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Family Matters:  Constant Bickering  |
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Sitnalta
True Blue Farmgirl
4208 Posts
Jessica
NJ
USA
4208 Posts |
 Posted - Feb 24 2009 : 09:28:18 AM
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Does anyone else have kids that do this? Tori 3, and Levi 2, no sooner get up in the morning and start in on each other. I barely get to reprimand Levi for whacking Tori with a spoon than Tori is screaming at him over top of me. When I go to reprimand Tori for something, Levi is right there ready to jump in and spank her. They are at each other constantly. Any advice?
hugs
Jessie
Farmgirl Sister #235
"Certain thoughts are prayers.There are moments when, whatever be the attitude of the body, the soul is on its knees"--V.Hugo
Stop by my blog for a visit www.messiejessie2.blogspot.com |
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knittingmom
True Blue Farmgirl
665 Posts
AnneMarie
Edmonton
Alberta
Canada
665 Posts |
Posted - Feb 24 2009 : 09:34:41 AM
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Oh yes, our two youngest son (6) and daughter (2 1/2) are best friends one moment and then melting down the next. Our daughter is the one with little patience and tends to whack her brother on a regular basis. I put them in separate areas to cool down and that seems to work. I think it's just siblings, they grow out of it eventually.
"There is no foot so small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world" |
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Sitnalta
True Blue Farmgirl
4208 Posts
Jessica
NJ
USA
4208 Posts |
Posted - Feb 24 2009 : 11:03:04 AM
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Hehe...just how soon is eventually? lol. Im not sure Tori will survive. She used to be a fighter but when it comes to her brother she takes a good beating first before she puts her foot down...er...her fist in his face.:P
Seperating them sounds like a good idea. THanks!!
hugs
Jessie
Farmgirl Sister #235
"Certain thoughts are prayers.There are moments when, whatever be the attitude of the body, the soul is on its knees"--V.Hugo
Stop by my blog for a visit www.messiejessie2.blogspot.com |
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Ingrid
True Blue Farmgirl
432 Posts
Ingrid
BC
Canada
432 Posts |
Posted - Feb 24 2009 : 6:27:10 PM
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When my girls were younger they were doing similiar stuff and my sister said "Maybe look at how I react when they are acting up." I tried to pay more attention to my behaviour and discovered I was falling into a sort of pattern of dealing with it that resulted in same stuff as your two. I then decided I would try really hard to keep my voice even and calm - get down to my kids level - look them square in the eye and tell them what was up and what was not right - then I desperately ignored the one that was trying to jump in to the mess - sometimes it worked sometimes it didn't but I found I got less frustrated and upset. They did get out of it but give it a shot, you never know what works. My one sister took her kids in the yard when they did the same stuff and said fight it out. They were so shocked that she said to go ahead they didn't know what to do. Whatever works, just keep your own sanity and remember we probably all did this with our siblings. Ingrid
Give thanks to yourself everyday for all the wonderful things you do! |
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simplyflowers
True Blue Farmgirl
489 Posts
Jamie
Locust Grove
Virginia
USA
489 Posts |
Posted - Feb 25 2009 : 02:29:00 AM
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I've Zach who in 2 and Billy who just turned 11. Sometimes, I think their primary goal in the morning is to wake up, eat breakfast, and then....COMPLETELY GET ON EACH OTHERS NERVES!!! Not in an extreme physical nature, but in a more "He poked me, He's looking at me!" type fashion.... The funniest thing about it all is that it is mostly Billy who starts it. My sister and i did the sme thing though, but she tried to be the athority with me. Mom would explain to her that she is my sister and Mom was in charge and if someone didn't listen to mom...."Go stand in the corner and think about it!" ~as Mom would say!!! :) Geez, I'm turning into Mom!! LOL
"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." -- Thomas Edison
Check out my blog!! http://bestcoupleintown.blogspot.com/ |
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julia hayes
True Blue Farmgirl
1132 Posts
julia
medical lake
wa
USA
1132 Posts |
Posted - Feb 25 2009 : 07:08:24 AM
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Jessie! kids are so hard sometimes! When they're so little like this they are all impulse and emotion. If your kids are anything like mine, your reaction, most definitely either fuels the fire or extinguishes it. I know when I react in a harsh yell kind of way, my kids react by continuing the negative behavior...mostly because they're freaked out by me. When I react with calm and quiet, they are completely different. Here's something with my kids that really helped. Mind you, my kids are a bit older (7 and 5) but when the would argue or hit in a way that was kind of play but not really, I would say things like, "Wow, if you expect to become a Noble Knight or a Future King, you will have to learn to control your temper and not hit. Knights use the power of their words and imagination....." Another one is, "huh, I've seen monkeys hit like that....Are you an ape?" this one works like a charm because then I dance around like a monkey and things quickly turn into play. I would suggest finding a character they like and admire and use that as a guide...etc.. good luck...please keep us posted...~julia
being simple to simply be
Farmgirl #30
www.julia42.etsy.com |
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crafter
True Blue Farmgirl
2313 Posts
lori
Fort Atkinson
Wisconsin
USA
2313 Posts |
Posted - Feb 25 2009 : 08:10:04 AM
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my two daughters that are still at home (missy is 22- out of the house) Katie (17) and Natalie (12) still fight like cats and dogs- they can be best friends and the next minutes they are war. It wears on me something fierce. It hard to be a single parent- no break in the action.
Lori
Have a Country Day |
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Sitnalta
True Blue Farmgirl
4208 Posts
Jessica
NJ
USA
4208 Posts |
Posted - Feb 25 2009 : 09:36:43 AM
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Thanks girls! I know my sister and I used to fight all the time. WE still do pretty much but now its just mind games. I hate that, but I think its gotten to be habit. ugh!
Lori--I can't imagine what it must be like the be doing it alone. Somedays, I have to just back off and pray hubby gets home soon and then I go and hide..hehe. HUGS!!
hugs
Jessie
Farmgirl Sister #235
"Certain thoughts are prayers.There are moments when, whatever be the attitude of the body, the soul is on its knees"--V.Hugo
Stop by my blog for a visit www.messiejessie2.blogspot.com |
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kissmekate
True Blue Farmgirl
890 Posts
Kate
Delano
Minnesota
890 Posts |
Posted - Feb 28 2009 : 10:41:59 PM
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Mine still bicker, but they're older. One approach I have tried and seems to work is I don't pick sides.
I just tell them both firmly "That is enough, both of you."
I can't remember where I read that. It seems to work most of the time.
Don't miss out on a blessing, just because it isn't packaged the way you expected. ~MaryJo Copeland |
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Jami
True Blue Farmgirl
1238 Posts
Jami
Ellensburg
WA
USA
1238 Posts |
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idsweetie72
True Blue Farmgirl
129 Posts
Sandra
New Meadows
idaho
USA
129 Posts |
Posted - Mar 10 2009 : 8:16:19 PM
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Omg- the age ole question- what to do with arguing children. My 13 year old is CONSTANTLY picking on our7 year old- and this is sad to say- but the first time my 7 year old fought back I cheered, (silently- but still) What do I do about it? Seperate them, that's all that works here!
Mazy Day Farm |
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melanie47601
True Blue Farmgirl
1949 Posts
Melanie
Boonville
IN
USA
1949 Posts |
Posted - Mar 11 2009 : 06:36:43 AM
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Jessie, when you find the magical cure for feuding siblings, please please please tell me too! My younger two- Matt is 10 and Hallie is 7- is like mixing fire and gasoline most days.
What is super strange is when my oldest, Caitie, is gone for the evening to a friend's house, Matt and Hallie are good as gold, best friends. Let Cat walk back through the door and the younger two are on like stink on a skunk.
I used to think it was Matthew starting it. He has a super short fuse. I took him to anger management last fall and we learned some techniques for cooling our tops. He kept saying "Hallie started it." I thought back to growing up with a younger sister and remembered my sister actually did start most of the fights and like Matthew I had a short fuse too and caught most of the trouble. So I started just sitting back and watching to see how Matt and Hallie's fights started and sure enough she was starting the biggest part of them! Most of the time when Hallie picks a fight it doesn't start because Matt has done something to upset her, it's because she's bored. And I guess this is some sick form of entertainment for her.
Well like Matthew used to be totally grossed out by buggers. Hallie picked and big, slimy one and chased him through the house. He was screamin like a lil girl. I was trying so hard to get after her but I could barely catch my breath from laughing. I know bad mom. Now he's not disgusted by that sort of thing anymore so she will do something like find his favorite video game and hide it. Then Matthew retaliates with screaming and hitting. I have tried just about everything I can think of sometimes it works, but only for a few minutes. aaarrggg
Melanie
Shop~ http://www.squidoo.com/buyinghomemade
Blog~ http://wheelsarealwaysturning.blogspot.com/ |
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Diane B Carter
True Blue Farmgirl
1270 Posts
Diane
Blasdell
N.Y.
USA
1270 Posts |
Posted - Mar 18 2009 : 2:30:47 PM
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I just never allowed them to argue. If I heard one they both went to there room until they could behave. I never set a time on how long they had to stay in their room, it was up to them. My grandson who comes over 4 times a week started yelling every time something upset him I just picked him up and hugged and kissed him and said we don't yell in gramma's house. Yesterday when he started to yell I picked him up and hugged him and reminded him we don't yell at grammas, he patted me on the back and said thank you gramma for not yelling. I cried, I hate the fact that his mom (my step-daughter)yells all the time at everything and anything. She yelled at her dad a year ago and I came in the room and said he may be your father but he's my husband and you will not yell and call him names in my house. She screamed this is not your house. I said it is my home and you are not welcome until you can respect your father and myself. I left and went for a long walk, she left and returned a few days later, polite. I have a home and my husband brought this house for us as it was closer to our jobs. I just won't give up my other house. My step-daughter was renting a house at the time. We have never spoke of this again but she has not once raised her voice again in our home.
Hope all your days are Sunnydays.
dianebcarterhotmailcom.blogspot.com |
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farmmom22
True Blue Farmgirl
616 Posts
Tammy
Scottsville
KY
USA
616 Posts |
Posted - Mar 18 2009 : 3:57:41 PM
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My kids are constantly at each other. And car rides are the worst! I've been making them sit down and hold hands until they can be nice to each other! But that only lasts so long before they are back at it. I bought a pillow from Mrs. Wilma that says "Raising kids is like being pecked to death by a chicken". I think that pretty much sums it up around my house!!
http://afarmgirljourney.blogspot.com/
Farmgirl Sister #492
Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending. -Carl Bard |
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JoyIowa
True Blue Farmgirl
273 Posts
Joy
273 Posts |
Posted - Mar 19 2009 : 05:20:11 AM
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This idea will not work for bitty toddlers, but since several have mentioned older kids, I humbly offer something that works for me:
An idea that works for me in my classroom that parents report to me works for them at home as well is: find two identical stools, mats, carpet squares, pillows, even two small hand towels will work. It is important that whatever you use be identical and NEVER EVER be used for anything but "talking stools" (or mats, carpets, etc.) When the bickering starts, you say something to the effect of "Sounds like you have a problem, have you asked [offending party] to visit the talking stool?" If yes, but the offending party won't visit, I step in and say [offending party, your presence is requested at the talking stool] (This is interpreted as "I better get myself there now") Then I leave them to work in out. The "rules" are calm voices always, keep your body to yourself, and neither party can leave until both are satisfied. When I first started this, I reviewed the rules, and had them report to me when they were finished so I could make sure that both parties were happy (or at least appeased). Now they let me know if they need me to ask questions so they can get on with reconciliation, otherwise I just back away. It seems to me if an adult is in control of the talking, settling, punishing, etc. the kids don't learn the art of communication in stressful situations and then develop the inner attitude of "I helpless to solve this, I need someone else." rather than "I can search for a solution".
I've used this for about 5 years, and have refined the technique a bit as I went along. I very rarely get called upon to do anything to settle disagreements, and when I do it is usually because one person is so angry, he/she just can't think. In that case I suggest they might want to turn around, separate the talking stools a bit and set a timer for 5 minutes.
It's not easy, but the more the adults in children's lives can empower children to solve their own scrimishes, the better off we will all be.
Have a great day!
If it's not illegal, unsafe, or immoral, why not try anything once? Who knows? You may come back for a second helping! |
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Jana
True Blue Farmgirl
482 Posts
Jana
Eau Claire
Wisconsin
USA
482 Posts |
Posted - Mar 24 2009 : 09:05:23 AM
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Joy what an amazing idea. I wish I could start over with mine, but at 25 and 21, I fear I've damaged them forever! lol
Jana |
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Family Matters: Constant Bickering |
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Constant Bickering
