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Family Matters:  Hoping I didn't offend  |
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Sitnalta
True Blue Farmgirl
4208 Posts
Jessica
NJ
USA
4208 Posts |
 Posted - Jan 04 2009 : 4:35:03 PM
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Ever since I posted the "Deep Dark Secrets" post, I have noticed some of my dear farmgirl sisters 'backing off' from me. I truly was not meaning of you all here and do hope that no one took it personally.
My DH sister (16) has decided that she wants to run off, despite what her parents say, to NY and have kids with this 20 year old kid. She was asking me what I thought (I was proud of myself for not using words like insane or crazy child) Well, needless to say she was not happy at all with what I told her, so I was in a position to share skeletons from my closet to get my point across. All in all it was good conversation, and she knows that I am a firm "marriage,THEN children" believer.
I really hope I didn't offend anyone. If I did, please let me know so that I can get with you and make things right.
Thanks!
hugs!
Jessie
Farmgirl Sister #235
Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn  hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work You don't give up.
Stop by my blog for a visit www.messiejessie2.blogspot.com |
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graciegreeneyes
True Blue Farmgirl
3107 Posts
Amy Grace
Rosalia
WA
USA
3107 Posts |
Posted - Jan 04 2009 : 5:36:53 PM
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Jessie - when I read your post nothing in it seemed like something that would put people off. Good luck with your sister. Sounds like my step-daughter, and whenever I tried to reasonably talk to her she got the glazed "you have no idea what I feel" look in her eyes
Amy Grace
Farmgirl #224
"use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without" |
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Sitnalta
True Blue Farmgirl
4208 Posts
Jessica
NJ
USA
4208 Posts |
Posted - Jan 04 2009 : 6:13:58 PM
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AmyGrace,
That is the EXACT look and tone I get from his little sister. I think she talks to me because I'm not really "part of the family" in her eyes so she doesn't see me as a threat. Im really afraid for her. Shoot I was 24 when I had my first kiddo and I was scared outta my wits...lol. I don't think anyone can really know what life is like til you've lived some of it. :O)
hugs
Jessie
Farmgirl Sister #235
Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work You don't give up.
Stop by my blog for a visit www.messiejessie2.blogspot.com |
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babysmama
True Blue Farmgirl
931 Posts
Elizabeth
Iowa
931 Posts |
Posted - Jan 05 2009 : 07:00:14 AM
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I didn't see anything in your previous post that would/should offend anyone. Don't we all have one or two deep dark secrets we would like to put behind us? I'm sure we all do!
Hugs,
Elizabeth |
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graciegreeneyes
True Blue Farmgirl
3107 Posts
Amy Grace
Rosalia
WA
USA
3107 Posts |
Posted - Jan 05 2009 : 08:49:09 AM
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Definitely Jessie, and hopefully you can learn from your mistakes. Unfortunately, in the case of my stepdaughter, she grew up in an environment filled with bad choices and she grew sort of addicted to the drama factor of it. I guess a regular life with rules and parents and all would be sort of tame after that.
I was 23 when I had my son, I knew nothing!!
Amy Grace
Farmgirl #224
"use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without" |
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babysmama
True Blue Farmgirl
931 Posts
Elizabeth
Iowa
931 Posts |
Posted - Jan 05 2009 : 09:10:30 AM
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I was 21 when I had my first and helping raised my younger siblings, babysitting for little ones, and being a nanny actually helped me to the point that everything came easy to me. My problem now is that I feel like I have been a mother forever and I am worn out and tired at age 26. That's not fun!
-Elizabeth |
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K-Falls Farmgirl
Chapter Leader
2096 Posts
Cheryl
Klamath Falls
Oregon
USA
2096 Posts |
Posted - Jan 05 2009 : 09:16:05 AM
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Farm girl friends.. I was married at 18 had my first sone at 19 and second child at 21 third at 23 I lived through it, I have great kids. Was a stay at home mom until the youngest went to school and Did what people did during that era.. I do not regret one thing about having my kids early. I went to college after they were in school. Got through all the growing pains, two divorces after the kids were gone.. I think I thought I had missed something.. I realize I didnt. I love where I am today, 7 grand kids, 3 kids and finally the Greatest Husband. You do what you think is best. and live with the errors. Change what you can..and look for the positives.
http://www.k-fallsfarmgirl.blogspot.com/
Come visit the barn at http://barndoorcreations.blogspot.com/
Cheryl #309
Farm girl sister
"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude." Maya Angelou |
Edited by - K-Falls Farmgirl on Jan 05 2009 09:18:18 AM |
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babysmama
True Blue Farmgirl
931 Posts
Elizabeth
Iowa
931 Posts |
Posted - Jan 05 2009 : 09:35:27 AM
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Cheryl-
Thanks for the reminder. I love my kids to death and wouldn't do anything differently but I do feel like I have been a mother since about the age of 10. My teen years were spent helping to mother my younger siblings, I went to be a nanny at the age of 18 and married my husband 8 months later so I have been married since the age of 18 1/2. I do sometimes feel like I missed out on something and I don't want to be the person who has a mid-life crisis and runs around trying to find out what I missed out on, only to find out that I didn't miss out on anything but ruined the good thing I had. I AM content with my life most of the time but there are moments when I feel like all I have done my whole life is taken care of others...which isn't a bad thing really, is it?
-Elizabeth |
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K-Falls Farmgirl
Chapter Leader
2096 Posts
Cheryl
Klamath Falls
Oregon
USA
2096 Posts |
Posted - Jan 05 2009 : 09:49:39 AM
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Elizabeth. No it isn't bad..I have a ? What have you done for YOU just YOU? I did a workshop on That.. It is amazing to me how many women give give give. & get so little. When the well is dry.. you cannot give anymore. so you need to refill it likew a gas tank.. Do some "Self-Ness stuff.. Not to be confused with Selfish.. TAle some classes, join a womens group to get refueled. Even a day or two to your self..You must refuel to continue giving.. it also gives those people who are the takers.. the permission to do the same.. Good luck..( email me if you have any questions I can be a sounding board)
http://www.k-fallsfarmgirl.blogspot.com/
Come visit the barn at http://barndoorcreations.blogspot.com/
Cheryl #309
Farm girl sister
"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude." Maya Angelou |
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babysmama
True Blue Farmgirl
931 Posts
Elizabeth
Iowa
931 Posts |
Posted - Jan 05 2009 : 10:02:16 AM
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That is what I have been thinking about the last few days, I haven't done anything for myself, ever!! I've been trying to come up with something that I would like to do and came up with photography, but one must have money to buy a camera! That is something I hope to save money up for and maybe even take some photgraphy classes.
I love my mom to death but grew up in a home where my mother felt/feels guilty for doing anything alone or by herself. She still has younger children at home herself (ages 5, 9, 12, and 15) and has JUST started to take some time to herself to go out for coffee and write. But it has gotten to the point where she feels guilty if she just wants to go grocery shopping alone and I do not want that for my life. I already am not like that in that sense so that is good but other then a one half-day a week of work I don't get away to do anything of my own (except grocery shop or run to the library) so I need to find something to do for me. Thanks!
-Elizabeth |
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kmbrown
True Blue Farmgirl
459 Posts
Misty
Waynesboro
Pennsylvania
USA
459 Posts |
Posted - Jan 05 2009 : 12:18:03 PM
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| No offense here at all. We have been dealing with a lot of the same stuff with my sister. It's really hard, huh? We are also very big marriage then babies and we are also get married before you live together people and that seems to be a problem. I never know what to say because then I'm the "good child". Ok whatever, I'm the only one out of 7 that is married and yes, we did get married then moved in together then had children. Imagine that. Oh well. Anyway....no offense taken. |
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shepherdgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1008 Posts
Tracy
California
USA
1008 Posts |
Posted - Jan 07 2009 : 12:00:44 AM
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In MY family, the women tend to do things BACKWARDS! I'm not ashamed to say that I had my children very young. My first son was born just 7mos after my 18th birthday and less than six months after my marriage! (though we'd been engaged for several months BEFORE I got pregnant!) Our second son was born 18mos after our first, and our third son was born just shy of my "cut-off year" (25) when I was 24. I had decided before I even STARTED having children that I would not have any more after I turned 25. That last one just barely squeeked in under the wire. I had him a little less than a month before my 25th birthday!
Like you, Elizabeth, I helped raise a younger sibling. I had not planned on moving in with my (then) fiance until our wedding day, but my mother made it IMPOSSIBLE for me to continue living with her, so I moved in with him two months before we got married (on his MOTHERS birthday in fact!!). Besides, when I found out she was having ANOTHER baby with her THIRD husband, NO WAY was I going to be responsible for another child that was not MINE! I tell you, I couldn't pack my things FAST enough when I found that out. Her son was only 8mos older than MY son!!!
Both my mother and my sister had two "sets" of kids. They had kids in their younger years, then again in their later years. I don't feel sorry for women who choose to do that. It was their choice to do so. I knew that once my children got old enough that I could start doing things on my own, without having to drag them along, there was NO WAY I would want to give that freedom up! So I chose NOT to have any more children after a certain age and I stuck to that. Even if my husband and I had divorced, I knew I STILL did not want to have more children, no matter WHAT! Sound selfish? maybe. But that's between me and God, and I'll be the one to face him on that matter when the time comes. I'm not worried about either. He knows what was in my heart when I made that decision.
I used to feel guilty too, Elizabeth, about taking time to do anything for myself when the kids were still small, but eventually I learned to get over it! You HAVE to do something for YOURSELF or you are going to CRACK UP!! There is nothing wrong with having *ME* time once in awhile. In fact, as your children get older, you will need it MORE AND MORE!!! It's nice now to be able to say to my boys-- "I'm going shopping. I'll be home late. See ya!!!" I go to the movies by myself, to dinner with friends or my husband (sometimes we even sneak off before the kids wake up and go yard sale-ing! we usually get a phone call around 9:00 "Mom, Dad, where ARE you?")... I even take short trips now and then (usually no longer than 3 days or so)-- just me and one of my sisters, or a girl friend or two. It gives you time to get in touch with YOURSELF now and then. Nothing selfish about that. Nothing wrong with it at all. And no, Jessie, I didn't see anything "offensive" in your last post either. Life is too short to get your panties in a bunch over what other people say, do, think, and feel ANYWAY!!! Too bad for those who are so EASILY offended by another persons opinion or statement. (I hope THAT doesn't offend anyone either!) Hugs and blessings to you all ~~ Tracy
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. ~~ George Carlin |
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mommatracy
True Blue Farmgirl
490 Posts
Tracy
My. Olive
NC
USA
490 Posts |
Posted - Jan 20 2009 : 7:24:06 PM
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It seems like I too have spent most of my life caring for others. I am 54 now and running out of steam. I have rarely experienced anyone knocking themselves out to help me when I needed it. Recently I have had an attitude adjustment about this and am pulling back a bit on this need to jump in and make everything wonderful and comfy for everyone. Instead of feeling good about being able to be there for everyone I am feeling more like a doormat. I am done.
www.cottagebythebay.blogspot.com |
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K-Falls Farmgirl
Chapter Leader
2096 Posts
Cheryl
Klamath Falls
Oregon
USA
2096 Posts |
Posted - Jan 20 2009 : 7:27:30 PM
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Tracy.. re read my original post..1/5/09 Do some Self Care. You deserve it! You only need to take care of Tracy right now..(((hugs)))
http://www.k-fallsfarmgirl.blogspot.com/
Come visit the barn at http://barndoorcreations.blogspot.com/
Cheryl
Farmgirl #309
"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude." Maya Angelou |
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mommatracy
True Blue Farmgirl
490 Posts
Tracy
My. Olive
NC
USA
490 Posts |
Posted - Jan 20 2009 : 8:13:00 PM
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Thanks Cheryl. I really appreciate the reply from you. I guess I have come to the sad realization that what I do from my heart and love for others has come to be expected and I am not feeling like such a nice person anymore. Several things over the past couple of years in my immediate family have just sucked the life out of me. This well has run dry.
www.cottagebythebay.blogspot.com |
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K-Falls Farmgirl
Chapter Leader
2096 Posts
Cheryl
Klamath Falls
Oregon
USA
2096 Posts |
Posted - Jan 20 2009 : 8:19:30 PM
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*HUGS* I understand, you are feeling raw, Take some time to relax, breathe and start refilling the well...You are the only one who can do that...When stuff gets you down.. Look up. Give yourself credit for being you and the things you represent and count your blessings..You have a whole forum of friends here..farmgirl...Now go take nice hot bubble bath.. :)
http://www.k-fallsfarmgirl.blogspot.com/
Come visit the barn at http://barndoorcreations.blogspot.com/
Cheryl
Farmgirl #309
"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude." Maya Angelou |
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mommatracy
True Blue Farmgirl
490 Posts
Tracy
My. Olive
NC
USA
490 Posts |
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K-Falls Farmgirl
Chapter Leader
2096 Posts
Cheryl
Klamath Falls
Oregon
USA
2096 Posts |
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Family Matters: Hoping I didn't offend |
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Hoping I didn't offend
