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Hogs & Quiches & Prayers Round-up:  At the End of my Rope  |
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babysmama
True Blue Farmgirl
931 Posts
Elizabeth
Iowa
931 Posts |
 Posted - Jun 22 2009 : 4:32:47 PM
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I hesitate asking for prayers as I know the other prayers on this board are much more urgent and important but I can also use some prayers.
I have been very stressed out lately and feel like one giant ball of tension that could just snap at the slightest thing. It boils down to raising three small children and having the daily stresses of that, never getting my house even remotely clean even though I clean all day long (and they, especially the one year old, mess it up right behind me), and never having alone time with my hubby...and feeling like I don't even want it at this point even if I could have alone time with him. It has gotten to the point that I am at the end of my rope and I keep thinking "Is this all my life is? Cleaning and listening to fussing children and making food and doing dishes?!" I love my kids with all my heart and would never hurt them but lately I haven't been enjoying them. It's like I am just putting up with them. And it's not like I can take a retreat or a breather because I am nursing the youngest. So please just pray for me to start to see the lighter side of things and not get so wrapped up in all the everyday stresses. Thanks!
-Elizabeth |
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Tn.Earthmama
True Blue Farmgirl
451 Posts
Phyllis
Englewood
Tennessee
451 Posts |
Posted - Jun 22 2009 : 5:10:21 PM
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Hi Elizabeth, mercy!! You do have your hands full!! You need a break girl. Is there someone who could watch the kids and give you at least an afternoon to rest and recoup?? I know you are breast feeding, but maybe you could pump for a few days and save up enough milk for feedings? will your little one take a bottle?
Please be patient with yourself. I think most every mom in this world has had moments like this. How old are your little ones? You are doing a really hard job, and sounds like you are doing it well. I'm glad you shared with us what you are dealing with, I know the ladies here will have lots of prayers and encouragement coming your way. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. hang in there and try to take care little time to do something good for yourself soon. Hugs Phyllis |
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Sitnalta
True Blue Farmgirl
4208 Posts
Jessica
NJ
USA
4208 Posts |
Posted - Jun 22 2009 : 5:18:52 PM
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Elizabeth,
You know you can count on me to be praying. I know what you are going through (you know I do). Sounds like you need a good hour to yourself to just do nothing and think about nothing. Hubby can watch kids for just one short hour, can't he? (In between nursing) It does get better, and remember God says "His mercies are new EVERY morning." Claim it, girl! Tell God He's promised that to you and tell Satan to fly a kite!
You are a good Mommy and have the most high calling there is! God didn't say we had to do it all alone, we just have to try our best!!
I know you can do it!! God is with you!!
I am praying for you!
BIG HUGS
Jessie
Farmgirl Sister #235
"You are my strength when I am weak. You are the treasure that I seek. You are my all in all. Seeking You as a precious jewel; Lord, to give up I'd be a fool. You are my all in all."
Stop by my blog for a visit www.messiejessie2.blogspot.com |
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peapicker
True Blue Farmgirl
716 Posts
texas
USA
716 Posts |
Posted - Jun 22 2009 : 5:28:21 PM
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Hi Elizabeth,
I've been where you are and are watching my daughters go through the same thing. In my opinion you are at one of the hardest stages of your life. I agree with Phyllis.... you need some time for yourself. How old is your baby? Is there any way your husband can take over for two hours a couple of times a week. I know its not much, but I would so look forward to just a little time to myself. I would run a bath at night and use my favorite soap, gel or whatever makes you feel special. Then I would put on music and get a magazine and something to drink and settle in for my time. You need to give instructions to not be disturbed unless the house is on fire. This was the least expensive and time consuming way for me to unwind a little. Remember....this too shall pass. Things will get better. I gave my kids lots of responsibility as they aged and I'm now glad I did. I'll be praying for you. Hang in there.
Sharlet |
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thethriftycountrywoman
Farmgirl in Training
11 Posts
Jane
Port Austin
Michigan
USA
11 Posts |
Posted - Jun 22 2009 : 5:33:33 PM
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Hang in there Elizabeth! I went through that period too (4 boys all under the age of 6). Hope knowing others have been there and survived helps. I remember one time I went in the kitchen and bashed my plastic dustpan on the edge of the counter
so hard it shattered all over the room! It helped get rid of the tension, but it was another mess for me to clean up. Let the housecleaning go for a few days, serve the kids sandwiches, they'll survive. |
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babysmama
True Blue Farmgirl
931 Posts
Elizabeth
Iowa
931 Posts |
Posted - Jun 22 2009 : 5:36:01 PM
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Thanks for the encouragements girls. My hubby is good about giving me time alone. I will often take a bath in the evening, ALONE, and that is a big refresher. I think that what it is is everyday is mundane and it seems to be like the movie "Groundhog Day" where I am doing the same thing over and over again and then I wake up the next day and do it all over again!! None of my friends live around here so I can't invite them over for a cup of tea and we live in such a small town that there are no activities to join or mommy and me classes or anything of the sort. The only one I know to depend on is my hubby. My mom lives right down the street but never offers to watch the kids and some people keep telling me to just come out and ask her to but the few times I have done that she either has an excuse of why she can't that day or expects me to watch her five year old in exchange (yes, I have a sister the same age as my daughter). My kids ages are 5, one will be 4 in two days, and one is 13 months. Boy, it is hard!! I want to enjoy them and not snip at them and just look forward to night time when they are asleep.
My big plan to help myself right now is clear clutter out of this house once and for all. One of the bigger stresses is trying (and failing!) to keep the house in just "okay" mode. If I can clear a lot of things out the house will be much easier to tidy up and my stresses will lessen. It will at least make me feel like I am doing something to take the edge off.
Thanks for the prayers...I feel a relief just getting this off my shoulders. I always try to keep up the tough guy act and never show weakness or ask for help but sometimes you have to say something before you crack and crumble to pieces.
-Elizabeth |
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NudeFoodFarm
True Blue Farmgirl
433 Posts
Heide
Benton City
WA
433 Posts |
Posted - Jun 23 2009 : 07:11:43 AM
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Ohhh sweetie,
when I read your posts, I so know. It is so hard to raise babies by yourself. I haven't had guest for nearly 5 years because I haven't been able to find my floor. I love my DH but he is seriously domestically challenged (to put it nicely).
So I offer these little tidbits of peace that got me this far.
#1 Keep taking the baths and make a ritual of being very nice to yourself, play music, float flowers, use yummy smelling soaps, have your favorite towels.
#2 Keep leaving the children with their daddy (I so need to practice that one more. . .)
#3 Have one little space you can keep clean of your days clutter, a shelf or corner of the room, for your sanity.
#4 Sing and Dance, Laugh and remember that these could be the best days of your life. . .
I hope I help and you know you are not alone. . .
Best
h
Nude Food Farm
~Grown so good,
Dressing is Optional. |
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nut4fabric
True Blue Farmgirl
885 Posts
Kathy
Morgan Hill
CA
USA
885 Posts |
Posted - Jun 23 2009 : 07:18:52 AM
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Elizabeth Every mother has been in your spot at one time or another. I remember calling my mom one day and just spilling it all on her. Her reply was simple and oh so true......"The days of being a mother or young children are short compared to the years of being a mother of grown children, so enjoy them while you can." I quit trying to keep everything spotless and just went with the flow and tried to enjoy everything. they are now grown and I wish they were little again.
Big hugs, Kathy |
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1badmamawolf
True Blue Farmgirl
2199 Posts
Teresa
"Bent Fence Farms"
Ca
USA
2199 Posts |
Posted - Jun 23 2009 : 08:47:00 AM
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I made this wall hanging sign many years ago when my kids were little, " My house is clean enough to be healthy and dirty enough to be happy, and please don't feed the killer dustballs". My babys are 28, 30, 32, 35, and this sign still hangs in my house. Living on a farm/ranch, having kids and husbands, livestock etc makes for some crazy long days, especially when your kids are babys. Try to create a mamas day away, at least 1x a month, gather your girlfriends and go shop, eat, craft, drink and be merry.
"Treat the earth well, it was not given to you by your parents, it was loaned to you by your children" |
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Sheep Mom 2
True Blue Farmgirl
1534 Posts
Sheri
Elk
WA
USA
1534 Posts |
Posted - Jun 23 2009 : 1:45:47 PM
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When my kids were little I posted this sign on my wall: Welcome to our house, It's decorated in early childhood. We firmly believe that there is no such thing as a spotless house (except in the imagination) when children are present. You wouldn't believe how many guests chuckled over it and that was it. Just do what you can do and let it go. I don't think that there is a mom alive that hasn't felt that way at some time or other. Be sure take whatever time you can sneak in for yourself.
Blessings,
Sheri |
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RuralSuburbia
True Blue Farmgirl
251 Posts
Leslie
Northern CA
USA
251 Posts |
Posted - Jun 23 2009 : 2:23:22 PM
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Do you know a preteen who you could hire to come play with the two older ones while the littlest one is in a play pen, while you tackle a project? Say, the linen closet one day. The bedroom closet the next time. Someone from the neighborhood, or the church, or a friend's daughter?
I'm with you. The less clutter, the less mess. And getting something DONE feels great!
Hang in there, each day is a new chance to apply patience. I do child care, and there are days, I know, where I am nothing but a child's servant. You are lucky you get a bath, sister! ENJOY THAT!! lol
*I've got stars in my eyes and exactly $1 in my pocket!* |
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therusticcottage
True Blue Farmgirl
4439 Posts
Kay
Vancouver
WA
USA
4439 Posts |
Posted - Jun 23 2009 : 2:36:33 PM
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Elizabeth - it sounds like your are majorly burned out! It's easy to get that way when you're trying to raise 3 little ones, take care of the house, take care of hubby, etc. You definitely need some time to yourself. I had a gal's group met once a month. I lived for that night. We had a standing rule - no children or husbands allowed. It was girl time. We would sit around, eat, make crafts, and laugh. Those two to three hours with the gals really recharged my battery. Maybe you could do something like that. Even if you are nursing, couldn't you get away for a couple of hours??
Don't worry about the house. It will always be there to clean - even after your little ones are gone. Sometimes it feels like your wander through the day and aren't getting anything done. I used to make a list of what I had accomplished in a day. Sometimes it was only one thing but I had it on paper and knew that I had done something that day.
I will be praying for you. Wish I lived closer and I could come sit and give you a break.
Handmade Soap & Lotion Bars http://www.therusticcottagebath.com
The Rustic Cottage Blog http://therusticcottage.blogspot.com
Follow me on Twitter! www.twitter.com/rusticcottage
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CherryMeDarlin
True Blue Farmgirl
602 Posts
Cherry
Odenville
AL
USA
602 Posts |
Posted - Jun 23 2009 : 4:00:32 PM
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Oh, Elizabeth, I wish I lived closer, too! My sister has three girls, one 6, one 3 and one 9 mos. She finally learned that it was okay to "farm" out her kids for a little while when she needed to get something done to feel better about herself or feel more accomplished. One goes to my mom, one to my grandmother and one to a family friend of ours. Sometimes it's easier to find a babysitter if they know you aren't expecting them to watch all three. It would seem to me your mom would understand your situation better, having a 5 yo of her own. (And that's not as uncommon as you think. My granddaddy was an uncle before he was even born and my dad and one of his aunts are the same age.) You may have to just tell your mom that you'll be bringing HER grandkids over to spend the day with her so you can get some things done and ask which day would be best for her. Or you could say to her that "this" is what you need to get done, would she rather watch the kids or come over and help?
As for "Groundhog Day" syndrome, you could check out the local library for different activities going on for you and the kids. I live in a small town, but you would not believe the different programs they have! From childern's storytime to yoga for seniors! :) The best, and most trite, piece of advice I have though is that this too shall pass. And the other girls are right. You will miss this when it's gone. My DD is 17 and an only and I am already mourning losing her to adulthood!
~~Cherry~~
http://cherrymedarlin.blogspot.com
"A thing is as simple or as complicated as you make it." --TT Murphy |
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kissmekate
True Blue Farmgirl
890 Posts
Kate
Delano
Minnesota
890 Posts |
Posted - Jun 23 2009 : 5:47:57 PM
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Elizabeth,
I second what Jessie says.
Just know we are praying for you. Every woman and mother gets overwhelmed and discouraged from time to time.
Hang in there.
(Hugs!)
Don't miss out on a blessing, just because it isn't packaged the way you expected. ~MaryJo Copeland |
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Beverley
True Blue Farmgirl
2707 Posts
Beverley
atlanta
Michigan
USA
2707 Posts |
Posted - Jun 23 2009 : 8:49:23 PM
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Oh I remember those days to vividly. I one time met my husband at the door and handed him the baby and walked out and went shopping for an hour. Came back and I was good to go again.. I just had to get out of the house. So, like everyone else has said every mom has been there where you are. Consider yourself not alone in this. I now have a 27 and a 30 year old and sometime I really miss those days when I had more to do. So, give yourself permission to let the house go and take all the kids and go for a walk. Go to a park, go to the library, but get out of the house and seeing the same things all the time. My sister in law had a rule at her house that she had to go someplace everyday. So if you live in a small town go uptown and take the kids to lunch. but get out among people, adults etc. Go to church and let the kids go in the nursery there. It is a nice hour to sit in church and have some reflective time. also, give yourself permission to just sit and watch the kids play and play with them. You will never have this time again. the house does not have to be so clean. Tell yourself it is ok to do these things. You will clean later...
Folks will know how large your soul is by the way you treat a dog....Charles F. Doran
beverley baggett Beverley with an extra E...
http://bevsdoggies.googlepages.com/ |
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peapicker
True Blue Farmgirl
716 Posts
texas
USA
716 Posts |
Posted - Jun 24 2009 : 06:52:43 AM
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Good Morning Elizabeth,
Just wanted to let you know that I am thinking about you and your family. If you get a chance let us know how you day is going.
Blessings,
Sharlet |
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Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - Jun 24 2009 : 1:41:33 PM
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Elizabeth:
I will, indeed, keep you in my prayers. I will ask my God to comfort you and to bring you love, peace, and time for yourself.
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
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Suzan
True Blue Farmgirl
659 Posts
suzanne
duncannon
pa
USA
659 Posts |
Posted - Jun 24 2009 : 3:00:33 PM
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| Elizabeth, Don't try to be Wonder Woman. I've been where you are, and I'm now 56. The things that I thought were important years ago now don't seem so important and the world didn't come to an end! I remember my mom telling me once that toys were "clean" dirt and I would have years to clean when the kids were gone. I thought the house needed to be perfect all the time...like I said, one of those things that just are quite as important anymore. |
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babysmama
True Blue Farmgirl
931 Posts
Elizabeth
Iowa
931 Posts |
Posted - Jun 27 2009 : 07:28:59 AM
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Thanks so much farm girls! I have been doing a bit better and trying to just go with the flow. It's funny that some of you wrote "Don't try to be superwoman" because that is far from what I've been doing. I do not try to have a perfect house but can rarely even get the basics done, such as all the laundry or finishing the dishes, etc. So it was the very nitty gritty basics that have been stressing me out. Probably mainly because I have a 13 month old who has been teething for three months straight and starts whining the moment he sees me try to do anything.
I went to Bath & Body Works at the mall and took some of your suggestions by buying myself a few pamper me items. This is a huge step for me, as I NEVER buy myself stuff like that and my husband was shocked to see me actually spend money at the mall (believe me, I never do!) but I couldn't pass up that 75% off sale or a little treat for myself.
My hubby is a great help and when I mention how stressed I am he will watch the kids, tell me to take a bath, or start cleaning up the house or unloading the dishwasher. I am working on just decluttering things. My mom is having a garage sale next month and I hope to have several boxes of things to include. Last time I made $150 and I hope to get rid of a lot of things in order to clear out this house and save my sanity! So I am still stressed out but maybe I am making a little progress. I wonder, too, maybe if I have a hint of post partum depression which manifests itself as anxiety. Is there anything natural that can help with that? I hate to go on medication, especially while breastfeeding.
-Elizabeth |
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Hogs & Quiches & Prayers Round-up: At the End of my Rope |
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At the End of my Rope
