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Family Matters:  Funny how illness clarifies things, eh??  |
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goneriding
True Blue Farmgirl
1599 Posts
Winona
Central Oregon
USA
1599 Posts |
 Posted - Dec 14 2008 : 09:42:47 AM
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My hubs has been really sick the past 6 weeks or so and we finnaly found out it was mainly stress. So we got past that part and he's feeling really well now and will be back on my big rig if I can ever get home (it's majorly snowing right now in ID at the truckstop).
But we had a long talk and he said the stress between me and his family was one of the big reasons for his stress and it's true, I know this in my heart.
So I thought about it for a couple of hours and called him back. In my heart of hearts, I don't want to live the rest of my life dealing with his family. I'm not happy, they/he aren't happy. So I suggested that maybe we should just let go and he can be with them and I'll go my merry way. Life is too short to be miserable. I don't ever want to visit with them and I can't take the snottiness. I love him with all my heart but I love myself too.
I really think I brought him up short. The other women in his life have had the same probs I'm having and he never blames his family, it's always 'her'. So I'm not playing anymore. I don't want the stress, nor does he.
Welp, he couldn't believe what I was saying (nor could I but I felt I was doing the right thing) and now he knows I am miserable enuf around them to leave him. He says he'll fix it all (I've heard that before) but they don't want ot change or bleive it is them causing the probs. I told him that they have stood in the way of his happiness cuz 'they feel they need to protect him'...say what?? I don't want that. He's a grown man. I feel it's very disrepectful of them to treat his wife in such a manner. So it's come to this.
So I'm on my way home thru the snow and we'll see where this goes. His being sick really made me think of how I wanted my/our lives to go. I wanted to vent and to let loose a little bit. 
Winona 
When you lose, don't lose the lesson!!
http://goneriding.wordpress.com/
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Firemama
True Blue Farmgirl
1731 Posts
Amanda
Medical Lake
WA
USA
1731 Posts |
Posted - Dec 14 2008 : 10:14:58 AM
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Winona sometimes its easier to just let it go.In this case him, hopefully whatever you want to happen will happen for you. But you are awesome in saying you love yourself enough to let him go too. You never know when the road to life will end, do all you can to make it a good trip, hang in there!! ; )
Mama to 2
FarmGirl# 20
People can only make you feel inferior with your permission, and you dont have my permission......
Dont let the chain of love end with you.....
http://myfarmdreams.blogspot.com/
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graciegreeneyes
True Blue Farmgirl
3107 Posts
Amy Grace
Rosalia
WA
USA
3107 Posts |
Posted - Dec 14 2008 : 11:46:01 AM
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Wow Winona - good for you for prioritizing your own happiness. Hard decision though, but maybe it will be a wakeup call for your husband. Good luck with everything, it's a hard time of year to deal with this
Amy Grace
Farmgirl #224
"use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without" |
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
Posted - Dec 14 2008 : 1:27:41 PM
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Winona- first (((HUGS))), secondly, I think life is to short to let someone else run your life and make it miserable and expect you to go along for the ride. Believe me, my Dad is very controlling of my Mom and put her and us last in life and he is miserable and so is my Mom, hoping he would change after his parents passed away and he didn't, if fact, he got worse and blamed her. Doing what is best for you is the priority. Wish you the best!!!
Heather
Yee-Haw, I am a cowgirl!!!
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kristin sherrill
True Blue Farmgirl
11303 Posts
kristin
chickamauga
ga
USA
11303 Posts |
Posted - Dec 14 2008 : 5:36:51 PM
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Winona, wishing you the best for you both. This is tough, but you need to be well, too. I do hope his eyes are opened to what's going on now.
Kris |
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goneriding
True Blue Farmgirl
1599 Posts
Winona
Central Oregon
USA
1599 Posts |
Posted - Dec 14 2008 : 5:53:13 PM
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Thank you guys for your thoughts and support. I'm not religious at all but there is a verse that says the truth shall set you free and I'm all for the truth. Can't live like I enjoy their company, I feel that's like lying. So, the only thing to do is to tell the truth and let the chips fall where they may. I'm sorry to say that I went against my instincts and thought that if I showed them how 'great' I was to him, they would come around. It's not going to happen, they won't change and, really, I don't expect them too. They have to be themselves just like I have to be myself and the two are kind of like oil and water. Just not going to mix.
I'm so glad I have this board to talk to! Not many other places I can talk about this stuff! I've thought of a counselor but I know what the problem is and don't see a reason to pay someone big bucks to state the obvious.
Thanks again!
Winona :-)
When you lose, don't lose the lesson!!
http://goneriding.wordpress.com/
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graciegreeneyes
True Blue Farmgirl
3107 Posts
Amy Grace
Rosalia
WA
USA
3107 Posts |
Posted - Dec 15 2008 : 08:03:55 AM
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That's the truth Winona, this is a good place for support!! Just knowing there are farmgirls thinking and caring about you makes you feel better
Amy Grace
Farmgirl #224
"use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without" |
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ddmashayekhi
True Blue Farmgirl
4739 Posts
Dawn
Naperville
Illinois
USA
4739 Posts |
Posted - Dec 16 2008 : 08:38:10 AM
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I hope everything works out for the best for you Winona. Family interference can cause so much unnecessary grief and stress. Life is too short, be happy and enjoy yourself!
Dawn in IL |
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Family Matters: Funny how illness clarifies things, eh?? |
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Funny how illness clarifies things, eh??
