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Family Matters:  i don't even know how to take this comment...  |
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prairie_princess
True Blue Farmgirl
613 Posts
Elizabeth
Carpenter
WY
USA
613 Posts |
 Posted - Sep 05 2009 : 3:37:35 PM
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so, my grandparents came for a visit to my home for the first time since we've lived here (3 years). i really wanted them to see my humble abode because i'm so proud of it and because my grandpa isn't doing so well with his health.
anyway, they stayed for a week. but it seems the whole time they were here they never stopped complaining. my grandma complained about everything i did, especially about my garden, how i was doing everything wrong (hello, had she seen how absolutely prosperous my garden was? overflowing with produce?) and my grandpa and i were getting into arguements everyday because it seems all he wanted to do was get home... so i was very stressed over this matter.
but my grandma and i were discussing health and weight on a drive home. and she commented to me that i had a "child's body." i don't even know what that means! at the time i didn't think about what it meant, but now it's just irking me. i'm sure it's not a good comment... but what exactly does a child's body look like? is it because i'm short and stubby? i don't know... but it doesn't make me feel very good.
"Only two things that money can't buy, that's true love and homegrown tomatoes."
- Guy Clark
"The man who has planted a garden feels he has done something for the good of the world."
- Charles Dudley Warner |
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aunt boby
True Blue Farmgirl
173 Posts
toby
polo
illinois
USA
173 Posts |
Posted - Sep 05 2009 : 4:51:25 PM
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Waiting for a visit for three years and having it turn out like that is just awful. I wouldn't take anything they said to heart and don't dwell on it too much because it will eat away at you. Maybe she was telling you how to do your garden to be helpful. But the comment about your size is odd. I'll never forget when I was 16, my friends mom told me I had such nice child bearing hips. Sometimes people just don't think before they speak. I hope they left on wonderful terms and you don't worry about this too much.
POOR IS THE MAN WHO CANNOT ENJOY THE SIMPLE THINGS IN LIFE- anonymous |
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AmethystRose
True Blue Farmgirl
254 Posts
Rosemary
Huntingdon
PA
USA
254 Posts |
Posted - Sep 05 2009 : 5:28:33 PM
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If grandpa is having health problems, grandma is probably stressed out, and her generation would not allow her to express that.
Try to not let it get to you. She probably doesn't realize how praise was so important to you. Send her little notes in the mail on pretty notepaper. |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
Posted - Sep 05 2009 : 5:32:13 PM
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Elizabeth- I would love to have a child's body if it meant my knees didn't hurt anymore, my tendonitis was gone and I could bounce around like my daughter does!
Don't worry about what your grandparents said. My grandparents are very wonderful people, but my grandfather in particular just doesn't do as well out of his normal routine. He needs to have certain things just so. My mom is very gracious about arranging things for when they come and visit but I know it is a lot of work for her and she has had years and years to practice, and sure enough there is always something that grandpa says he has to go buy or needs to fix or would be different at home.
Sorry the visit was tarnished by negativity- but I am glad your garden is doing so great!! Kudos!!
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.awarmheart.com
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
www.allergyjourneys.blogspot.com
Put your pin on the farmgirl map! www.farmgirlmap.blogspot.com |
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nubidane
True Blue Farmgirl
2875 Posts
Lisa
Georgetown
OH
2875 Posts |
Posted - Sep 05 2009 : 5:54:31 PM
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| Hello! Compared to them, you DO have a childs body! Embrace it girl, cause it will only be around so long! |
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knitnpickinatune
True Blue Farmgirl
1140 Posts
Sherrie
Gardena
California
USA
1140 Posts |
Posted - Sep 05 2009 : 7:49:54 PM
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I have no idea what was meant by "a childs body" but I agree with the ladies here: don't let it eat at you. Sometimes people get wierd as they get older-a shame your garden wasn't appreciated as it ought to be. I never got along with my grandmother on my dads side & when I was 16, my mom was talking about how I was old enough to date. My grandmother looked at me & said slyly,"well,don't get pregnant!" I was soooo insulted & I held it against her for a long time. I felt she must think me a floozy at the time.
Be proud of yourself,your home,and your garden. Sometimes others just don't appreciate what you appreciate, & while it can be a bummer,don't take it to heart. They just can't relate,and that's not your fault.
http://www.mandochicks.com
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@MandolinChick on Twitter
fingerpickin Farmgirl #702 |
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Roxy7
True Blue Farmgirl
1083 Posts
Robin
Denver
CO
USA
1083 Posts |
Posted - Sep 05 2009 : 8:22:33 PM
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| Dont let it get you. I am sure they are stressed out. Think of the good stuff. |
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dutchy
True Blue Farmgirl
4427 Posts
4427 Posts |
Posted - Sep 05 2009 : 11:19:27 PM
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I agree with what everyone said, don't let it get to you this much girl!
You can be proud of your garden (sounds great)and the comment about your body, I get comments like that, duh! And I am 6 feet tall but very (way too) skinny. It DOES bother me a bit ofcourse but hey, we can't always help what we look like. Just wear yourself proudly and be proud of yourself and your home.
PTL for grandparents, they come and GO lol ;)
Hugs from Marian/Dutchy, a farmgirl from the Netherlands :)
My personal blog:
http://just-me-a-dutch-girl.blogspot.com/
Almost daily updates on me and mine :)
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prairie_princess
True Blue Farmgirl
613 Posts
Elizabeth
Carpenter
WY
USA
613 Posts |
Posted - Sep 06 2009 : 1:46:54 PM
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thanks, girls... you help me put my mind at ease. it's one of those things i have to learn to do, not letting others' comments about me get me down.
"Only two things that money can't buy, that's true love and homegrown tomatoes."
- Guy Clark
"The man who has planted a garden feels he has done something for the good of the world."
- Charles Dudley Warner |
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CountryBorn
True Blue Farmgirl
1545 Posts
Mary Jane
New York
USA
1545 Posts |
Posted - Sep 06 2009 : 2:03:34 PM
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Elizabeth, It's a funny thing, but the older people get the more anxious they seem to get when they are a way from home. My MIL was ready to leave when she got here! My Dad would eat dinner have a cup of coffee and out he'd go to the greenhouses. This was always the same even on Christmas and Thanksgiving. It's like they were always in a hurry to go no where and do nothing in particular. Their comments can also be pretty cutting, I don"t know if they think they are helping or just like complaining. I would think that having a childs body would mean you were small and adorable. That's just my take.
MJ
There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different from the things we do. Freya Stark |
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Farmtopia
True Blue Farmgirl
1465 Posts
Zan
New York
New York
USA
1465 Posts |
Posted - Sep 07 2009 : 01:28:45 AM
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I agree with everyone, also...my grandfather was a funny and generous man--but his brother and his wife--my cousins ALWAYS worried about having their grandparents stay with them because they were VERY set in their ways--it was ALOT easier to visit them because the grandies just were not used to being out of their own house. Grandma liked shelves dusted, hated flowers because the dust and flower smell gave her ALLERGIES and migrines (so she said) and they like eating certain foods, they hated sleeping on the beds because the beds were too hard, etc, etc. So, maybe this is what your grandparents were going through?
Also, I notice sometimes older people like to be critical because it makes them feel useful...yes, it's sort of backwards but they feel if they are imparting knowledge that is right (or from "years of wisdom") then it gives them some leverage in a world that increasingly finds older people useless and not worth any time...so maybe they are overdoing it a bit much...and then of course there is the stress factor possibility because your grandpa's illness.
In any case, the bottom line is not to take it too much to heart, there are clearly things going on you don't fully understand and I think it's just easier and kinder to you--and them, if you chalk it up to something other than them being purposefully rude.
Big Hugs!
~*~Dream all you dreamers~*~
View my work:
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kissmekate
True Blue Farmgirl
890 Posts
Kate
Delano
Minnesota
890 Posts |
Posted - Sep 07 2009 : 09:21:30 AM
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I also agree with the other ladies. Don't let it get to you.
Perhaps part of the reason they came across as cranky is because Gramps didn't feel well, and your Grandma is stressed about that. I know a few years back when I wasn't feeling well, I was a complete you-know-what for a long time before I went to the doc and figured out what was wrong with me. That and they are set in their ways.
Lots of wisdom and insight on this forum. Isn't it great?
Don't miss out on a blessing, just because it isn't packaged the way you expected. ~MaryJo Copeland |
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prairie_princess
True Blue Farmgirl
613 Posts
Elizabeth
Carpenter
WY
USA
613 Posts |
Posted - Sep 07 2009 : 4:26:49 PM
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it IS great! we can all get perspectives from multiple angles and that helps figure out problems and issues. one thing i notice when i got older, grew up, is that you start seeing your family as individuals rather than just family members. you see all of their good and bad traits. one thing i noticed (and my grandma told me) was how inconciderate my grandpa was of my grandma... i found it kind of sad, really. he never asked her opinion, what SHE would like to do, just made plans and never told her... she didn't even know they were leaving my house until he told her to pack up. and i suppose he was being this way towards me, too. i needed to know their plans in order to make my own plans. and he would change them every day they were here.
but my grandma told me she's scared grandpa might be getting cancer again.. he's not drinking his green tea and taking care of himself like he used to. and there are signs... he's losing weight, having lots of other body problems... so maybe that's on her mind, too. i just wish he could see how she cares about him, what's going on in her mind and care for her more....
"Only two things that money can't buy, that's true love and homegrown tomatoes."
- Guy Clark
"The man who has planted a garden feels he has done something for the good of the world."
- Charles Dudley Warner |
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Brenda Kay Groth
True Blue Farmgirl
100 Posts
Brenda
Manton
MIch
USA
100 Posts |
Posted - Sep 10 2009 : 12:09:33 PM
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my inlaws ..when they were alive...would drive hundreds of miles and pop in on people..no phone call..no warning..just show up..sometimes they wouldn't be home and the inlaws would have to sit outside and wait for them..sometimes for hours.
people make their own lives..and sometimes they make their own lives miserable..that doesn't mean they have to make yours miserable
bloom where you are planted |
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Bonnie Ellis
True Blue Farmgirl
2474 Posts
Bonnie
Minneapolis
Minnesota
USA
2474 Posts |
Posted - Sep 16 2009 : 9:37:45 PM
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Sometimes some people have nothing to do BUT complain. Sorry your visit wasn't what you planned. Maybe you can call them and ask them some personal questions on how they did things in the old days and pretend you need their help. If they take the suggestion you may learn stuff you can pass on. If not, be glad they don't live close. Don't let them get you down. You have a right to be proud of what you have done. Good luck
Bonnie Ellis
grandmother and orphan farmgirl |
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Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - Sep 26 2009 : 9:45:05 PM
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When you are asking your grandmother for advice and help, I would ask about the child like body this way, "What do you think I can do with this child like body?" I would love to know myself. I really don't think Grandparents mean half of what they say.
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
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knittingmom
True Blue Farmgirl
665 Posts
AnneMarie
Edmonton
Alberta
Canada
665 Posts |
Posted - Nov 11 2009 : 5:27:33 PM
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Sometimes people just open thier mouths before actually thinking about it. Silly, silly.
Your body is healthy and it works that's all that counts. Remember you were created just the way He imagined.
"There is no foot so small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world" |
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Family Matters: i don't even know how to take this comment... |
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i don't even know how to take this comment...
