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A Farm of My Own:  What, Dear Farmgirl, Did You Overcome??  |
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deaf-huntress
Farmgirl in Training
25 Posts
Magi
Kendrick
ID
USA
25 Posts |
 Posted - Oct 21 2004 : 11:05:42 AM
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Since we are here talking to other farm girls, clearly we have by choice, taken the Road Less Travelled. We have had friends and family look at us with everything from admiration to discust because we don't do things the "easy" way.
We make what we could buy...
We teach when we could let others do it...
We get dirty on purpose...
We raise kids and animals and build things and grow things in the ways we WANT to.
And I am CERTAIN that we each had to overcome obsticles to develope the lives we chose.
What did YOU overcome?
Please join in, as I would love to know about your lives.
As a hearing impaired person, I walk alone in many ways. My dear, DEAR husband of 23 years, my children and one or two good friends are the sum of my suport system. And of course, GOD!, whose voice is always near....
In some ways I am not WORTH getting to know. That's why a place like this is so liberating and wonderful.
This is what I have overcome!
I CAN teach my kids!
I CAN run a business from home!
I Can live this great farmgirl life!
It's not what you hear, but how carefully you listen. |
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Eileen
True Blue Farmgirl
1199 Posts
Eileen
USA
1199 Posts |
Posted - Oct 21 2004 : 11:38:52 AM
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Magi,
Listening is not a matter of the ears alone! Hearing with our ears alone teaches us nothing about what we hear. I love your by-line!
At 38 years of age I began a journey in which I began to see who I was and what the "WHO" was hiding behind. I am 53 and the journey has been awesome!
Overcoming the limits that society attempts to place upon me as woman.
Overcoming the desire to do things that please others when they do not please me.
Overcoming the need to attempt to nurture others while letting myself go un-nurtured.
Overcoming my extended family's view of who I should be and becoming who I am.
Willing myself to do all those things I CAN do even when others tell me I can't.
Explaining to others that Yes indeed I am the one who accomplished this or that project on my own with my own two hands and no I did not allow them to give the credit to my wonderful Husband of 33+ years!
Giving wings to the real dreams of my life, allowing them to mature and grow into where I am today and where I know that I am heading.
Loving and nurturing my support system and allowing space for those of my former friends from my old life who still experience culture shock everytime they visit.
Believing that I am making a difference!
Eileen
songbird; singing joy to the earth |
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MeadowLark
True Blue Farmgirl
2206 Posts
USA
2206 Posts |
Posted - Oct 21 2004 : 12:05:04 PM
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Magi, Hearing with one's heart is the essence of being human. If one has acheived that then they can truly live! Listening to that voice from the heart is not without hardship and pain. As far back as I can remember { and that's a long time babe!} I am 48, I seemed to be drawn to nature. My mother said I drew a flower at the age of 18 months. I was the wierd kid in school who had the huge rock collections, painted model birds, and planted flower and vegetable gardens when other girls were playing Barbies or something. I hated wearing dresses and I worshiped horses. I grew up a city girl but always longed for a farm place, with kids, animals, and those gardens.I married a farm boy and through many trials, disasters, heartbreaks we built our home and farm. It is still awork in progress. Yeah, I don't buy new clothes, I sew and mend, I cook and clean and build myself. I cry when a farm animal dies. I get excited about seeing migratory geese spending the night on our pasture. My daughters know some of the mysteries of nature instead of the newest hot trends. I teach them how to make a killer pie crust. I have taught them that appearances ARE deceiving and it is the hidden that should be paid attention too... My husband and I are good stewards of the land and are just caring for it for the next generation. Yes I have been looked down upon...but it's cause I know I am living my life on MY terms and I look at myself as priviledged. You are right on track Magi, You have love in your life overflowing, no apologies, no regrets, forge on brave lady...you and all of us are blessed.
Time Flies |
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deaf-huntress
Farmgirl in Training
25 Posts
Magi
Kendrick
ID
USA
25 Posts |
Posted - Oct 21 2004 : 5:29:23 PM
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You guys are beautiful!! Thanks. I hope more girls tell of their struggles.
Magi
It's not what you hear, but how carefully you listen. |
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Aunt Jenny
True Blue Farmgirl
11381 Posts
Jenny
middle of
Utah
USA
11381 Posts |
Posted - Oct 21 2004 : 6:22:46 PM
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I have overcome a first marriage that was abusive and have a wonderful supportive husband (8 and 1/2 years) now. I was only able to give birth to two children (my boys are 26 and 24 now and turned out great!) but since Steve and I married we have adopted 4 more kids(none of them as babies) ..one in college and three still at home. We are hopefully adopting another son (age 7) in the next couple weeks. WE will get the final word on Tuesday. I guess that was one of the things I had the hardest time overcoming...that I couldn't have more children. I have always wanted a big family. I sure have a good start now!
I have never wanted to be anything but a wife and mom and a farmer. We are on a 2/3 acre lot in an old old house in a tiny town..and I love it. WE moved here 2 and 1/2 years ago. I have never ever regreted the move for a minute..although all my older sons are in Calif and my daughter lin law and 2 year old granddaughter will be moving there as soon as the college semester is over. I miss them alot!
I have a wonderful bunch of freinds here and where I used to live and sisters in law who "get it" and in alot of ways do things the way I do. It is hard to explain to some people..some family, like my sister would never do any of the things I love the most because it would be too "hard" so I give up and go my own way and most of them love to visit, and always have me watch their children when they need a sitter. I don't mind..the more the merrier.
I really love to hear all your wonderful stories..you all have such writing talent and it is so neat to read.
Jenny in Utah
Bloom where you are planted! |
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jpbluesky
True Blue Farmgirl
6066 Posts
Jeannie
Florida
USA
6066 Posts |
Posted - Oct 21 2004 : 7:28:01 PM
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I hate to say I "overcame" anything because so many blessings have been the result of the trials I have had. I overcame two failed marriages. My "real" hubby and I have been married 27 years now, and are true soul mates. I am glad the first two brought me to him.
I overcame the reality that I would only have one child. I am so glad to have her, and she is a wonderful, wonderful woman. She kept me so busy through her growing up years that my life as a mother was truly full....just wish she could have had a sibling. She now has a daughter that I get to care for and love on. So, in that way I eventually got to have two children - one mine, and one once removed!
I overcame a hysterectomy at 30, losing my dad at 19, slowly losing my mother to a dementia similar to Alzheimers, and never feeling like I fit in during my school years. I was always the artsy one. Now I relish that adjective.
I overcame many wild mistakes in my youth (still trying to lose the regrets) and grew to be a stable, giving person who keeps trying to improve in God's eyes. I have given up trying to get everyone else's approval.
Now I need to overcome my reluctance to take leaps of faith. Perhaps that will come in my next trial....
Ladies, when at all possible, choose joy.
jpbluesky
Love those big blue skies and wide open spaces. |
Edited by - jpbluesky on Oct 21 2004 7:34:56 PM |
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deaf-huntress
Farmgirl in Training
25 Posts
Magi
Kendrick
ID
USA
25 Posts |
Posted - Oct 22 2004 : 09:47:05 AM
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Jeannie.......... I love you already! You are so right. Our trials reap wonderful rewards.
And Jenny... Did I mention that all 8 of our children were adopted? All called "special needs"... by the State. We got two tiny babies, two 2 year-olds, one at 4, one at 5, one at 6 and one VERY precious "problem child" at the age of 9. God bless you for adopting those kids. I KNOW it is not easy!!!!!!!!!!!!
I would like to adopt a deaf child. That is my heart's desire.
magi
It's not what you hear, but how carefully you listen. |
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bramble
True Blue Farmgirl
2044 Posts
2044 Posts |
Posted - Oct 22 2004 : 11:35:45 AM
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Magi--Wow! We all travel through our lives with stories to tell but this is some group of women! Courage to change the things we do not like, wisdom to know when we can't, and that everlasting spring called hope seems to well up in each of us just when we think it's run dry.
As for me... I was 10 (brother 5) when my Mom was diagnosed with terminal breast cancer.My father was an alcoholic who was verbally abusive and at times violent to all of us.My mother was a strong and amazing woman who wanted to see us grow up and fought her illness so that she could be there for us.We lost her way too soon but she got her wish (I was 23 when she died). From her I learned to do the things you think are important, hurt no one if possible , and always tell those you love so you have no regrets.
My career choice is a male dominated one so I have been swimming upstream for many years! I am presently taking a new direction so the journey begins anew!
My son is my joy and like some of you I had a very difficult time accepting that this wonderful loving child would have no siblings.
Adoption hasn't been an option for us financially and I still think I am meant to mother more children in some way. We shall see... I also had the opposition from family about being a stay at home Mom . It just seems to me that I am supposed to be here for this child
not just when it fits into my schedule.Please take no offense working Moms, I know we all make sacrifices and they are frequently difficult.
My father became sober when he realized he really wasn't going to get to know his grandson if he wasn't.Hard to believe after so many years but he stayed sober until he died two years ago at 67. I spent three years taking care of him, between hospital, care facility and the hospice. It was a gift to get to know him sober before the illness and for that I am thankful. It has caused hard feelings with my brother because he choose not to have any sort of resolution with him and I think resents my son for being the one who made him quit even though we begged him for decades.
My support system depends on some close friends, my husband and my in laws when they are in the mood, so I don't ask often!
I have learned that the more you share yourself with others, the more
that will come back to you. Anyone worth knowing will want to know you! Bramble
with a happy heart |
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MeadowLark
True Blue Farmgirl
2206 Posts
USA
2206 Posts |
Posted - Oct 22 2004 : 12:15:17 PM
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I am truly humbled and in awe of the strength I am reading and feeling from you amazing women! I have admiration on the candor and honesty of you ladies. This forum has been a godsend for me. I am very shy. I have very deep and painful hurts and issues. I have always been afraid to put them "out there". The internet creeps me out a little, but this gathering of people is too me like family now. Thank you Magi for starting this topic. The stories here are inspiring, heartbreaking, joyful, gritty, and full of hope. Blessings to all of you!
Time Flies |
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Eileen
True Blue Farmgirl
1199 Posts
Eileen
USA
1199 Posts |
Posted - Oct 28 2004 : 09:01:49 AM
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For so many women that I have known and myself included the first hurt to need healing is the one where we have felt guilty about allowing ourselves to be hurt, physically, emotionally or mentally.
Looking at the hurts through older eyes as you have so aptly put can give you the insite to be able to forgive yourself for those un-deserved feelings of guilt thereby releasing its strangle hold on your ability to have joy in your life. Once past that point you can look at them with an eye to rechanneling the anger turned inward into a productive healing process.
I have just finished reading a book called "The Dance of the Dissadent Daughter" by Sue Monk Kidd. It is about one womans journey through discovering an internal hurt of a type many of us as women have had and she writes about the work she did to find her way from there to putting the work into writing for others to see the process.
She could have been writing about me, with the facts and some of the wounds changed to protect the innocent.
Jenny I am sure that you have a survivor heart and I believe your story is about to be written into a very joyful song!
Eileen
songbird; singing joy to the earth |
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jpbluesky
True Blue Farmgirl
6066 Posts
Jeannie
Florida
USA
6066 Posts |
Posted - Oct 28 2004 : 12:22:54 PM
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Remember, we all are healed by grace, and it is free. So easy to say, so hard to realize, but it is true. I have often thought that if everyone could grow up knowing they were truly loved, many terrible things would be avoided. But that will never be, at least when it concerns us humans. We are all truly loved, by God, but so few know it deep in their hearts.
Wish I could place that knowledge in everyone! So much hurt would go away. As you might imagine, I have been viewed as a pollyanna! And yet, I live with regret everyday, and wish I could have a do-over!
jpbluesky
Love those big blue skies and wide open spaces. |
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bramble
True Blue Farmgirl
2044 Posts
2044 Posts |
Posted - Oct 28 2004 : 1:00:51 PM
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I too believe in that force, that power that tells me everyday that tomorrow and even later today will be better; and that it always has promise. That my purpose here is to learn and improve upon the things I know I've done wrong in the past and to forgive myself.
Whether you call that loving force God, Great Spirit or whatever it is based on FAITH, HOPE and LOVE.
My husband used to tell my that my standards were so high for everyone that it was nearly impossible not to disappoint me . Powerful words but said with love and a huge wake up call for me. I had circumstances so out of my control as a child that as an adult I strove to keep everything the way I thought it should be.Motherhood
has done alot to keep me humble! Humans are flawed and always will be , so we have to learn to accept our limitations and those of others. Sometimes when people repeatedly pain and hurt us we have to love ourselves enough to say you may not do this to me anymore and remove ourselves from the relationship.Grace has brought me through many trials and love has made me triumph. Bramble
Wondering what religion I am? Society of Friends(Quaker)
with a happy heart |
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n/a
deleted
28 Posts
Kimberely
MaryJanesFarm
Idaho
28 Posts |
Posted - Oct 28 2004 : 1:07:37 PM
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Well, I have been reading these entries and am blessed and inspired! I am only 34, but as my best friend who is 50 says, "You have been through and done more in your 34 years, than I could even think about in my 50!"
That statement is true to the extent that I have done a lot and I have been through a lot. My childhood and on into adulthoood was one of pain, abandonment, abuse, and certainly NOT stability! (Won't bore you with details!)  But due to the fact that I had been abused, that I had been through some very major difficulties, I began to make some poor decisions in my life. One day, I decided that with God's help and knowing that He loved me, I was going to ask Him to help me overcome some things in my life. I began to see me as He sees me, I began to see things in me that needed to be changed, and some things that didn't. I began to see good in me, not always bad. I have really grown and gained wisdom. Although only 34 in years, I do have some wisdom under my belt becuase of circumstances in my life. Soooo, all in all, I decided long ago, that what once was my "MESS" was now going to be my "MESSAGE". I was able to relate to others better because of what I had been through and the mistakes that I had made, I was able to understand why someone would make a certain mistake when others might just look and judge. I could now understand someone's emotions of pain and hurt, instead of having to stand "outside" wondering what that was like. I am thankful for the life I have, I am thankful for the lessons I've learned, I'm thankful that God has been there all along by my side, guiding, directing, and encouraging. I have to say, that all the things that were done to me, be it good or bad, all the decisions I made, be them good or bad, have made me into the woman I am today. I'm happy with me!  We all, of course, continue to grow, and I'm looking forward to being even more "stretched" and challenged in life. I don't dread anymore my mistakes or look back with lots of regret, but instead I "Press on".
Keep pressing on, and remeber, you're "MESS" can become your "MESSAGE"!!
God Bless, Kimberely |
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deaf-huntress
Farmgirl in Training
25 Posts
Magi
Kendrick
ID
USA
25 Posts |
Posted - Oct 28 2004 : 1:47:50 PM
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Kim, Great post! Thanks for the uplifting MESSAGE!
Magi
It's not what you hear, but how carefully you listen. |
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MeadowLark
True Blue Farmgirl
2206 Posts
USA
2206 Posts |
Posted - Oct 28 2004 : 5:17:39 PM
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The power of the feminine spirit is eternal, and truthful...All of your words are full of that power...I feel priviliged to read them and know you all even if its cyber. They reach across that space!Here is a message for all of you I found in that space... It says "Be very careful if you make a woman cry, because God counts her tears. The woman came out of a man's rib. Not from his feet to be walked on. Not from his head to be superior, but from the side to be equal. Under the arm to be protected, and next to the heart to be loved." This is written in the Hebrew Talmud, and is not the religion I aspouse to but I thought it was beautiful. Pass this on to all exceptional women that you know...and to men so they know the value of a woman.
Time Flies |
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Eileen
True Blue Farmgirl
1199 Posts
Eileen
USA
1199 Posts |
Posted - Oct 28 2004 : 5:42:44 PM
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I have painted these words on the steps going into my pole building upper floor as a reminder.
ENTER IN JOY
ABIDE IN PEACE
AND KNOW THAT
YOU ARE LOVED
BEYOND MEASURE
SHALOM.
On the front edge of the steps I have painted these words:
Remember,life is meant to be lived one day at a time darling!
I am greatly blessed to know each and every one of you!
What wonderful, exceptional and beautiful spirits you all own.
Eileen
songbird; singing joy to the earth |
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bramble
True Blue Farmgirl
2044 Posts
2044 Posts |
Posted - Oct 28 2004 : 6:16:58 PM
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Beautiful words for us all! This is a truly amazing and giving group of women. With a full and thankful heart today, it is my pleasure to
say, THANK YOU for sharing so much of yourselves. Bramble
with a happy heart |
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Maggie
Farmgirl at Heart
3 Posts
Maggie
Laval
Quebec
Canada
3 Posts |
Posted - Nov 14 2004 : 3:42:59 PM
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Thank you girls for what you wrote. Just reading all your posts reassures me that good people still exist. I tried to bring up my kids with the importance of judging people for what they are but not for what they have but sometimes it is hard for them to understand this when they see people pushed aside because they chose to live their lives differently than what publicity or magazines show you what you are supposed to be in life.
It is a struggle everyday to fight against peer pressure and publicity but when I see them with my mother at the hospital and how they care, I think I did a good job. Last time my eighteen year old son arrived there before us and when I came in her room, he was washing her dentures in the bathroom for her. I was so touched that I almost cried. Caring for others is the best lesson you can teach your kids. I never asked them to care but I guess, having seen me care for my mom showed how precious it is to show you love in small gestures and that it can be more important than gifts or flowers.
Keep up for what you believe, you are a wonderful bunch of ladies!
PS forgive my english, I'm french.. sorry
Be real and simplify! |
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Sandra
Farmgirl in Training
16 Posts
Sandra
Tazewell
VA
USA
16 Posts |
Posted - Nov 14 2004 : 4:00:55 PM
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"...she laughs at the future..." somewhere in Proverbs 31.
What have I overcome? Not so much what I've overcome but what I've realized which is, "I control how much sugar I put in my lemonade." When I realized that, it was quite freeing. I have reached the age and stage of life where I no longer give others permission to disrespect me, to abuse me, to be rude to me, to ask unseemly questions.
I've gotten to the age and stage of life where I'm comfortable saying, "no". No, thank you. No, it's not necessary. No, I'm sorry but I can't. No, it's not a good time. No, I don't want to. And sometimes, with a laugh, "Gosh, NO!"
I've overcome the usuals in life - abuse, poverty, smallness, pettiness. I still fight fear & guilt; the fear I've been too short or rude to someone; the guilt over losing friendships (probably w/good reason because I was their friend, they weren't mine) but I still miss those people, blast it. Once we figure out we control us and not other people, I think, we're much happier. At least I was and am.
Dave and I married too late to have children so I've learned to adopt other people's children. I've children all over the world who drop in when they can, stay while they can and let me love and dote on them. I've learned to enjoy happiness when I have it & when I didn't it, to make my own.
Like Michelangelo’s pronouncement at the tender age of eighty-seven, "Ancora imparo! I am still learning." I'm not yet eighty-seven but I am still learning. Thank the Good Lord!
Sandra @ http://www.thistlecovefarm.com...a grasp on the past & a hold on the future... |
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Eileen
True Blue Farmgirl
1199 Posts
Eileen
USA
1199 Posts |
Posted - Nov 14 2004 : 6:52:54 PM
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Sandra,
Another beautiful kindred spirit in sooooo many ways!
I visited your sight and read your paper on your mom, CAT HEAD BISCUITS. I wrote a similar tribute to my mother about fresh baked bread Called "Baking Bread and Sweet Memories" That I submitted to MJF for a future issue.
It is fascinating how people can live such different lives but the memories, the things that matter are so similar.
I have just begun to learn to spin and I am just now beginning to weave with a loom. All the weaving I have ever done in the past was without a loom and done with make shift tools but the results were very pleasing.
So good to have you joining in.
Eileen
songbird; singing joy to the earth |
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Kim
True Blue Farmgirl
146 Posts
Kim
Pflugerville
Texas
USA
146 Posts |
Posted - Nov 15 2004 : 5:36:29 PM
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Magi, YOU are WORTH knowing and I have enjoyed learning more about you through our e-mails. As are all the women in this group.
I overcame an unhappy marriage and had the courage to leave. At 36 I lived on my own for the 1st time. The excitement of paying my own bills was unbelievable (ok it's worn off now!! lol) But I learned that no matter waht happens I CAN make it. On my own or with others.
3 years ago I lost my job to cutbacks. My BF told me to take my time getting a new job and look for something I'd be happy in. He said " I know you, you'll take the 1st job someone offers whether or not it will make you happy." I listened and now have a great job I enjoy very much.
Those of you who are single moms I salute you. My mother raised me through my formative years alone. Sometimes working 2 jobs, but we made it through!
farmgirl@heart
Be at peace with yourself and the rest will follow |
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gardenlady
Farmgirl in Training
10 Posts
Shelly
Oilville
Virginia
USA
10 Posts |
Posted - Jan 21 2005 : 6:29:52 PM
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I agree that the choice someone makes as to how they wish to live their lives is a personal one. I was blessed to have grown up on a farm and learned a lot, but now I'm relearning, because the way things were done weren't necessarily the best from the farming end. I learned so much from my Grandmother, Grandfather, my aunt who thought that perfection was the way all things should be, she had her flaws, but she taught me so much, my great-aunt who hated cooking and keeping house, but knew everything there was to running their little country store and making people feel special. Each day I learn something new and am grateful for it, My grandfather used to say that when you stop learning, then you're 6 foot under.
This is the poem the reference is made to:(the real story behind the poem is at the end)
Robert Frost (1874–1963). Mountain Interval. 1920.
1. The Road Not Taken
TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth; 5
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same, 10
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back. 15
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference. 20
Robert Frost made a trip to France to visit a gentleman of some age, he was asked by the gentleman to take a walk with him, when they came upon 2 paths, the old gentleman just stood there looking, not being able to decide what path to take. Robert Frost wrote the poem for the gentleman to more or less make fun of the incident but before the gentleman received the poem in the mail, he passed away, never having read the poem. |
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LeslieAnne
True Blue Farmgirl
71 Posts
LeslieAnne
Shallowater
Texas
USA
71 Posts |
Posted - Jan 22 2005 : 7:51:07 PM
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My favorite poem, gardenlady... thanks for posting it...
LeslieAnne...westTexas |
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MeadowLark
True Blue Farmgirl
2206 Posts
USA
2206 Posts |
Posted - Jan 23 2005 : 08:06:38 AM
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Gardenlady...that was beautiful. Thank you so much for posting Frost...the road less travelled...words to live by. All lot of us talk about what our grandparents and other loved ones taught us. Thanks for sharing yours. Jenny
"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I'll meet you there." Rumi, 13th century. |
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A Farm of My Own: What, Dear Farmgirl, Did You Overcome?? |
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What, Dear Farmgirl, Did You Overcome??
