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Family Matters:  I'm Nesting...WHY isn't my husband????  |
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
 Posted - Feb 09 2009 : 08:26:32 AM
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Our baby is due on the 19th...and I just have this feeling she will come early...and I'm trying desperately to get everything done, like pack mine and the baby's bags, get the nursery organized, wash the diapers, write thank you notes for 4 showers and wonderful gifts that people have sent who weren't even AT the showers, stop worrying about breastfeeding, stop thinking I'm going to screw her up when she gets home, or whether I'll be the worst mother ever because I actually WANT to take a shower, and I can't get my husband to figure out that this "event" is somewhat timely, if not urgent. He acts like she's going to arrive on the 19th (as scheduled) and we've got all the time in the world!! 
It's taken him 3 weeks to paint the thrift dresser I purchased in SEPTEMBER, after asking him all autumn to do so, and there's always some excuse. And, yesterday he told me he was going to use today to clean out the car, vacuum it well and take the car seat to the firehouse to make sure it's installed properly. So this morning he says that he changed his mind, that he's just thinking of "conserving gasoline" and will do it another day. ANOTHER DAY????? The thing is, he's got plenty of time for his hobbies...The only way to build a fire under him is if his father comes over and then he just stands around watching his dad do all the work.
Seriously, I feel like a teakettle that is about to boil over. I eat, drink, sleep getting ready for this baby, and want to be done with the "detail" stuff so that I can get my head in a calm space about the labor and delivery, and I can't, because I can't seem to rely on him to finish up these VERY minute projects. What gives? This morning he told me to "chill out". HOW?
Without sounding like an absolute grouch and a nag, how do I convey to him what my needs are--he just looks at me like I have three heads.  |
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abbysshadow
True Blue Farmgirl
224 Posts
Sherry
Dayton
Nevada
USA
224 Posts |
Posted - Feb 09 2009 : 09:35:38 AM
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...awww, everything will work out fine, everything that needs to be done will be done..Enjoy those thank-you notes and washing those diapers. Later, you will look back and wonder why you stressed over it all, but I guess we are supposed to do that "nesting thing" and it's hard when it feels like hubby is not on-board. You will be a wonderful mother and you will handle either breastfeeding or not, whatever the need is. You will learn your baby quickly and be able to do just what he/she needs. You will be able to take showers and clean and do everything else you need to do...you just do it! You'll see, your own little schedule will develop, and then on some days, the schedule doesn't exist...it all works out :) I am excited for you! My niece is due with her first one, (a boy) on the 20th...Hugs and peace to you, Sherry
...I cannot do all the good that the world needs, but the world needs all the good that I can do... |
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abbysshadow
True Blue Farmgirl
224 Posts
Sherry
Dayton
Nevada
USA
224 Posts |
Posted - Feb 09 2009 : 09:39:13 AM
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....p.s......don't fall into that "gotta be a perfect mother" thing...women have been having babies for forever with whatever they had to work with at the time...you will be perfect for YOUR baby..ok, I'll shut up now... hugs, Sherry
...I cannot do all the good that the world needs, but the world needs all the good that I can do... |
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mellaisbella
True Blue Farmgirl
1862 Posts
melanie
living on Anne of Green
Gables land
Canada
1862 Posts |
Posted - Feb 09 2009 : 11:05:19 AM
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maybe hubby is nervous and thinks that if I bury my head in the sand...everything will work out?
sit down and "try" to relax. I think of you often and wonder how you are making out. did you get the package I sent?
hugs:)
"we must be the change we wish to see in the world"
farmgal #150 |
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marcy jo
True Blue Farmgirl
453 Posts
Marcy
Wawaka
Indiana
USA
453 Posts |
Posted - Feb 09 2009 : 11:10:55 AM
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Hubbys always take that approach. When the baby shows up is when they jump into gear. I think its just them. Men are hands on and if they cant touch it or hold it they just wait til they can. It will be fine!!!
Marcy #257
http://marcyjosmarket.blogspot.com |
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Amie C.
True Blue Farmgirl
2099 Posts
Finger Lakes Region
NY
2099 Posts |
Posted - Feb 09 2009 : 11:17:50 AM
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It might have something to do with hormones. You've got them going on and he doesn't.
All my friends who've had babies have gone through this frantic nesting phase in the last few weeks of the pregnancy, finishing up craft projects, reorganizing the house. Even if they have everything ready for the baby.
But, man, I can see how it would make you crazy to need help and not be able to get him interested. He may jump into gear after the baby arrives, but it's not going to be fun to be painting the dresser and dealing with midnight feedings at the same time. |
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Miss Bee Haven
True Blue Farmgirl
4331 Posts
Janice
Louisville/Irvington
Kentucky
USA
4331 Posts |
Posted - Feb 09 2009 : 11:49:01 AM
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If I hadn't had the good luck to give birth three weeks early during Christmas break(my then dh was a college prof), I'd have had to drive myself to the hospital. My pal Carolyn's dh polished his shoes after her water broke and she was packing to leave for the hospital.....
Girl, I sure wish you lived closer to me. I'd have that dresser stripped and painted by now! ;) Also, my doc told me at the end that I'd have tons of energy and want to clean the house from top to bottom. Then he said "Don't! Save some of your energy. You'll need it during delivery!"
Farmgirl Sister #50
"If you think you've got it nailed down, then what's all that around it?"
'Br.Dave Gardner' |
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
Posted - Feb 09 2009 : 12:49:54 PM
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I hear ya! I guess it is the difference between the genders....I know he'll hop into gear, but then I'll be too exhausted to help (or direct :))! I think I may be in that "mode", Janice, for sure. I seem to want everything done pronto, and the most perfect way.
I know you'd have the dresser stripped and painted (and stripped and painted again!) if you lived nearby. I just want to get everything in order so that it's ready and looks adorable so that I can post photos :P
Melanie...I surely did. Did you not receive my email? I will look again and make sure I sent it, but I thought so...I also have something for you and the little one. I'll get it in the post, I swear!!! |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22937 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22937 Posts |
Posted - Feb 09 2009 : 2:49:47 PM
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Hey FebVi- I know exactly what you mean. Nora came a bit before the nesting really took hold, but we had started to get into the same groove that you and your hubby are finding right now. Even to the extent that when I had to be admitted to the hospital (what amounted to a day before labor though we didn't know that at the time) I spent the whole night alone with a friend their for part of it because Doug FINALLY realized he had to clean the house!
The best thing is that you will have a lovely little Violet to pay attention to when you get home and the details will fade into the back ground! They really will!
Just keep doing everything you can, and maybe write a big list of things you need to get done and post it on the wall somewhere. Put the most important things up at the top. Maybe he needs a visual aid to the work that needs done.
*hugs* You will be a fantastic mom! Just remember these are the last few weeks of you being pregnant (for now) and I so wish I had kicked back a little more and enjoyed those last few moments of ultimate bonding.
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.awarmheart.com
Please come visit Nora and me on our blog: www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
Put your pin on the farmgirl map! www.farmgirlmap.blogspot.com |
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lisamarie508
True Blue Farmgirl
2648 Posts
Lisa
Idaho City
ID
USA
2648 Posts |
Posted - Feb 09 2009 : 9:29:41 PM
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Yeah, don't worry. The guys deal with it in a totally different way. We don't understand what they're doing and they don't understand what we're doing(hence the 3-head look). But it'll all be fine and wonderful. You'll see.
Farmgirl Sister #35
"If you can not do great things, do small things in a great way." Napoleon Hill (1883-1970)
my blog:
http://lisamariesbasketry.blogspot.com/
[size=1]My apron website:
http://lisamariesaprons.bravehost.com [size=1] |
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kristin sherrill
True Blue Farmgirl
11303 Posts
kristin
chickamauga
ga
USA
11303 Posts |
Posted - Feb 10 2009 : 05:29:03 AM
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That's what mine did. Nothing. Til I was in labor, that is. Or really til I was about to have our child at the house. Then he kicked it in gear! It finally hit him that he was a dad and he had responsibilities now. That's all it took.
So hang in there. It'll happen when he sees that gorgeous little baby of his.
Kris
Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you. Maori proverb |
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Ingrid
True Blue Farmgirl
432 Posts
Ingrid
BC
Canada
432 Posts |
Posted - Feb 10 2009 : 10:48:54 AM
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Men don't nest!! Don't fret about it, he will clue in when the baby is born.
Give thanks to yourself everyday for all the wonderful things you do! |
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ClaireSky
True Blue Farmgirl
1792 Posts
Julie
Arcadia
WI
USA
1792 Posts |
Posted - Feb 10 2009 : 2:11:26 PM
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I fully agree with Marcy Jo. Men are more hands-on. It will all work out in the end.
Julie
Farmgirl Sister #399
West-Central WI Farmgirls
Folks will know how large your soul is by the way you treat a dog...Charles F. Doran |
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Farmtopia
True Blue Farmgirl
1465 Posts
Zan
New York
New York
USA
1465 Posts |
Posted - Feb 11 2009 : 1:22:42 PM
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Hey Miss So there's this saying: "When you first find out your pregnant--the father is excited and the mother is mellow. As it progressively gets closer, the roles eventually reverse." Until you have the baby. I'm sure he just actually needs to see baby to get the fire under his behind! 
...Or, you can just tell him that a whole passel of angry farmgirls will come to the house if he doesn't get it together! 
~*~Dream all you dreamers~*~
View my work:
www.bigtownfarmer.com
And *NEW* Blogs:
Life: www.wildatheartfarm.blogspot.com
art/dolls: www.wildatheartart.blogspot.com
herbals: www.wildatheartherbals.blogspot.com |
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frannie
True Blue Farmgirl
2246 Posts
fran
bonham
texas
USA
2246 Posts |
Posted - Feb 11 2009 : 10:48:17 PM
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wow, this scenario sounds so familiar, but i was nesting 34 years ago and i dont think my husband was named jus.
i felt just like you and also felt like my hubby wasnt doing anything but stalling. it did all work out and i for one know that you are going to be the most wonderful mom. i also think if ya werent feeling some of these things ya wouldnt be normal. i am so glad to see your post cause every day i wonder how things are going for you.
love
frannie in texas
(http://abunnystale.wordpress.com/) |
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5 acre Farmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1007 Posts
~~~*Terri*~~~
WA.
USA
1007 Posts |
Posted - Feb 12 2009 : 08:31:37 AM
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This sounds oooo familiar to me also,,hang in there, My DD will be 30 here this week.....we women want to be all ready...I just have to think abaout all the woman that don't even have a blanket to wrap their precious bundle in, they probably want to be "ready" also, but, with nothing to get ready with...............
Sometimes we women in our last few days before birth, get a little .........what can I say?......
You will make it and baby will be fine.....remember, don't get DH on your bad side, this is suppose to be a blessed event...... 
Love to you friend........
Farmgirl Sister #368
BRAND NEW PAGE>>>>>
PLEASE go to....
http://blogonthefarmandgarden.blogspot.com
http://froccsfrillsfurbiloesandmore.blogspot.com
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urban farm girl
True Blue Farmgirl
80 Posts
Melissa
Posen
IL
USA
80 Posts |
Posted - Feb 12 2009 : 09:08:14 AM
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| Like everyone said he will get going after the baby is born. Mine was like that too, really!! |
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Carol Sue
True Blue Farmgirl
4033 Posts
Carol Sue
Washingtonian
USA
4033 Posts |
Posted - Feb 12 2009 : 6:15:50 PM
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Miss Feb/vi you sure have brought back some great memories for me. I was the nesting queen and nearly drove myself a little crazy while hubby just keep looking at me.....lol. You are so very normal right now and your reactions as well. Just know this is part of the getting ready for labor and do remember to rest. With my son, I trimmed our entire hedge which was half a block long, and felt great....lol and had him the next morning....yep, a little insane was I.....lol
Hugs and keep hanging in there, everything really truly will come together....
www.Quitemoments.blogspot.com |
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kissmekate
True Blue Farmgirl
890 Posts
Kate
Delano
Minnesota
890 Posts |
Posted - Feb 12 2009 : 8:33:47 PM
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Sweets, just get done what you can, but don't wear yourself to a frazzle.
Guys live in their own mancaved world. You know the stainless steel room, with a drain tile in the floor, and the 120" plasma tv, minibar and barcalounger. They don't see dirt or think of germs like we do.
Just let him do the eyes glazed over blank stare, he'll kick in to high gear when he needs to.
You take it easy on yourself, you have a life changing event taking place soon, you don't want to be too exhausted for it!
Don't miss out on a blessing, just because it isn't packaged the way you expected. ~MaryJo Copeland |
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
Posted - Feb 13 2009 : 07:11:19 AM
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You gals always manage to make my day. I so appreciate the support, and the HUMOR--Kate, HOW TRUE!!
I had to actually MAKE myself go to bed last night, because I was organizing the bookcase for the nursery, and trying to figure out how everything would "go". It looks really cute, but I'm still missing the handles (which are on order) so I won't post photos until everything is kosher.
Carol Sue, you crack me up--that hedge just had to be done, didn't it? That baby was sure going to notice!!!
He is taking the car this a.m. to clean it out, and to put the car seat in. We'll see :) Last night when I said, "so you'll be taking the car tomorrow, right?" He said, "I don't think I need it, do I?" I gave him a long hard stare and he said, "Oh yeah, I was going to take it for cleaning, wasn't I????"
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yarnmamma
True Blue Farmgirl
4247 Posts
Linda
Clarks Summit
PA
USA
4247 Posts |
Posted - Feb 13 2009 : 07:29:04 AM
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I've got to tell you about an experience I had. I had a call from the agency needing foster parents for a newborn preemie...I had to think about it because we already had a 3 yr old and a 2 yr old both foster babies...this was to be only for a few days...when I said yes, then guess what else the caseworker came up with! "What about the twin"...there were twins! A boy and a girl. I had to say yes after begging my husband, lol after all it's only a few days. We got out 2 car seats, and borrowed 2 at the last minute because someone wanted me to take them....after getting my friend to go with me we had cpr class and brought home 2 tiny preemies with their heart/breathing machines attached and their own car seats! So I was over-prepared with a total of 6 carseats! I'm glad I had a van because of so much stuff that also came with them. With foster babies you never know because sometimes they come with absolutely nothing so I learned to expect nothing. Within an hour or so I had borrowed a basinett and clothes and things just came to us...more than we needed! I had such a wonderful experience with these babies for about a week. With only an hour or two's notice and things came together fine!
My husband at the time was not in a good mood and refused to help with anything. As it turned out I didn't need him after all. I had another friend stay at our house to help me. They had the machines hooked up and had to be watched closely...too tiny to even make much noise, no crying...I will never forget how blessed the whole experience was.....God provides!
Linda in Scranton, PA
farmgirl #71 |
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K-Falls Farmgirl
Chapter Leader
2096 Posts
Cheryl
Klamath Falls
Oregon
USA
2096 Posts |
Posted - Feb 13 2009 : 3:38:37 PM
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Feb/Vi Relax, breathe, You need to be stress free.. Do what you can, He will come around when You need him the most. It's a Man thing.. They just don't get it... until Later.. Do fun stuff that relaxes you. Your going to be a great mommy..and baby will expect nothing .. What you give is what baby needs. Hang in there.. & .Love the dickens out of that babe.
Cheryl
Farmgirl #309
Almost daily posts at:
http://www.k-fallsfarmgirl.blogspot.com/
Come visit the barn at http://barndoorcreations.blogspot.com/
Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise',
I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
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Family Matters: I'm Nesting...WHY isn't my husband???? |
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I'm Nesting...WHY isn't my husband????
