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Across the Fence:  Cuz ya otta know  |
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Julia
True Blue Farmgirl
1949 Posts
Julia
Shelton
WA
USA
1949 Posts |
 Posted - Feb 03 2009 : 6:56:13 PM
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Before my DH passed away in Dec. he made a list of all the places I needed to call, everything I needed to do, with phone numbers and everything. It was a real help for me. He was organized to the end. Anyway, I have had a few hic-cups along the way and wanted to give a bit of advice. If you are married, make sure that both of your names are on everything! Even the water bill account, cable, titles, everything. It has taken me 2 weeks to get my cable cancelled, because when my husband set up the account, he only put his name on it. If you are single have someone else, your mom, sister... on things as well. It will make it easier when 'the time' comes. I don't mean to be maudlin, but these are just some things I have had to learn the hard way, cuz, when you are grieving, you don't need extra headaches.
For tomorrow and its needs I do not pray, but keep me, guide me, love me, Lord just for today.
St. Augustine
#440 |
Edited by - Julia on Feb 04 2009 4:33:31 PM |
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kristin sherrill
True Blue Farmgirl
11303 Posts
kristin
chickamauga
ga
USA
11303 Posts |
Posted - Feb 03 2009 : 7:43:18 PM
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Julia, that is good advice. I am not on our mortgage or our cell phone or my hubby'd motorcycle loan and they won't talk to me most of the time. He has to call and get me put on the "list". It is very frustrating because I am the one that writes the checks and knows about what's going on with the money. Not him. And with his very recent illness that we weren't sure he'd pull through, it is something we should do while he's home on sick leave.
Also we should talk about wills and funerals arrangements and all the things that we don't want to talk about but that are very necessary. Because the time will come and most of us are not ready at all. Another thing is a living will. Right before they took my hubby in to surgery he told me he wanted to be cremated, not buried, if he didn't make it. Weel he did make it, but it sure is a wake up call. I guess we need to talk about this.
Thank you for bringing this up at this time. I think I needed to see this. I am so sorry that you are going through all this but your husband did a great job of preparing things for you. Not many get a chance to do this or don't even think about doing it. He must have been a great husband.
Kris
Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you. Maori proverb |
Edited by - kristin sherrill on Feb 03 2009 7:44:02 PM |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
Posted - Feb 03 2009 : 7:47:14 PM
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Another thing to consider is whether you want to be an organ donor or not. It is so easy to make the choice and there is a place to put the choice on your driver's license. That way if the worst should ever happen, your loved ones won't have to make a choice that might be difficult for them.
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.awarmheart.com
Please come visit Nora and me on our blog: www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
Put your pin on the farmgirl map! www.farmgirlmap.blogspot.com |
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FebruaryViolet
True Blue Farmgirl
4810 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4810 Posts |
Posted - Feb 03 2009 : 8:03:31 PM
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Well, to continue your thoughts...I am a paralegal for an estate planning and real estate attorney, and agree that it's very beneficial to have both names on accounts, because ultimately (and in most states) those are not considered "probate" assets, and will not be subject to court supervision--you won't have to provide documentation, nor keep the estate open for the alotted time for creditors if it's all left to a spouse, or there is nothing in your individual spouse's name only. Also remember to review your life insurance policies for beneficiary designations and contingent beneficiary designations. I was married previously, and my mother, bless her, a couple of years ago, discovered that she still had my ex husband as her contingent bene (if something happened to me). After what he did, she SURE wouldn't want him to have anything from her estate, but state law would provide that he would have to get it, unless my husband of 8 years (and my soon to be born daughter) contested it, costing court fees and emotional hardship.
You might think that you don't have enough for a Will--that's a myth. Do one, and YES, YES, YES, do a Living Will Declaration--we none of us want to end up like Terry Schiavo. I don't, anyway. When we do an estate planning package, we will always suggest a Will, Financial Power of Attorney, Health Care Power of Attorney and Living Will. Trusts are wonderful tools to assist in tax matters, especially if there is multiple properties and assets. It's also a private document, and not subject to probate, whereas a Will would be required to be filed with the court. Good in matters where there is a great deal of assets, and perhaps, family "issues" or a situation where someone is a charitable benefactor, where privacy might be key.
If you have minor children, discuss who you would like to be their guardian in the event that both you and your spouse pass...it's a difficult conversation, and we've actually had couples almost divorce of this VERY question. Remember, religion, marital status and lifestyle are all things to consider (and reconsider) when choosing your guardian.
When selecting your POA for Healthcare and for your Living Will, remember it might NOT always be your spouse, or your only child--especially if you differ on views of life extenuating circumstances. When faced with the decision to end your life, it can be nearly impossible for a spouse or child to do so, especially in the event of an accident or sudden illness. You should always have an alternate in place, if your primary choice can't make the decision.
Sorry...you'd think I'd get sick of this stuff doing it all day, and here I am blah blah blahing about it on a happy forum. Well, I concur---it's vitally important for you to draft these papers, and please, please, please, do so with an attorney. You want to make sure that your wishes are followed to a tee--a handwritten missive in many states is not admissable and will not stand in court. It's not that expensive (we charge $300 for the 4 docs, $500 with the trust because it's a major document, specifically designed for you), and we're in an urban environment, where it could be more expensive....and you don't have to change these documents often, and a simple amendment can do this.
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simplyflowers
True Blue Farmgirl
489 Posts
Jamie
Locust Grove
Virginia
USA
489 Posts |
Posted - Feb 04 2009 : 03:50:57 AM
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This is interesting. Julia, I'm so sorry for your loss and I hope you over all are doing well. All of this is stuff I think about!! My hubby is 22 years older than me, I do want to make sure I'm protected and so is my son in the event that something happens to the DH. THis is all very helpful, thank you!
"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." -- Thomas Edison
Check out my blog!! http://bestcoupleintown.blogspot.com/ |
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Annab
True Blue Farmgirl
2900 Posts
Anna
Seagrove
NC
USA
2900 Posts |
Posted - Feb 04 2009 : 05:56:57 AM
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We did the advance directive thing a few years ago when the subject of neglect and quality of life came up in the news. I forget the lady's name right now.
Neither of us wants to be recussitated but DO want feeding tubes.
my dad is having to deal w/ a very bad situation this very weekend. His older brother has been in a home for years and has dimentia. This man used to tip scales at 200+ pounds. Now he continues to loose 5 lbs. a week and is refusing to eat ANYTHING.Last I heard he weightd a little over 120! A former shadow of himself. If doctors insert a gastric tube he will rip it out. Sedation is no quality of life either, yet to slowly starve is bad too. Please say a prayer for my floks and uncle.
Stuff like this is sad to talk about, but a very necessary fact of life.
Think I'll ask hubby to put my name on the phone and power bills. |
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Julia
True Blue Farmgirl
1949 Posts
Julia
Shelton
WA
USA
1949 Posts |
Posted - Feb 04 2009 : 4:32:20 PM
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All good thoughts girls. My financial planner also suggests, much like my husband did for me, is to have a list of contacts, Social Security, Insurances, banks... with numbers and names, if you can. Having a list of where monies are, stocks, bonds, saftey deposit boxes, in a tin can under the apple tree is important. Also, if you do online banking and such, having passwords and pin numbers with the will is good too. Life truly is short, and being prepared for the sake of those left behind is a blessing.
For tomorrow and its needs I do not pray, but keep me, guide me, love me, Lord just for today.
St. Augustine
#440 |
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kmbrown
True Blue Farmgirl
459 Posts
Misty
Waynesboro
Pennsylvania
USA
459 Posts |
Posted - Feb 04 2009 : 5:02:46 PM
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| Thanks for this thread. This is something I have thought about because of our family situation. It is CRUCIAL to us that if something happens to me and hubby that MY parents get custody of our children. His family would probably take everything to court and they have the finances to do so. We have it stated in our will several places that they are not to even have contact with our children if this happens. God Bless the lawyer that had to draw our specific requests up!!! Also on a note, if you are considering organ donation I STRONGLY encourage you to do extensive research on what this means for you or your loved ones. My sister is a midwife and had a sickening experience with organ donation and after talking to top docs at Hershey Medical we found out things you will NOT be told unless you really dig deep. Just be very cautious with this decision. |
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jpbluesky
True Blue Farmgirl
6066 Posts
Jeannie
Florida
USA
6066 Posts |
Posted - Feb 04 2009 : 5:54:21 PM
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This is very good advice. Several years ago when my MIL passed, we were there for the pre-funeral activites, and my FIL had all the ducks in a row......he knew exactly what to do and how much, and all about everything, and it really made everything go much smoother. Julia = your advice is excellent.
Farmgirl Sister # 31
www.blueskyjeannie.blogspot.com
Psalm 51: 10-13 |
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kpaints
True Blue Farmgirl
1564 Posts
karen
cheney
wa
1564 Posts |
Posted - Feb 05 2009 : 01:26:56 AM
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Thanks for reminding me that these matters should be taken care of ahead of time. I have a will and living will and everything goes to my only child. I have a file with her name on it and I put all the info in there so she will not have to look for insurance policies, etc. I keep reminding her of my password but I will put it in there right now. But a list of contacts would be helpful too. I will do that today. Thanks for everyone's advice. Julia, a prayer for you and peace.
Find your joy and live it. http://cheneybaglady.blogspot.com/http://www.kpaints.etsy.com |
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Annab
True Blue Farmgirl
2900 Posts
Anna
Seagrove
NC
USA
2900 Posts |
Posted - Feb 05 2009 : 03:21:17 AM
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My dad on several occasion has shown us the "read me first" folder
it has all this stuff in it too
In my wallet there's a laminated highlighted piece of papaer that has contact numbers. It also says I have no allergies, wear hard contact lenses and there's a dog alone in the house
All this stuff in case I'm ever found unconscious and can't speak |
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Julia
True Blue Farmgirl
1949 Posts
Julia
Shelton
WA
USA
1949 Posts |
Posted - Feb 06 2009 : 3:29:09 PM
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If you do online banking, know what are automatic withdrawals, I over paided my car insurance. They are rembursing me, but just another hassel, one doesn't need.
For tomorrow and its needs I do not pray, but keep me, guide me, love me, Lord just for today.
St. Augustine
#440 |
Edited by - Julia on Feb 07 2009 09:37:30 AM |
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Across the Fence: Cuz ya otta know |
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Cuz ya otta know
