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Across the Fence:  Babies and Wedding Etiquette  |
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
 Posted - Aug 17 2009 : 12:15:28 PM
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This might be a bit of rant...I will preface this by saying my feelings are hurt and I'm not a super-lover of weddings. I go because I support the couple, and usually just attend the ceremony because THAT'S the part that matters to me...And, I don't know about y'all, but I've been to all kinds of weddings--society to pig roast, and everyone is VERY specific about whether they want children or not on the invites. Maybe that's not what they do around your hometowns, but they sure do here!
So mom, Jus, Violet and I went to the wedding of a close family friend on Saturday to which we were ALL invited (all, to include my infant daughter--her name was on the invite). Nowhere on the invitation was it stated that nursery services would be provided. So, after driving the 2 hours to get to the wedding, both my mother and I having wedding gifts sent from their registry at Macy's a month prior, we arrive at the church and we're told by a 12 year old boy, snootily looking at Violet, "Um....there is a nursery downstairs for her because once you leave the sanctuary for any reason, you can't come back in." I'm sorry, was this a ticketed event at a coliseum? We were a little taken aback...but, to oblige, we went downstairs to the "nursery" which was a dark room with noone in it.
We came back up stairs and I asked an ADULT if there was anyone actually WATCHING the nursery. She said, "there should be...." but didn't seem to know anything more and just wandered off. I mentioned that we had driven 2 hours to come to the wedding but she was already gone...My husband, bless him, SHOULD have been so frustrated--weddings are NOT his thing, but I begged him to come with me to the because the bride was a close family friend and they hadn't met him, he took a day off work (we can ALWAYS use the money!!!), wore a suit (which he hates) and Violet looked so beautiful in her special Dotted Swiss dress, but, he said, "We'll sit out here, don't worry!"...So, my husband and my infant daughter sat outside the sanctuary like second-class citizens for a 20 minute service in which (based on the "level of security") I thought was a marriage of a Royal Couple as opposed to two 22 years olds from a small Kentucky town, where the bride laughed through the whole ceremony and one of the groomsmen wore sunglasses and snickered when the minister mentioned fidelity. I just felt like I was on fire...I was so upset that I couldn't sit with my husband. They played rock music to leave the church, and let everyone out in rows, one by one, like they were trying to avoid a stampede at a WHO concert.
Guess I'm just a little touchy about the proper way to do things (and the way we were treated) because during the ceremony, there were little ones up front, toddler age, who yammered away through the whole thing, and several other babies that I could see, while my little girl (who would have been quiet) sat outside with her father. I felt like we were singled out...my mom said, "Why did we even bother listening to that kid?" And I thought, "yeah????!!!!". Because I follow rules, even stupid ones!
We didn't even go to the reception--the wind was pretty much out of our sails. We went through the drive through at Chik Fil A and drove home.
Honestly, because of the close relationship, I'm debating calling the bride's mother and telling her, but I don't want to seem ungrateful or rude--am I making too big a deal out of it? Should it be an "in the past" thing? It's alright to say so. What would a Farmgirl do? And don't say, "stay home in the garden!" cuz that's really where I wanted to be!!!! 
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
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Miss Bee Haven
True Blue Farmgirl
4331 Posts
Janice
Louisville/Irvington
Kentucky
USA
4331 Posts |
Posted - Aug 17 2009 : 12:35:38 PM
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I'm so sorry you all had such a disastrous day. What a loss. I'm not much on weddings, myself. Tell Violet I'll come to hers. And Wilma's grandson, Bryan August. In fact, maybe they could marry each other and then I'd just have one wedding to attend! :)
I'd probably not say anything. It's over and it can't be fixed now.
Farmgirl Sister #50
"If you think you've got it nailed down, then what's all that around it?"
'Br.Dave Gardner' |
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
Posted - Aug 17 2009 : 12:45:46 PM
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Thanks for your opinion, Janice--it always matters! You're right, it can't be fixed, so it's no use in saying anything. It's funny, Mom told Violet all the way up Newtown Pike, "your wedding will be something special! Don't you worry! And we'll allow all the babies in the world!" And then in another breath..."You didn't miss anything special, little one!". Obviously "Gram" was a little insulted, too!
I'm glad you'll come to her wedding and Bryan August's, too. You're right! I have a feeling Violet will do some weird bohemian thing, though, and Bryan August will probably be more grounded :)
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
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Miss Bee Haven
True Blue Farmgirl
4331 Posts
Janice
Louisville/Irvington
Kentucky
USA
4331 Posts |
Posted - Aug 17 2009 : 12:49:56 PM
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Well, I lean towards the Bohemian. For my first wedding, I wore a long dress(it was the 70's). But it was green(color of the grass) and blue(color of the sky)! LOL!
Farmgirl Sister #50
"If you think you've got it nailed down, then what's all that around it?"
'Br.Dave Gardner' |
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
Posted - Aug 17 2009 : 1:00:41 PM
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That's hysterical! Would LOVE to see pics, but I understand if they've provided kindling for a nice bond fired or something :)
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
Posted - Aug 17 2009 : 1:02:40 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by FebruaryViolet
That's hysterical! Would LOVE to see pics, but I understand if they've provided kindling for a nice bond fire or something :)
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
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crafter
True Blue Farmgirl
2313 Posts
lori
Fort Atkinson
Wisconsin
USA
2313 Posts |
Posted - Aug 17 2009 : 1:34:43 PM
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I believe that weddings are for celebrating a couples love for each other- and when we celebrate that includes all of us, whatever age! Who doesn't end up with a smile on their face when they hear a baby coo? They so missed out on a little bit of heaven-Violet!!
xoxo-Lori
Thank GOD I'm a Country Girl! |
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nubidane
True Blue Farmgirl
2875 Posts
Lisa
Georgetown
OH
2875 Posts |
Posted - Aug 17 2009 : 1:47:13 PM
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JIm & I got married on a Christmas tree farm in Vermont by a justice of the peace, right after a beautiful snowfall. Gorgeous & didn't cost a cent. No witnesses required either, although the justice's dog was there, & we called her our witness. It was perfect & no security required (that is just RUDE) ..although, I would have gladly welcomed Violet, to be our 2nd witness, esp since I did not get to see her that one Saturday!! WAAAAHHH!
Just let it go Jonni..it was THEIR loss |
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nubidane
True Blue Farmgirl
2875 Posts
Lisa
Georgetown
OH
2875 Posts |
Posted - Aug 17 2009 : 1:50:31 PM
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| OK...I am so mean, but send your a thank you for inviting me card with a copy of Vi's silhouette.. |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Aug 17 2009 : 1:56:42 PM
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I've always thought it was stupid to not have children at such events. But, that's just me. lol I had more children then adults at my wedding, literally! lol I have 16 siblings, and I'm only number 4! My MIL had never met my family before coming to the wedding, even though I had told her over and over again that at the time I had 14 siblings and I was number 4, and I had at the time 8 nieces and nephews.......when she actually came to the wedding she kept saying over and over again she didn't imagine there would be so many "little" ones. She wasn't imagining my siblings being sooooo little. Let's just say this I believe there was around 20 children there under the age of 3! They were running all around outside before the wedding and we have great pics of it! And I was watching and laughing. I can't imagine having a childless wedding.........my wedding would of been empty! I only literally I think had around 20 to 25 adults! Every one just had a lot of kids! lol hahahaha The children out numbered us around 5 to 1 I think. lol haha
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Aug 17 2009 : 2:06:08 PM
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PS unless I know the people like very very close family, I don't do weddings any more either. The last just "friend" wedding I went to I was so upset I could of spit nails, and ever since made a vow to only go to very very very close peoples weddings.
What happened was this....the rudest thing I can imagine! It was a noon wedding. I hadn't eaten because I had been so busy that morning, and I was only a teen, I had tried to get something to eat but my step father said we didn't have time and after all we would eat the reception.
Well, first of all the grooms family and friends (of which I was) all had to travel about 1 1/2 hours to their location of where the bride lived, and the wedding was being held. We get there, have the normal 30 minute ceremony. Then we are directed to go to the reception and wait for the bride and groom. Ok, it was only a block away. So tops you think it may be 30 minutes before the bride and groom get there right?
Well, we wait, and wait, and wait.......wait and wait........hour after hour tick by. I start asking is there going to at least be food...some one in the know says no only cake and mints.....but of course they won't be served till after the bride and groom arrive. Meanwhile old women are hollering about where they are, and they want to go home. lol More hours tick by........and a blizzard comes! (Remember most of us are from 1 1/2 hours away!) And we still wait......finally around 10 pm! Yes......waiting 10 hours for them, since it was a noon wedding, and it's now 10pm! They arrive........most left....we stayed because of the blizzard-we were stuck., and the cake was terrible, the mints worse......worst I have ever eaten in my life, tasted like aquafresh toothpaste literally!
I ran up to them when they arrived (I was a teen, and had no qualms) and asked them where they had been, we had all been worried sick they had been in a car accident or something, people had even went out and looked for them!
Their answer-They went to the hotel....
These were not young people.....they were in their 40's-50's, and this was both their second marriages! They had to have 10 hours of sex?????????? And leave us all. Why not just announce, they were going to the hotel to have their day and for us to meet them later. Why have the church announce for us to go to the reception and wait! I was so dang mad!!!!!!!!! I can't even describe to you. After that I was fed up with weddings forever.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
Posted - Aug 17 2009 : 2:09:45 PM
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Thanks, girls. I guess my feelings are a little hurt (what? Was it that obvious?) and Lori, I too think that weddings are a celebration of love and family and wonderful things to come. I seriously thought that maybe they were having some sort of major video done or something like that, but when I finally could see through my veil of anger, there was sold older man walking around with a cam-corder. That was it.
Thanks, Lisa--that would be a hoot, wouldn't it? And fitting because the silhouette is black, like a void--of her little presence! Your wedding sounds so perfect for you both--we would have been honoured to have Vi be your witness! We need to get together very soon--maybe this weekend?
Heather, I think your wedding sounds like a dream. Very sweet, and why on earth wouldn't you want them all running around, shouting with joy! It's a celebration!
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
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electricdunce
True Blue Farmgirl
2544 Posts
Karin
Belmont
ME
USA
2544 Posts |
Posted - Aug 17 2009 : 2:14:52 PM
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That stinks. Weddings are always so peculiar to me, not that I've attended all that many, but this one sounds really unpleasant. A little baby talk or even a little baby squawk only adds a bit of charm to any large occasion. There really isn't much to say, I guess you could send a note and say "I'm not coming to your next wedding" but that would probably be considered rude.
Karin
Farmgirl Sister #153
"Give me shelter from the storm" - Bob Dylan
http://moodranch.blogspot.com
http://domesticnonsense.etsy.com |
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Hosanna
True Blue Farmgirl
466 Posts
Hosanna
Alton
Virginia
466 Posts |
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1badmamawolf
True Blue Farmgirl
2199 Posts
Teresa
"Bent Fence Farms"
Ca
USA
2199 Posts |
Posted - Aug 17 2009 : 3:52:58 PM
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I have never been to a wedding that DIDN'T have lots of kids of all ages, I did not know that people didn't always invite them?!?! I have a very large family and when someone in it gets married, its a BIG crowd, and all but one to date has been in a little country church, with a dirt parking lot and a dirt road leading to it. The one that was not at that church was one of my sisters cause she got married in a chapel in Vegas, lol.
"Treat the earth well, it was not given to you by your parents, it was loaned to you by your children" |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
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CountryBorn
True Blue Farmgirl
1545 Posts
Mary Jane
New York
USA
1545 Posts |
Posted - Aug 17 2009 : 8:37:32 PM
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Most weddings I have been to invite children. I wouldn't of listened to the kid! Especially since little Miss Violet's name was on the invite. I can see getting up and leaving if a baby starts screaming and crying or an older kid acts up and no one can hear the ceremony at all. But then I think most parents would get up and take them out don"t you? I know I would. But a little baby cooing or happy talking has always made the occasion more special I think. Especially cute was the little boy about 3 who saw Mommy coming down the aisle and said Hi Mommy at the top of his lungs everyone just cracked up, even the priest. I am not sure if this 12 year old kid just took this upon himself or what, but I sure don't blame you for being upset and hurt. I think anyone would have been. The things that went on at the wedding must of made you want to get up and leave anyway! It is sad that a day you looked forward to was not a nice experience. I am just so not into weddings. Most of them bore me to tears. I love the simple ceremonies that actually celebrate the love of the two people getting married, not all the hoopla of it.
MJ
There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different from the things we do. Freya Stark |
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
Posted - Aug 18 2009 : 05:46:03 AM
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I so appreciate your sentiments, girls. I sortof figured I wasn't in the "wrong" with my way of thinking. The last few years, I've received invitations to weddings (co-workers, friends, etc...) that will specifically say, "adults only service and reception" or "nursery services provided". The former is pretty clear: KIDS ARE NOT ALLOWED, the latter states that someone (picked by the families) will watch your children for the whole thing so what? I guess you can let loose and get hammered, or so they won't interfere with the overall "elegance" that the bride and groom are trying to convey? To be honest, the ones that request no children have been high powered young professional couples who don't have "time" for that stuff in their lives anyway....
Hosanna, that's exactly what we should have done--and I'm wondering now, if the other parents inside the church did the same thing (because their children were inside) or if they got another "sensible" usher.
Some mutual friends attended the reception and asked me why we didn't come...I told her. She said, "well, you didn't miss anything--when we left at 9:15, the cake still hadn't been cut and the bride was STILL doing the $1.00 dance with whatever 20-something guy, bumping and grinding to rap music." Yep, just what I wanted to see!!! A bride, still in her lovely gown, getting down with some guy who's NOT her spouse!!!! Oh, and the reception started at 6:00 so no cake for 3 or more hours????
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
Posted - Aug 18 2009 : 05:52:52 AM
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Oh, Mary Jane, that is soooo cute (little boy saying, "Hi Momma!")...and that's what I think of when I think of memorable weddings...I'm not a huge fan, but I do love a beautiful ceremony. Now it seems that so many people are trying to put their "brand" on the wedding that they forget that the only real detail you need in the ceremony is love and adoration, and that "decorates" the church right there and then.
Aside from the bride giggling and the one groomsmen just being a total immature dork, I felt bad for the soloist who was going to sing the Lord's Prayer. She was also in the wedding party, walked up to the potium, and turned on the mic. Cue music, and she opened her mouth to sing, but Maria Callais' voice came booming out of speakers--someone played the track with the voice instead of the music version!!! So, bless her, she just sortof skulked back down from the potium and got back into line until it was over. Poor thing! It made her look like she was lipsincing!!!!
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
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Annab
True Blue Farmgirl
2900 Posts
Anna
Seagrove
NC
USA
2900 Posts |
Posted - Aug 19 2009 : 03:38:07 AM
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The proper thing would have been to have stated on the invite about a nursery, then to have responsibly acted on it. As in someone paid to watch the kids.
No one realy wants a crying kid in a very quiet ceremony knd of thing, but really..once the kid is quiet there's really no disruption at sitting in the back of the room. That was really, really rude and hurtful!
People are so thoughtless sometimes.
To be kind to our guests when we got maried, we threw tradion to the wind and had the bulk of all our pix done before the cermony....more time to get to the eats. But we had a sit down dinner kind of thing. And yes, I ate and enjoyed every bite!
Am still very happily married after 9 years |
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
Posted - Aug 19 2009 : 07:14:13 AM
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I totally agree, Anna..and I'm all for that, if it's done the right way. I'm not one of those mom's that thinks her child needs to be everywhere with her. There are some places where it just isn't appropriate--I can recall being left out of a lot of funerals :) ....
I love the bride, and I really hope that her marriage stands the test of time...her wedding reflected two VERY young people embarking on a commitment that appeared to be all pomp and circumstance. I'm crossing fingers for them!
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
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Laila
True Blue Farmgirl
273 Posts
Laila
Kutztown
PA
USA
273 Posts |
Posted - Aug 19 2009 : 07:44:49 AM
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I was a church organist for 30 years so I got to play for many weddings. The most memorable one was when the groom was obviously drunk. Needless to say the marraige didn't last. If I were the pastor, I would have refused to marry them. The pastors I worked with the last few years stated very clearly at the rehearsal that no drinking was allowed before the ceremony. I think it is really sad that people have to be told how to act. What happened to respect?
Laila |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
Posted - Aug 19 2009 : 1:07:48 PM
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Sadly it's gone with the wind Laila.
Not that I am against alcohol, but my husband and I only had the wine for the pics and that was it for our wedding. One reason I wanted it like that for us, is my uncle spent thousands on a huge wedding, and all the pics he's obviously plastered! In my opinion ruined a day that could of been wonderful with great pics, but I would of been embarrassed to death of their pics of him so blantently drunk!
I did also serve wine at my wedding, but respectively asked (privately about a week before the wedding, in their own homes in person) that my guests that I know for a fact like to over drink to not come to the wedding drunk and to please not over drink at my wedding. Thank goodness since I invited so few, there was only two that I was worried about with it, and both respected my wishes. For which I stopped by their homes the next day and gave them a bottle of wine from the wedding each. Since my husband and I don't drink that much and we had a lot left over, and I really wanted them to have it since they were so good about respecting my wishes, when at every other family gathering they are always drunk. I know it may of sounded irresponsible to give them a bottle, but these uncle would of bought it on their own any way if I didn't. And I wanted them to know that I appreciated their respecting my wishes on such.
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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Contrary Wife
True Blue Farmgirl
2164 Posts
Teresa Sue
Tekoa
WA
USA
2164 Posts |
Posted - Aug 19 2009 : 4:05:41 PM
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Any more it seems it's more about the wedding than the marriage. Too bad, I think kids should be at weddings!!
Teresa Sue
Farmgirl Sister #316
Planting Zone 4
"Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly." The Dalai Lama |
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ddmashayekhi
True Blue Farmgirl
4738 Posts
Dawn
Naperville
Illinois
USA
4738 Posts |
Posted - Aug 20 2009 : 6:27:02 PM
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I'm having a bit of a wedding dilemma myself. My brother is getting married next month and his fiance doesn't want any children at the church or reception. Since they chose a Friday for their wedding, I can't get a babysitter. My sitters are in marching band & have a football game that night. My brother was fine about the kids, but he said "Bridezilla" is adamant about no kids. I pointed out that my son is only 6 years old and I can't leave him home alone! We were told we could bring him from my parents, but not the bride or groom. I'm not sure what to do. I refuse to go to the reception without my husband, so I guess we'll go to the church only if my son isn't allowed to the reception.
I went through this three years ago for my nieces (I'm her godmother & gave her a bridal shower) wedding. My sister and niece were very rude about my son coming to the wedding. Then they told me it was fine, but when we got there, they didn't have a place for him to sit at our table! We had to stand in the middle of the room waiting for a height chair. Very embarrassing and irritating since they acted very reluctant about helping us out. They pretended like they had no idea he was coming. The grooms side were so angry about the "Adult Reception" rule that the minute they finished eating they all got up at the same time & left!
I've been to weddings where children were allowed and enjoyed seeing the little ones all dressed up and dancing. I think the kids give the whole thing a warmer and more loving feeling. After all, I feel that's what the celebration is all about, family! I am hoping things will go peacefully at my brothers wedding next month. It's not that I demand my little boy comes, I can't get a sitter! I don't know what they expect me to do!
Dawn in IL |
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Annab
True Blue Farmgirl
2900 Posts
Anna
Seagrove
NC
USA
2900 Posts |
Posted - Aug 21 2009 : 03:42:10 AM
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I would also have to prefface by saying it also depends on the age too.
My own nephews were in my wedding. Ringbearer at the time was 3 and did VERY well.
Still I also recall brother and I being farmed out to various friends homes and such where we had a better time playing |
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Across the Fence: Babies and Wedding Etiquette |
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Babies and Wedding Etiquette
