| Author |
Parenting & Farm Kids:  Moody 3 year old  |
|
|
kindacrunchymom
True Blue Farmgirl
94 Posts
Diane
In the thumb
Michigan
94 Posts |
 Posted - May 28 2008 : 12:12:04 PM
|
Ever since Olivia turned 3 last month, she has been like a moody teenager. It's awful and I am officially out of patience. 
Today, DH left for work at 2 (after working this morning until 1, then home for lunch and a shower, and off to his other job) and yes, he works a lot. I know that is a big part of the issue. Anyway, I wanted to get to town by 3 for the market, and then we have playgroup at 4. In the last hour we've had three major meltdowns:
Once because she wanted to wear her green pants like me
Once because her juice was out of ice (it melted)
Once--as we were walking out the door--because I had sandals on and she had tennies (sandals don't work at the park).
I am at my wit's end. After the last episode, I just told her that she needed to take a break and think about whether or not she wants to go to the park (she's been excited all day). We are too late for the market anyway, but we could make playgroup.
I know she's only 3, but I am starting to resent having to go through all of this drama every fricken fracken time I try to leave the house. I NEED to be around some adults once in a while--hubby works about 95 hours a week, and I am ready to POP from the pressure.
Now I remember why I stopped going anywhere a year and a half ago. I am soooo isolated, lonely, and bored and I know that we both need to get out. We don't do spanking or that sort of stuff, so beyond that, do you have advice?
I should add that Olivia is generally one of the best behaved kids--but this phase is wearing me out to no end. I am this close to just screaming at her--of course that does no good either.
Farmmom to my 3 year old farm tot, and wife to a country boy!
To learn more about me, here is my blog:
http://mcadmom.wordpress.com/
|
|
|
Tina Michelle
True Blue Farmgirl
6948 Posts
Tina
sunshine state
FL
USA
6948 Posts |
Posted - May 28 2008 : 12:24:54 PM
|
how about you simply have her pick out an outfit every evening before bed time and tell her that she has 5 minutes to select the next days outfit/set a timer.
Then tell her that this is the outfit she will wear that day/all day long/no exceptions/no changes.
regardless of what someone else is wearing.
Then about the juice..tell her that ice melts..its a given but that doesn't mean that her drink tastes any worse for it..it is still cold and still drinkable and she should finish drinking it..end of discussion.
that will solve all of the problems you just listed here.
and next..just breathe..she is entering a new independent stage...and this too shall pass.
And next..try to explain to hubby that you need some you time..and ask for his advice on how to get socially active in your area.
For the both of you.Is there a local mom's meet up group in your area..like a meetup.com group that plans park days or the like? try to connect with some of them. Good luck!
~Seize the Day! Live, Love, Laugh~
visit me at:
http://gardengoose.blogspot.com/
and at www.stliving.net
you can also check out my etsy shops at:http://GardenGooseGifts.etsy.com |
 |
|
|
kindacrunchymom
True Blue Farmgirl
94 Posts
Diane
In the thumb
Michigan
94 Posts |
Posted - May 28 2008 : 12:27:27 PM
|
Lol Tina--the playgroup today is a meetup group!
I LOVE the idea of picking out clothes the night before--she has the cutest pegs my MIL made to hang them on too.
Believe me, I tried to explain the finer points of melting ice, but she literally went from 0 to 60 in a matter of seconds. I think she feels my tension level, you know?
Farmmom to my 3 year old farm tot, and wife to a country boy!
To learn more about me, here is my blog:
http://mcadmom.wordpress.com/
|
|
|
|
Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
Posted - May 28 2008 : 12:44:14 PM
|
I really do think that kids pick up on their parent's tension. It sounds like you are in a really tough position. Perhaps this MeetUp will be really great for you both! Is there a reading time at the library? Sometimes they have programs where the tots get read to by a volunteer and the parents can go browse books or have coffee with the other adults for 15-30 minutes. And if you library doesn't have this function- maybe you could help them start one?
I remember a lot of my childhood and I can actually remember those helpless feeling moments when something was just _wrong_ and I knew I wasn't getting my point across to my parent and the only thing that I could think of was getting upset. Of course it wasn't quite that logical in my head, but the end result was me getting upset.
I know sometimes Nora seems to get upset at something and I think "Hey what's the big deal?" but to her every little thing is a big deal because her world is a lot smaller than mine and she has less coping strategies. I understand that there is a big difference between a 15 month old and a 3 year old but I think some of the same things still apply.
I hope this stage passes quickly for you both! *hugs*
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.awarmheart.com
Please come visit Nora and me on our new blog:
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com |
|
|
|
KYgurlsrbest
True Blue Farmgirl
4853 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4853 Posts |
Posted - May 28 2008 : 12:51:45 PM
|
Well, this sounds so similar to what my sister in law is going through with our niece, Ava. Unfortunately, she seems to only test my SIL, probably because she's the only one around (like you, Diane). Ava is INCREDIBLY intelligent (almost too much so) and gets bored easily, and, because the whole world has been about her since the time of her birth, she continues to believe it should be so (hey, wouldn't you?). My SIL and BIL have decided to take her to a behaviorist...that's right, a behaviorist. I hope this person will be sensible and say something like "yes, she's three." and "she has too many sets of grandparents who spoil her to death"...also 3 sets of grands!!!
I like Tina's ideas and though I'm not a parent, I hear so much "discussion" between the parent and child when I'm out and about, or with my SIL and niece...I didn't get a whole lot of discussion about the why's or the what's when I was small...I either did what they said, or didn't, but there were consquences with the latter of the two :)
Either way, good luck....sounds like she is definitely 3!!!
Farmgirl Sister #80, thanks to a very special farmgirl from the Bluegrass..."She was built like a watch, a study in balance ... with a neck and head so refined, like a drawing by DaVinci"...
NY Newsday sportswriter Bill Nack describing filly, Ruffian.
http://www.buyhandmade.org/ |
|
|
|
Tina Michelle
True Blue Farmgirl
6948 Posts
Tina
sunshine state
FL
USA
6948 Posts |
Posted - May 28 2008 : 1:21:22 PM
|
gosh..I hope that didn't come across as a "because I said so that is why"(I have been guilty of saying that sort of thing before..and must admit I don't like that type of approach even when I give it on occasion or when I got it as a kid) of course there is alot of back and forth that can go on between parents and kids that do result in it escalating into a fuss session once in a while....but I think when it comes to the issue about throwing the tantrum because the ice has melted ....keeping it simple and to the point can alleviate that back and forth fuss mode.
But..I just had another idea which she actually might find fun..and that is..to put a piece of ice in a small bowl with a tiny bit of water and let her see the fact that ice does melt over time..and let her feel the water..this will show her that yes it is normal for ice to melt, but then let her feel the water and she'll then get the first hand experience that yes..the juice will stay cold and I can still drink it.
Sometimes with kids that age..you have to take things a bit more of a lighter approach..and absolutely, definitely with a sense of humor.
I have a 3 yr. old who yes..some days tries my patience as well... but I try to turn alot of things back around into learning experiences for her. And try to teach her independence.
So..if you can turn things around to where it isn't just a "because I said so" but a sort of ..yes, I said so..but this is why..sort of thing..it makes it all a bit eaier.
Good luck! It gets better. Be patient with yourself too.
~Seize the Day! Live, Love, Laugh~
visit me at:
http://gardengoose.blogspot.com/
and at www.stliving.net
you can also check out my etsy shops at:http://GardenGooseGifts.etsy.com |
|
|
|
KYgurlsrbest
True Blue Farmgirl
4853 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4853 Posts |
Posted - May 28 2008 : 3:46:13 PM
|
Oh no, Tina...that's not what I meant...I liked that your explanation about the ice, but that the discussion would be simple and over...I was told now and again "because I said so, that's why" and it never really bothered me, because I knew very well I wasn't supposed to BE doing what I was doing. The issue I think I have is with friends who blur the line of parent/child relationships and act like their children are 40 year olds instead of 3 and 7 year olds...it can be frustrating to listen to them reason with the boys when they're badly behaved. For example, one of the boys threw a party guest's purse into the pool. Now, I would have been in big trouble asap. We all stood around thinking, "what a little stinker" and waited to see what happened, while his mother asked him "why did you do that?" No answer. Then she asked, "do you feel like you're not being paid attention to?" "Are you feeling ill?" "Is Mommy or Daddy talking to adults more than you?" and, turns out, he just thought it would be funny...but it wasn't, and neither was their reaction. We haven't seen this gal since at a party, and I sometimes dread them because of the kids. Or maybe the parents, I should say. That's what I mean. From someone enjoys children but doesn't have them, it's a hard lesson...makes me "take notes" on things I DON'T want others to say about me when I AM a parent :)
Farmgirl Sister #80, thanks to a very special farmgirl from the Bluegrass..."She was built like a watch, a study in balance ... with a neck and head so refined, like a drawing by DaVinci"...
NY Newsday sportswriter Bill Nack describing filly, Ruffian.
http://www.buyhandmade.org/ |
|
|
|
Sitnalta
True Blue Farmgirl
4208 Posts
Jessica
NJ
USA
4208 Posts |
Posted - May 28 2008 : 3:46:27 PM
|
oooh girl!! I'm feeling for ya! I'm the one at the post "wit's end". I think its gotta be a phase. Not that that makes it easier that's for sure. THey've gotta be tested their wings while your ripping the feathers outta yours. I am finding apart from dealing with the tantrums that if I jut stop take a breath and keep reminding myself that I am indeed the adult here. It helps even if only for a little while.
My heart goes out to you ! Hang it there. THree years old only last for a year....and so does one and two....THank goodness!!
Hugs
Jess
When life sends storms, remember to dance in the rain!
|
|
|
|
Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
Posted - May 28 2008 : 4:42:19 PM
|
Oh My gosh Jonni! How old was that boy? I would have been mortified as a kid if my parents started asking questions like that! LOL
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
www.awarmheart.com
Please come visit Nora and me on our new blog:
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com |
|
|
|
KYgurlsrbest
True Blue Farmgirl
4853 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4853 Posts |
Posted - May 28 2008 : 4:44:45 PM
|
He was only 4, Alee, so I guess they were valid, but I don't want to tell you what would have happened to me if I would have done that!!! Of course, I wouldn't have :)
Farmgirl Sister #80, thanks to a very special farmgirl from the Bluegrass..."She was built like a watch, a study in balance ... with a neck and head so refined, like a drawing by DaVinci"...
NY Newsday sportswriter Bill Nack describing filly, Ruffian.
http://www.buyhandmade.org/ |
|
|
|
kindacrunchymom
True Blue Farmgirl
94 Posts
Diane
In the thumb
Michigan
94 Posts |
Posted - May 28 2008 : 5:02:03 PM
|
Tina--I think I will do that tomorrow--she'll love it! 
An update--
It got better. Right after I hit submit, she came in and told me that she'd been thinking and that she wanted to go the the playgroup. I explained to her than when her actions tell me that she is not going to be able to handle the park, then we won't go.
We went and had a fabulous time! I also realized that she was 1. very tired from our weekend and 2. a little confused about what we were going to do. I am so glad that I found that group, though. The moms are really nice, and Olivia actually played with the other kids (she is usually very shy). She conked out on the way home and is in bed already!
I think we need to do a lot more talking about how hard it is with daddy working so much. I also think I need to get her out of the house a little earlier in the day. I am more of a "talky" mom, but she is a very talky girl.
Every time she goes thorugh a phase, I think it is the end of the world. Then suddenly, it stops and she is herself again and I remember that these periods are temporary--until the next one!
Farmmom to my 3 year old farm tot, and wife to a country boy!
To learn more about me, here is my blog:
http://mcadmom.wordpress.com/
|
|
|
|
Tina Michelle
True Blue Farmgirl
6948 Posts
Tina
sunshine state
FL
USA
6948 Posts |
Posted - May 28 2008 : 10:12:35 PM
|
Diane: aww..I am so glad that you both wound up having a good day.
-------------
oh gosh Jonni..no there would not have been that kind of banter back and forth if I'd have done something like that as a kid either..gee whiz. ..but of course I wouldn't have gotten near the water to begin with..ha..I'm a fraidy cat when it comes to water..ha.
But now I see your point..and yep... that's just a bit much on the banter back and forth about why the kid did what he did.
Bet the kid was groaning.."o.k. mom and dad..enough of the grill session..I just did it for the heck of it..get on with it." ha.
but ya know..I said to someone one day.."I sometimes wish that parenting came with an instruction manual..and even more than that I sometimes wish we had this little affirmation guide" that say something like "you know that decision you made about such and such..well that was the right choice and you did good"
but..well..life isn't like that..you gotta go through all the phases, all the stages..some times just winging it..and hoping that when all is said and done that you can look back and say..."yep..I did good".."everything turned out just right"
~Seize the Day! Live, Love, Laugh~
visit me at:
http://gardengoose.blogspot.com/
and at www.stliving.net
you can also check out my etsy shops at:http://GardenGooseGifts.etsy.com |
|
|
|
kissmekate
True Blue Farmgirl
890 Posts
Kate
Delano
Minnesota
890 Posts |
Posted - May 28 2008 : 10:31:23 PM
|
Hey, does anyone want to buy a moody boy? A seventeen year old boy, that is. LOL
I swear he is moodier than a girl. He definitely is more a drama queen than his sister is. LOL
Don't miss out on a blessing, just because it isn't packaged the way you expected. ~MaryJo Copeland |
|
|
|
Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
|
|
kissmekate
True Blue Farmgirl
890 Posts
Kate
Delano
Minnesota
890 Posts |
Posted - May 29 2008 : 11:10:02 AM
|
Awww, I wouldn't trade him for a million bucks. I love him to death, even if it is difficult to do so at times.
He is moody and a drama queen, but he is all mine.
Plus I need him around for a while, because soon he will finish school and start his adult life with his own place, and own set of problems.
And I know I will miss the drama moments and the sarcastic dry sense of humor.
Now if I can just figure out whether Kathy is really just a friend or is really a girlfriend. *sigh*
Sorry to jack the thread.
Don't miss out on a blessing, just because it isn't packaged the way you expected. ~MaryJo Copeland |
Edited by - kissmekate on May 29 2008 11:13:36 AM |
|
|
|
kindacrunchymom
True Blue Farmgirl
94 Posts
Diane
In the thumb
Michigan
94 Posts |
Posted - May 29 2008 : 6:24:49 PM
|
No hijack there, Kate! I keep trying to remind myself that this is teenager training, lol!
Farmmom to my 3 year old farm tot, and wife to a country boy!
To learn more about me, here is my blog:
http://mcadmom.wordpress.com/
|
|
|
|
kissmekate
True Blue Farmgirl
890 Posts
Kate
Delano
Minnesota
890 Posts |
Posted - May 29 2008 : 9:35:19 PM
|
Diane, it just goes so fast. Just yesterday Josh was three and having meltdowns. LOL
Now he is 17 and sulks in his ManCave plugged in to various electronic devices.
Don't miss out on a blessing, just because it isn't packaged the way you expected. ~MaryJo Copeland |
|
|
|
mamaofcuties
Farmgirl at Heart
9 Posts
Tammy
Mechanicsville
Iowa
USA
9 Posts |
Posted - Jun 03 2008 : 10:59:14 AM
|
I can really relate to everything you said- I have a three almost four year old, two and a half year old, eight month old and a 10 year old with autism spectrum disorder.{all boys} About six monthes ago my three year old started the same kinds of behaviors and they do change but they sometimes get worse before they get better, for example now we are over the meltdowns but we went through a constant whining stage and now he never stops talking...asking questions of course and criticizing what I wear...name calling, peeing everywhere but the toilet {dont ask!!I am still dealing with this one!} Bossiness has started as well- to me, my husband and his brothers.But just when I would think I cant handle it anymore...he would move to something new! My hubby works alot of hrs too and I can really relate to what your saying about being stressed out and feeling lonely- I dont get out ever as well unless it is to the grocery store...my mother in law always tells me to "go meet other mothers out and about" but when I am out and about I am too busy either yelling at my children {it can not be helped somedays!}or I am too exhausted to "strike up a conversation". I hear ya....trust me, this is a phase with your three year old...each phase is good and bad equally but this too shall pass!! On the discipline question- we do timeouts according to thier age on the timeout bench and in serious situations where that is not effective we do take away privlages. That has worked with us, but each child is different- you will find what works, hang in there!!  |
|
|
|
juliet79
True Blue Farmgirl
112 Posts
Heather
Worland
Wyoming
USA
112 Posts |
Posted - Jun 03 2008 : 12:00:51 PM
|
| Well, just so you all know, if you ever get down and out about your kiddos, gimme a call! I'm sure we could have a wonderful conversation with the eight to ten kids running around me all day! HA! Drama in the life of 1, 2, 3, and four year olds! But....even thought the hectic times seem to drive us to wits end most days, and usually five or nine times a day for me, they have to sleep sometimes! My mom always told me, but just look at them sleeping...they are so still, and angelic! Yep mom, you are right...nap time! |
|
|
|
mamaofcuties
Farmgirl at Heart
9 Posts
Tammy
Mechanicsville
Iowa
USA
9 Posts |
Posted - Jun 03 2008 : 3:34:29 PM
|
| Amen to that!! Nap time will save us all!!! |
|
|
| |
Parenting & Farm Kids: Moody 3 year old |
|
Moody 3 year old
