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Across the Fence:  anyone else up? frustrated (a bit long)  |
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melanie47601
True Blue Farmgirl
1949 Posts
Melanie
Boonville
IN
USA
1949 Posts |
 Posted - Jun 09 2009 : 10:52:05 PM
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So it's almost 12:30 in the morning and I have a super busy day ahead of me tomorrow and am not the least bit sleepy. Have you ever had one of those nights where your mind will just not shut off? Now I guess I know what the man with the incessantly nagging wife must feel like. LOL I'm sure the loaded hot fudge sundae, 20 oz Mountain Dew and raging hormone week have absolutley nothing to do with my restlessness and extreme moodiness. Nope, it has to be something entirely different. 
Why is my mind racing? I can not get this house out of my head I saw this past weekend. It's a small brick home, needs some work. As far as I know nothing major. It sits on 5 acres and has a huge lake out back for $70,000. It's located in a small town (pop. about 200 maybe a little more). I lived there when I was young and my grandma ran the market until she passed away. I have always felt a deep connection to the area. I guess because I loved my grandma so much. She was my favorite person in the whole world. I have always dreamt of moving back.
Anyhoo I forgot to get the number off the sign to call about this house and it's about a 20 minute drive from where I live. My guy however lives in this town. So I think "No problem. I'll just get him to run what maybe 2 blocks down the road to get the number for me." He however I guess believes that everything should be new. I don't know maybe he has something against a little elbow grease and work. Aaarrgg Since he thinks it's a waste of time he doesn't even want to go look at it. I asked him to get me the number anyway. This was 2 days ago. Tonight while talking with him on the phone, he was talking about a chance of storms moving in and how he may be rained out of work tomorrow and I jokingly said "Oh so you can go down the road and get that number for me." So then he rattles this number off and tells me he went that way today. Ok I should have known that this was not going to be the right number. We have been together 3 years and he can't even remember my phone number without looking it up.
Then somehow my ex-husband comes up in the conversation. And I don't know if it's just that time of the month and I take everything wrong, but it always seems like my guy throws it in my face what a stupid mistake I made when I married my ex. I was young and naive and dumb and I have willingly admitted that more than once. The past is the past. Let it die already. Ok so that stung some. After I admitted once again to making a mistake when I was younger and that it was past now. He says "well you had three kids with him. That was a mistake too." Have you ever felt your entire body feel like blazing inferno in the split second, shot flames out of your eyeballs and swore you could rip someone's head off through the telephone? I did not blow up at him though. I simply said that children were never mistakes no matter whose gene pool they came from. I thought well surely he just didn't choose his words the way he meant to. I have been trying to calm down, really I have but it's not working.
Sorry gals had to blow off some steam. Thank you for listening.
Melanie
Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says "Oh Crap, She's up!"
Blog~ http://wheelsarealwaysturning.blogspot.com/
Swap Blog~ http://mels-swapshop.blogspot.com/ |
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ranchetta
True Blue Farmgirl
318 Posts
carol
Marysville
Wahington
USA
318 Posts |
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
Posted - Jun 10 2009 : 07:19:08 AM
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Melanie...somethin's in the water! I do have those nights when the monkeys in my brain decide to burn the midnight candle and keep turning their little wheels. I hate it. I resent it.
Now, as to what he said...well, now, he deserved to be set on fire by your mind, but I for one am much more proud of the way you handled things. That was a lovely, intelligent way to say, "hey stupid, shut up" and I really think it probably put him in his place. Men are like that--when they've let something slide, or they feel backed into a corner, they immediately put the ball back in your court. My husband makes those off handed remarks that drip with smarta**ism, and when I say something in response, he thinks I'M the one with an attitude...he simply hasn't learned the laws of cause and effect!
I'm hoping this day is better for you, though I have a feeling it might be as grey where you are, as it is here in Northern Kentucky. I've got a bit of the blues, but nothing another cup of coffee and a good cup of soup for lunch can't cure.
Be well!
Musings from our family in the Bluegrass http://sweetvioletmae.blogspot.com/ |
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melanie47601
True Blue Farmgirl
1949 Posts
Melanie
Boonville
IN
USA
1949 Posts |
Posted - Jun 10 2009 : 07:42:16 AM
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I do feel better this morning even for lack of sleep. I may be a bit slap happy but that's better than being a grouch. The kids and I have decided that we may just drive up and get the phone number for the house ourselves.
I was supposed to have a long day of work. But my mom suggested that I put the one job off till Saturday and spend the morning relaxing with the kids. So the younger two are outside walking the dogs and my oldest is reading and I'm catching up with girlfriends and enjoying a hot cup of tea.
Melanie
Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says "Oh Crap, She's up!"
Blog~ http://wheelsarealwaysturning.blogspot.com/
Swap Blog~ http://mels-swapshop.blogspot.com/ |
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Contrary Wife
True Blue Farmgirl
2164 Posts
Teresa Sue
Tekoa
WA
USA
2164 Posts |
Posted - Jun 10 2009 : 07:43:35 AM
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Ouch! Honestly Melanie, all I could think of when I was reading your post was: Run, Melanie, run! Do you want your previous marriage and your precious children thrown in your face as mistakes for the rest of your life? Sorry, I don't mean to be preachy and it's none of my business, I'm just looking at it from my 54 year old eyes and a lot of life experience under my brige, LOL. Be good to yourself, be honest with yourself. Believe people when they treat you badly, that, that's exactly what they are doing. Life is too short to play mind games.
Teresa Sue
Farmgirl Sister #316
Planting Zone 4
"Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly." The Dalai Lama |
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harmonyfarm
True Blue Farmgirl
785 Posts
Debbie
Southeastern
Ohio
USA
785 Posts |
Posted - Jun 10 2009 : 07:46:17 AM
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After I read this post, I started seeing all kinds of red flags going up. If I had a boyfriend that said, your kids were a mistake, I'd be packing up his stuff and showing him the door!
Your description of this home and land sound wonderful to me! It's so obvious that your "heart strings" are tied to this place somehow. I know you're seeing yourself in this house, living on the land and having a joyful life etc. If your boyfriend is bringing up your ex and can't even take a minute to write down a phone number, he's probably got insecurity issues (the ex will always be in your life because of the kids) or a commitment phobia (doesn't want you to own your own place). I don't know, I'm not a Psychologist, but I'd take a good hard look at the way your boyfriend treats you. Go with your instincts...we women are good that way.
Debbie
"If you can't find the time to do it right...how will you find the time to do it over" |
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Marybeth
True Blue Farmgirl
6418 Posts
Mary Beth
Stanwood
Wa 98292
USA
6418 Posts |
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Corinnelouise
True Blue Farmgirl
957 Posts
Corinne
France
957 Posts |
Posted - Jun 10 2009 : 08:13:51 AM
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Ha, Teresa Sue, I was going to say the same thing. A man, husband boyfriend, what ever man in your life that doesn't respect you is showing an abusive side. Melanie, go for your dream go for the house, it seems lovely. And leave the BF behind. Your kids are precious little human beings, they love you and you love them, only this matters. There are good guys out there just wanting to meet you.
Corinne
Sister # 101
'Heaven on Earth' is a choice you must make, not a place you must find.
Dr. Wayne Dyer |
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harmonyfarm
True Blue Farmgirl
785 Posts
Debbie
Southeastern
Ohio
USA
785 Posts |
Posted - Jun 10 2009 : 08:16:03 AM
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I just read Melanie's line under her name. I'm still laughing...and how true! LOL!!!
Debbie
"If you can't find the time to do it right...how will you find the time to do it over" |
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Jami
True Blue Farmgirl
1238 Posts
Jami
Ellensburg
WA
USA
1238 Posts |
Posted - Jun 10 2009 : 08:42:12 AM
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Melanie, gosh, how do you forget something said like that? I couldn't forget that one ever. Mother Bear in me comes out.
I think he's afraid of you moving to his town. Bet he thinks it's some sort of commitment time for him if you move real close? Just my take on his response to the situation. I dated a couple of men long-distance at separate times and they wanted to move here (in their own place). It scared the heck out of me...I soon broke it off with them. It just held some sort of commitment I wasn't ready for at the time and "strings". This sounds similar.
Jami in WA
Farmgirl Sister #266
http://cookecreeksheep.blogspot.com
http://cookecreekwool.etsy.com |
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Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - Jun 10 2009 : 08:54:51 AM
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Melanie: Part of that post sounds like I could have wrote it. LOL I'd say that you should do what your hearts telling you to do. I enjoyed your post.
Marly
"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up- that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had." Elisabeth Kurler-Ross |
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DaisyFarm
True Blue Farmgirl
1646 Posts
Diane
Victoria
BC
Canada
1646 Posts |
Posted - Jun 10 2009 : 09:08:32 AM
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I'll step into the "it's none of my business" circle as well and suggest you put him on the other side of the door. Whether you choose to open it first is up to you, but I probably wouldn't!
Don't make excuses for him, QUIT apologizing for your past and quit making up reasons for feeling the way you do. They are justified, but I think you know that.
Sometimes it's hard to throw out the old comfy pair of shoes, but it sure lifts your spirits when you can walk proudly in a new pair.
Chase your dreams Melanie.
Di |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
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LauriP
True Blue Farmgirl
239 Posts
Laurianne
Hertford
North Carolina
USA
239 Posts |
Posted - Jun 10 2009 : 12:13:38 PM
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>> The house sounds almost too good to be true!! <<
I agree with the others -- Go For It!! -- grab that house the minute you can -- and as for the boyfriend -- tell him to go jump in a lake..or whatever else may be close by. To slam you for your children is just not called for! I would have lost it for sure if I'd heard that little bit of gibberish.
Make your plans for you and your kids. They and You are the ones who are important here. And post a picture of the house if you can!!
Laurianne |
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lilwing
True Blue Farmgirl
1403 Posts
Brooke
Fulshear
Texas
USA
1403 Posts |
Posted - Jun 10 2009 : 6:45:17 PM
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That house sounds wonderful and something I am looking for! Go catch it out - you got to do it on your own and can't depend on anyone.. If it is what _you_ want! And for your guy to say THAT.... **BREAK SCREECHES**
Please consider thinking long and hard before making any big choices about the future with this guy!! 
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http://www.stevietribute.com |
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melanie47601
True Blue Farmgirl
1949 Posts
Melanie
Boonville
IN
USA
1949 Posts |
Posted - Jun 10 2009 : 7:55:17 PM
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Well girls I got off work this afternoon, looked at the kids and said "Who wants to go for a car ride?" Of course they all knew we were going to check out the house. We were over halfway there and passed my b/f. A minute later he called my cell to ask what I was doing and I told him where we were going. He said he had the number stored in his phone and he was on his way to my house. Oh well anyway I told him we had drove all that way we might as well as go the rest. My son was especially excited to go and see the house. So we get there and then came the let down. It has already been sold and sometime between when I first saw the for sale sign this past Saturday till now the price magically changed from 70,000 to 96,000. I thought when I saw the first tag, WOW! That's unreal!
Caitie wasn't so upset. She wasn't all that crazy about changing schools. Hallie was a little bummed. Matt and I were the most upset. He really wanted to spend his days fishing in the lake and I just wanted to see them all grow up happy and healthy and have room to run. I drove on down the road a little further to show them the house my grandma lived in. It is a sad sad sight. It hasn't been lived in some years. The yard is all grown up and the driveway is full of ruts. It just seems hard to believe that at one time it was one the most beautiful homes there.
Back at home. B/f is already here with his son. I wanted to gripe his rear for what was said last night on the phone, but you know how it is when you have 4 kids running the house. The kids don't know what was said and I don't want to say anything to them or argue with him while he is home. But I got enough out for him to know that I am peeved to put it nicely.
You know I hadn't read all the replies before I left for this morning. I was feeling calmed down, even though I was still stingin some from his words. But I just cruised along daydreaming about this house and imagining this big old friendly german shepherd that Hallie wants when we have a big enough yard, lounging in a chair next to Matt throwing out a line, hiking with Caitie. We had tlaked about planting blackberry bushes and flowers. I could see all of this plain as day. And then it just kinda occured to me. I saw all of us but I didn't see the b/f in the "big picture".
Melanie
Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says "Oh Crap, She's up!"
Blog~ http://wheelsarealwaysturning.blogspot.com/
Swap Blog~ http://mels-swapshop.blogspot.com/ |
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lilwing
True Blue Farmgirl
1403 Posts
Brooke
Fulshear
Texas
USA
1403 Posts |
Posted - Jun 10 2009 : 8:07:38 PM
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You can still get that dream, even if it isn't the house you will end up with - it is still attainable. :)
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http://www.stevietribute.com |
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kissmekate
True Blue Farmgirl
890 Posts
Kate
Delano
Minnesota
890 Posts |
Posted - Jun 10 2009 : 9:22:30 PM
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Keep the number too, you never know. The buyers could get cold feet, or their financing could fall through.
As for the bf-lose him! You don't need someone so insensitive and uncaring in your life. Take care of you and your kidlets!
Don't miss out on a blessing, just because it isn't packaged the way you expected. ~MaryJo Copeland |
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Diane B Carter
True Blue Farmgirl
1270 Posts
Diane
Blasdell
N.Y.
USA
1270 Posts |
Posted - Jun 11 2009 : 07:12:30 AM
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If you don't want to make another mistake I would run away from this b/f..If he is not doing what you ask now, trust me he won't do anything for you in the future...and saying your kids are a mistake,,,goodbye loser is what I would say...There will be other houses to buy and other boyfriends who would love you and your 3 children....It hurts when you break-up...but when you find the right guy it will more than make up for the hurt you will feel now...Remember you always have the farmgirls to lean on.
Hope all your days are Sunnydays.
dianebcarterhotmailcom.blogspot.com |
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Contrary Wife
True Blue Farmgirl
2164 Posts
Teresa Sue
Tekoa
WA
USA
2164 Posts |
Posted - Jun 11 2009 : 07:26:18 AM
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Melanie, who owns the house your Grandmother used to live in? Is it for sale? Perhaps you could start a whole new generation of love from it......
Teresa Sue
Farmgirl Sister #316
Planting Zone 4
"Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly." The Dalai Lama |
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harmonyfarm
True Blue Farmgirl
785 Posts
Debbie
Southeastern
Ohio
USA
785 Posts |
Posted - Jun 11 2009 : 09:19:25 AM
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Melanie...there's a reason why you didn't see the b/f in the picture. Remember what I said about trusting your instincts. You keep looking for your dream home...it's out there somewhere.
Debbie
"If you can't find the time to do it right...how will you find the time to do it over" |
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melanie47601
True Blue Farmgirl
1949 Posts
Melanie
Boonville
IN
USA
1949 Posts |
Posted - Jun 11 2009 : 4:19:46 PM
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Teresa Sue- I am not sure who owns grandma's old house. I know it was for sale a couple of years ago for really cheap too. My cousin and his wife tried to buy it but were unable to get a loan. They said at that time it qualified for an FHA loan. So it must be up to code on wiring and insulation and that sort of thing. And as far as I know it has remained empty. My mom suggested that I call the couple that own most of the area and see what I can find out about who has it now. There is a part of me that would love to have grandma's old place- the old sentimental part. But then my brain wants to kick in. See the other house sits on the paved just in town. Grandma's place is further back into the area on a gravel road. Which I would love, if it weren't for the thought of possibly having an ice storm like we did this past winter. The area where grandma's house is lost power for close to two weeks. When she had it there was a gas cookstove and two woodburners. I'm not sure about the water heater or the furnace. There have been a couple of other people own it since then and I don't know what kind of changes they have made. I was going to call and talk to the folks that mom suggested today but we're having some bouts of severe weather. So hopefully everything will be clearer tomorrow.
Melanie
Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says "Oh Crap, She's up!"
Blog~ http://wheelsarealwaysturning.blogspot.com/
Swap Blog~ http://mels-swapshop.blogspot.com/ |
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Contrary Wife
True Blue Farmgirl
2164 Posts
Teresa Sue
Tekoa
WA
USA
2164 Posts |
Posted - Jun 11 2009 : 6:15:07 PM
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Well, Melanie, whatever you find out, here's the best to you! You never know if you don't ask, and what's the worst they can tell you, :^) Good luck to you and your babies, keep us posted tho, cause sisters just wanna know, LOL!
Teresa Sue
Farmgirl Sister #316
Planting Zone 4
"Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly." The Dalai Lama |
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melanie47601
True Blue Farmgirl
1949 Posts
Melanie
Boonville
IN
USA
1949 Posts |
Posted - Jun 16 2009 : 8:58:42 PM
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I called the lady that would know about grandma's house the other day. Do you believe that it has been empty for almost 10 years and someone just bought it like last month? This may be a blessing in disguise though.
After talking to different people from that area. It has had three owners since my grandma and step-grandpa. The first owners came home to find the house flooded from broken water lines. They fixed it up and sold it. The next owner has some wild parties and then sold it. The third owners didn't do much of anything with it. Some kids broke in and set it on fire. And nothing has been done with it since. So I guess it wasn't in wonderful shape like I'd been led to believe. And honeslty I'm not sure I want to see it all torn up. I think I would rather remember it just the way it was.
After some let down, the kids and I are content with dealing with our tiny little mobile home. We have made a list of some cheap and easy fixes our little place needs and we're going to work on them together. We know that when the time is right we will find the perfect home for us.
Melanie
Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says "Oh Crap, She's up!"
Blog~ http://wheelsarealwaysturning.blogspot.com/
Swap Blog~ http://mels-swapshop.blogspot.com/ |
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StarMeadow
True Blue Farmgirl
940 Posts
T
MI
940 Posts |
Posted - Jun 19 2009 : 2:30:39 PM
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| Wow....I can only re-state what many of your farmgirl sisters have already told you....run, don't walk, away from this guy! You and your babies deserve better! Oh..and good luck on the househunting thing. You will find what you need. |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
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Across the Fence: anyone else up? frustrated (a bit long) |
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anyone else up? frustrated (a bit long)
