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Family Matters:  Big Old Apology  |
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NotQuiteJuneCleaver
True Blue Farmgirl
222 Posts
Susan
Shreveport
LA
USA
222 Posts |
 Posted - Aug 27 2008 : 03:58:16 AM
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I really dont know where to begin. I have been a terrible friend, farmgirl, and sister. I wont go into so many details that I lose you but I will just say I think I am beginning to come out of my depression. As many of you know, my mom was diagnosed with cancer back in May of 07 and passed in October of 07. It has been nearly a year and I still have not cleaned out her house (though it is on the market and I will have to when it sells), gone through her things or really come to terms with it. I didnt realize how close I was to her. I knew she felt VERY close and dependent on me but I really would have told you I wasnt that dependent on her. I would have been wrong. She was my constant friend and companion for 47 years. The loss has been very difficult to bear.
I have sold/closed my soap business. Havent sewn much to speak of. Didnt put up the first tomato this year. I have just mostly sat and been sad. But I think a year is long enough. I frankly, thought I had a better grip on my life than this.
I have let people down. MaryJane, my local firends, many of you as I am the contact for the Steel Magnolias. Shame on me. I wish I could say I am all better and ready to take the bull by the horns but I am afraid I am going to have to take baby steps to get back in the swing.
I hope I can be forgiven and welcomed back. I will be popping in and trying to get in on some of the conversations.
You are all such wonderful strong women. True Blue - all of you.
Blessings to you all.
Susan ~ FARMGIRL SISTER #15
AKA TheSoapMaven who lost nearly 700 posts by changing her name! :(
http://www.thesoapmaven.com http://www.notquitejunecleaver.com
There is immeasurable value in what I do. I won't ever believe otherwise. |
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Tammy Claxton
True Blue Farmgirl
1559 Posts
Tammy
Glen Burnie
Maryland
USA
1559 Posts |
Posted - Aug 27 2008 : 04:24:21 AM
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Susan,
{{{HUGS}}} to you friend. No need to apologize for grieving. You are not a bad farmgirl, person, or friend. You will bounce back, it just takes time. I am close with my mother too, and I don't know how I would react if she passed. I would probably be a wreck.
Don't worry about the small things - concentrate on getting yourself back into the swing of things and keeping yourself well. Please take care of yourself and visit us back here often. I know from experience that the farmgirls here are always willing to help someone - even if it's only long distance through a post or an e-mail. It does help to have friends like the famrgirls praying and thinking of you.
I hope everyday brings you closer to happiness again. I will say a prayer for you and keep you in my thoughts. Love going out to you, farmgirl friend!
Crafty Bay Farmgirl Chapter
"What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger"
Farmgirl #152
http://countryintheburbs.blogspot.com/ |
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jpbluesky
True Blue Farmgirl
6066 Posts
Jeannie
Florida
USA
6066 Posts |
Posted - Aug 27 2008 : 04:31:06 AM
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Hugs to you Susan. Things will get better. The farmgirls here will make you smile....so stick around! Keep plowin' through.
Farmgirl Sister # 31
www.blueskyjeannie.blogspot.com
Psalm 51: 10-13 |
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katie-ell
True Blue Farmgirl
1818 Posts
Katie
Illinois
1818 Posts |
Posted - Aug 27 2008 : 05:03:58 AM
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I have missed you.
When my mom died, I walked around for so long feeling like a cracked egg. So fragile.
And when that feeling passed, it was difficult to gain momentum again. So I know what you are going through.
I'm just so glad you're here again. Welcome back.
www.youaretoocreative.blogspot.com |
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dutchy
True Blue Farmgirl
4427 Posts
4427 Posts |
Posted - Aug 27 2008 : 05:15:42 AM
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I know what you mean! I have been taken care of my mom for at least 6 years and she had severe aggressive dementia. Was the sole caregiver for her.
She passed away in 2006, my oldest brother just 4 months later.
I am suffering from depression, am on meds too.
I am still grieving as well, esp. over my brother. it was too quick after my momma.
I miss them both very much.
Will keep you in my prayers.
Hugs from Marian/Dutchy, a farmgirl from the Netherlands :)
(Only Elvis is a black kitten :) )
http://princess-of-pink-creations.blogspot.com/
my new BLOG
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simplyflowers
True Blue Farmgirl
489 Posts
Jamie
Locust Grove
Virginia
USA
489 Posts |
Posted - Aug 27 2008 : 05:45:10 AM
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Hugs from me too!! I too have lost someone. It was the hardest thing yet to deal with in life. Although I realized something about me. I was trying to cope by finding ways to overcome and get over the death. That wasn't working at all. I learned that I will always live with the death of the loved one and I needed to learn to go on living even without...there was life after the passing. And now I'm not sad (although he is missed dearly), I look back on the fond memories and good times and lessons I learned from him...and know now just how fortunate I was to have that wonderful old man to guide me in life for the time he did. He will forever live within me and his teachings I will pass on to my son.....Thinking of him just now...oh it makes me smile...
Warmly,
Jamie
"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." -- Thomas Edison |
Edited by - simplyflowers on Aug 27 2008 05:46:31 AM |
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Marybeth
True Blue Farmgirl
6418 Posts
Mary Beth
Stanwood
Wa 98292
USA
6418 Posts |
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Aunt Jenny
True Blue Farmgirl
11381 Posts
Jenny
middle of
Utah
USA
11381 Posts |
Posted - Aug 27 2008 : 06:41:53 AM
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No need to apologize Susan!! I think alot of us totally understand. I had such a hard time when my beloved grandma (more of a Mom to me) passed away..and that was 16 years ago. It took quite awhile for that grief and loss feeling to subside some. Totally understandable!! We love you and we are here for you when you are ready. It does get easier. Not easy..but easier.
Jenny in Utah
Proud Farmgirl sister #24
Inside me there is a skinny woman crying to get out...but I can usually shut her up with cookies
http://www.auntjennysworld.blogspot.com/ visit my little online shop at www.auntjenny.etsy.com |
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Mumof3
True Blue Farmgirl
3890 Posts
Karin
Ellenwood
GA
USA
3890 Posts |
Posted - Aug 27 2008 : 06:59:20 AM
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Susan- You have no need to apologize. My goodness, grief takes time and it is different for everyone. You just take all of it that you need. We'll be here for you.
(((HUGS)))
Karin
Farmgirl Sister
# 18 :)
www.perfectlittlemiracle.blogspot.com
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
Posted - Aug 27 2008 : 07:00:13 AM
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Susan-
We love you dearly. Of course we have missed you, but as so many Farmgirls have already said, no need to apologize!
My heart has been with you. I think about you lots. We will never be a closed door for you! Come and leave as many times as you need. So of course you are forgiven, because we weren't mad at you in the first place! *hugs*
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.awarmheart.com
Please come visit Nora and me on our new blog:
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com
Put your pin on the farmgirl map! www.farmgirlmap.blogspot.com |
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Tina Michelle
True Blue Farmgirl
6948 Posts
Tina
sunshine state
FL
USA
6948 Posts |
Posted - Aug 27 2008 : 07:02:49 AM
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sweety, I went through the same thing..my granny whom I was extremely close to growing up..she was more like a mom to me..and my daddy(stepdaddy really but only daddy I ever knew..he and mom married after she was suddenly divorced at 4 months preggers with me/he married her when she was 8 months along with me.. my stepdaddy told her that he'd pay for her to move to Florida if she'd marry him and he'd take care of her and my brother and me..they had known each other since mom was 15, but she had moved far away and married my real dad..anyhow..)... both died 3 yrs ago..within about 8 months of each other...it took me nearly 2 yrs to come to grips with.Because I never had really grieved even my brothers passing 18 yrs ago..I was told that I had to be the strong one for everyone else..and I was..and never really dealt with it until the others happened. So I understand.I finally told myself that I was done with being depressed and it was time to start picking up the pieces and live again.Yes, I sat around alot and disconnected alot from those around me..and put on about 30 more pounds that I didn't need to that's for sure.
And felt like I lost myself in there somewhere for quite a while...but I started picking up the pieces and breathing again,am I all the way back to normal yet...no... some days I have relapses/personal pity parties I guess you'd call them....but I'm getting there and know that all will be well.....and I've been finding myself again..slowly but surely. And I know you can too.
The sun does still shine...and the birds still sing.:0) hugs to ya...have been there and done that. Don't want to go backwards ever again. Time to start living again.
hugs to you.
~Seize the Day! Live, Love, Laugh~
visit me at:
http://gardengoose.blogspot.com/
and at www.stliving.net
you can also check out my etsy shops at:http://GardenGooseGifts.etsy.com |
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electricdunce
True Blue Farmgirl
2544 Posts
Karin
Belmont
ME
USA
2544 Posts |
Posted - Aug 27 2008 : 07:11:23 AM
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Depression can control our lives on so many levels, and it is true, time helps heal the wounds, but we all need time to just BE and not worry about all the things we think we need to do. In the space of two years, I lost a sister, a brother, my then ten year old daughter was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes and I got divorced. I have been on antidepressants for fifteen years. My doctor told me I might be on them forever, my brain chemistry just needs the added item, I guess.
You focus on your needs, and there are no clear maps for moving out of depression, we just do the best we can. I haven't been on this forum too long, but I find it such a wonderful forum. Lots of wonderful women, no judgemental advice, just lots of support, humor, sharing of lives. It is remarkable to me. You be good to yourself, we are all pulling for you...
Karin
Farmgirl Sister #153
"Give me shelter from the storm" - Bob Dylan
http://moodranch.blogspot.com
http://domesticnonsense.etsy.com |
Edited by - electricdunce on Aug 27 2008 3:20:24 PM |
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levisgrammy
True Blue Farmgirl
9382 Posts
Denise
Beavercreek
Ohio
USA
9382 Posts |
Posted - Aug 27 2008 : 07:17:05 AM
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OH Susan,
It is so good to see you again! No need for apologies. We understand and we are here to help and support you however we can. I know the sadness can overtake you sometimes and it is good to grieve. I am sure your mom would not want you to be so sad about her though, I'm sure she would want you to be living a happy, productive life doing the things you love. I am still keeping you in prayer.
Know that we love you and care about what you are going through.
((((hugs)))
Denise
Denise
farmgirl sister #43
"Take a lesson from the teakettle, though up to its
neck in hot water...it sings!"
www.torisgram.etsy.com |
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Firemama
True Blue Farmgirl
1731 Posts
Amanda
Medical Lake
WA
USA
1731 Posts |
Posted - Aug 27 2008 : 07:53:14 AM
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Susan I think we are all glad to see you peaking in. No matter how little you are here you are always thought of.
Mama to 2
FarmGirl# 20
People can only make you feel inferior with your permission, and you dont have my permission......
http://myfarmdreams.blogspot.com/
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bushelnpeck
True Blue Farmgirl
262 Posts
Debbie
Sparks
Nv
USA
262 Posts |
Posted - Aug 27 2008 : 08:46:37 AM
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I echo everyone's caring toward you. I haven't had the pleasure of knowing you yet but I can care even so. May you be comforted and loved on from here as often as you come...Debbie
Farmgirl Sister #324
duty makes us do things, but love, makes us do things beautifully... |
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mima
True Blue Farmgirl
1573 Posts
1573 Posts |
Posted - Aug 27 2008 : 08:56:08 AM
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Hugs Susan!!! we're just glad to hear from you!! I missed u!!! XXXOOO
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mommom
True Blue Farmgirl
854 Posts
Susan
Lancaster
Pennsylvania
USA
854 Posts |
Posted - Aug 27 2008 : 12:25:08 PM
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| Dear Susan: I don't know you but I sure will pray that peace enters your soul and helps you to move on. I also want to tell you that I think you have a wonderful name! Hugs to you, the other Susan |
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Contrary Wife
True Blue Farmgirl
2164 Posts
Teresa Sue
Tekoa
WA
USA
2164 Posts |
Posted - Aug 27 2008 : 12:33:03 PM
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Dear Susan, I'm wishing you peace. Peace within yourself. You will come out of this because I know you are strong, you're a farmgirl, after all.
Sincerely,
Teresa Sue
Farmgirl Sister #316
"Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly." The Dalai Lama |
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therusticcottage
True Blue Farmgirl
4439 Posts
Kay
Vancouver
WA
USA
4439 Posts |
Posted - Aug 27 2008 : 12:45:37 PM
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Susan - no apology needed. Glad to see you're back. Each of us has to grieve in our own way and sometimes it takes longer for some. I'm glad that you're feeling better!! Hugs!!
Handmade Soap and More! - http://therusticcottage.etsy.com
The Rustic Cottage Blog http://therusticcottage.blogspot.com
PROUD FARMGIRL SISTER #100 |
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La Patite Ferme
True Blue Farmgirl
623 Posts
Jenn
CA
USA
623 Posts |
Posted - Aug 27 2008 : 2:37:01 PM
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| no need to apologize Susan. Sometimes we just need our quite space to heal. And, friends never really leave you. Glad to hear you're feeling well enough to pop in. |
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lilyblossom
True Blue Farmgirl
416 Posts
Donna
Evansville
IN
USA
416 Posts |
Posted - Aug 27 2008 : 3:30:23 PM
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Susan, I have dealt with similiar issues this year and all of the farmgirls here were so understanding. You need to take care of yourself right now. Time is a wonderful healer. Take care and remember your farmgirl sisters care about you.
Donna...true blue KY farmgirl, farmgirl #86 |
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Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - Aug 27 2008 : 9:47:50 PM
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Susan:
You are doing what must be done. MUST. That grieving will come full circle and you will be all the better for it. This farmgirl understands what you are going through. Know that all the tears you are sheeding are cleansing tears. And, you are, Susan, honoring your mother by grieving. One day you will know that things are better. Do your thing, and do what you have to do to get by. The farmgirls will be here to listen, send hugs, etc... If you get down in the pits, send out an alert post and let us know how we can help you. I've only been a MJ farmgirl since July of this year, but I know and feel the love and respect and hear the kindness and advice all free from these wonderful great farmgirls. One of the farmgirls said this site was like a big sisterhool. She was so right!!!!!!!!! We are here for you, Susan. Keep us posted. I'm sending ten gigantic hugs through the air-waves, hope you catch them.
Marly |
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NotQuiteJuneCleaver
True Blue Farmgirl
222 Posts
Susan
Shreveport
LA
USA
222 Posts |
Posted - Aug 28 2008 : 03:44:50 AM
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Thank you all so much for your kind words and wishes. As we prepare for Hurricane Gustav, I wish you all the best and hope those affected and still being affected by Fay stay safe and sound. It looks as though Mother Nature is cooking up another couple of storms on the tail of Gustav. Time to get focused and prepared.
Again thank you all so much and BIG FARMGIRL HUGS!
Susan ~ FARMGIRL SISTER #15
AKA TheSoapMaven who lost nearly 700 posts by changing her name! :(
http://www.thesoapmaven.com http://www.notquitejunecleaver.com
There is immeasurable value in what I do. I won't ever believe otherwise. |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
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shepherdgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1008 Posts
Tracy
California
USA
1008 Posts |
Posted - Aug 29 2008 : 10:26:22 AM
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Susan, there is no need to apologize for your grief. I lost my own mother over 12yrs ago, when I was 25 and she was only 47. We had never been close when I was growing up, but once I got married and was able to have a life outside of her control we became the best of friends. She had a rare illness that we knew would eventually take her from us, but the reality of it, when the time finally came, was nothing like we had expected. I was the first in the family (besides my step-dad) to find out that she was gone. I spoke to the emergency room doctor myself, and it somehow became my task to contact the rest of the family and give them the sad news. My step-dad was basically worthless throughout the whole ordeal and even left it up to me to tell my 14yr old brother (NOT his son) and my 7yr old brother (HIS son) that our mother was gone. Everything fell on my shoulders and I was a bit resentful over that since it should NOT have been MY responsiblity. So I never really had time to deal with my OWN grief, the way everyone else could.
Like you, I spent an entire year in a perpetual fog after the loss of my mother. My doctor said there IS a medical term for such a thing, but I can't recall what it is. He said the "documented" grieving period for such a loss is AT LEAST 1 year, and that's about how long it was for me too, though I still feel the twinges of that loss every now and then. Don't beat yourself up over this Susan. Only those of us who've lost a parent (or BOTH-- like I have) can know what you're going through, and we certainly don't hold ANYTHING against you for it. Things DO get better with time. Now, when I think of my mother, I get this warm, happy feeling. All the issues of the past are forgiven. Many times I wake up LAUGHING when she's visited me in my dreams, and I am thankful for those times. It lets me know that she is well and happy up there with God, and that she's no longer suffering from the horrible affects of her earthly illness-- a fact that she tried so hard to hide from all of us. Think of the good times with your mom and do something each day that brings a smile to your face. You can't bring her back, and I know you miss her terribly, that part NEVER goes away, but be happy knowing that she is carefree and PAIN FREE and missing YOU as well. Warm hugs from a fellow sister who's been there ~~~~ Tracy
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. ~~ George Carlin |
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Family Matters: Big Old Apology |
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Big Old Apology
