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Family Matters:  Has anyone ever cared.....  |
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MagnoliaWhisper
True Blue Farmgirl
2817 Posts
Heather
Haysville
Kansas
USA
2817 Posts |
 Posted - Nov 06 2008 : 06:34:11 AM
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Have you talked to the the Advocates for the Elderly in your area? Cause they do things no matter what the income of the person is, they have a lot of resources!
http://www.heathersprairie.blogspot.com |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
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sleepless reader
True Blue Farmgirl
1022 Posts
CA
USA
1022 Posts |
Posted - Nov 07 2008 : 08:53:23 AM
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Dear Sherri,
I am thinking about you and what you are going thru. There but for the grace of God.... Just from your writings, I can tell you are a loving and concerned daughter and what ever the final decision is, it will be the right one for you and your mom; even if it isn't the easiest.I'll be keeping you in my prayers.Good luck with "the system"!
Sharon
Farmgirl Sister #74
Life is messy. Wear your apron! |
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K-Falls Farmgirl
Chapter Leader
2096 Posts
Cheryl
Klamath Falls
Oregon
USA
2096 Posts |
Posted - Nov 07 2008 : 1:41:04 PM
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(((((hug))))) Sherri, Your a very good daughter, Whatever decision you make will be a hard one. Don't stop asking for help from any & everyone you meet in your researching journey, There is someone out there even a private helper who is qualified. We never think of these things happening do we? My father eventually had to go into an adult care home because my mom could not care for him after he had a hemiplegic stroke. 15 years she tried & gave her best. My 3 sisters & i helped as much as we could, having jobs of our own & families too. Finally, because of an accident at the adult care home * he was taken to a nursing home*..My dad died 6 years ago in January and I must say We all miss him terribly , but it took a toll on my mother's health as well and so I say Stay healthy, Get some help even if its only for a few hours a day if you take her in... Bless you and your mom. I will keep you both in my thoughts.
http://www.k-fallsfarmgirl.blogspot.com/
Cheryl #309
Farm girl sister
Enjoy the little things in life....someday you'll look back and realize they were the big things. |
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shepherdgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1008 Posts
Tracy
California
USA
1008 Posts |
Posted - Nov 11 2008 : 4:36:45 PM
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Whatever you choose to do Sherri, don't let other's get you down. It's so easy to pass judgment on someone else's actions/decisions when they're standing on the OUTSIDE looking in. It's a whole different ballgame when you are the one standing on the INSIDE looking OUT!
My mother-in-law took care of her own mother for 12yrs and it was heartbreaking to have to witness that from BOTH sides. I would sit with her mother sometimes just so my mother-in-law could have a few hours to herself. It was hard for ME for just those few hours. I could not imagine having to take care of her 24/7. I admire the fact that she did NOT just dump her mother in a home and forget about her.
It takes a lot time, a lot of energy and A LOT of self sacrifice to give up your own life to care for a loved one like that. In no way is it a selfish thing, but it's also one of the hardest things a person can ever do. But remember this-- people who make such sacrifices for their loved ones are storing their riches in heaven-- riches that can never be taken away. You will truly be blessed no matter what decision you make. Hugs and God's great blessings to you ~~~ Tracy
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. ~~ George Carlin |
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neuseriverlady
Farmgirl at Heart
2 Posts
Mary
NC
2 Posts |
Posted - Nov 23 2008 : 8:24:15 PM
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| Sherri - I just got in on this chat. Any updates? The only advice I can give is to keep trying with the various government agencies and keep praying. And don't be afraid to ask for help from your friends. I have done volunteer work for Hospice and would encourage you to contact them, if nothing else, perhaps they can provide some relief from the 24/7 care. You have some very hard decisions to make and need all the support you can get. My prayers are with you. |
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Mother Hen
True Blue Farmgirl
604 Posts
Cindy
Peck
ID
USA
604 Posts |
Posted - Nov 24 2008 : 11:44:13 PM
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Sherri, I have a long story too to go along with your situation, but bottom of the story is this: My mother-in-law had late stages of dementia when she fell and broke her hip. She developed bed sores on the back of her heels in just 3 days at the hospital (long story I won't go into because it gets my blood boiling). We had her transferred to Clarkston WA to have hip surgery and have a would specialist take care of her heels. We sent her to a nursing home for rehab to try to get her to stand and take a few steps so when we brought her home I could get her out of bed and into a wheel chair or on a potty chair. Well she did pretty good at rehab. Medicare covers up to 100 days of nursing home stay, but only part of it. We were lucky enough my mother-in-law had a secondary policy which covered what Medicare didn't up to the 100 days. Well when she came home to her house she just wouldn't try anymore. My daughter and I moved in with her while my husband stayed at our house (on the property). We had to hire a private agency to come over 2 hrs/day 3 days/wk so they could help me get her out of the hospital bed(get an MD to write a script and Medicare will cover rental 100%), and to give a bed bath, change her clothes and bed linen and feed her. When she fell she hurt her shoulder, although nothing broken she wouldn't use it anymore. She was incontinent before she fell also. I had requested a visit by the home health agency's nurse and after 5 weeks they came out. We don't have "Hospice" in our area, we have what is termed "Terminal Care". The nurse saw the stage of my mother-in-law and said we needed more help. Of course I knew that but her MD wouldn't refer us to Terminal Care. This home health RN did and we started getting free home health aide twice a week and an RN 1-2 times a week. We also were able (thru Terminal Care) to get her pain patches, wound care items (for her heal that I was now taking care of) and pain pills FREE. We had also tried and tried to no avail to get help by asking at the nursing home, her regular MD, the wound care MD, everyone, but no one had any helpful leads for us until that one home health nurse came to the house.
Now, my husband's father made him promise, before he died, he would never put his mother in a nursing home. I married my husband almost 4 yrs ago and started taking care of her soon as I moved out here. I agreed to help my husband keep his promise to his father. I had no idea what I was getting into back then, but I'm sure glad I did it. My mother-in-law was the same type of martyr who didn't want anyone to do anything for her. She was at home for 3 months before she died. She always wanted to die at home, and we made sure she was where she wanted to be.
A couple of things you might want to check out is: do you have power of attorney over your mother? Does she have a living will and an Advanced Directive?
These things were invaluable to my husband.
I hope my story has helped in some small way. But a VERY BIG thing that most of the women have said is very true--you NEED-HAVE TO HAVE, a great support system if you take care of your mother. I was told that and thought, oh I can do it. But NO you have to have someone at least on the other end of the phone to vent to.
Also, I don't know if you are a praying woman or not, but if you are, you need to ask God to help you make this decision and to be at ease after the decision is made. Put her in God's hands to take care of and do what he tells you to do. I hope I'm not preaching, but it really helped me find comfort when my mother-in-law stopped eating and 2 weeks later when she stopped drinking. She lasted 9 more days after stopping drinking, and it was hard. It's very hard, but if you can, one of the most rewarding things to have done, after it's all over. My mother-in-law just passed away last month.
May you find peace in your decision and may God Bless you!!!!!
I will bless the Lord at all times: his praise shall continually be in my mouth. Psalms 34:1 |
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Family Matters: Has anyone ever cared..... |
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Has anyone ever cared.....
