| Author |
Parenting & Farm Kids:  AHHGG HELP!! (teenagers)  |
|
|
idsweetie72
True Blue Farmgirl
129 Posts
Sandra
New Meadows
idaho
USA
129 Posts |
 Posted - Mar 21 2009 : 4:54:43 PM
|
I am at my wits end and I am actually hiding out in my bedroom at the moment- (have to cause I freakin hurt my back yesterday shoveling wet nasty hay out of the goat pen, numb legs and shooting pains aren't my idea of a good time- I was so stupid)
Anyway- Scenario-
My 14 year old son came home yesterday and I told him that after he had his snack he needed to start his chores. Well- one of his chores is the laundry- and I had washed some but hadn't folded it- so he see's this pile of neatly laid out dry clothes for him to fold and he says,' Why didn't you fold it if you were already laying it out?"
Ahh- yeah-
After explaining for the 50millionth time that it was his chore to do and that I was tired of doing their chores and following them around to make sure they had done their chores correctly- he says
"Well, my friend at school today said that since I am 14 I can choose who I want to live with. So i can go live with ***** or *****, and they don't even have to agree- if I want to live with them I can. So if you are going to get on me all the time then I'll just move away."
Ahh- yep-
needless to say yesterday was NOT a good day- but I'm just wondering how to survive these years? And I have a 13 year old daughter who thinks that every guy she meets falls in love with her instantly- (where did THAT come from?)-
and it seems that lately everyday has been such a fight with them. But I know that if I back down they will think they can run over the top of me and then I'll end up on the Jerry Springer Show with my 2 teenagers yelling at me and throwing chairs at me!
Any ideas? Or know of any exclusive camps where they take teenagers and send them home when they are around 25 or so? (Joke)
Mazy Day Farm |
|
|
RuralSuburbia
True Blue Farmgirl
251 Posts
Leslie
Northern CA
USA
251 Posts |
Posted - Mar 21 2009 : 7:28:38 PM
|
Have you ever heard of Jim Fay, author of Love and Logic? Well, they have a book exclusively for handling teenagers. Love and Logic for Teens. I found it very helpful when my now 16 yr old son started high school. LOVE IT! They have seminars at some of the high schools, and also on PBS. It's all about consequences, less about discipline.
Deep breaths, Mom. I know it can be challenging.
I use the teen tactics that I learned on my 8 yr old son...MAN does he hate it when Mom has control!! LOL
*I've got stars in my eyes and exactly $1 in my pocket!* |
 |
|
|
wild daisy
True Blue Farmgirl
503 Posts
Madelynne
Billings
Montana
USA
503 Posts |
Posted - Mar 21 2009 : 7:40:53 PM
|
This is what I did. My son and daughter are just 14 1/2 months apart. When my son (the oldest) turned 11 I explained how the washing machine worked. Gave him two days as his washing days - Monday and Friday. I stated this was his responsibility now. Then my daughter about 6 months later I explained again how this works and explained that she would need to work out times with her brother for Mondays and Fridays. I also no longer cleaned up the the second bathroom. I stated this was their responsibility. At first they didn't want to do it but after they had a few friends and other family members over they realized that I wasn't going to do it. I feel that the main goal of parents is to get their children ready for adulthood. We got to start somewhere. Good luck. PS one of my kids pet peeves with me was "It's not fair". You know what I answered back with? "The fair comes around in the fall".
Madelynne
johnandmadelynne.blogspot.com |
|
|
|
StarMeadow
True Blue Farmgirl
940 Posts
T
MI
940 Posts |
Posted - Mar 22 2009 : 05:43:24 AM
|
| Parenting: The first 40 years are the hardest! |
|
|
|
Diane B Carter
True Blue Farmgirl
1270 Posts
Diane
Blasdell
N.Y.
USA
1270 Posts |
Posted - Mar 24 2009 : 4:09:15 PM
|
The reason for doors is so you can close them. I told my sons that they could do almost anything in thier rooms except have girls in them with the door shut and No loud anything.I told them as long as I could trust them I would not go into their rooms. I did the wash as it was easier for me but I never would put it away or fold it. My kids to this day keep their bedrooms neater and the houses they live in cleaner. I still keep the snow off the driveway better and my yard I think has more flowers than theirs I can't believe how good they turned out. I also did a lot of praying and they knew if I was upset I went to my room and I would not come out until whatever upset me was over and done with. That worked for me.
Hope all your days are Sunnydays.
dianebcarterhotmailcom.blogspot.com |
|
|
|
milkmaid
True Blue Farmgirl
187 Posts
Heather
Higginsville
Missouri
USA
187 Posts |
Posted - Mar 24 2009 : 5:34:40 PM
|
Teenagers are so fun we have a 15,13,11 year old girls in the house along with two little ones. Girls are so full of drama!! It is difficult to keep in control sometimes I feel I am running faster than I should and I am gonna crash anytime. I find if we keep our routine and they know what to expect things go much smoother.. I love the love and logic methods I feel it really teaches the whole concept of natural consequences. good luck and when all else fails go get some really good chocolate.
Heather
http://goodfarm.blogspot.com/
Mother to five awesome kids, wife of 17 years and milk maid to two beautiful cows. Living the good life!!! |
|
|
|
NikkiBeaumont
True Blue Farmgirl
473 Posts
473 Posts |
Posted - Apr 04 2009 : 03:37:22 AM
|
Hey, Sandra! I feel your pain! I have an 18-year-old son and I was a single parent with him from age 11 to 14. I remember reading once that Native American mother's would send their sons to live with the men when they turned 13 and would not even acknowledge any kinship with them afterward. At the time I thought that was rather harsh, but then Nick turned 12 and I saw the wisdom in it. Ha!
I had a different tactic to get him to do things. I would actually threaten to send him to live with his dad if he didn't do what I said! But really, your son is probably just bluffing about going to live somewhere else. My son has told me that he hated me during some of our heated moments and I have had to laugh. I did. I laughed right then and said that I told my mom the same thing when I was his age. I knew that he didn't mean it and I let it roll off my back.
Remember what it was like when you were a teenager. Remember the frustration. The mixed-up feelings. There is so much to deal with and no maturity to handle it. You need to force them to do things for themselves and the way to do that is to stop doing those things for them. Don't try to make it easier for them. Just stop. They will know that you mean business. They will not appreciate you holding their hand. They will respect you if you hold the line. You don't have to nag. Really. Tell them what you expect of them, then sit back and watch.
Hang in there girl! I'm praying for you! And keep us updated!
Farmgirl Sister #554 |
|
|
|
Especially For You
True Blue Farmgirl
541 Posts
Tina
Watkinsville
GA
541 Posts |
Posted - Apr 04 2009 : 12:18:09 PM
|
Sandra,
I am sorry that you are having a hard time with you kids. I was a single Mom for about 10 years. I wanted to run away a lot!!!! My oldest daughter threatened me with going to live with her Dad one time. And it only took her saying to me "I will just go and live with my Dad" and I had her suitcase out and was packing it!!! I told her that if she was going to threaten me with i would make it a reality!!! It is so hard to raise kids. Doeas your family live nearby? Maybe a male figure could talk to him? I will be praying for you and the kids.
Blessings,
Tina |
|
|
|
Beverley
True Blue Farmgirl
2707 Posts
Beverley
atlanta
Michigan
USA
2707 Posts |
Posted - Apr 04 2009 : 6:34:16 PM
|
My son one time said he wanted to live with his dad. so , I calmly sat him down and explained what would change for him. new schools, new friends and new rules etc. then I got up and said Ok let's go pack. he changed his mind in a hurry. Never said that to me again. I was a single mom for 7 years and I know what you are going through. hang in there and happy pills help. you know paxil, zoloft etc... hehehehehehe But never back down. State the rules and keep to them they are just testing you to see how far they can get. My kids now 30 and 27 apologized to me after they grew up for acting so badly when they were teenagers. So it does get better and they do come out on the other side. and my son actually said "Boy mom I am so glad you showed me how to do things to take care of myself, some of my friend didn't even know how the washer worked" So they see the wisdom eventually. Just hold onto that thought that they will thank you someday.
Folks will know how large your soul is by the way you treat a dog....Charles F. Doran
beverley baggett Beverley with an extra E...
http://bevsdoggies.googlepages.com/ |
|
|
|
Aunt Jenny
True Blue Farmgirl
11381 Posts
Jenny
middle of
Utah
USA
11381 Posts |
Posted - Apr 04 2009 : 11:34:33 PM
|
I have a 14 year old (girl) and three 12 year olds ( 2 boys and a girl) as well as three grown boys. I have two that drive me pretty crazy right now. I think 14 year olds really do think it is their special duty to make us Moms crazy. What has worked best with mine is MORE responsiblily. When I expect more I get more. Dosn't help with the eye rolling or heavy sighs,or smart mouths... but keeps them busy. I keep telling myself that it will go by fast..and it does. My older boys all turned out well. Hang in there..this is the hardest job we will ever have.
Jenny in Utah
Proud Farmgirl sister #24
Inside me there is a skinny woman crying to get out...but I can usually shut her up with cookies
http://www.auntjennysworld.blogspot.com/ visit my little online shop at www.auntjenny.etsy.com |
|
|
|
cowgirlandboys
True Blue Farmgirl
308 Posts
Rachael
Missouri
USA
308 Posts |
Posted - Apr 05 2009 : 9:20:59 PM
|
I would have to say you must call his bluff, for a few reasons :
1. If it works this time, he will use it every time.
2. He must not learn to threaten people to get what he wants.
3. He wants you to be in charge, and this is his test.
I have a teenager too, and they can be rough, but if you hold your ground, the seeds you have planted now in holding to the rules will grow you some great kids.
Another alternative is to next time you hear this threat, say "I have other options too! I can live here and here and here, but I love you and choose to stay here! Hope you feel the same way!" My kids are annoyed by my obnoxiously positive attitude in the face of their bad behavior, but it works
Happy Trails!
Rachael
Farmgirl Sister #535 |
|
|
|
idsweetie72
True Blue Farmgirl
129 Posts
Sandra
New Meadows
idaho
USA
129 Posts |
Posted - Apr 06 2009 : 11:40:22 AM
|
Thanks to all! I appreciate everyone's advice and insight. The kids were gone to their grandparents the last week for Spring Break- <it was such a break for me!> We had a refresher course on the chores late yesterday afternoon- and it seemed that all went well- the girls were fantastic! But when I looked outside this morning my son had left the door to the chicken house open last night after I specifically told him to shut it- and I even asked him when he came into the house- his answer- "Yeah mom, I did everything"- I lost 11 ducks and 60 chicks- and I learned a lesson- no matter how old they are or what they say I have to babysit them, do my chores, AND make sure they did their's correctly- I guess until they learn to do what I say correctly
Mazy Day Farm |
|
|
|
Beverley
True Blue Farmgirl
2707 Posts
Beverley
atlanta
Michigan
USA
2707 Posts |
Posted - Apr 09 2009 : 3:08:11 PM
|
I think he needs to be the one to replace those 11 ducks and 60 chicks. If he doesn't have the money I guess he will have to make it some how and pay for his mistake. don't let him get off easy by you going around behind him and checking up on him and that be the end of it. He needs to take responsibility for his actions and own up to the fact that he let those babies die because he did not do his work correctly!!!!! don't go soft now!!!!
Folks will know how large your soul is by the way you treat a dog....Charles F. Doran
beverley baggett Beverley with an extra E...
http://bevsdoggies.googlepages.com/ |
|
|
|
RuralSuburbia
True Blue Farmgirl
251 Posts
Leslie
Northern CA
USA
251 Posts |
Posted - Apr 09 2009 : 3:18:42 PM
|
My 16 yr old son is as good as gold, but his brain is elsewhere. He leaves the outside light on every night when he takes the trash out, and every night I say, "did you turn off the light?" and he always says yes mother in his special whiny voice. And every night he has to truck out in his underwear to turn off the light because it shines in his bedroom window. Brainless.
I agree with Beverley. Your son owes you some ducks and chicks! NO WAY should he be allowed to get off easy on that one. {{Sending you 'strong mom' vibes}}
*I've got stars in my eyes and exactly $1 in my pocket!* |
|
|
|
idsweetie72
True Blue Farmgirl
129 Posts
Sandra
New Meadows
idaho
USA
129 Posts |
Posted - Apr 10 2009 : 07:36:32 AM
|
Hi Leslie and Beverley- and everyone else as well! He is going to pay for the babies- plus some- and I am came down very hard on him then- and now- he has such a good heart that seeing me so upset- and knowing that they died because he didn't follow through on his responsibilty is weighing pretty heavy on him- and I say good! This might sound horrible but every time I go out to the henhouse I get a little angry feeling in the pit of my stomach- it is going away little by little- but every day I am reminded of his mistake- but on the same token- so is he.
Today he is digging 2 foot fence post holes for my garden- he has to dig 15 of those- then he has to help his step-dad move railroad ties over to the garden and set up the raised beds- mix cement- set the posts- and a number of other things- he is going to be very busy for 2 months of weekends- doing what I want him to do/ or need him to do.
Thanks for the strong mom vibes!! Much appreciated!
Mazy Day Farm |
|
|
|
Beverley
True Blue Farmgirl
2707 Posts
Beverley
atlanta
Michigan
USA
2707 Posts |
Posted - Apr 10 2009 : 08:35:58 AM
|
Good for you!!!! Stay strong!! Us mom's have to stick together!!!! When my kids got into trouble boy I could always find something around the house that needed done. They one time scraped wallpaper off the walls and I even made my daughters boyfriend help cause they got home late!!!! hehehehe another time they had to scrape the garage door to get it ready to paint!!! I was a mean mom hehehehehehehe Keep up the good work. It will all work out eventually!!!! They do grow up!!! Mom's hugs coming your way!!!!
Folks will know how large your soul is by the way you treat a dog....Charles F. Doran
beverley baggett Beverley with an extra E...
http://bevsdoggies.googlepages.com/ |
|
|
|
StarMeadow
True Blue Farmgirl
940 Posts
T
MI
940 Posts |
Posted - Apr 10 2009 : 09:52:35 AM
|
| Oh how I wish I had post holes to dig for my 15 year old!!! Trapped on vacation the past week. I don't think I'll ever go on another one!!!! It was grumble, grumble, text, text, text....and can I have some money?...the whole week. I think I need a vacation to recover from the vacation!!!! |
|
|
|
idsweetie72
True Blue Farmgirl
129 Posts
Sandra
New Meadows
idaho
USA
129 Posts |
Posted - Apr 10 2009 : 5:03:09 PM
|
I know that feeling- a vacation from the vacation-
last summer I was the worst mom ever- we went on a "family" vacation- and I knew that there was going to be bi***ing the whole time- so- when we got to our destination- I sat all the kids down- and the conversation went something like this-
"Ok- dammit- you have been arguing all the way here- and I'm tired of it- so be quiet and listen. I want each of you to look around and everything that you want to complain about, you have 15 minutes to do so- any more complaining the rest of this week will result in drastic discipline"
I think my daughter started complaining once- and I looked at her- then had her stand out on the deck for half an hour- no one complained after that- lol- I guess they got the idea-
Mazy Day Farm |
|
|
|
babysmama
True Blue Farmgirl
931 Posts
Elizabeth
Iowa
931 Posts |
Posted - Apr 11 2009 : 4:11:39 PM
|
Have your daughter read "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" by Joshua Harris. It is an awesome book and changed the way I viewed dating. It's not saying not to date, but more like saying dating does have a purpose...to find a spouse and to keep the dating scene pure. It's a good book!
-Elizabeth |
|
|
|
Betty J.
True Blue Farmgirl
1403 Posts
Betty
Pasco
WA
USA
1403 Posts |
Posted - Apr 11 2009 : 4:19:32 PM
|
I always told my kids that I would trade them off for a six-pack of beer. They knew I didn't drink beer, so what! They are now 35 and 39 and I couldn't be prouder at how they turned out. BTW, I was a single parent from the time my oldest was a little over three. Some things never change and teenagers are one of them--their brains are still growing.
Betty in Pasco |
|
|
| |
Parenting & Farm Kids: AHHGG HELP!! (teenagers) |
|
AHHGG HELP!! (teenagers)
