well. She is focusing on getting better physically and emotionally. They are doing a CT on Monday to see if she needs surgery to repair the broken bone in her back and she is seeing her counselor on Monday as well. She has been focusing the last couple of days getting her next semester at school sorted out which is good. She also has an appointment with the DA next week and they have finally given her a restraining order against him. Two cops checked on her last night to make sure the window was repaired etc.
I really hope he stays in Jail or at the very least a hospital for the criminally insane. Jail would be better though. She is determined to graduate from the college where she is going and that will be in about 18 months. I hope he gets put away so she can do that as she has wanted that since she was 12. If he gets out we will have to move her somewhere else and possibly her two sisters as well that live there.
I think is is awful that people like that can take away another persons dreams and get away with it.
Farmgirl Sister 572
When manure happens just say "WOO HOO Fertilizer". |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22937 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22937 Posts |
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MrsRooster
True Blue Farmgirl
1168 Posts
Amy
Seabrook
TX
USA
1168 Posts |
Posted - Jun 26 2010 : 5:13:20 PM
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I am glad she wants to end it. I hope that she is doing better.
Please tell her I am thinking about her and praying for her. I had no one to talk to when I was going thru the mess with my boyfriend. Everyone just kept telling me to ignore him. It wasn't that simply. It was very scary. I have TMJ and my jaw clicks everytime I yawn. It is a reminder everyday of what happened.
www.mrsrooster.blogspot.com
Farmgirl #1259
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msdoolittle
True Blue Farmgirl
1143 Posts
Amanda
East Texas
USA
1143 Posts |
Posted - Jun 26 2010 : 7:12:15 PM
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Beth,
I am glad that your daughter is getting the help she needs. I, too, was involved in an abusive relationship. Please tell your daughter that she is definitely not alone and that it is possible to survive an abusive relationship and prosper. I learned a LOT being in that situation. I pray that he will be incarcerated for a LONG time. It is so terrifying that someone can have that much control over someone else's life! I guess that the fortunate thing about living in Texas is that we DO have the Castle Doctrine in effect. I sure would hate for anything to come to that point, but...
I will pray for your daughter.
FarmGirl #1390
www.mylittlecountry.wordpress.com |
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Roxy7
True Blue Farmgirl
1083 Posts
Robin
Denver
CO
USA
1083 Posts |
Posted - Jun 29 2010 : 08:51:38 AM
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| No advice, just prayers. |
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beekeepersgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1423 Posts
Luanne
Cresco
PA
USA
1423 Posts |
Posted - Jun 29 2010 : 12:16:41 PM
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Hi Beth -
Please tell your daughter that we are all thinking of her and praying for her. I also was in a very abusive relationship for a number of years. Please tell her that "Mr. Right" is out there somewhere, and that no one deserves or has to tolerate being abused. I'm 55 years old now, and about 3 years ago met a wonderful man that treats me like a princess!
Hugs,
Luanne
beekeepersgirl #691
Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones.
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Annika
True Blue Farmgirl
5602 Posts
Annika
USA
5602 Posts |
Posted - Sep 24 2010 : 08:14:50 AM
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I don't know if I posted this already, but I was married to a very abusive man for long horrible years. It wrecks your sense of self and your esteem. I'm so glad that she is doing better and reaching for her dreams. Praying that she can stay safe and away from her abusive BF.
Hugs
Annika
Farmgirl & sister #13
Palouse Prairie Girls Chapter
http://palouseprairiegirls.blogspot.com/
http://prairiegirlsjournal.blogspot.com/
Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication. ~Leonardo DaVinci
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Betty J.
True Blue Farmgirl
1403 Posts
Betty
Pasco
WA
USA
1403 Posts |
Posted - Sep 24 2010 : 08:40:43 AM
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I think the above (all of it) is the reason I'm staying single. Sorry to say, but I have selected some doozies to both be married to and divorced from. My last husband (my #3) is now working on #5 and from what I hear, she has him towing the line. My dog doesn't treat me like that and for that I am profoundly grateful.
I'm so sorry all of you have had to put up with those events. It tears your self esteem down and makes you just crazy. I will keep you all in my prayers.
Betty in Pasco |
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Family Matters: DD's accident - Boyfriend came back - Update |
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DD's accident - Boyfriend came back - Update
