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Family Matters:  big decision-new developments!  |
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yarnmamma
True Blue Farmgirl
4247 Posts
Linda
Clarks Summit
PA
USA
4247 Posts |
 Posted - Nov 08 2008 : 05:13:47 AM
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Hi farmgirl sistas,
I am going to send my 8 year old son to a group home. I cannot handle him any longer. He is mildly autistic and adhd and most of all Opositional Defiant Disorder. He is stronger, more angry and bold.
He has been in Psychiatric hospital twice within 4 months. This partial day program hospital he is in brings him home to me after school and all weekend. He tells me of the violence he does to them during the day and they have restrained him at least once in the first week out of hospital. I could go on and on about the things at home but I won't, like running off, confronting all kids and then getting bullied for his words. I can't have him with other kids and he treats me the same. At least one temper fit a day at home.
I walk with a cane now and get therapy off and on for vertigo and also pinched nerves in my back. I can't chase him or restrain him. Lately I can't get him to stop cursing at me.
I am putting enough of this in writing to help me with it and to ask for supportive feedback and prayers.
His dad is in Afghanistan and couldn't handle him when he was home. He gets to angry and impatient. Before Dannny boy gets really hurt I will do what I can to keep all of us safe.
He has been suicidal and also has a gender disorder....obsessed with wanting to be a girl....anyway there is more but this is enough to share.
I know that I am a great mother and will do the best for all concered but I will not live with anyone who throws things around and threatens me and curses at me often.
I am calling his caseworker on Monday finally. I knew this day would come and he is 8 1/2 now. It will only get worse as he gets older.
I am going to get a one bedroom place with no steps and a shower bar for my bathtub. I am almost 59 yrs old....God, I have done amazing job with him to last this long.
Thanks for your loving encouragement. This is one of the hardest decisions I have had to make. I am asking them to take him before it's an emergency and I have no choice.
 Linda |
Edited by - yarnmamma on Nov 16 2008 4:42:41 PM |
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kmbrown
True Blue Farmgirl
459 Posts
Misty
Waynesboro
Pennsylvania
USA
459 Posts |
Posted - Nov 08 2008 : 05:46:09 AM
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| Linda, I am sending you all the hugs and encouragement I can!! Before I had my own babies I worked in a group home for autistic and mentally challenged children and then also one with children who were in trouble...they were taken from their parents for various reasons. Anyway I absolutely know what you mean with the ODD and the ADHD and the challenges both of these disorders bring. The staff in the home will be better equipped to handle these issues...especially because of your health issues. I was only in my early 20's and I have injuries I still deal with from incidents with these children. One of them got loose from a restraint and I ended up with 4 broken ribs as a result. NO ONE should be critical of your decision to do this for your son. God bless you for what you have done for him. HUGS TO YOU> |
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Marybeth
True Blue Farmgirl
6418 Posts
Mary Beth
Stanwood
Wa 98292
USA
6418 Posts |
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smoothiejuice
True Blue Farmgirl
6309 Posts
Jessica
Bloomington
Indiana
USA
6309 Posts |
Posted - Nov 08 2008 : 06:10:07 AM
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Linda, I know you have been struggling with this for a long time now. I think in the long run your decisions will help you, Danny, and the rest of your family. I have the most respect for your decision, I know you have really thought about this as much as you possibly can. Good Luck to all of you.
#56
http://hectichousehold.blogspot.com/ |
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dkelewae
True Blue Farmgirl
1310 Posts
Diana
Saint Peters
MO
USA
1310 Posts |
Posted - Nov 08 2008 : 06:23:16 AM
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Linda-My prayers go out to you and also Danny. Sometimes the most loving decisions we have to make are the hardest. I know you are doing what any mother does, and that is doing what is best for your child and your family.
Diana
Farmgirl Sister #272
St. Peters MO
Country Girl trapped in the city!
http://farmgirldreams.blogspot.com/ |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
Posted - Nov 08 2008 : 06:24:30 AM
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Linda-
I think you are an awesome mom. You have done amazing with Danny Boy and doing much of it alone. I think you are doing the right thing. You need to be safe, and Danny needs to be safe. He might not understand how dangerous his behavior is for himself, let alone for you.
I know this will be hard for you too. Please know I am always here. Please email or call if you need a shoulder to lean on! *Hugs*
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.awarmheart.com
Please come visit Nora and me on our blog: www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
Put your pin on the farmgirl map! www.farmgirlmap.blogspot.com |
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yarnmamma
True Blue Farmgirl
4247 Posts
Linda
Clarks Summit
PA
USA
4247 Posts |
Posted - Nov 08 2008 : 06:40:50 AM
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thanks so much all of you.....I sure need ya
Linda in Scranton, PA
farmgirl #71
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Yes! I live in the Scranton, PA "The Office" TV show is based on! LOL LOL
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oldfashioned girl
True Blue Farmgirl
2391 Posts
monica
oatman
az
USA
2391 Posts |
Posted - Nov 08 2008 : 06:50:43 AM
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Linda, I will be praying for your family! As Diana said sometimes the most loving decisions are the hardest! We are here for you and support you!
Monica
farmgirls rule!
www.justducky48.etsy.com |
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Contrary Wife
True Blue Farmgirl
2164 Posts
Teresa Sue
Tekoa
WA
USA
2164 Posts |
Posted - Nov 08 2008 : 07:01:52 AM
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Linda, consider my arms around you in a hug. You are doing the best you can in the situation you have. My prayers for you and your son. Have peace within yourself.
Teresa Sue
Farmgirl Sister #316
MJ's Heirloom Mavens Badgebadger
MJ's Heirloom Mavens Bookclub Coordinator
"Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly." The Dalai Lama |
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kristin sherrill
True Blue Farmgirl
11303 Posts
kristin
chickamauga
ga
USA
11303 Posts |
Posted - Nov 08 2008 : 07:02:20 AM
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Linda, my prayers are with you, also. I do not know what you have gone through or are going through right now, but it must be awful for you.
Do you have other children? It sounds like you do have some health problems, too, and you need to take care of that.
I will certainly be keeping you and your son in my thoughts and prayers. Esp. that he gets the care he needs at this time in his life. God be with you and your son.
Kris |
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82kygal
True Blue Farmgirl
548 Posts
Laura
Somerset
Kentucky
USA
548 Posts |
Posted - Nov 08 2008 : 07:07:21 AM
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Linda, I work in a home with adults with disabilites and understand how hard it is to take care of them. I understand your situation and you need to do what is best for you. These homes are equiped to take care of disorders such as your sons. Thats what they get paid for. I love my job and wouldn't have it any other way. Sometimes you have to leave it up to those who know how to handle the situations and are a little more removed from the person then say the mom. I belive it would be best for both of you. Good Luck and God Bless!!!
With God, all things are possible. (Mark 10:27)
What ever you are, be a good one. (Abe Lincoln) |
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Annika
True Blue Farmgirl
5602 Posts
Annika
USA
5602 Posts |
Posted - Nov 08 2008 : 07:22:27 AM
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Linda, You are making the right choice for everyone here. I know that this must be hard, but I encourage you to go through with it for everyone's sake and safety. Danny will be better where he can have the help that he so badly needs. I understand *hugs* God Bless and may peace be with both of you soon.
Annika
Farmgirl & sister #13
Mud Hen Queen
MJ's Heirloom Maven's Librarian
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yarnmamma
True Blue Farmgirl
4247 Posts
Linda
Clarks Summit
PA
USA
4247 Posts |
Posted - Nov 08 2008 : 07:23:54 AM
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Danny boy is adopted...we got him as a foster child 2 days old. I was 50 years old at the time. We had a long career of caring for foster children..all babies. My husband and I divorced 4 years ago and 2 out of the last 4 he has been in the war with Natl Guard. His choice and priority.
I have 2 grown sons not living near me...they are in their late 30s
It has been a wonderful life truly.
Linda in Scranton, PA
farmgirl #71
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Yes! I live in the Scranton, PA "The Office" TV show is based on! LOL LOL
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dutchy
True Blue Farmgirl
4427 Posts
4427 Posts |
Posted - Nov 08 2008 : 08:01:42 AM
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Linda, MANY many hugs and prayers come fly your way across the ocean!!
Love ya!!
Hugs from Marian/Dutchy, a farmgirl from the Netherlands :)
http://princess-of-pink-creations.blogspot.com/
my new BLOG.
I have added "new" creations, take a look :)
And also some pictures of my village, come for a visit
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Amie C.
True Blue Farmgirl
2099 Posts
Finger Lakes Region
NY
2099 Posts |
Posted - Nov 08 2008 : 08:18:00 AM
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Linda, this must have been a very difficult decision to make. It sounds like you have done the best thing for you and for Danny too. It would not be a kindness to him to let him grow up this way. It sounds like he needs more restraint than you can give him, just to keep him safe.
I understand a little bit where you are coming from. My parents have a foster son (3 years old) who they believe has Oppositional Defiant Disorder. They are finding it hard to control him already, and I hope it never gets to the point where he can seriously hurt them. We are praying that a diagnosis, medication, and behavioral therapy will help him. If they had custody of him, I believe he could grow up to live a healthy and normal life, but his mom is absolutely the cause of most of his problems. If she only cared about him enough to make the decision you've made for Danny...
Take care of yourself, and rest in the knowledge that he's safe and getting the best care.
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emsmommy5
True Blue Farmgirl
1547 Posts
Angie
Buckley
WA
USA
1547 Posts |
Posted - Nov 08 2008 : 09:27:00 AM
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Linda
I am sending you a big hug. Sometimes the hardest decisions are made with the greatest of love. It's obvious you care enough to make the hard decision and do what is best for both of you. That takes such strength.
Farmgirl #208
What are you doing with your dash? |
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keeperofthehome
True Blue Farmgirl
154 Posts
Suzanne
Atlanta
Georgia
USA
154 Posts |
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K-Falls Farmgirl
Chapter Leader
2096 Posts
Cheryl
Klamath Falls
Oregon
USA
2096 Posts |
Posted - Nov 08 2008 : 10:23:25 AM
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Linda, To love a child that much means to do what's best for the child. My heart goes out to you..You are a strong woman and I know your decision was a hard one to make. I hope your older children will support you in this decision.
((((hugs))))
http://www.k-fallsfarmgirl.blogspot.com/
Cheryl #309
Farm girl sister
Enjoy the little things in life....someday you'll look back and realize they were the big things. |
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Jami
True Blue Farmgirl
1238 Posts
Jami
Ellensburg
WA
USA
1238 Posts |
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Carol Sue
True Blue Farmgirl
4033 Posts
Carol Sue
Washingtonian
USA
4033 Posts |
Posted - Nov 08 2008 : 6:59:02 PM
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Linda girl,
This has been a long journey for you, filled with love, caring, joy and sorrows with Danny boy. You are making the right decision and you know this. It is also proably one of the hardiest ones you have had to make. Love has to make some very hard decisons sometimes and this sure has been one of them for you. I support you girlfriend in this decision, and know that I am praying for you and Danny. ((((HUGS))))
Farmgirl #39
www.Quitemoments.blogspot.com |
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levisgrammy
True Blue Farmgirl
9374 Posts
Denise
Beavercreek
Ohio
USA
9374 Posts |
Posted - Nov 08 2008 : 8:41:39 PM
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Linda,
I am praying for you and Danny. I am sure you are making the right choice. As others have said it takes a lot of love for him for you to make this choice. Sometimes it is difficult but you have to do what's best for him. You are a sweet and loving person as well as a great mom! Praying for your health as well.
Hugs dear one,
Denise
farmgirl sister #43
"Take a lesson from the teakettle, though up to its
neck in hot water...it sings!"
www.torisgram.etsy.com |
Edited by - levisgrammy on Nov 08 2008 8:43:07 PM |
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DeepsouthMamma
True Blue Farmgirl
1454 Posts
Autumn
Southwest Louisiana
USA
1454 Posts |
Posted - Nov 08 2008 : 9:40:15 PM
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Oh friend- how many nights Ive thought about your struggle-
You are blessed to have peace that you are indeed a good mother! Remember that!!!!
I'm certain I can never fully understand or empathize with you- but surely God knows your needs and I'm asking Him to bless you doubly now!!!
Blessings,
Autumn
Farmgirl #49
http://simplytoday-autumn.blogspot.com/
Isaiah 40:31
But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. |
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Mumof3
True Blue Farmgirl
3890 Posts
Karin
Ellenwood
GA
USA
3890 Posts |
Posted - Nov 09 2008 : 06:05:42 AM
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Linda- Sending you a huge (((HUG))). I absolutely understand your decision and I applaud you for being brave enough to take this step. It will be a time of healing for you and your son. You have done the right thing.
Karin
Farmgirl Sister
# 18 :)
www.perfectlittlemiracle.blogspot.com
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willowtreecreek
True Blue Farmgirl
4813 Posts
Julie
Russell
AR
USA
4813 Posts |
Posted - Nov 09 2008 : 08:49:42 AM
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Linda I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you. I want you to know that you have my full support. I know it was a hard decision but it really may be the best one for your son. If you ever need someone to talk to send me an email. I'll be glad to listen.
Farmgirl Sister #17
Blog
www.willowtreecreek.wordpress.com
Felt and Fabric Crafts
www.willowartist.etsy.com
www.willowtreecreek.com
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Bonne
True Blue Farmgirl
3003 Posts
Bonne
Littleton
CO
USA
3003 Posts |
Posted - Nov 09 2008 : 4:40:35 PM
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Linda, you've given so many years of your life unselfishly fostering "throwaway" children.
You should be proud of yourself and all that you have given to others in need. Danny needs professional
help now and you've made the right decision. ((Linda))
 http://bonne1313.blogspot.com/ BLOG
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Sue Feely
True Blue Farmgirl
1044 Posts
Sue
Buffalo
New York
USA
1044 Posts |
Posted - Nov 09 2008 : 5:46:33 PM
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Dear Linda & family
Please accept my thoughts and prayers for you and your family. Gosh and we all think we have it bad; you sound like a trooper and I believe that you have made the right decision! Make sure to take care of yourself too! |
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Family Matters: big decision-new developments! |
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big decision-new developments!
