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Family Matters:  Long Distance Care for Aging Mother  |
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beekeepersgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1423 Posts
Luanne
Cresco
PA
USA
1423 Posts |
 Posted - Sep 25 2009 : 11:33:25 AM
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Hi friends -
I really could use some advice from anybody who has an aging parent living many miles away.
I am an only child. My mother (80) lives alone almost 300 miles away. She has been having numerous health problems the last few months, and doesn't let me know what is going on because she doesn't want me to worry.
A few months ago she had a heart problem for a couple of days and finally drove herself to the emergency room. I didn't find out until the next day that she was in the hospital. She didn't have anyone call me because she didn't want me to worry.
This week she was supposed to be away on a trip with the senior citizens. I got an e-mail this morning from the daughter of one of her friends saying how she was sorry my Mom was ill and not able to go on the trip. Of course, I called her right away, and again she has been sick with an intestinal problem for 4 days, been to the doctor, and I didn't know about it. I haven't even called her the last few days because I thought she was off having a good time on a trip with her friends.
I'm really getting myself stressed out over this. She doesn't want me to move back home with her because I have 20 years in at my job with a good retirement program, benefits etc. and I have a special man in my life here as well. However, I am making myself sick worrying about what else will happen that she won't tell me about.
Does anybody else have this situation, and now do you handle it?? I keep telling her that I would rather worry about the truth than worry about what she ISN'T telling me!
Thanks,
Luanne
Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones.
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Amie C.
True Blue Farmgirl
2099 Posts
Finger Lakes Region
NY
2099 Posts |
Posted - Sep 25 2009 : 12:28:51 PM
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Is there any chance she could move to your town? I know it would be hard for her to adjust to a new location, but it sounds like it's important to her that you not be uprooted or put to any "bother" so she might like this idea more than the alternative of you moving to be close to her.
Or, perhaps you could arrange with one of her friends to keep you updated (like the email you got from the daughter, but on purpose). |
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Merry
True Blue Farmgirl
765 Posts
Merry
Ankeny
Iowa
USA
765 Posts |
Posted - Sep 25 2009 : 2:20:21 PM
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Even though she is your mother, she is also an independent adult, capable of making decisions. Yes, you will worry, but if she chooses not to inform you, what is your alternative? You can have a neighbor tell you, but then she might stop talking to the neighbor because of it.
I feel for you, and I hope you both find a solution to give you peace of mind.
Hugs,
Merry
Farmgirl #536
http://afarminmyheart.blogspot.com/
"Nobody has ever measured, not even poets how much the heart can hold."
Zelda Fitzgerald |
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1badmamawolf
True Blue Farmgirl
2199 Posts
Teresa
"Bent Fence Farms"
Ca
USA
2199 Posts |
Posted - Sep 25 2009 : 7:40:41 PM
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Does the town she lives in have senior services, i.e., someone that will call or stop in to check on her, and call you if need be? Move her to an assisted living complex if she is agreeable, that way she still has independence, but help if and when she needs it. Move her to your town, or in with you if thats agreeable with all or possible. Move in a room amte, another senior who she will get along with and they can care for each other when needed.
"Treat the earth well, it was not given to you by your parents, it was loaned to you by your children" |
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Family Matters: Long Distance Care for Aging Mother |
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Long Distance Care for Aging Mother
