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Hogs & Quiches & Prayers Round-up:  Friend with Breast Cancer  |
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AlyssaMarie
True Blue Farmgirl
287 Posts
AlyssaMarie
Palouse
Washington
USA
287 Posts |
 Posted - Jul 28 2009 : 12:13:26 PM
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My heart is very heavy as I am writing and my head is just swirling. I must admit that I have been lucky until this point to have never personally known anyone close with Breast Cancer. Now it's really hit hard. A dear friend and neighbor was diagnosed last week with stage 3 breast cancer, we found out this morning it's spread to her lymph system. She's only 34, she has 3 kids, and her husband is a wheat farmer. They're already looking at harvest, though I know the farmers around here will get their crop in so the husband can be with his wife, so that isn't an immediate need. But I am just overwhelmed and concerned. They will be doing surgery, radiation and chemo. This sounds really weird and probably very easily misunderstood, but with the best of intentions in my heart, I must ask for advice: what do you say, what do you do, how do you help if you do? I know she has a lot of close family around to support her too, but I also don't want to abandon her to just family. My husband told me I need to talk to my OB doctor since I'm just starting my 3rd trimester... I guess there could be side effects of the treatment that could be negative on my pregnancy if I was too close? I've been really emotional about this and just cry when I think about it. Does this sound like I'm getting too emotional? I'm hoping maybe someone who has unfortunately been through this that they might be able to offer some advice. I just don't know where else to turn or who to talk to about this other than through personal prayer.
AlyssaMarie @ Link'd Hearts Ranch
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1930sgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
233 Posts
Joyce
Alberta
Canada
233 Posts |
Posted - Jul 28 2009 : 12:23:45 PM
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I'm so sorry to hear this, AlyssaMarie.
The way I help in these circumstance is to do the everyday things. I'm sure your friend would truly appreciate help around the house. Laundry, cleaning, meals, help with the children, transportation. Whatever needs to be done. Having said that...don't wear yourself out, hon. You're pregnant and need to consider yourself and your precious baby.
I think, your hubby is right. You really should check with your doctor about what is safe. My 17 year old niece had a nuclear test on her liver. She was not allowed to be around anyone for at least 3 days afterward. She had to have a bathroom dedicated to just her use and wash all her clothing separately.
I will be praying for your friend, her family and you,
Joyce |
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Jennifer Mulkey
True Blue Farmgirl
59 Posts
Jennifer
Arkansas City
KS
USA
59 Posts |
Posted - Jul 28 2009 : 1:48:01 PM
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I've had breast cancer. Stage two, but I had nodes involved too. Did the whole chemo thing and now take a pill daily.
I can only tell you from my own experience. While I was going through chemo, there were ladies in my church who brought supper to us a few times a week. It was truly a Godsend. My husband had to do everything, as I was so sick, so even just a few times a week that he didn't have to cook was a great relief to him. I never felt like cleaning, or cooking or anything really. The first three days after a chemo treatment weren't so bad...but oh that fourth, fifth, sixth, and seventh. The only thing I could do on those days was lay in the recliner with my eyes closed concentrating as hard as I could on not being sick. My chemo lasted for four months, every two weeks. I had dose dense chemo. Some only get it every three weeks and so they get an extra week in between to feel better.
There are some things during treatment that you (being pregnant) should not be around, so ask your physician first before you do anything.
But if you could only go once a week and take supper, or clean, or run the vacuum, or just anything at all that you could do would be a great help.
My best friend (well, I thought she was), only came to my house once the whole time I was going through the whole mastectomy, chemo stuff. And then she said I should talk to her cousin, who had lost a child to breast cancer, but had survived herself. It was absolutely the worst thing she could have said to me. No one going through cancer wants to talk about someone dying of cancer, or hear of it, or see it, or even think of it.
Also, many friends send just a little something in the mail to arrive on those really bad days, some times just a letter will lift your spirits, a card to wish well, a little tiny gift, doesn't have to be anything that costs anything at all. Just to know that someone is thinking about you and what you are going through. And of course, prayer always helps if she is Christian.
Some would fix a supper and then freeze two or three portions and bring that to put in the freezer for those days that I couldn't stomach anything and my husband was too tired to cook.
So you see, there are all kinds of things you can do to help, and it's so very kind of you to want to help out, and I know your friend will appreciate it and will realize what a good friend you are :)
I'm cancer free at this point, it's been over two years and I'm hoping I have many years left to come, but none of us who have had cancer has any guarantees, so I'm living life every day as if it was my last. And I'm thankful every morning that my eyes open.
Will pray for your friend.
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babysmama
True Blue Farmgirl
931 Posts
Elizabeth
Iowa
931 Posts |
Posted - Jul 28 2009 : 6:22:10 PM
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I think the most helpful thing, especially with someone with small children, is bringing meals or gift certificates for food. Maybe helping around the house or offering to watch the kids sometimes. She is going to have little energy and probably feel sick and the first things that will weigh on her mind is the kids, meals, and household.
-Elizabeth |
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julia hayes
True Blue Farmgirl
1132 Posts
julia
medical lake
wa
USA
1132 Posts |
Posted - Jul 30 2009 : 3:49:49 PM
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I bow deeply to you and to your friend and her family and other friends at this time. May I say, "Peace be with you all."
It is my belief that one of the most difficult things to accomplish in a time of crisis is to 'not do' and to instead 'simply be.' We become so frightened, worried and anxious that we busy ourselves with tasks that sometimes take away the opportunity for the very real gift of presence. Your presence.
There is no question that meals ready made and set in the freezer are an enormous help. Friends coming over and offering to take the kids for a day out for fun is exceptional. Providing maid services for a time being is a God-send as well. But don't forget, there's also a enormous need for the comfort found in listening, being still, and sharing the very real intimacy of friendship that is most affected in times when faced with mortality.
No one wants to face it, yet it is the ultimate inevitable. We will all someday leave this world and it is a scary thought when faced with the actual battle.
For me personally, it was impossible to ignore that my daughter was surrounded by other children who were dying from their particular cancers. It was also impossible for me to ignore that she, too, may die but that reality never once distracted me from the battle plan, from marching toward cure, regardless, or from staying strong even during my most vulnerable moments. There are no promises and no guarantees and that is by far the most devastating reality whether one is ready to hear it or face it. It is the elephant in the room and I've know many who are desperate to want to talk about it but no one is willing or able to do so. We aren't very well equipped in this regard, which is partly why you are feeling like you are about to jump into unchartered waters and want to be prepared.
The most valuable lesson Aria's cancer has taught me is that there is no natural order to life. Some are taken from us way too soon and there is nothing we can do about it. Sometimes things happen that we could never have foreseen or predicted. We are instantly humbled to admit that our idea of control is an illusion. Life is chaos and throws realities our way that are heart-wrenching but more than anything else, we possess the spirit and the capacity to endure almost anything. The strength and resilience of your friend will overwhelm you and humble you. The best possible thing for you to do is to BE yourself, be available, be real, be true and be willing to do nothing and just be with her..
Blessings upon you all. I'm keeping you very close. ~julia
being simple to simply be
Farmgirl #30
www.julia42.etsy.com
www.about-aria.blogspot.com |
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ceejay48
Farmgirl Legend/Schoolmarm/Sharpshooter
13645 Posts
CeeJay (CJ)
Dolores
Colorado
USA
13645 Posts |
Posted - Jul 30 2009 : 4:04:12 PM
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Alyssa Marie,
Julia has nailed it with "simply be". The doing is important, being available, being helpful but BEING cannot be measured. I could describe several situations in my life where having people just "BE" was priceless. I won't describe those situations . . . I just encourage you . . . your friendship and companionship through it all is what matters. And prayer . . "pray without ceasing".
Will pray for YOU too . . .it's tough stuff!!!
CJ
from the barefoot farmgirl |
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Calicogirl
True Blue Farmgirl
5216 Posts
Sharon
Bruce Crossing
Michigan
USA
5216 Posts |
Posted - Jul 31 2009 : 09:00:10 AM
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Alyssa Marie,
I am so sorry! I am keeping your friend and her family in prayer as well as you. I'm sure meals, cleaning someone to listen or be there would be a huge blessing to her. Notes or cards of encouragement sent to her would be a good way to let her know you care too.
~Sharon
By His Grace, For His Glory
http://merryheartjournal.blogspot.com/ |
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Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - Jul 31 2009 : 9:07:00 PM
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Alyssa Marie:
I will pray for you and your friend.
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
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Tapestry
True Blue Farmgirl
1223 Posts
Cheryl
Wisconsin
USA
1223 Posts |
Posted - Aug 01 2009 : 12:47:37 AM
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I'm very sorry Alyssa Marie that your friend has this battle to handle. As her good friend it is obvious you want to be there for her. I agree you must check with your ob/gyn first to make sure it is safe for you to be close once she begins chemo. I'm sure that talking to her on the phone and having hubby drop off meals at her house would be a huge comfort to her. I'm sure she'll understand if you can't be physically close during your pregnancy and her chemo. Just hearing a friendly voice and knowing that person cares about you can be such a lift in a person's day. Keeping you all in my prayers.
Happy farmgirl sister #353
Look for rainbows instead of mud puddles 
http://fantasm01.imagekind.com/
http://tapestrysimaginings.blogspot.com/ |
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Hogs & Quiches & Prayers Round-up: Friend with Breast Cancer |
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Friend with Breast Cancer
