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Family Matters:  Men and household chores  |
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obventions
Farmgirl in Training
23 Posts
Liz
Lexington
KY
USA
23 Posts |
 Posted - Feb 08 2009 : 6:19:38 PM
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| I skimmed over most of the replies. Figured I'd throw in my 2 cents worth. I'm a 20something that stupidly got married in college. Things were great dating... both in school, both worked, both had goals and plans that were ideal for our future. We eloped and moved back to Lexington. He had to quit his job... understandable. We didn't have the time to drive 45 min one way for him to keep his old job. Mkay.. fine.. get another job. Nay. He didn't even look. Mkay.. I made enough to cover the bills and living expenses assuming we stuck to budget. He threw that out of the window. Fine... no job, hold your weight by helping around the house right? Yeah that didn't work either. Then he stopped doing his school work. I was stuck working full time, doing my full time class work AND his (we did online classes through our comm. college) on top of all of the laundry, cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping etc. So to all who have done it for X amount of years, bravo I sincerely pat you on the back. I just simply couldn't do it. And after a couple of medical circumstances, I finally just pulled the plug on the relationship. I try to be a very balanced person. Relationships are give and take, and should be balanced. One person shouldn't just do it all. I don't have kids, but helped my old room mate raise hers while her and her husband went to school and worked. Everyone had a schedule.... but all of us helped (myself, her and her husband, and their 4 kids.) We all had to work together as a team to keep everything smoothly running. As a kid, all of the slack got laid on my shoulders. Looking back, I appreciate it now because I know how to run a household successfully assuming that everyone works together and there aren't major "problems." But all in the same, I don't feel that kids should be expected to pick up the slack, if that makes sense. Like.... yeah have like a chore list and what not, but don't make it a thing where -everything- rolls down hill. I have no idea if that makes sense. My thing was with my husband.... no matter how I approached the topic or tried to talk about it... it was like talking to a brick wall. I'm not sure why some men are like that. An ex bf and I (yes, I know ex's are ex's for a reason, but this was a case of moving away, not problems) decided to move in together and kick start another relationship. We have a harmonious relationship. Don't really have any sort of set schedule or anything. He see's dishes needing to be done, he'll do them. Which is fine by me...I hate doing dishes. But he hates doing laundry so it's a fair trade in my opinion. I'll do most of the deep cleaning, but he'll do most of the upkeep. How in the world I happened to get a pre-programmed boyfriend, I'm not sure. But I'm greatful for it! (and wow I just realized I'm long winded.) |
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obventions
Farmgirl in Training
23 Posts
Liz
Lexington
KY
USA
23 Posts |
Posted - Feb 08 2009 : 6:23:44 PM
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Whoops, I forgot to add too lol.... Karin, I wish I could have my bf rub off on your hubby. I happened to catch some freecycle and craigslist stuff this weekend for some skeins of yarn and some extra fabric..... The stuff from craigslist HE found! What's he say to me about it? "Hunny, I know you have enough artsy-fartsy stuff as it is, but you might want to send this lady an email. I noticed the more artsy crap you have to do to keep you occupied, the happier you are." Isn't he just sweet. LOL!
Good luck hun. Definitely let us know how it turns out. I would sure love to know how to successfully address that situation if I ever (hopefully not) have to come to terms with it again. |
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JoyIowa
True Blue Farmgirl
273 Posts
Joy
273 Posts |
Posted - Feb 18 2009 : 5:41:13 PM
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First of all let me say the next sentence is not meant to make light of this situation:
I read through these laughing hysterically!!! I didn't realize how many of you were married to my hubby!!! Seriously, everything from NEVER, EVER helps wo/ being asked to his mama did everything for him fits to a tee!!
We've been married for nearly 22 years, and it is just recently he has started to somewhat pick up anything. Amusing story that started our marriage: It was the first morning after our wedding that we were back at work. DH worked 12-8AM at the time, I worked 10-6pm. I'm laying in bed, it's 6 AM. I hear someone on our back steps. I jump out of bed and look out the window-no hubby's truck. At the same time, I hear the back door open, my heart starts pounding, I start to panic because the phone was in the living room. Just about the time I'm going to open the window and crawl out to run for help, I hear the washer start!!! Then I hear dishes rattling in the sink (the bowl DH had used to have cereal before he went to work at midnight, a spoon, and a coffee cup-keep this in mind as you read the rest.) I think, "Wait a minute no one bad is going to be starting the washer and filling the sink. I decide to don my bathrobe, grab a bat from the hall, and venture into the kitchen. As I round the corner I see my new MIL standing at the sink and hear her grumbling about how awful it was that her poor baby had to live in such filth already!!! (We had now been married exactly 6 days.) I used my best teacher voice and asked what she was doing here. She replied that she always cleans here on Monday mornings. I informed her (not very nicely) that she didn't any more, to get the h---- out of my house, and the next time she walked in without an invite, I was calling the cops!! Then I tossed the bat in the general direction of the door and told her not to let it hit her on the way out! I remember being FURIOUS! I was stilled steamed 2 1/2 hours later when DH came home and walked in the door with "Oh, hi! Did mom already leave!" OH boy! First, biggest, and worst argument we ever had!!! Now, it's funnier than almost anything I've done or seen since, but then . . . Come to find out she had always done each of her sons' houses because they couldn't do it good enough to suite her!! It has taken me many years of patient asking, praising, and complimenting for him to feel like not only is his helped needed and expected, but appreciated as well. I really think guys are wired to only see one thing at a time, and it is not cleaning. I'm very careful to ask him if he's forgetting something if he goes to another part of the house. He looks around, finds something, and then thanks me!!!! There is hope!
Have a good day!
If it's not illegal, unsafe, or immoral, why not try anything once? Who knows? You may come back for a second helping! |
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Family Matters: Men and household chores |
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Men and household chores
