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Across the Fence:  my "man"...??  |
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yarnmamma
True Blue Farmgirl
4247 Posts
Linda
Clarks Summit
PA
USA
4247 Posts |
 Posted - Nov 03 2009 : 08:17:21 AM
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Hi sisters,
I really need some feedback about this....I am divorced...and wonder now if I can have a partnership with a man.
I'm dating a man that I dated several years ago...we saw each other only a few months and I fell so hard for him back then (never felt that way before or since). He stopped by to say hi a couple times in the last 4 years and now we are back "together" and he's somewhat cold to me but also wanting to move in together and talking marriage. He is 62 yrs old and I am 59....we agree we enjoy each others company and we want a com0panion for life. The problem is he is cold to me and acts like I am a friend with no deep feelings for. I am also tired of being criticized. yuk....of course it's not always bad and for the most part I really enjoy being around him.
I wake up now every night with memories of things he said and feeling like I don't want to spend my life with someone so cold and who seems to not even care about me.
I had oral surgery yesterday and he drove me there and back home but didn't want to do anything else for me...I kidded him about being my nurse now..and he was far from caring. Maybe he is just too selfish...so why do I still want to be around him?
Getting older with no family is lonely for me and it is nice to have someone there...but I still deserve to be loved!
Please tell me your ideas and opinions and experiences!
Linda in Scranton, PA
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emsmommy5
True Blue Farmgirl
1547 Posts
Angie
Buckley
WA
USA
1547 Posts |
Posted - Nov 03 2009 : 08:25:56 AM
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You deserve to be loved. But if that's the caring, loving attitude you are getting while he is trying to "catch" you... I would hate to see it once he "has" you. My gut instinct... keep looking... sounds like this guy needs to stay in the friend zone.
Do what you love, love what you do. |
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beekeepersgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1423 Posts
Luanne
Cresco
PA
USA
1423 Posts |
Posted - Nov 03 2009 : 08:33:00 AM
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Hi Linda -
I agree with Angie - this isn't what you are looking for. I made the same mistake a number of years ago - settling for someone I knew wasn't right, but though it would be better than nothing. It lasted a few years until he found someone "better". I now have a wonderful man in my life and am so glad that the old one "dumped" me - and good luck to his new lady friend!
Keep your chin up and keep looking - the right one will come when the time is right!
Luanne
Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones.
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katie-ell
True Blue Farmgirl
1818 Posts
Katie
Illinois
1818 Posts |
Posted - Nov 03 2009 : 08:48:17 AM
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If he treats you like a friend whom he doesn't have any deep feelings for, DON'T MARRY HIM! (Sorry about the all caps, but I couldn't help it.) Don't move in together; don't marry him. He is a friend. That's it. And not a 'warm' friend at that. Wouldn't a friend look after you and pamper you a bit after your surgery?? And not be critical all the time?
You DO deserve to be loved. Keep this guy, if at all, as a friend. And not a friend with benefits, unless you want your heart broken again.
www.youaretoocreative.blogspot.com |
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yarnmamma
True Blue Farmgirl
4247 Posts
Linda
Clarks Summit
PA
USA
4247 Posts |
Posted - Nov 03 2009 : 08:50:04 AM
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Thanks for the feedback. I really need to look at this and writing helps to clarify....
at the very least I could use some compliments or positive words from him! All I hear about it what I don't do right and advice about what I need to change! He has NEVER complimented me...or said anything positive.
I'll have to speak up and get it out in the open....anyone want to privately email me? He thinks he already has me.
Linda in Scranton, PA
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Annika
True Blue Farmgirl
5602 Posts
Annika
USA
5602 Posts |
Posted - Nov 03 2009 : 08:52:57 AM
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You deserve love, respect and caring..if this guy is treating you like a friend, keep him as a friend. My goodness Linda! you deserve the best and it doesn't sound at all like a good thing. Please take care and don't marry him.
*hugs*
Annika
Farmgirl & sister #13
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paradiseplantation
True Blue Farmgirl
1277 Posts
julie
social springs community
Louisiana
USA
1277 Posts |
Posted - Nov 03 2009 : 09:10:29 AM
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Run, Linda!!!! YOur heart is trying really hard to tell you something here. You SO deserve someone who loves you, and shows it by being warm, supportive, interested, and all the other great things that come with a relationship. I'd send him packing in a hurry, to free up your time for the right one to come along!
from the hearts of paradise... |
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Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - Nov 03 2009 : 09:22:51 AM
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I agree with the farmgirls. Like Julie said, Run!!!!!!!!!!! If I had to describe a boyfriend, ex or not, as "cold", well.... no way for me, hit the highway I'd say!
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
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4HMom
True Blue Farmgirl
720 Posts
Kelly
Montana
720 Posts |
Posted - Nov 03 2009 : 09:56:17 AM
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Amen Angie and others! Life is too short to "settle" for a life partner. Keep looking!
"Be the change you want to see in the world" -Gandhi |
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mikesgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
3659 Posts
Sherri
Elma
WA
USA
3659 Posts |
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Mumof3
True Blue Farmgirl
3890 Posts
Karin
Ellenwood
GA
USA
3890 Posts |
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Cindy Lou
True Blue Farmgirl
2325 Posts
Susan
Lonsdale
MN
USA
2325 Posts |
Posted - Nov 03 2009 : 12:30:12 PM
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Re-read the quotation on Bear5's post. Living each day to the fullest is not the same as "settling".
Then re-read your original post. You know there can be more to life and having someone there for life who doesn't make you feel good is a life sentence!
Some people have a hard time showing affection even when they feel it, but how do you know if they never tell you? Warmth, love and kindness are like nourishment to the spirit!
"You can't roller skate in a buffalo herd.....
But you can be happy if you've a mind to. All you've gotta do in knuckle down, buckle down and do it, do it, do it!" |
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1badmamawolf
True Blue Farmgirl
2199 Posts
Teresa
"Bent Fence Farms"
Ca
USA
2199 Posts |
Posted - Nov 03 2009 : 1:40:57 PM
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Kick him to the curb, he will only get worse!!!
"Treat the earth well, it was not given to you by your parents, it was loaned to you by your children" |
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CountryBorn
True Blue Farmgirl
1545 Posts
Mary Jane
New York
USA
1545 Posts |
Posted - Nov 03 2009 : 1:57:12 PM
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Honey, RUN don't walk to the nearest exit and don't look back. This would end up to be the relationship from hell.
MJ
There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different from the things we do. Freya Stark |
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MasterGardener
True Blue Farmgirl
572 Posts
Chandra
Louisiana
USA
572 Posts |
Posted - Nov 03 2009 : 3:11:55 PM
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I agree with all the other posts! Run, don't walk!
Say to them, may the Lord bless you and protect you, May the Lord smile upon you and be gracious to you. May the Lord show you His favor and give you His peace. (Numbers 6:23-26)
.• ´¨¨)) -:¦:-¸.•´ .•´¨¨))
((¸¸.•´ ..• -:¦:- -:¦:- Chandra
-:¦:- ((¸¸.•´Farmgirl Sister #64
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yarnmamma
True Blue Farmgirl
4247 Posts
Linda
Clarks Summit
PA
USA
4247 Posts |
Posted - Nov 03 2009 : 5:36:57 PM
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hi sisters...your feedback and support and love is so appreciated.
This relationship is over now...came to a head today when I told him I am tired of being criticized...then of course I got a lecture about what I needed to change.
I didn't realize that I cared enough to cry but I did...after he left. Damn I thought I was too old for this!
Also this afternoon a former maintenance man from where I lived before showed up at my door here delivering my prescription. He was a dirty old man then...he's married too....and today he came in my house and followed me into my small kitchen and stood too close and asked me where he knew me from....he was a pervert back then and I confronted him today calling him a dirty old man...(I was afraid but didn't show it)....
You all can be proud of me that I called his employer...the drug store.. and talked to the manager and told them all about this guy....I told them to fire him. The manager said he will talk to him.... I called them and did the right thing.
Now I'll watch to see if they really fire him.
what a day this has been...
Linda in Scranton, PA
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willowtreecreek
True Blue Farmgirl
4813 Posts
Julie
Russell
AR
USA
4813 Posts |
Posted - Nov 03 2009 : 5:39:17 PM
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If you reread what you wrote I think you will find you have already answered this for yourself. Trust your inner voice and dont settle just because it is whats available at the time. There are plenty of fish in the sea!
Farmgirl Sister #17
Blog
www.willowtreecreek.wordpress.com
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willowtreecreek
True Blue Farmgirl
4813 Posts
Julie
Russell
AR
USA
4813 Posts |
Posted - Nov 03 2009 : 5:40:17 PM
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Linda I think we were typing at the same time! You will be happier in the long run! You go girl!
Farmgirl Sister #17
Blog
www.willowtreecreek.wordpress.com
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kpaints
True Blue Farmgirl
1564 Posts
karen
cheney
wa
1564 Posts |
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Annika
True Blue Farmgirl
5602 Posts
Annika
USA
5602 Posts |
Posted - Nov 03 2009 : 6:25:07 PM
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Hey Sister! GOOD FOR YOU!!!! *HUGS* I'm so proud of you and relieved that you made the choice that was right for you. And you go girl! that pervert had no business following you in to your home. I'm glad you are all right and that you called his employer on him.
Annika
Farmgirl & sister #13
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Claude09647
True Blue Farmgirl
761 Posts
Claudia
Our Dairy Farm
Pennsylvania
USA
761 Posts |
Posted - Nov 04 2009 : 08:30:59 AM
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oh wow, what a day you've been having. I hope you find that special man to bring you warmth and happiness!
"My ideal day is sitting on the back porch, cup of green tea in hand, slippers on, and just watch the cows in the pasture"
http://claude09647.blogspot.com/ |
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SarahJ
True Blue Farmgirl
198 Posts
Shreveport
Louisiana
198 Posts |
Posted - Nov 04 2009 : 08:42:29 AM
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This is for the best, even though it is difficult. I think you were more attached to the picture in your head than you were to him. *hugs*
SarahJ
Farmgirl Sister #116
http://bayoumama.wordpress.com/ |
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yarnmamma
True Blue Farmgirl
4247 Posts
Linda
Clarks Summit
PA
USA
4247 Posts |
Posted - Nov 04 2009 : 11:58:08 AM
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Hi farmgirl sisters....I'm reading what you wrote and feeling loved and encouraged. Today is a good day.
Linda in Scranton, PA
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beekeepersgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1423 Posts
Luanne
Cresco
PA
USA
1423 Posts |
Posted - Nov 04 2009 : 12:05:34 PM
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Hey Linda -
I'm glad you're doing better today and understand what all us girls were trying to tell you - you deserve not just someone better, you deserve the best!!!
Luanne
Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones.
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Cindy Lou
True Blue Farmgirl
2325 Posts
Susan
Lonsdale
MN
USA
2325 Posts |
Posted - Nov 04 2009 : 12:34:01 PM
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Good for you, sister!
You had a tough but extremely brave day! We are proud of you. You did the right thing in both
situations.
Think of your tears as relief from the stress of ending a dead-end relationship.
There are good decent men out there. My prayers are for you emotional healing, your continued knowledge of your value and worth as a person and, if it's in God's plan a true partner for your future!
"You can't roller skate in a buffalo herd.....
But you can be happy if you've a mind to. All you've gotta do in knuckle down, buckle down and do it, do it, do it!" |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
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Across the Fence: my "man"...?? |
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my "man"...??
