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Family Matters:  ARRRGGHHH!!!!  |
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Pavla
Farmgirl in Training
22 Posts
Pavla
Grandville
MI
USA
22 Posts |
 Posted - Aug 14 2008 : 11:01:44 AM
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Ladies,
I need to ask some advice from you all if I might. Now my work and family situation are a bit unusual. Do any of you work for family? I work for my parents, who grow perennials, on a separate part of their property. My wonderful mother watches my girlies while I work right next to the house. I am very fortunate I don't have to leave them with strangers!Last year I met a wonderful and very hard working man who I love with all of my heart. I truly believe that we were meant to be together. I am very blessed in so many aspects as far as Dave and my parents go. They are what true family should be, supportive in all situations. But the season is dragging on this year and everyone around here is getting worn out. They are acting like my 3 year old when she is tired: crabby, unreasonable, and they complain, complain, complain! I am so very, very tired of it!! I try my best to be positive. In any situation. The only aspect of our lives that we have complete control over is our attitude. And it's like Dolly Parton said on her new album (I just bought this and surprised the poop out of myself because I like it so much! Anybody else?)anyway she sings 'your attitude sucks and I hate it!' That is exactly what I am thinking. Being tired does not justify acting like little children! My father and Dave the bf are a lot alike in their attitudes. Well my father thinks Dave can't handle pressure well (he's right, Dave freaks when the going gets tough, in the end I am the rock in our household, I have to be) and has been complaining to me about him. Dave thinks my dad is impossible to please (he is, he's an extreme perfectionist, all of which I explained in depth to Dave before he began working for us, all of which he claimed he understood, and well guess he was just saying that to get me to shut up) and complains to me about him. I want to just tell them to shut it!! Be adults and get over it! Why is so impossible to look at your blessings instead of the not so good stuff? I don't know I feel like I should talk to both my father and Dave about this. But I just know they will freak out and get mad because both will think they are right and I am wrong. They just cannot seem to see the situation objectively. They both think they have to be 'right' but it shouldn't be about that. It should be about learning to work together! It is possible, it had been going well until now. And there is another matter complicating it. At the end of May my ex husband bashed Dave in the nose over the fact that he saw Dave giving the girls a kiss goodbye during drop off for visitation. Ex didn't like it and attacked him. We go to trial in September over that one. Dave had to have surgery to repair his nose, and my parents lent him the money to have it done. Because he couldn't breath and it just had to be done. So now there is no other solution but to stick it out. And I think that at this particular time that just adds to the overall feeling of exhaustion and being overwhelmed. I don't know what to do. Risk the rath of my father and Dave by telling them they are acting like children or just keep my mouth shut and be patient? What do you guys think? I hate to 'get tangled up' in their issues, I made it clear in the beginning I would not be the middle man, but it seems to be happening anyway. Any words of wisdom? They are driving me nuts! Sorry so long again, but if nothing else it feels good to get it out of myself. Around here I am the one that has to keep a cool head or all of the guys loose it! Men just can't handle a lot of pressure can they? Thanks for reading!! |
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Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - Aug 14 2008 : 11:23:49 AM
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Pavia:
My heart goes out to all of you. I've gone through a similiar situation, and ten years later, it's still not resolved. I found out the hard way, that the more I tried to discuss things to make it better, I ended up on the loosing end. So, I gave it up to God. IT is in His hands now. I'm sure the Farmgirls will give you super great advice. In the mean time, I shall keep you in my prayers.
Marly |
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ruralfarmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
4309 Posts
Rene'
Prosser
WA
USA
4309 Posts |
Posted - Aug 14 2008 : 11:34:37 AM
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Pavla,
Well~ Men you cant live with them and you cant shoot 'em".. I think that is Mae West.....anyway~ I am the only girl in my home (God's little sense of humor~ even the dog is male)..........This is what I know for sure
(like Oprah..) Men talk to men differently~ we gals get caught up in the emotion of it all, but guys don't... Dave and Dad are going to have to find thier own way with each other.. and your job will be hard and that is to love them both and disengage from thier conflicts.. As lovingly as you can just tell each of them seperatly that you love them both and dont want to hear the negetives they have about the other.. sometimes I think that griping is more of a habit then anything~ if you disengage it might help them to break the habits...
May the force be with you girlfriend ~
Rene~Prosser Farmgirl #185
"Despite the gardener's best intentions, Nature will improvise. ~Michael P. Garafalo
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Pavla
Farmgirl in Training
22 Posts
Pavla
Grandville
MI
USA
22 Posts |
Posted - Aug 14 2008 : 11:35:08 AM
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Marly,
I am leaning towards letting it be as well. But sometimes I need other views as well, because I know that more often than not none of us can see all the way around stuff. And don't get me wrong. I am a very blessed girl. Compared to life last year and the years before when I was married to that bafoon things are just so, so much better. I am very thankful. I think I make it sound worse than it is. But I am tired too! We just have such intense seasons in this business. It's either swamped with work or absolutely nothing! And to tell you the truth it is not where my heart is to begin with. I would much rather be a full time mommy to my babies and garden and clean and enjoy a slower paced life. I am 26 years old and I feel like I am a pooped out person twice my age. But still, I often take time to reflect on my blessings, it keeps me sane. And the choices I made got me here, so now I have to be a big girl to and carry on! If anyone else has any advice/experiences I would still really like to hear it. Thanks everyone!! |
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Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - Aug 14 2008 : 1:15:28 PM
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Pavla:
I was married to a bafoon, too. LOL You must do what will keep you sane. Sometimes, blessings are all around you and in places you don't look. Look closer at things. I hate to admit this, but- here goes--- some men do believe women can solve everything. The farmgirls will give you different views and opinions, and I hope you can find your way through this. I'll keep you in my prayers. Keep us posted on this.
Marly |
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Pavla
Farmgirl in Training
22 Posts
Pavla
Grandville
MI
USA
22 Posts |
Posted - Aug 14 2008 : 1:17:49 PM
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| I will!! Thank you. I actually feel a lot better already and taking the more peaceful route (keeping my mouth shut!) has helped to keep the peace today, and for that I am very happy!! I will keep you updated. I love this place!! |
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simplyflowers
True Blue Farmgirl
489 Posts
Jamie
Locust Grove
Virginia
USA
489 Posts |
Posted - Aug 15 2008 : 02:28:40 AM
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Hey Pavla! Hope today will be a great day for you! Hope them boys get their heads on straight for your peace of mind and theirs'. Keep us posted. You are in my thoughts and prayers...
Oh, thanks again for the tips on plants the other day!! I'm so excited as Fall is my fav time of year!!!
Marly, I love how you called the ex a bafoon!! I hadn't heard that description in a while LOLOLOLOL!!!!
"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." -- Thomas Edison |
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Pavla
Farmgirl in Training
22 Posts
Pavla
Grandville
MI
USA
22 Posts |
Posted - Aug 15 2008 : 12:41:08 PM
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| Well things look better today for sure. I kept my mouth shut yesterday and kept my cool and things luckily got better and not worse. My father is finally letting bf try some stuff he has never allowed him to do in the nursery and so far so good! And, go figure, it was actually my mother, who is a very wise woman, that convinced my dad to just try Dave out in a higher pressure situation so that he can show us what he can do. This was really a great piece of advice on my moms part, and dad always listens to her (but would not admit it of course!). And I think that Dave passed the test and the tension has dissipated a bit. I really like the idea of 'leaving it in gods hands.' I can't really control everything can I? I think we're all just a little burned out after the last few months which are the busiest of the year and nobody was acting right. Thanks for the kind words ladies I really do appreciate it. |
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Bear5
True Blue Farmgirl
13055 Posts
Louisiana/Texas
USA
13055 Posts |
Posted - Aug 15 2008 : 8:50:06 PM
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Pavla:
I'm just so happy for you that things worked out and are better. I'm happy to read that you are not so stressed. Great for you. Men would never admit that they listen to women! You are so right. LOL
Have a great weekend.
Marly |
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babysmama
True Blue Farmgirl
931 Posts
Elizabeth
Iowa
931 Posts |
Posted - Aug 16 2008 : 07:29:46 AM
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I think the best thing to do is when your father or boyfriend complain about one another to you, all you need to say is "Take it up with them". If they have a problem with one another they need to bring it to each others attention.
-Elizabeth |
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Contrary Wife
True Blue Farmgirl
2164 Posts
Teresa Sue
Tekoa
WA
USA
2164 Posts |
Posted - Aug 16 2008 : 07:43:33 AM
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Pavla,
Hang in there girl. You know life really is hard and these three bits of wisdom help me get through, first be thankful for what you have been given, second, accept situations/people for what they are (as in "it is what it is"), and third, learn to really appreciate the small things in life, even the smell of a wonderful cuppa tea, wind in the trees....because they will sustain you through the hard stuff. You can't control the way these two men in your life react, but you can control how you react to them. I'll keep you in my thoughts, warmly,
Teresa Sue
Farmgirl Sister #316
"Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly." The Dalai Lama |
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bboopster
True Blue Farmgirl
1140 Posts
Betty Jo
West Bend
Wisconsin
USA
1140 Posts |
Posted - Aug 18 2008 : 07:23:25 AM
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Pavla, I agree with when they put you in the middle to politely explain they need to talk it over with each other and not you. Then change the subjsct and do not go back to it. Also just a thought. In the off season (I am hoping you get one) can you do some team building skills, like a rope course or dinner or picnics. Maybe a get away, even if that means just a day someplace with all of you. A fun event to strengthen all of your relationships. Maybe give the two of them tickets for an event or send them to a conference together. Maybe if they build an outside working relationship with out the pressures of work it might help. I have worked for family and it's tough. I now help my DH with his business something I have tried to stay away from for 14 years. It's tough!!!! He knows nothing about the bookkeeping but still wants to tell me how to do it. Hang in there, pray and try to find the entertainment value in adults acting like 3 year olds. 
http://www.bboopster.blogspot.com
3 Blue Star Mother and Proud of it!
Pray for our troops to come home safe and soon.
Enjoying the road to the simple life :>) |
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mommom
True Blue Farmgirl
854 Posts
Susan
Lancaster
Pennsylvania
USA
854 Posts |
Posted - Aug 18 2008 : 2:11:29 PM
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| I asked someone one time how she was happy every day with a great attitude. She told me that instead of saying "have a great day" say "Make it a great day!" Say it to yourself. Don't let other people steel your joy! You're happy - stay that way! Susan |
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Family Matters: ARRRGGHHH!!!! |
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ARRRGGHHH!!!!
