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Across the Fence:  Being TOO honest...  |
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
 Posted - Oct 20 2008 : 10:13:57 AM
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OK, apparantely I have been shooting from the hip a little too much in my life. Something is just telling me to tell it like it is and share, not only for my own healing but for others to heal and for others to understand exactly where I am coming from. I don't think a person can be too honest, as long as it is said with love and respect. What do you gals think???
Heather
Yee-Haw, I am a cowgirl!!!
FARMGIRL #90 |
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pinkroses
True Blue Farmgirl
2350 Posts
Sheila
Virginia
USA
2350 Posts |
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palmettogirl
True Blue Farmgirl
571 Posts
sue
camden
south carolina
USA
571 Posts |
Posted - Oct 20 2008 : 10:19:40 AM
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| i do believe in honesty, but i believe in "little white lies" too! i've now learned that i can be honest because i am entitled to my opinion as well---however, i still try to remenber that little thing called "sensitivity" cause i prefer not to hurt feelings! |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
Posted - Oct 20 2008 : 11:08:49 AM
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I think honesty is very important, but I have found that most situations require a bit of tact and timing as well. Sometimes you have to let people get into a mess a bit first so they can realize they are going down the wrong path. If they are convinced they are right, for instance, most words of wisdom with bounce right off their mental shields. I think the biggest help is that internal scale that tells you what another's personality is. If he/she is a shrinking flower, they probably need a bit more gentleness and tact. If they open and fluid in their mental processes, they probably can take a bit more of the unbuffered truth.
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.awarmheart.com
Please come visit Nora and me on our blog: www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
Put your pin on the farmgirl map! www.farmgirlmap.blogspot.com |
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pinkroses
True Blue Farmgirl
2350 Posts
Sheila
Virginia
USA
2350 Posts |
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Annika
True Blue Farmgirl
5602 Posts
Annika
USA
5602 Posts |
Posted - Oct 20 2008 : 12:05:03 PM
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I believe in honesty, but I have been open and honest about things that are important to me or concerning my life and I have been snubbed and hurt by people. So sometimes it is hard to be honest if you are expecting a negative response and don't deal well with negative responses or rejection. Still I try to be honest when at all possible and just avoid a topic rather then fib about it.
Can you be too honest? I think it depends on the person, really. Heather you do what feels right for you and we will be hare as your sisters and listen and respond. =)
Annika
Farmgirl & sister #13
Mud Hen Queen
MJ's Heirloom Maven's Librarian
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5 acre Farmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1007 Posts
~~~*Terri*~~~
WA.
USA
1007 Posts |
Posted - Oct 20 2008 : 2:54:06 PM
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Honesty is the best!!!! Sometimes, I am just quiet and not say a word, then I don't get myself into sooo much trouble, in my opinion others don't always need to know everything....do they?
Farmgirl Sister #368
http://froccsfrillsfurbiloesandmore.blogspot.com
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kissmekate
True Blue Farmgirl
890 Posts
Kate
Delano
Minnesota
890 Posts |
Posted - Oct 20 2008 : 8:49:12 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Alee
Sometimes you have to let people get into a mess a bit first so they can realize they are going down the wrong path. If they are convinced they are right, for instance, most words of wisdom with bounce right off their mental shields.
My daughter learned the hard way about thinking she is right about something on Saturday. I bet her 100 bucks that she was wrong about a situation and gave her three opportunities to back out. She was wrong. So, she had to admit out loud in front of my brother and Mom, and now she is working off the hundred dollars in "slave" labor.
She has always had a problem admitting when she is wrong. She just digs in her heels and won't let it go. She is rarely stubborn like that. She learned a good lesson this weekend.
I tend to be very blunt/direct/honest as well. Sometimes my foot enters my mouth out of no where!  It is sure hard to pull it out now and then.
Don't miss out on a blessing, just because it isn't packaged the way you expected. ~MaryJo Copeland |
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Annab
True Blue Farmgirl
2900 Posts
Anna
Seagrove
NC
USA
2900 Posts |
Posted - Oct 21 2008 : 03:23:16 AM
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I have never been one for PC and actually find it refreshing when someone just tells it like it is.
Sometimes the blatant truth hurts, but it leaves nothing to question that's for sure! |
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Jami
True Blue Farmgirl
1238 Posts
Jami
Ellensburg
WA
USA
1238 Posts |
Posted - Oct 21 2008 : 08:04:56 AM
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I am of the opinion that honesty and holding our tongues are not two different things. I speak honestly when my opinion is sought but don't find it a problem holding back a truth if it's not asked for and isn't necessary to a conversation. After all, it's just an opinion I hold, no matter if it's truth to me or not...and not everyone wants my opinion! But you asked, Heather, so you got it this time! 
Jami in WA
Farmgirl Sister #266
http://woolyinwashington.wordpress.com/ |
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ruralfarmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
4309 Posts
Rene'
Prosser
WA
USA
4309 Posts |
Posted - Oct 21 2008 : 08:35:05 AM
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I think being honest is a good thing as long as we choose to do so in ways that leave others room to change and grow and to not be painted into a defensive corner. Often times we see "being honest", thru our lens without having the perspective of the other person, so our experience is only 1/2 the truth and we think it is the whole truth.
We might think for example, that someone isnt giving 100% when "their truth" is that they are. I think there is a responsibility that goes with being honest, that says, we are willing to look at our selves by the same lens we look and judge others... I have found that when I do that, my need for complete honesty get a little shade of grey to it :).............ON the upside when we do this, and live this, we tend to forgive and let others "off the hook" as we realize that no longer can we expect others to give what they do not have, taking away all our expectations and then all our disappointments...
Heather I think you hit it on the head~ when you said as long as it is said with love and respect. I also love what you said about it allowing others to see where you are coming from.. it sure makes things easier on those around us when we are clear about our own expectations~
I have a quote on my computer that states, "we teach people how to treat us".. and I think that is kinda what you are stating.. You go girl!
Rene~Prosser Farmgirl #185
http://farmchicksfarm.blogspot.com/
Mavens are "information specialists", or "people we rely upon to connect us with new information."[6] They accumulate knowledge, especially about the marketplace, and know how to share it with others
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acairnsmom
True Blue Farmgirl
1319 Posts
audrey
cheyenne
wy
1319 Posts |
Posted - Oct 21 2008 : 11:06:58 AM
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I'm one that will generally hold my opinion unless asked and then I am brutally honest. Seems I get in trouble either way, because I don't give my opinion or when I finally do people are usually stunned that I would feel that way. I think by not stating my opinion in the first place people just automatically assume you feel the same way they do.
Rene, I like that quote you posted. I tend to feel that people don't treat me very well and that got me to thinking I wonder how I've been treating them? You've made me ponder a few things today.
Audrey
Toto, we're not in Kansas any more! |
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fionalovesshrek
True Blue Farmgirl
186 Posts
Paige
kinston
North Carolina
USA
186 Posts |
Posted - Oct 21 2008 : 1:50:40 PM
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I'm with Jami on this one.MY grandmother is honest, and she's also a very mean spirited and bitter woman. So her honestly, however "respectful" it might be to HER, is NOT wanted at all! For example, John is 23 and going a little bald, he's tall and has loads of freckles and big teeth. John knows all this (we all know the odd things about us) but it was granny mean and honest who said "My law, how sad that you've already gone and lost yer hair, and ya aint so much to look at anyway, what with them big teeth, big freckles and being too tall for a perty young thang". in HER mind she was being loving and helpful, however to the rest of the world she was daggum mean. So if honesty is coming from a naturally NICE person, and with love and respect then go get em tiger, but if it's from my granny, then I'm pulling a Palin and saying "thanks but no thanks"...
Paige
www.fionaswampington.blogspot.com
http://homespunhensfarmgirlchapter.blogspot.com/
Man, despite his artistic pretensions, his sophistication, and his many accomplishments, owes his existence to a six inch layer of topsoil and the fact that it rains. |
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StitchinWitch
True Blue Farmgirl
2330 Posts
Judith
Galt
CA
USA
2330 Posts |
Posted - Oct 21 2008 : 4:46:34 PM
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I'm all for honesty; I'm also all for what my mother told me many years ago: "If you can't say anything nice then don't say anything at all".
Happiness is Homemade |
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kissmekate
True Blue Farmgirl
890 Posts
Kate
Delano
Minnesota
890 Posts |
Posted - Oct 21 2008 : 4:51:45 PM
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Paige, I am with you. Respect is key on honesty.
Don't miss out on a blessing, just because it isn't packaged the way you expected. ~MaryJo Copeland |
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bohemiangel
True Blue Farmgirl
2087 Posts
Bridget
Ligonier
pa
USA
2087 Posts |
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therusticcottage
True Blue Farmgirl
4439 Posts
Kay
Vancouver
WA
USA
4439 Posts |
Posted - Oct 22 2008 : 11:18:01 AM
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Honesty is always the best policy! But it has to be done with kindness, grace, and tact. There are some situations where you know that voicing an opinion could be hurtful unless done in the right way and at the right time. That's when it's best to just be quiet. I don't think that saying anything about a person's physical appearance is right unless you are asked. The grandma was being mean spirited. Sometimes people do that because they are insecure and, somehow, it makes them feel better about themselves. My mother was like that with me and I still "ouch" from it after all these years.
Handmade Soap and More! Try my new Lavender Oatmeal Facial Bar - http://therusticcottage.etsy.com
The Rustic Cottage Blog http://therusticcottage.blogspot.com
PROUD FARMGIRL SISTER #100 |
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DaisyFarm
True Blue Farmgirl
1646 Posts
Diane
Victoria
BC
Canada
1646 Posts |
Posted - Oct 22 2008 : 12:44:41 PM
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| Maybe we're sisters Kay, I totally agree and understand. I think the key words here are tact and kindness. |
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Amie C.
True Blue Farmgirl
2099 Posts
Finger Lakes Region
NY
2099 Posts |
Posted - Oct 22 2008 : 5:04:13 PM
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I'm feeling really bad right now about something I said to a new acquaintance recently. It wasn't even a personal remark. I shared some info I had recently learned about a favorite author that we were talking about. It wasn't pleasant (suicide). I had forgotten how much that news shocked me when I first discovered it, and I could have kicked myself when I saw how the light faded out of this nice lady's face at my words.
I'm trying to teach myself: "you don't have to tell all you know". |
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Annab
True Blue Farmgirl
2900 Posts
Anna
Seagrove
NC
USA
2900 Posts |
Posted - Oct 23 2008 : 03:17:56 AM
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Isn't it interesting to know that usually the more boisterous some people are, the more insecrue they can be on the inside.
I mean the really obnoxious folks that give you a bad vibe from the first time you meet them and you can't hardly get a word in edgewise!
I have always been more quiet than overly talkative. Guess you couod say I have also learned by watching others |
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5 acre Farmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1007 Posts
~~~*Terri*~~~
WA.
USA
1007 Posts |
Posted - Oct 23 2008 : 07:55:46 AM
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I am with Jamie...speaking when asked seems to keep me out of alot of trouble, but, when asked, sometimes the Grace with my words(still not wanting to hurt anyone) I should use, goes out the window and I just "say it like it is"...
Farmgirl Sister #368
http://froccsfrillsfurbiloesandmore.blogspot.com
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Past Blessings
True Blue Farmgirl
1083 Posts
Brenda
Orchard Prairie
WA
USA
1083 Posts |
Posted - Oct 23 2008 : 10:11:41 AM
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I think honesty is important, however not everything needs to be said. Does it do any good to tell my friend, who is already in public with no chance to go home and change, that that sweater makes all the rolls in her belly show? Does it do any good, after a meal is made to tell the cook I don't like it (Meaning at a friends house, not a meal you are paying a high price for.) I think some things have no point in being said and can cause hurt or anger for no productive reason. Some people pride themselves in their "great discernment," but the reality is it is great judgement. Let's save the honesty for the real issues and live in love with one another. Life is short, so why waste it on such silliness.
Hugs & blessings,
Brenda
Past Blessings . . . Celebrating Life as it used to be . . . when people loved God, loved their families and loved their country. |
Edited by - Past Blessings on Oct 23 2008 7:59:07 PM |
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Daisydu
Farmgirl in Training
40 Posts
Becky
Rock Hill
South Carolina
USA
40 Posts |
Posted - Oct 23 2008 : 10:46:08 AM
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I, also, am honest to a fault.
But I have learned not to voice my every thought.
My Dad taught me to keep my mouth shut and my ears open. It's a hard lesson to learn.
There have been times I've spoken and regretted it and times I have not spoken and regretted it. It depends on the person and the situation. Knowing what to say and who to say it to is the hard part. Experience teaches! Something I have tried to teach my kids... if it's not really a big deal, why make it a big deal?
Loving a simple life in the country!
www.twistedfencepost.wordpress.com |
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goneriding
True Blue Farmgirl
1599 Posts
Winona
Central Oregon
USA
1599 Posts |
Posted - Oct 23 2008 : 10:21:50 PM
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I tend to be too direct. But I have learned there is a time and a place for total directness and then a time/place for some tact/kindness/sensitivity. The thing is to know when to be blunt and when to use the tact. I'm getting better tho in that not everyone wants to know exactly what I think all the time anyway!
Winona :-)
When you lose, don't lose the lesson!!
http://goneriding.wordpress.com/
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levisgrammy
True Blue Farmgirl
9399 Posts
Denise
Beavercreek
Ohio
USA
9399 Posts |
Posted - Oct 24 2008 : 06:11:12 AM
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I agree, honesty is the best but I also believe that we need to be careful. I am the #1 offender when it comes to this. Most of the time I don't even realize I have offended until someone tells me so I need to work on my sensitivity to others in this area.
One thing I can't abide is someone who lies. It drives me nuts.
Denise
farmgirl sister #43
"Take a lesson from the teakettle, though up to its
neck in hot water...it sings!"
www.torisgram.etsy.com |
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abbysshadow
True Blue Farmgirl
224 Posts
Sherry
Dayton
Nevada
USA
224 Posts |
Posted - Oct 24 2008 : 07:18:34 AM
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...all inspiring words...I agree and have also been given things to think about... thank you, ladies :)
home with all my heart :)
...I cannot do all the good that the world needs, but the world needs all the good that I can do... |
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Across the Fence: Being TOO honest... |
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Being TOO honest...
