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Hogs & Quiches & Prayers Round-up:  Simple Comforts for the living and dying  |
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Rebekka Mae
True Blue Farmgirl
965 Posts
Rebekka
Moscow
ID
USA
965 Posts |
 Posted - Jul 01 2008 : 4:26:49 PM
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A dear uncle of mine passed away late last night at home after many agonizing months of cancer treatments. Trying to offer simple comforts to him and to his immediate family during his illness has been a challenge for our large family (My Gramma Dolores, his mother in law, has 32 grandchildren and 32 great grandchildren!). It just would not do for us to all show up as he battled cancer, we are a tiring bunch, and yet we are all left wanting to do something.
When you know a loved one's death is imminent what comforts do you offer from afar? How have you found ways to pamper the people who are there day in and day out as caregivers? Our culture has removed us from many of the unpleasant aspects of death, aging and such...but like many modern practices this doesn't help us to honor and prepare for the inevitable.
Steve's death has got me thinking about how we might reclaim some of the old fashioned duties and traditions that helped a family to grieve losses and care for the young and old alike.
As a family we will all gather together for a wedding next week in San Diego-you can be sure that we will have many chances to talk about Steve, to feel his absence and to remember the many other family members who are no longer with us. With a family as large as ours every death is quickly followed by a wedding, birth, graduation or other celebration so we strike a good balance with more joys than sorrows.
Warmly, Rebekka
www.bebebella.etsy.com
As a woman I have no country. As a woman, my country is the whole world.
Virginia Woolf |
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KYgurlsrbest
True Blue Farmgirl
4853 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4853 Posts |
Posted - Jul 02 2008 : 10:33:50 AM
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What a thoughtful post, Rebekka...
I know that, with my Great Aunt, after her diagnosis of terminal cancer, first as her niece, and then as her health care advocate, we discussed openly her wishes, and, since she couldn't ever return home, I brought as much "home" to her as I could and was allowed in the nursing facility. And, when the end was near, I stayed with her and read to her, never knowing if she knew or not, but I think, for both of us, we were neither of us alone.
For friends and folks that are caregivers, especially one's that live nearby, I will try to give them giftcards for coffee at Starbucks or something "non-committal" that, while they're out doing mandatory errands, they can take 2 seconds and treat themselves.
For other friends, I typically make tons of food because, well, it's very difficult often to share their burden or say the right things--I have a tendency to get tongue tied and stammer, so it's just better for me to be in the kitchen. That's how I show my love, and I'm never sorry for feeding a tired bunch, who may or may not have appetites, but know that they need sustenance to get through the next several days.
Recently, we've had longtime neighbors pass who leave spouses behind, and I will usually try to share books I've recently read, films, etc...and my time, because inevitably they want to talk about their spouses, and it's a nice opportunity to listen.
Farmgirl Sister #80, thanks to a very special farmgirl from the Bluegrass..."She was built like a watch, a study in balance ... with a neck and head so refined, like a drawing by DaVinci"...
NY Newsday sportswriter Bill Nack describing filly, Ruffian.
http://www.buyhandmade.org/ |
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suzyhomemaker
True Blue Farmgirl
806 Posts
Clare
Tyler Hill
PA
USA
806 Posts |
Posted - Jul 02 2008 : 2:07:39 PM
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I have been a caregiver i nthis situation with my sister as well as caring/helping with my dad.
I wanted a bit of time. We had a few nurses, and when they came in I took a walk or went to work out at Curves or go to church. Offering time to sit or listen is precious. we also did the scrapbbok/photo album making and viewing which passed time and shared favorite memories all at once.
I would have loved a gift card to a tea or coffe place for apseical drink and treat. That is such a great gift. We got food while going through treatment and I might add that soups and casseroles freeze well if too much food comes in at once. Fresh fruit always seems appreciated as well.
A new movie on DVD, especially if it is funny or heartwarming is a great offering. I still enjoy when someone shares a good book or inspiring book or magazine article.
Since I sew and quilt, mt SIL took me to a local quilt show when I had too much pain to drive myself. I think any offers of taking you to someplace fun is a great distraction.
Country girl in NE PA |
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Hogs & Quiches & Prayers Round-up: Simple Comforts for the living and dying |
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Simple Comforts for the living and dying
