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Parenting & Farm Kids:  Why do parents teach kids to be picky eaters?  |
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ivmeer
True Blue Farmgirl
409 Posts
Amanda
Pawtucket
RI
USA
409 Posts |
 Posted - Dec 17 2008 : 1:07:25 PM
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This is one of those things that drives me absolutely nuts. Please forgive me, because I'm about to speak ill of some of the most wonderful people I know, but I really think they're doing their child a disservice.
We spent the weekend with some friends last week, and their child eats absolutely nothing. Their son is 3 and ours is 2, and our son eats anything and everything (we actually got him to eat two bites of collard greens on Tuesday...he is not your average toddler). Now, I realize that a certain amount of pickiness is normal with childhood (see collard greens, above), but I think that parents don't realize how much they cater to it and make it worse.
Things I noticed:
1. My friend immediately assumed that my child would not want to eat the food that the grownups were served. She offered him hotdogs. I declined, because I think it's really important for my son to see his parents eating the same food he eats. He ate everything without complaint.
2. Dinner included egg drop soup with vegetables. She dished up a little for my son upon my request, but it was completely vegetable-free. I was actually scooping veggies out of my bowl and putting them into my son's bowl because he wanted some and I wanted him to have them.
3. They gave in to their son's most egregious demands. While the rest of us were eating challah with hummus on it, she was giving her son challah with strawberry syrup on it (the kind you use to make strawberry milk). The strawberry syrup was on the table when we got there, so this is obviously a normal thing in their house.
4. The other thing that picky parents do is not to feed their kids anything that they themselves don't like. I don't like canned fish, but when I make tuna salad for my husband, I've offered some to my son. So far, he hasn't liked it either, but I would encourage him to try it again.
I do believe that some kids are just unredeemably picky, but I think most of it is taught to them unconsciously by their own parents. What do you think? |
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
Posted - Dec 17 2008 : 1:20:07 PM
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I agree with you 100%.
When we go out to eat, we don't order a kids dinner, unless our portions are small or it is a special occasion (Birthday). Charlie eats off our plates whenever possible to avoid the continuos Mac n Cheese, chicken tenders, grilled cheese rotation offered at most places.
I do offer Charlie things I don't like, like fish. I HATE Salmon, but made Salmon cakes for him and Scott. He L O V E D them. I explain what things are and how to eat them and usually he will give it a go.
Times when Charlie won't eat what is served, he doens't get dessert or a bedtime snack (depends on what I am doing). Yep- may sound harsh, but we do not waste food nor do I have time to cater to pickiness. He tried the chicken soup, at 3 bites, 2 small carrots out of it and some chicken, so he got his snack. As long as he tries, I don't push too much.
Last week, I had lunch with Charlie at his daycare. I noticed everyone either sends lunchables or snack foods, nothing wholesome or one lady sent a ham and cheese sandwich, one of those oatmeal/fluff cookies, some weird looking cheese thing that looked full of dyes and a BAG of cheetos...guess what the kid ate and didn't? No fruit for anyone but Charlie.
Eating, for the most part, is a taught behavior. Just like manners, it is all learned.
Heather
Yee-Haw, I am a cowgirl!!!
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knittingmom
True Blue Farmgirl
665 Posts
AnneMarie
Edmonton
Alberta
Canada
665 Posts |
Posted - Dec 17 2008 : 1:33:31 PM
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I have to agree with you. Most kids will try anything once, but I think a lot of parents either presume thier child won't like something or just give up. I agree with Heather that eating is a taught behaviour.
Convenience foods are horrible things, generally little nutritional value but many parents think that's easier than packing an apple.
We try to avoid having things like chips and pop in the house and keep these as occasional treats. I can't get the kids to like everything but generally if I put cut up veggies and fruit in front of them they'll eat them.
"There is no foot so small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world" |
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ivmeer
True Blue Farmgirl
409 Posts
Amanda
Pawtucket
RI
USA
409 Posts |
Posted - Dec 17 2008 : 1:42:18 PM
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Heather, don't get me started on kids' menus. When we were kids, kids' menus were just smaller portions of what the adults ate. Now they've got nothing but mac & cheese, chicken fingers, maybe a burger or spaghetti with marinara sauce etc. Very little variation. I won't let my son eat that stuff when he's big enough to have his own meal, either. Thankfully, by the time he starts getting big enough to eat a real dinner, his little sister (due in the spring) will be old enough to share an entree with him.
BTW, I make chicken nuggets at home, from boneless skinless breasts cut up, dredged in salted and peppered flour, egg, and whole wheat bread crumbs, and fried in canola oil. Everyone loves them, not just my son. Once I took him to a restaurant after we'd been at the doctor's office, and he'd weighed a little light, so I thought I'd fatten him up with a rich lunch. I ordered him chicken nuggets, assuming that this restaurant made their own (they make chicken patties that are delicious). I ordered myself a beef kebab sandwich with tahini and hummus. The chicken nuggets turned out to be the frozen kind from the bag made from the mechanically separated chicken. My son refused to eat them and ate my beef kebab sanwich instead. He was 18 months old.
AnneMarie, I agree that a lot of parents assume that their kids won't like something and just don't try. I occasionaly let my son have things like chips and sweets (he's really too little to drink pop, but he's had a sip here and there), but there is a time and place for them, and that time and place is not all day, every day. I've also seen parents react with disgust when their kid likes something they don't. And then, surprise surprise, the kid decides that they don't like the thing, either. |
Edited by - ivmeer on Dec 17 2008 2:05:42 PM |
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Contrary Wife
True Blue Farmgirl
2164 Posts
Teresa Sue
Tekoa
WA
USA
2164 Posts |
Posted - Dec 17 2008 : 1:42:22 PM
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I agree that for the most part food likes/dislikes are a conditioned process. I love vegetables and my children all loved vegetables when they were children...they loved broccoli, aspargus, etc. When my children were small I fed them oatmeal without sugar and liver(not at the same meal, lol), the adults around us were horrified that I would do that to a child, go figure*shrug*
Teresa Sue
Farmgirl Sister #316
MJ's Heirloom Mavens Badgebadger
MJ's Heirloom Mavens Bookclub Coordinator
"Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly." The Dalai Lama |
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ivmeer
True Blue Farmgirl
409 Posts
Amanda
Pawtucket
RI
USA
409 Posts |
Posted - Dec 17 2008 : 1:44:51 PM
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Teresa Sue, my son eats broccoli and asparagus. He calls broccoli "boppy" and actually asks for it. I don't eat liver very often because it's hard to prepare liver in a kosher manner. I did have a craving for liverwurst early in my pregnancy and bought some. My son didn't like it, so I didn't push it on him, but he did try it.
And my dad taught me to eat oatmeal with butter and salt, and that's how I serve it to my son. I put brown sugar on his farina, but oatmeal is sugar free in our house. |
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ThePixiesPlayhouse
True Blue Farmgirl
127 Posts
Terri
Biggs
CA
127 Posts |
Posted - Dec 17 2008 : 1:54:15 PM
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I agree.....when my daughter was a baby (she is now almost 7) she ate what we ate for dinner.....we would mash it up. Her fave foods now are things like carrots, asparagus, crab (thats an expensive habit, sushi, salmon...etc.
I pack her lunch everyday.....it saddens me to see other parents packing processed food for their children. |
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ivmeer
True Blue Farmgirl
409 Posts
Amanda
Pawtucket
RI
USA
409 Posts |
Posted - Dec 17 2008 : 1:58:13 PM
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| Terri, I've taken my son out for sushi. He eats tamago, avocado nigiri, inari, miso soup, vegetable tempura, etc. The staff are always blown away by the sushi-eating baby. My son is still little so I don't pack anything for him, but I won't be packing processed food for him when the time comes, either. |
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MsCwick
True Blue Farmgirl
775 Posts
Cristine
Farmville
Virginia
USA
775 Posts |
Posted - Dec 17 2008 : 2:29:36 PM
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The convenience of processed foods plays such a huge part in this subject. Now I don't have kids, but I know when I was little, I at least had to try it(like many of you do with yours) and there is NOTHING I don't like. But the convenience of those prepackaged "meals" with shiney stickers and prizes inside is just beyond me. It's those dang commercials that get the kids so caught up in the pretty box and prize. I even read in a magazine that if you were having a hard time getting your kids to eat veggies you could slice them(carrots/celery) and put them in a McDonalds french fry box, and they would be more inclined to eat them!!! Can you believe it?
When my dad made a go of it to get remarried, he married a woman who had a two/three year old. He was a very picky eater, and he would NOT eat and go hungry instead of just eating what he was given. So she got in the habit of asking him what he wanted.
"Alex, what do you want for breakfast?" (not 2 options hot/cold = cereal or oatmeal)
So she left it up to him, he got so picky and he said potato chips. It got so bad that he actually had control, and was able to eat whatever he wanted. So he could icecream for lunch!!!
The structure of eating what adults eat must be so important for little ones. My parents fed me everything they ate out of the garden, and I couldnt imagine being picky!
(one thing I don't like is fresh pomegranite) LOL
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ThePixiesPlayhouse
True Blue Farmgirl
127 Posts
Terri
Biggs
CA
127 Posts |
Posted - Dec 17 2008 : 2:47:08 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by ivmeer
Terri, I've taken my son out for sushi. He eats tamago, avocado nigiri, inari, miso soup, vegetable tempura, etc.
My daughter loves miso (really likes the seaweed!).......we also have to order her a bowl of tobiko so she doesn't try to scrape it off all the rolls...LOL |
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ivmeer
True Blue Farmgirl
409 Posts
Amanda
Pawtucket
RI
USA
409 Posts |
Posted - Dec 17 2008 : 2:51:55 PM
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Cristine, that's just horrifying. At two year of age, my son, who gets what I consider appropriate amounts of sweets (usually one small dessert every day or every other day), knows the words for candy, cookies, cake, and ice cream. Kids like sweets, and if you leave them to their own devices, they'll go straight for them. It's a biochemical/evolutionary thing that people who crave sweets and fats were likely to survive and not starve in the paleolithic era. Undoing our evolution is tough.
And I don't do pre-packaged meals. My house might not be spotless, but everything that comes out of my kitchen is wholesome. I buy very little processed food, and the stuff that I buy has a very short ingredient list. I love Fritos, but I only get the plain ones (no weird flavorings or MSG), and sometimes I'll get HFCS-free ice cream like Ben & Jerry's or Friendly's. I occasionally, like twice a year, buy a box of Mrs. T's pierogies (potato and onion flavor), and beyond that, that's IT. |
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ivmeer
True Blue Farmgirl
409 Posts
Amanda
Pawtucket
RI
USA
409 Posts |
Posted - Dec 17 2008 : 2:53:24 PM
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| Terri, when my son gets old enough to actually eat raw fish, I'll give him stuff like that. I'm not comfortable giving it to him yet for food safety reasons, but not because I think he wouldn't like it. I started giving him smoked fish after he turned 2, and he loves lox. |
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
Posted - Dec 17 2008 : 2:54:45 PM
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I remember once in a restaurant, they automatically brought us the kids "plate", which was a rolled up piece of turkey, string cheese, some oranges slices and crackers. This was what they called "the kid can't wait plate"- to shut them up!!!! I was like "I will just order a salad bar right now, and we will be ok." SHEESH!!!
Heather
Yee-Haw, I am a cowgirl!!!
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ivmeer
True Blue Farmgirl
409 Posts
Amanda
Pawtucket
RI
USA
409 Posts |
Posted - Dec 17 2008 : 2:57:19 PM
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| That's not that bad, though, Heather. At least it's real food. |
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MsCwick
True Blue Farmgirl
775 Posts
Cristine
Farmville
Virginia
USA
775 Posts |
Posted - Dec 17 2008 : 3:01:01 PM
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We try really hard to avoid pre packaged things, but since there's no kids involved, I still pick up a healthy skillet meal for late night when no one can cook or if we're in a huge hurry. When i get deli meat, the girls always look at me like I'm crazy when I ask "is it real meat? or is it meat mush" I'm sorry, but turkey meat does not have bubble in it! and cheese, that's another thing I cant get the fake version of. I dont care if it's made with milk or not, it processed cheese-FOOD not just plain CHEESE, and it melts weird and sticks to the top of my mouth so something must be wrong with it.
I've been saying for a while that the healthiest foods are the ones that wash off the dishes easiest. kinda a silly
I jsut got my husband to try sweet potatos for the first time in his life over thanksgiving!
Amanda, dad and her aren't together anymore, and that kind of situation had a lot ot do with it. he couldnt just stand by and let the little guy run our dinner menus and it was so ridiculous, but my dad(as the boy's step father) tried to be more stern and get him to start trying things, and she said it wasn't his place to get her so to eat real food. (but she could say I needed to be in my room every night by 8 so they could have their living room time)
Seeee ya...wouldn't wanna be ya! |
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
Posted - Dec 17 2008 : 3:19:53 PM
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No it wasn't bad but I think they called it the "screaming plate". : 0
Heather
Yee-Haw, I am a cowgirl!!!
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La Patite Ferme
True Blue Farmgirl
623 Posts
Jenn
CA
USA
623 Posts |
Posted - Dec 19 2008 : 4:09:03 PM
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Add me to the soapbox gals - OMG I can't believe how EVERYONE tries to feed your kids garbage.
My DD is 16 now, but way back when, she ate what we ate. If there was something she didn't like there were plenty of other things in the meal. For a while she didn't like beef - which completely horrified our cattle raising g'pa. I told him don't worry about it 'cause it was the texture not the taste she didn't like. And sure enough by age 3 she loved it.
The thing that really made me mad was how people, from family to restaurant servers tried to push junk food on her and tell me what kids like to eat.
I can remember our trip to Virginia - DD must have been 2. The restaurant served a smoked fish platter with white fish, trout, crab claws. After I gave her a bite she got this really funny look on her face stood up in her chair reached across the table and pulled the entire platter in front of her and started diving in. I guess she really like it She was so unwilling to give it up we ordered another one.
The Sushi bar loved it when we came. The guys thought it was so cute to see her eat try new things. She didn't always like them, but thats ok. Her favorite was Sunomono and tuna. But, she never like the seaweed paper so they made everything with soy.
It's sad though, so many of DD's friends don't know what REAL food is. Even in our more affluent area moms rarely cook from scratch. And in turn the kids are not adventerous foodies nor can they cook. I am always astounded how many people I see at the store with their entire cart full of boxes, cans, jars and frozen packages.
DD had friends over one weekend and I was making banana bread for breakfast. One of the girls asked where all the boxes were and without missing a beat DD said, "oh my mom doesn't use boxes." The girls looked so puzzled.
She use to think I was wierd, but as she gets older I think she is understanding how great she has it - eating fresh, what we grow, cooking from scratch. Even no as a teen she's more likely to go for fruit and vegies or yoghurt as a snack than chips and cookies.
One of the things parents aren't realizing is that the habits children learn as kids are carried with them into adulthood. How do they think diabeties and heart disease got so high. This is such a dis-service of their parents.
OK rant over - for now |
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jinia
True Blue Farmgirl
152 Posts
jinia
mo
USA
152 Posts |
Posted - Dec 19 2008 : 6:24:37 PM
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| Hmm...I think I straddle this line. I am a picky eater and a vegetarian, but my husband will eat anything that can't get away first. My son is 6 and eats an interesting diet that involves too much peanut butter. He loves avacado, nuts, vegetarian corn dogs, chick peas, good crusty breads, iced green tea with no sweetner, lots of things maybe people wouldn't think he would. But now that he is exposed to more junk he asks for it all the time with his other food..My parents think its odd that he doesn't sit down to a burger, or hot dogs everyday. I just say he has to try new things, and he has to eat something of each "color". Orange, green(broccilli), brown(whole grain), and a protein (bean, peanut butter, chicken). I could care less if its what I am eating. I prep ahead and he chooses a few things. It works. Now I just wish I didn't eat so much junk!! |
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ivmeer
True Blue Farmgirl
409 Posts
Amanda
Pawtucket
RI
USA
409 Posts |
Posted - Dec 20 2008 : 3:29:50 PM
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Jinia, I don't think that voluntarily restricting your diet due to religious reasons, ethical reasons, or allergies is the same as being a picky eater. I have a cousin who is celiac, practically vegan due to food allergies, is allergic to corn, spinach, and citrus, and keeps kosher. It's easier to cook for her than for a picky eater, and once you figure out what she can eat (I usually do beans and brown rice with sauteed vegetables and a big fruit salad) she eats happily and with gusto.
And fighting against your kids on the junk front is just normal. It tastes good and they don't know how to control themselves against it. |
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babysmama
True Blue Farmgirl
931 Posts
Elizabeth
Iowa
931 Posts |
Posted - Dec 20 2008 : 4:13:27 PM
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I will chime in here. My mother is very picky when it comes to spices, onions, garlic, peppers, muchrooms, olives, etc. so we never had any dishes with those things in it while growing up. It makes me sad because my dad loves these things but since my mom doesn't like it she doesn't cook it. When I moved away from home I had to learn how to cook with spices and the other above items. The only thing I don't like from the list above is mushrooms and black olives but I still cook mushrooms for my hubby and the kids have tried them. My younger siblings are so picky when it comes to food that they literally eat frozen pizza several times a week and it makes me feel sick just knowing how unhealthy that is. If my mom makes a good meal like lasagna, french bread, salad, etc. they often refuse that and eat a peanut butter sandwich or heat up some pizza rolls. Gross!!
I try to feed my kids a balanced diet and let them try new things. We ate sardines out of the can by dipping pretzels in them and they enjoyed that. They love eating fresh tomatoes out of the garden. Really they will try anything and although sometimes they don't like it at least they tried it and may try it again. I guess I could use some ideas for healthy lunch ideas though as I am running out of good ideas and it is usually something I try to make quickly. Any ideas?
-Elizabeth |
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kissmekate
True Blue Farmgirl
890 Posts
Kate
Delano
Minnesota
890 Posts |
Posted - Dec 21 2008 : 12:07:56 AM
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I have to add to this too.
My best friend is 36 years old. She won't eat red meat, or anything with onions in it, among other things.
My daughter and I go to the cabin with her and her family. We often grill for lunch and/or dinner.
She will make crude comments if I bring steak or burgers with us and will not let it go that I don't care if she hates red meat.
I told her it was her problem not mine.
Her daughter was over at our house one day, and wrinkled her nose at the roasted veggies on her plate, of which included thinly sliced onions. I made her try them, and you know what, she LOVED them.
I made them another time we were at the lake, and her boyfriend ate most of them and wondered why my friend wouldn't make them until I pointed out they had onions in them.
She is so bad about being picky that she is raising her daughter to be the same way. Sadly, she is severely overweight, and her daughter is heading the same way because they eat a lot of convenience foods at their house, and they only eat a few of thr same things all the time. There is no variation.
She thinks I am crazy because over half my grocery budget consists of fresh fruits and veggies each week.
But what do I know, I am just her dumb friend.
Don't miss out on a blessing, just because it isn't packaged the way you expected. ~MaryJo Copeland |
Edited by - kissmekate on Dec 21 2008 12:09:21 AM |
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simplyflowers
True Blue Farmgirl
489 Posts
Jamie
Locust Grove
Virginia
USA
489 Posts |
Posted - Dec 30 2008 : 11:50:38 AM
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I agree with you all!!!! I think [and this is just my opinion now] that a lot of society has grown into the thought that "WE HAVE TO EAT NO MATTER WHAT IT IS!" -- That's just not true to me. Parents will cater to the "eating" needs of their children because they won't eat veggies/friuts/good proteins/ etc... WELL IN THIS HOUSE THAT'S WHAT WE OFFER....AND IF YOU DON'T WANT IT....WE'LL SEE YOU AGAIN AT THE NEXT MEAL ZACH!...My son is not starved either, he is very healthy and active. He knows that [as Mommy says]..."It is what it is Zach. Take it or leave it...but it is what it is." As the doctor once told me....I'm not to stress about my kid not eating just because he doesn't like something. WHEN THE BOY IS HUNGRY...HE WILL EAT THE NUTRITIOUS FOOD ON HIS PLATE THAT YOU OFFER TO HIM. Lots of parents worry about their kids not eating so they feed them whatever they will eat. I think that is an unhealthy way to go about it. And then there is the "convience" factor.....to busy parents....a not so healthy, quick, easy meal...seems easier than making a good square meal.
I'm not going to say that I've never grabbed something quick....but I do have nutritional value always in the back of my mind.
"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." -- Thomas Edison
Check out my blog!! http://bestcoupleintown.blogspot.com/ |
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
Posted - Dec 30 2008 : 11:56:30 AM
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Right now I am working on healthier versions of the things kids "love", with extra nutrition lurking inside the recipe somewhere. Right now, I have remade homemade Mac and Cheese, chicken tenders and lasagna (I make it like a pizza, with each layer like a pizza layer, with extra good blended into the sauce), meatloaf, etc.
Charlie just ate brocolli for the first time once he thought they were "Christmas Trees". So keep serving it up, and they will eat one day.
Heather
Yee-Haw, I am a cowgirl!!!
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simplyflowers
True Blue Farmgirl
489 Posts
Jamie
Locust Grove
Virginia
USA
489 Posts |
Posted - Dec 30 2008 : 12:05:42 PM
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Heather, you mentioned meatloaf.....that one is awesome for cramming extra goodies into...I steam up carrots, [set a few aside to actually serve with the meal], then mash up the rest and mix it in with the meatloaf mixture before I cook it in the oven.....boy they tear into that meat loaf like there's no tomorrow!!!
"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." -- Thomas Edison
Check out my blog!! http://bestcoupleintown.blogspot.com/ |
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MsCwick
True Blue Farmgirl
775 Posts
Cristine
Farmville
Virginia
USA
775 Posts |
Posted - Dec 30 2008 : 12:07:57 PM
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| I think(and I dont have kids) but I think that parents that are one a three meals and a few snacks a day schedule automatically think that their kids must be hungry and needing to eat too. but it's like Jamie said, they'll eat when they're hungry. I have a lot of friends who have been worried about their kids not eating enough, and you're right, they will eat what they need. They aren't on an adult's schedule with an adult's stomach capacity or apetite. but if they are asked enough, I'm sure there's some junk food that would be appealing to them whether they're hungry or not... |
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5 acre Farmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1007 Posts
~~~*Terri*~~~
WA.
USA
1007 Posts |
Posted - Jan 01 2009 : 11:46:05 AM
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I am soooo glad to read these posts,Ithought as a Grandmother, I was nuts for asking my Grandsweeties to eat all that is on their plates...
Visited with their parents(our DD and SIL) and they agreed, they should eat ll on their plates....
What happen to the "Clean Plate Club"...even if you didnt like it....
Is this a key to what our society is really like....argh!
Farmgirl Sister #368
http:/froccsfrillsfurbiloesandmore.blogspot.com
http://thecontentedwoman.blogspot.com
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Parenting & Farm Kids: Why do parents teach kids to be picky eaters? |
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Why do parents teach kids to be picky eaters?
