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Hogs & Quiches & Prayers Round-up:  Requesting Prayers and Positive Energy  |
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Lainey
True Blue Farmgirl
2401 Posts
Elaine
Waco
Kentucky
USA
2401 Posts |
 Posted - Apr 04 2009 : 03:59:18 AM
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I'm trying to stay positive here, as I know that is what my mom would have wanted me to do. But I have to say it's getting harder. I just completed a series of tests to make sure that my heart and all would be strong enough for the surgery where they take out my esophagus and with it the cancer.
The good news is that my heart is in good condition and surgery would be possible on that count. The bad news is that after taking a PET scan they noticed other areas 'lighting' up as well as the esophagus. My thyroid and liver had 'areas of interest' as well. The liver actually 'lit' up more than my esophagus on that scan. After physically examining my neck area they weren't too concerned about the thyroid as much. The main surgeon said he didn't think the cancer would have moved to the liver that quickly because the tumor or cancer cells in the esophagus were still small and in the earliest stages. He also said it could have been an artifact or just a 'glitch' in the scan. But still he had to check out the liver. He's going to schedule an ultrasound and possible liver biopsy for next week to rule out cancer. If it has spread there then surgery would be out of the question. The plan of treatment would be radiation and chemo.
I'm not sure what to make of all this. As badly as I've been dreading the surgery I think I feel worse thinking now it might not happen due to the cancer spreading to other areas. Well whatever treatment I have to do will be fine, I just wish we would get started on it already. It's kind of a scary time for me and the one person I want to talk the most to and get advice and comfort from is not here, well not here in person. Her spirit is always with me though.
I think before while she was still living even though I knew I had it I didn't think on it, as I was so focused on her and her fight. Now it's looking me straight in the face and all I want to do is.. I don't even know what I want to do. (Run, hide, escape, but I know I have to fight. I will fight!) Anyway, enough of that.
Please if you wouldn't mind remember my family and I in your prayers. Any healing thoughts and positive energies will be appreciated so much. You all, my kind farmgirl sisters, mean so much to me and were so good to me during mom's illness and passing. I hate to keep asking for prayers for myself, but I believe they help so much. I hope that I can always be there and pray for you all too. Love you all!
Farmgirl Sister #25
http://countrygirldreams.blogspot.com/
An Angel says, 'Never borrow from the future. If you worry about what may happen tomorrow and it doesn't happen, you have worried in vain. Even if it does happen, you have to worry twice.' |
Edited by - Lainey on Apr 04 2009 04:01:11 AM |
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a rose
True Blue Farmgirl
443 Posts
Linda
Waterford
NY
USA
443 Posts |
Posted - Apr 04 2009 : 06:21:49 AM
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Dear Sweet Lainey, I know just what you are going through. It is so hard to stay positive when everywhere you turn there is another delemna (spelled wrong). I had the CT scan of the brain on the Thursday and the Doctor noted increased swelling but he wasn't too sure what is really going on. Wants to do another MRI down the road. Also did an xray of the coccyx area because I have been having a lot of pain in that area since I fell on my butt a couple weeks ago. He thinks it is cancer. So, More appointments and possible more radiation.
I have been praying everyday for healing. As the Bible says all things are possible with God.
Last night I wanted so bad to talk to someone who didn't say " You will be healed" I want to believe that but I just wish God would talk to me and let me know what His plans for me are.
You my friend are in my prayers, and I hope with all my heart that you will be cured. We may not be worthy but, He knows we love Him, and he loves us unconditionally.
Linda (a rose)
Remember me as a rose. |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
Posted - Apr 04 2009 : 06:28:18 AM
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You got it Lainey! I have no idea how I would react to your situation, surely lots of tears and days spent on the couch! You are amazing and strong! *hugs* I think it is only natural to be scared at this point, but I also think you have a great attitude because fighting those cells is the best thing you can do! *hugs*
Maybe you could sit down and write your mom a letter. Then put it in an envelope and keep it. You know your mom's spirit is with you and maybe by envisioning her face as you write it will be as if you are having another conversation with her?
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.awarmheart.com
Please come visit Nora and me on our blog: www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
Put your pin on the farmgirl map! www.farmgirlmap.blogspot.com |
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MissDana
True Blue Farmgirl
348 Posts
Dana
Carrollton
Georgia
USA
348 Posts |
Posted - Apr 04 2009 : 07:31:14 AM
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Oh Lainey! I believe in the power of prayer and positive thinking but somedays I think it is just as important to get all the negative stuff out of our heads. So in the tradition of my elderly, sick, grumpy mother I say sh*t! That is her favorite word and she says she feels better after a few of them! (Did I mention that in my baby book, that word is listed as MY first word???) Seriously, I wish we lived closer. I know all us farmgirls who care for you wish we could show up at every test and procedure with you and take care of the little things that would make this time run smoother for you. My best friend is continuing to go through a horrific divorce that involved 3.5 million dollars, a stripper and an attempt on her life by her ex-husband. she kept what she called a "crap journal" and wrote down every vile thing that kept popping in her head. Then she would burn it when it was filled. Some days she would rip the page out and burn just it in order to let it go. It doesn't take the fear away, but it helps her to breathe for that day. Keep letting it out and remember we love and care for you!
Dana
Proud Farmgirl Sister # 267
www.schultztroupe.wordpress.com
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NudeFoodFarm
True Blue Farmgirl
433 Posts
Heide
Benton City
WA
433 Posts |
Posted - Apr 04 2009 : 07:40:51 AM
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What a great idea Alee. I too lost my mom and think the letter will be beneficial.
I most certianly will pray for you and your family today.
You can't be down on yourself for being scared or whatever feeling you have. Have them, let them out.
Use visualization and imagine your life healthy. All of it, your body, your soul, imagine what it would look like, feel like and most of all what would be different.
Louise Hay says that " CANCER
Negative thought process: Deep Hurt. Longstanding resentment, Deep secret or grief eating away at the self. Carrying hatreds. What's the use?"
Postive thought process, I lovingly forgive and release all of the past. I choose to fill my world with joy. I love and approve of myself."
Please, Please think about this and wonder how the negative thought process is true for you. then repeat the positive as much as you can to yourself and she suggests looking at yourself in the mirror.
She cured herself of cancer 30 years ago so she is very convincing.
Most importantly you need to know you aren't alone and we are all hoping the very best for you, as I am sure your family and friends are too. Please find everyday joys and celebrate.
Best,
h
Nude Food Farm
~Grown so good,
Dressing is Optional. |
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dkelewae
True Blue Farmgirl
1310 Posts
Diana
Saint Peters
MO
USA
1310 Posts |
Posted - Apr 04 2009 : 08:00:05 AM
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((((Lainey)))
I will continue to raise you up in prayer, and you are on the prayer list at my church also. Just know that you have the love and support of lots of people here. Prayer is a very powerful thing, and God hears every one of them.
Diana
Farmgirl Sister #272
St. Peters MO
Country Girl trapped in the city!
http://farmgirldreams.blogspot.com/ |
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Nancy Gartenman
True Blue Farmgirl
9093 Posts
Nancy
West Seneca
New York
USA
9093 Posts |
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Merry
True Blue Farmgirl
765 Posts
Merry
Ankeny
Iowa
USA
765 Posts |
Posted - Apr 04 2009 : 10:11:40 AM
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I will pray for you and your family too. Keep talking to your mom, I do the same thing. She hears you and is holding you as you deal with this.
http://afarminmyheart.blogspot.com/
"Nobody has ever measured, not even poets how much the heart can hold."
Zelda Fitzgerald |
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Corinnelouise
True Blue Farmgirl
957 Posts
Corinne
France
957 Posts |
Posted - Apr 04 2009 : 10:34:10 AM
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Lainey, take it one day at the time, on step in front of the other one. It is scary to be touched into your body after so much hurting form loosing your Mom.
Linda you are in my prayers too,
I will pray for both of you.
Corinne
Sister # 101 |
Edited by - Corinnelouise on Apr 04 2009 10:36:06 AM |
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brightmeadow
True Blue Farmgirl
2045 Posts
Brenda
Lucas
Ohio
USA
2045 Posts |
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Lainey
True Blue Farmgirl
2401 Posts
Elaine
Waco
Kentucky
USA
2401 Posts |
Posted - Apr 04 2009 : 2:48:25 PM
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Thank you all so much! This really touches me and thanks so much for the suggestions, I will try them all. I like writing, it helps me express emotions that sometimes I hold deep inside. I do talk to Mom still, I usually do it in the car on the way home. I know that with all the prayers and support I can get through this time and be ready to face whatever head on.
(((Hugs to you all))).
Farmgirl Sister #25
http://countrygirldreams.blogspot.com/
An Angel says, 'Never borrow from the future. If you worry about what may happen tomorrow and it doesn't happen, you have worried in vain. Even if it does happen, you have to worry twice.' |
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CountryBorn
True Blue Farmgirl
1545 Posts
Mary Jane
New York
USA
1545 Posts |
Posted - Apr 04 2009 : 5:55:58 PM
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Lainey,
I am praying for you everyday. As I am for Linda also.I just wish the Dr.s would be a bit more in a hurry to get the facts and get going on the treatments. It just seems everything in medicine is hurry up and wait. You are an amazing woman, you are handling this so well and with such courage. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Hugs and loving thoughts,
Mary Jane
There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different from the things we do. Freya Stark |
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Carol Sue
True Blue Farmgirl
4033 Posts
Carol Sue
Washingtonian
USA
4033 Posts |
Posted - Apr 04 2009 : 6:44:02 PM
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Lainey,
Thank you for being brave enough to share all that is going on. That takes courage, and yes, you sure are in my prayers and your family. The waiting and not knowing has got to be one of the harder parts as they are trying to make sure they take care of every part of you.
Most of all, hugs dear friend. Prayers continuing.
www.Quitemoments.blogspot.com |
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julia hayes
True Blue Farmgirl
1132 Posts
julia
medical lake
wa
USA
1132 Posts |
Posted - Apr 04 2009 : 6:58:10 PM
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Lainey, your post has hit a very raw nerve for me that runs and intersects at many levels. I'm going to think deeply about how I want to respond. In the interim, I am thinking of you every single day. If I could shoulder some of the fear you are more than entitled to having, I would, but alas, it is something you must face on your own. This is one of hardest things to witness but face it you must and you WILL. If I can be a place to pause, to catch your breath as you continue on, well then, I'm thrilled. I have often described my own journey with Aria who is facing her cancer on her own as always being beside her and beside me are dozens of people. People like you. You can not walk my path but you can walk beside me and I'll walk beside you.
So many have offered me for the last 15 months a place to pause. So many have said things to me that absolutely do not resonate in the least, but the place from which they come is so good that I can't help but be swept away in the moment of that heartfelt thought, wish, or prayer. It is all so good. Even the denial people offer me is good. Things like, "Yeah Aria is in the hospital but she'll be fine! Aria is in remission, she'll be cured." These are helpful things but they are not certainties and once you are dealt the hand of uncertainty, of unknowns, those words, definitives and beliefs become like a misty vapor. They are refreshing for a moment and then they are gone. Whenever Aria is hospitalized, there are no certainties that she will improve. One thing can lead to another thing and circumstances can have a life of their own. Aria is in remission which tells me that every moment I have with her is a gift and nothing more. I don't know if she will be cured. Some kids aren't. Some kids are diagnosed with leukemia and die within days. Others go through 2 1/2 years of treatment and experience recurrence. Others are cured. I don't know Aria's fate and that not knowing makes me desperate sometimes. It makes me anxious and horribly sad. I want to know and I can't and I don't.
I'm discovering that we are all rather ill-equipped to face our mortality, which is quite ironic since it is mostly definitely and assuredly something we all must do. Instead, we hope. We pray for miracles. We deny our fears. We confuse doubt and insecurity with weakness and a lack of faith. We busy ourselves. We worry alone.
Linda, I think this is what you were driving at when you wrote that everyday you pray for healing and you wanted someone to talk to. Someone willing to listen and not suggest that you Will be healed. I suspect you simply want some validation that your insecurity is justified, your fears and anxieties are all real and ok. They are. I have many issues with praying for miracles or healing in general but I won't go into that now. Suffice it to say that I don't find it a useless exercise in the least but it begs the question "why?"
There are many ways to deal with illness and tragedy. None of them are right or wrong. Those labels don't apply at all. People simply cope, some better than others.
Medicine is a miracle and the body and what it can endure and how it suffers is absolutely breath-taking. These doctors, they know so much! These scientists dedicating their lives for healing and cure....all behind the scenes. How we take that for granted. I do and yet I'm learning to get down my knees in gratitude for the hundreds, thousands of people working to save my Aria's life. Everyday they go to work with the sole purpose of keeping her alive and the thousands of others afflicted with the many kinds of cancer that arise.
Aria like you Lainey and Linda are carving the path. You are showing the way for us to follow. We will follow, all of us someday...some before you and some after...But we are paying attention to you...Your fears, your worries, your woe..all of it is as important as your joy and optimism. All of it together creates that fighting spirit..to face what you must because what is the alternative? Give up? Never!
Lainey and dear Linda, I wish I could hear the voice of God and tell you what He speaks. But I don't believe God works that way. I wish I understood God's plan, but I don't believe in that either....I have nothing to offer you but the spirit of my presence. I invite you to pause with me...take a deep breathe with me and share in the moment of knowing that come what may You Will Transcend and Prevail!
This is my VERY long winded way of saying, Peace Be with You Always and always...~julia
being simple to simply be
Farmgirl #30
www.julia42.etsy.com |
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NudeFoodFarm
True Blue Farmgirl
433 Posts
Heide
Benton City
WA
433 Posts |
Posted - Apr 04 2009 : 8:38:58 PM
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Thank you, Julia. Your wisdom and insight is inspiration to all of us.
Nude Food Farm
~Grown so good,
Dressing is Optional. |
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kristin sherrill
True Blue Farmgirl
11303 Posts
kristin
chickamauga
ga
USA
11303 Posts |
Posted - Apr 06 2009 : 3:23:38 PM
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Lainey, I just want you to know you are in my thoughts and prayers during this time of uncertainty. My goodness, you are going through so much now. I am so sorry you have all this on you. But you are a strong woman. You have to be to be who you are. I am sending you good thoughts.
Kris
Life is what you make it. Always has been. Always will be. |
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Miss Bee Haven
True Blue Farmgirl
4331 Posts
Janice
Louisville/Irvington
Kentucky
USA
4331 Posts |
Posted - Apr 06 2009 : 4:00:54 PM
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Lainey - I agree with Dana about two things...I wish we all lived closer. And the journal thing. When I was having a bad emotional time years ago, I bought a journal and just wrote the bad stuff in there. When I look at it now, I'm surprised at how the writing looks all huge and jagged, just like my state of mind at the time. But it did help. You are in my thoughts and prayers and I send you love.
Farmgirl Sister #50
"If you think you've got it nailed down, then what's all that around it?"
'Br.Dave Gardner' |
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Annika
True Blue Farmgirl
5602 Posts
Annika
USA
5602 Posts |
Posted - Apr 06 2009 : 6:34:26 PM
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Lainey, BIG hugs girl! You know you are in my thoughts and prayers. I wish I lived closer and could come and be more helpful. You have the sweetest spirit, but I know that you are a fighter and we farmgirls and sisters stick together. I would be curled up and whimpering. You are so brave and I admire you. So Good thoughts, blessings abundant and prayers that all will be well.
Annika
Farmgirl & sister #13
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daylily
True Blue Farmgirl
114 Posts
Chris
Newcastle
CA
USA
114 Posts |
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a rose
True Blue Farmgirl
443 Posts
Linda
Waterford
NY
USA
443 Posts |
Posted - Apr 07 2009 : 06:17:27 AM
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Thank you Julia for your words of wisdom. I will always keep Aria and your family close in prayer. By the way I had a very good day yesterday. I went without my oxygen all day and didn't need to use the walker when I went out shopping.
Remember me as a rose. |
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Amie C.
True Blue Farmgirl
2099 Posts
Finger Lakes Region
NY
2099 Posts |
Posted - Apr 07 2009 : 06:54:29 AM
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| Lainey, I've got no words of wisdom and hope. But I think of you often, and you too Linda. Wishing you both well. |
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Lainey
True Blue Farmgirl
2401 Posts
Elaine
Waco
Kentucky
USA
2401 Posts |
Posted - Apr 07 2009 : 10:32:10 AM
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Thanks so much for the prayers and the words of wisdom. Julia you seem to know just what to say. Linda, I'm like you and have been having a few people (in my family) that have been saying oh, you are going to be ok so stop worrying. It's easier to say than to do, well for me anyway. I appreciate all of you so much. I'm feeling a little better than when I made the original post of this thread and I think a lot of it has to do with supportive friends like you all. Chris, thanks so much for posting that blogsite of your friend. I'd would love to get in touch with her as she knows just what is in store for me. Also, she has a beautiful blogsite, with music and everything.
Again, thank you all so much. Your posts make me smile and give me comfort. Hugs to you all!
Farmgirl Sister #25
http://countrygirldreams.blogspot.com/
An Angel says, 'Never borrow from the future. If you worry about what may happen tomorrow and it doesn't happen, you have worried in vain. Even if it does happen, you have to worry twice.' |
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K-Falls Farmgirl
Chapter Leader
2096 Posts
Cheryl
Klamath Falls
Oregon
USA
2096 Posts |
Posted - Apr 11 2009 : 6:35:16 PM
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Be strong girl.. Take one day at a time.. one hour at a time, whatever timeframe you are in.. it is ok.. Take care of you.. I Hope you will feel better. Keep fighting.
Cheryl
Farmgirl #309
Klamath Falls "Charming Chicks Chapter" Mother Hen
Almost daily posts at:
http://www.k-fallsfarmgirl.blogspot.com/
Come visit the barn at http://barndoorcreations.blogspot.com/
Grandmas are mom's with more icing. |
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SuzieQ
True Blue Farmgirl
175 Posts
Suzie
Texas
USA
175 Posts |
Posted - Apr 12 2009 : 4:54:13 PM
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| To all farmgirls with health issues - Have faith and continue to believe and live, love, and laugh. Laughing makes the good endorphins that make us feel better and fights depression. Oh, yeah and don't forget the chocalate. Many hugs, loves, and prayers to all of you. |
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Lainey
True Blue Farmgirl
2401 Posts
Elaine
Waco
Kentucky
USA
2401 Posts |
Posted - Apr 14 2009 : 12:11:04 PM
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Well they changed their minds about doing an ultrasound and possible biopsy on the liver. Instead they are going to do a protocol liver CAT scan this Thursday. They said it would give better results. I'll see the surgeon later that day and if the scan on the liver is clear they said we'd schedule the surgery. If not I guess they will tell me the next steps. I'll let you all know what happens.
Farmgirl Sister #25
http://countrygirldreams.blogspot.com/
An Angel says, 'Never borrow from the future. If you worry about what may happen tomorrow and it doesn't happen, you have worried in vain. Even if it does happen, you have to worry twice.' |
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Nancy Gartenman
True Blue Farmgirl
9093 Posts
Nancy
West Seneca
New York
USA
9093 Posts |
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Hogs & Quiches & Prayers Round-up: Requesting Prayers and Positive Energy |
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Requesting Prayers and Positive Energy
