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Family Matters:  Need support for disappointing my 9 year old.  |
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StarMeadow
True Blue Farmgirl
940 Posts
T
MI
940 Posts |
 Posted - Aug 06 2009 : 10:52:23 AM
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| OK...I'm feeling like the worst mom ever right now. My son wanted to do Karate at a local dojo. He's done TaeKwonDo at our local community ed program and I thought the change might inspire him and foster a bit more commitment and focus. Anyway...I had to sign up for the "newsletter" to get info about the class. So I get the two "free" classes that came with a "personal" review if you will and then a chance to try an actual class with a group. So, the sensai gives my son a uniform and basic belt (with his name on it in marker) and puts him through his paces. He's a great kid so I'm not too worried about him but this "program" also comes with a "character building" component...again not so worried about that area either and who couldn't use some additional self-esteem building and all that. We decide to come back for the "class" later in the day. So then we talk class times...2x a week with a 12 month commitment (through the summer too) at 139.00$ a month!!! Stupid ME for not asking that right away! But who would have thought that it would be THAT expensive! So now my baby has a uniform, has found a couple of friends from school in the class he would most likely be in AND he really wants the class and I'm feeling like I'm trapped into a 2x a week 30" class to the tune of $1548 a year! I am so stressed that I hardly slept! I was sooooooo stupid not to ask about cost right out of the gate. Another dojo has similar classes available in the martial arts he's already done...2x a week for an hour at 45$ a month! BUT it's in a nearby town and of course no school chums and it's smaller and not as "fancy".... I'll tell ya I am just over a barrel here. I've tried to explain it to him but hey, he's 9. I mean his swim lessons in a group of 5 aren't even that expensive and those are 45" classes.... So, the sensai calls me and I get the "by all means if you need to check out the other cheaper dojos go ahead...we want this to be a good fit for you too...." Yeah right. The price is a factor...don't get me wrong...but I also don't like how I feel that I got suckered in, if you will. Is it just me? |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22937 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22937 Posts |
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Calico Countess
Farmgirl in Training
16 Posts
Christie
Bow Island
Alberta
Canada
16 Posts |
Posted - Aug 06 2009 : 11:41:31 AM
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First off, you are not the worst mom ever. Things like this happen. Children have to realize that there is only so much money in the pot to pay for *everything*, and some things are not necessities. I know he's only 9 and that might be a bit of a difficult concept to fully grasp for him but at the end of the day it's about what's good for everyone and not about some fancy pants marital arts school. Personally, I'd tell him "sorry honey, but our budget cannot afford the fees of this school. However, if you want to take marital arts, this school here is within our budget". As for the being suckered in, it sounds rather like they keep you in the blind and hope the guilt factor totally sucks you in.
Stick to your guns and do what's the best for everyone. Losing sleep and giving yourself an ulcer over this is not good.
"Too much of a good thing can be wonderful" ~ Mae West |
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Farmtopia
True Blue Farmgirl
1465 Posts
Zan
New York
New York
USA
1465 Posts |
Posted - Aug 06 2009 : 2:19:42 PM
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I'm with Christie. It is a tough lesson, but maybe not a bad one for a 9 year old to learn, either: not everything a child wants, a child should get. Welcome to Life 101. I think it's better for children to learn those sorts of things early..and it's not fair to you--at the end of the day, it's whats best for you, your family, and wallet. But I think Alee also has an idea---maybe there is a scholarship or some way to defray the costs. Good luck!
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knittingmom
True Blue Farmgirl
665 Posts
AnneMarie
Edmonton
Alberta
Canada
665 Posts |
Posted - Aug 06 2009 : 2:24:36 PM
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You are not the worst mom ever and if you explain the reason at nine he'll be very disappointed but should understand. That Sensai should have tried to work with you when he found out the cost was an issue if he really wanted kids in his class.
Take him to the cheaper one, hopefully he'll click with the Sensai and enjoy himself.
"There is no foot so small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world" |
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StarMeadow
True Blue Farmgirl
940 Posts
T
MI
940 Posts |
Posted - Aug 06 2009 : 7:25:28 PM
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Thanks ladies....I should know better than to go that far into something without checking first. It's not that I "couldn't" afford it, it's just that it would put a serious crimp in let's-do-something-fun-this-weekend budget. We like to catch the occasional movie and we love to go to the museum/zoo/whatever. More over, it's the way I feel I was led down the prim-rose path you know? The next community is only about 6 miles away, so it's not like we would be traveling a 1/2 hour for lessons.
It's just I can think of at least a half/dozen ways to spend/save the 94$ difference between the dojos!! |
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Tapestry
True Blue Farmgirl
1223 Posts
Cheryl
Wisconsin
USA
1223 Posts |
Posted - Aug 06 2009 : 8:06:02 PM
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Awww T I agree with all the other ladies comments. I think you have a right to feel "suckered" into this gig with the very expensive dojo. Obviously that is why they keep people in the dark until they have a chance to get the kids excited and make the parents feel like a heel if they have to say no. In this economy I would say that's way too expensive and very sneaky way of doing business. I know your son is probably disappointed but at nine if shown the monetary facts about how much it will cost each year and what impact that will have on family spending I'm sure he'll understand. Do you live within easy driving of a YMCA by any chance that might offer a reasonably priced program? I agree the other class option you're aware of at a better rate is a much better deal too if he truly is most interested in learning karate. Disappointing our children is always something that tugs at a parent's heartstrings but truly it can be a character building lesson for your children to learn. That's Life 101.
Happy farmgirl sister #353
Look for rainbows instead of mud puddles 
http://fantasm01.imagekind.com/
http://tapestrysimaginings.blogspot.com/ |
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goneriding
True Blue Farmgirl
1599 Posts
Winona
Central Oregon
USA
1599 Posts |
Posted - Aug 07 2009 : 04:33:04 AM
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Been there, done that with my kids too. Especially in this day and age, he'll just have to learn that not all things can be, sad to say. I wouldn't want to be suckered either and have been in the past too. Life 101.
Winona ;-)
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CherryMeDarlin
True Blue Farmgirl
602 Posts
Cherry
Odenville
AL
USA
602 Posts |
Posted - Aug 07 2009 : 07:13:57 AM
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If you had to sign-up for the newsletter just to get info, they should have had the cost in the newsletter. That's irresponsible on their part. But 9 yo kids are resilient and in no time at all, he'll be focused on something else. I think I'd definitely let the owner's of this dojo know how underhanded their advertising is though. And I'd point out to your son that he doesn't want to learn martial arts, which are all about character and respect, from a place that isn't really on the up-and-up.
Hugs to you, T. I know it's a difficult position to be in.
~~Cherry~~
http://cherrymedarlin.blogspot.com
"A thing is as simple or as complicated as you make it." --TT Murphy |
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Ga Girl
True Blue Farmgirl
2355 Posts
Karen
Meansville
Ga.
USA
2355 Posts |
Posted - Aug 07 2009 : 3:04:21 PM
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I know your pain! I have done something similar before myself; dont feel bad. If you cant afford it think of all the stress you would have worring if you could make each payment. Maybe your son can find something else that he would like to do that wont cost so much. Blessings,Karen
Create in me a pure heart,O God and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Psalms 51:10
www.KKJD1.etsy.com |
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willowtreecreek
True Blue Farmgirl
4813 Posts
Julie
Russell
AR
USA
4813 Posts |
Posted - Aug 07 2009 : 5:48:20 PM
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Be honest with him - out line the cost and compare it to things he understands. 9 year olds are smart! While he may be disappointed he will get over it. Also - look around there is likely some less expensive options out there. Maybe you could get him into another program. Another idea would be to get him involved in some extra chores and stuff around the house. Tell him that you want to be sure he is really interested in the class. Give him 6 months to show his commitment. Twice a week he should have a few extra chores to do and if he is able to keep up then you could revisit the possibility of joining in 6 months or give him the option to do some extra work towards some other less expensive type of treat.
Farmgirl Sister #17
Blog
www.willowtreecreek.wordpress.com
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Family Matters: Need support for disappointing my 9 year old. |
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Need support for disappointing my 9 year old.
