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Across the Fence:  My favorite farmgirl.......  |
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BlueEggBabe
True Blue Farmgirl
417 Posts
Susan
PA
417 Posts |
 Posted - Sep 28 2005 : 08:25:34 AM
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Mornin' Girls,
I just got home from my usual early morning visit with my elderly neighbor/landlord/farmgirl and I am filled up with such a sadness.
I just have to talk........
Over the past few months, Mrs. M. has had a few "spells" of confusion, falling, etc. This past week she suffered a more serious "spell" that required an ambulance and a few days in the hospital.
Unlike many elderly people, at 86 yrs old, Mrs.M. does not rely on or put her faith in the medical establishment. She after all, bore 7 children in that 4 poster, horse-hair mattress bed she still sleeps in and has led an very active, healthy life with no medications or restrictions.
When her farm was in it's fullness in the 40's through 70's there were dairy cows, pigs, sheep, chickens, and flourishing gardens along with a parcel of beautiful, tow-head children and meadows of wildflowers, a creek and LOTS of cultivated land.I have seen black and white photos of an idyllic farmlife that would just bring wistful tears to your eyes.
She simply loves her land .
Up until last week Mrs. M. still spent many hours a day, in her office with a secretary on the phone fighting for or talking about land/farm preservation. Lawyers, Court dates, meetings were a daily occurence.
She and her late husband purchased and saved many properties and also formed a farmland /historic building preservation trust. Imagine realizing 40 years ago that farmland must be saved?? No one believed them or cared so they bought many for a song. I live on one of those farms.
I could go on to tell you stories about this woman for days, but I think you may already understand the kind of woman she is:
Wealthy,strong,willful, proud, along with sometimes demanding, cantankerous and down right, foot-stomping exasperating behavior.She has many,many aquaintances,from farmers to politicians and I think it safe to say, a good many people who arent too fond of her, as well.
She likes to have her way.To dig her heels in.
This morning,she's back home, a little worse for the wear of a hospital stay and residual mental confusion of a mini stroke( one of 9-10 according to the test results).
But, I sensed in her today, a bit of resignation, a loss of steam.
She is very aware that her faculties will continue to decline and that it could happen at any time. It's not for herself that she is concerned but that she hasn't yet finished her work for "the land".
While she had her bath this morning, I listened to a complex stream of thoughts that at once seemed confused but also incredibly lucid
and clear....she hasn't done enough.
Lord, I must admit to letting a few tears slip into that soapy bathwater today.I tried to reassure her gently but decided it best to let her talk and try to let her come to some kind of understanding on her own.
Mrs. M is a farmgirl...for all of her difficult and demanding ways.
Please add a small prayer to your long lists of prayers today for a
woman who has done so much to keep thousands of acres out of the hands of developers and for old farmhouses like mine from being torn down. I will pray that she has comes to some peace and satisfaction about the work she's done in this life. That her mind be eased...That she have no regrets.
Thanks, farmgirls, I know you understand how much I love this woman.
Thanks for listening
"If more of us valued good food, cheer and song above hoarded gold,the world would be a merrier place."
J.J.R.Tolkien |
Edited by - BlueEggBabe on Sep 28 2005 09:33:16 AM |
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Clare
True Blue Farmgirl
2173 Posts
NC WA State
USA
2173 Posts |
Posted - Sep 28 2005 : 08:36:47 AM
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Oh Susan, that is soooo touching. I certainly can empathize with her situation. How are we to know when our work here is completed to the best of our ability? I suppose it is in knowing in our hearts that we did the best we could for our families, our communities and our earth. But resignation is not an easy pill to swallow. Balance, balance and acceptance of our greater good.
Isn't it interesting that those people who affect the greatest change are often thought of as cantankerous? I think to "get things done" you often have to step on a few toes along the way, not to mention big egos.
I will lift up Mrs. M. and hold her dear in my thoughts.
May the sun bring you new energy by day, may the moon softly restore you by night, may the rain wash away your worries, may the breeze blow new strength into your being, may you walk gently through the world and know its beauty all the days of your life. ~~Apache Blessing
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BlueEggBabe
True Blue Farmgirl
417 Posts
Susan
PA
417 Posts |
Posted - Sep 28 2005 : 08:46:50 AM
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thanks so much clare,
In re-reading my post for typos, a flood of tears has just let loose
onto my T-shirt! I have held onto it for so long, it feels good to let it go.
One more bittersweet note that you will all appreciate:
Mrs M asked if I would run back over at lunch time to make her her favorite sandwich: A homegrown tomato sandwich on "brown bread"
with an unbelievable amount of mayo on each side.She eats this with such unabashed pleasure, to the point of it running down both wrists.
SHE is such a hoot.
PS OH and the tomato HAS to be warmed in the sun first.
Had to share that....makes me smile.
"If more of us valued good food, cheer and song above hoarded gold,the world would be a merrier place."
J.J.R.Tolkien |
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Clare
True Blue Farmgirl
2173 Posts
NC WA State
USA
2173 Posts |
Posted - Sep 28 2005 : 09:07:59 AM
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That brings a smile to my face too, Susan! Mrs. M. does indeed know how to enjoy and appreciate life!!! Help her to savor all of her loved things now. It's an important phase. Sending you good thoughts too Susan, to be, and to know, how best to be of service to her. Hugs.
May the sun bring you new energy by day, may the moon softly restore you by night, may the rain wash away your worries, may the breeze blow new strength into your being, may you walk gently through the world and know its beauty all the days of your life. ~~Apache Blessing
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Julia
True Blue Farmgirl
1949 Posts
Julia
Shelton
WA
USA
1949 Posts |
Posted - Sep 28 2005 : 09:56:21 AM
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What a precious friend your are to Mrs. M. Not many people see the value of our older citizens. I have great neighbor lady who is 83, whose age starting to catch up with her. She too, is of the era of doing it her self, and not asking for help. She is now in the position to have to for some things. ALways clad in her apron, she is busy about her daily routine, only at a slower pace. She too, is rich with past history and faith. I am blessed to know her. I will keep Mrs. M in my prayers as she makes transition. I will be praying for you for you heart. I think I will have a tomato sandwich for lunch. Simply, Julia
"...the setting sun is like going into the very presence of God." Elizabeth Von Arnim |
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BlueEggBabe
True Blue Farmgirl
417 Posts
Susan
PA
417 Posts |
Posted - Sep 28 2005 : 10:36:16 AM
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We were thinking alike, Julia
I just finished licking the tomato from my wrists a few minutes ago.
The same world who calls Mrs.M "difficult and cantankerous' has never
seen her melt and purr in a hot bath with lily of the valley soap bubbles on her chin..
I've seen her tender side.
literally and figuratively.
thanks for understanding.
"If more of us valued good food, cheer and song above hoarded gold,the world would be a merrier place."
J.J.R.Tolkien |
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bubblesnz
True Blue Farmgirl
291 Posts
helen
New Zealand
291 Posts |
Posted - Sep 28 2005 : 1:51:40 PM
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| Mrs M. will be in my prayers too. What a remarkable woman. I love life stories such as hers. May we all grow to be old and inpowered as Mrs. M. is. A tomatoe sandwich will be eaten in NZ in her honour today. |
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MeadowLark
True Blue Farmgirl
2206 Posts
USA
2206 Posts |
Posted - Sep 28 2005 : 3:14:42 PM
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Ahhhh Ms. Sue, the power of your words describing your precious Mrs. M. made me breathless. What an elegant, complicated, fabulous old/young soul that knows a younger woman with good charachter and the strength to help her on the next of her life's journey. You are in a sacred place with that lady, Sue! ( tomato sandwhiches and all) The messier the better. I will hold both of you ladies up in prayer... What will you say Sue when Mrs. M looks you in the eye and asks you to carry on her work? You both are kindred. She is the teacher now...to go out of this life having accomplished all that lady has is well... IT ROCKS!!!!! I heard a saying once...You aren't anybody till you've been thrown in jail for protesting something that is so dear to your heart that society doesn't know what to do with ya! She reminds me of that...she refused the status quo...I will pray that you can help her realize she made a difference, and has touched so many with her fabulous kick ##** attitude. I love women like that! Thanks for sharing her with us...Be strong, be you.
If I keep a green bough in my heart, the singing bird will come. |
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bramble
True Blue Farmgirl
2044 Posts
2044 Posts |
Posted - Sep 28 2005 : 3:18:50 PM
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Susan- I think it is a pretty sure thing that Mrs. M and I would get along well ! You are lucky to have found and been a friend to such a wonderful CHARACTER. That is a word people don't use in the right context anymore. Your Mrs. M has had the courage of her convictions tested and she stood tall to uphold them.How interesting that she and her late husband had such foresight and vision. Help her see all that they accomplished and the impact their efforts have made. Not too shabby a thing to reflect on I suspect! By any chance was/is Mrs. M Quaker? She sounds like some folks I know...
MY husband once jokingly said "A feisty woman is never dull, but God help me, could you be dull for a day or two?!! I somehow think your Mrs. M had few of those and all the better for those who know her! Cherish your friendship as it was and how it will evolve with the changes that are happening to her. You both have things to share, learn and give at this time in your lives. You will both be in my thoughts and prayers .
with a happy heart |
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Kim
True Blue Farmgirl
146 Posts
Kim
Pflugerville
Texas
USA
146 Posts |
Posted - Sep 28 2005 : 3:24:14 PM
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Sue, what a wonderful women you and Mrs M are. What a great friend. My heart aches for you. She will be in my prayers.
farmgirl@heart
Be at peace with yourself and the rest will follow |
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westernhorse51
True Blue Farmgirl
1681 Posts
michele
farmingdale
n.j.
USA
1681 Posts |
Posted - Sep 29 2005 : 08:06:18 AM
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Hi Susan, I also have an 86 y/o woman who is like a mother to me. She taught me how to spin, weave, hook rugs, make sauerkraut etc. I love her and she is failing a bit also. It saddens me so much. Everytime she stands up she wobbles and it scares me to death.She had a huge sheepfarm in N.Y. state till her husband died, now she is in a residential care facility. She loves it though. She has her own place, kitchen, her looms, spinning wheel. She wouldnt live with us yet, said she wanted to wait, doesnt want to be a burden. Never happen!! I understand 100% how you feel. My heart goes out to her & you. Just keep doing and being what you are to her. I guess in the end, we all come to that in one way or another but how lucky she is to have you & it sounds like her life was a big life. God bless her. Michele
she selects wool and flax and works with eager hands Prov.31:13 |
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sqrl
True Blue Farmgirl
605 Posts
Melissa
Northern California
USA
605 Posts |
Posted - Sep 29 2005 : 08:22:40 AM
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MeadowLark you couldn't have said it better. I would love to know this Mrs.M, she seems like such a lady. May be this is a passing of the torch, she seems like such a great teacher. There is a lot to learn from her, listen all her stories and wisdoms and remember as much as possible for she is giving you a gift. Bless both of you.
Blessed Be
www.sqrlbee.com www.sisterhood.sqrlbee.com
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Julia
True Blue Farmgirl
1949 Posts
Julia
Shelton
WA
USA
1949 Posts |
Posted - Sep 29 2005 : 10:16:34 AM
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Hey Susan, I think I will rename tomato sandwiches to a Mrs M.'s sandwich. By the way, mine was grand. I think I will have another Mrs. M. today! simply, Julia
"...the setting sun is like going into the very presence of God." Elizabeth Von Arnim |
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Aunt Jenny
True Blue Farmgirl
11381 Posts
Jenny
middle of
Utah
USA
11381 Posts |
Posted - Sep 29 2005 : 11:47:04 AM
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How wonderful you both are for each other Susan!! She sounds like she HAS lived a big life. I love that! And I love the tomato sandwich thing...too cute! You hang in there...you are such a good friend! I will sure keep you both in my prayers!
Jenny in Utah
The best things in life arn't things |
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Utahfarmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1940 Posts
Portland
Oregon
USA
1940 Posts |
Posted - Sep 29 2005 : 12:48:24 PM
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Susan, do you think Mrs. M would like a card, maybe with a little sachet for the bath or some other goodie? If we farmgirls all sent her one (maybe in care of your address)she might begin to feel the love and appreciation we have for all our elders symbolized by her. She reminds me of my Nonnie (Grandma) Valente, who always had a big pot of (tomato) sauce (which she called "bruda") simmering on the stove. She called me "Patty Mia".
Patricia
Happy Wishes! |
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BlueApple
True Blue Farmgirl
430 Posts
Julia
Oregon
USA
430 Posts |
Posted - Sep 29 2005 : 1:15:16 PM
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Awww Susan - thank you so much for sharing Mrs. M with us! Your words have truly touched my heart. And, your description of the tomato sandwich made it sound so wonderful that I had that for lunch yesterday and today. I tell you...whenever I have one I will always think of your special friendship with Mrs. M.
Julia
BlueApple Farm |
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Eileen
True Blue Farmgirl
1199 Posts
Eileen
USA
1199 Posts |
Posted - Sep 29 2005 : 1:23:05 PM
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Hi Susan, Oh that we all could make so big a difference in the lives of those around us, cantankerousness and all!! I think there is some of that in each and everyone of us on this forum. Your friend Ms "M" is in my thoughts today as is a huge tomatoe sandwich.
Does she have a diary of her life? What a great story that would make. I would read it! She has a lot to teach us all.
Eileen
Songbird; singing joy to the earth |
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BlueEggBabe
True Blue Farmgirl
417 Posts
Susan
PA
417 Posts |
Posted - Sep 29 2005 : 1:58:34 PM
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Patricia, and all....
I thank you so much for your kind words and support. It has helped me tremendously to feel your care. I knew that you all would understand how I feel.
Please believe me when I say that for all the good and wonderful work Mrs. M. has contributed in her life,she is,and I am being gentle with my description, a very difficult woman. I have had moments of leaving her place in tears for her sharp words. Secretaries don't last very long with her demands. Most of her children have moved "safe" distances away.
This does not at all change the way I have described her in the original post. I just chose to focus yesterday on her positive attributes. I still feel the way I do about her...but knowing Mrs. M. has been, well, spiritually challenging! Over 11 years time, she has opened only teeny, tiny doors to me.
Mrs M. is a very private woman...I hesitated to even use her initial yesterday.To be honest, I think she would run me up her flag pole and leave me to flap in the breeze if she knew that I had discussed her life and difficulties on an international chat room. 
She doesn't accept gifts well.In fact,she is usually extremely critical and opinionated.
For example, I make some great soap, great jam, great cheese.
She just won't use it. She has her favorite kinds.PERIOD.
And so it goes.My family wonders why I bother.
On rare occasion...so do I.
I know in her own way, she appreciates me. She adores my kids and asks about them constantly. She approves of the way I use her farm.She loves to talk about farm animals but detests cats and dogs.However, she allows me to have mine.
I have learned that she will accept a roasted chicken, cream of asparagus, watercress or squash soup, a "tomahto" sandwich or doing her shopping.
Nothing more.No hugs.No Kisses.
I don't know what else to say.....she just wouldn't understand.
especially now in her stroked confusion.
I thank you deeply, however, for your intentions, Patricia,
I know they are from your heart.
Prayers may be the best and most powerful thing we can do for Mrs. M. I know it is the single thing that has allowed me to return to her everyday.
"If more of us valued good food, cheer and song above hoarded gold,the world would be a merrier place."
J.J.R.Tolkien |
Edited by - BlueEggBabe on Sep 29 2005 2:19:34 PM |
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Clare
True Blue Farmgirl
2173 Posts
NC WA State
USA
2173 Posts |
Posted - Sep 29 2005 : 2:04:31 PM
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Susan, It has been my experience that we draw into our lives those people and situations which are for the purpose of our own spiritual growth. I think that you have come to this conclusion on your own, but I just wanted to offer my additional support, once again. You are "remembering" many lessons courtesy of Mrs M. I applaude you for your humanity, and for not refusing your spiritual growth experiences, Susan. (((hugs)))
May the sun bring you new energy by day, may the moon softly restore you by night, may the rain wash away your worries, may the breeze blow new strength into your being, may you walk gently through the world and know its beauty all the days of your life. ~~Apache Blessing
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BlueEggBabe
True Blue Farmgirl
417 Posts
Susan
PA
417 Posts |
Posted - Sep 29 2005 : 2:08:01 PM
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oh dear clare,
your sweet words have again caused a leak on my tshirt
thank you
"If more of us valued good food, cheer and song above hoarded gold,the world would be a merrier place."
J.J.R.Tolkien |
Edited by - BlueEggBabe on Sep 29 2005 4:43:34 PM |
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ByHzGrace
True Blue Farmgirl
348 Posts
348 Posts |
Posted - Sep 29 2005 : 2:14:34 PM
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Hi Susan
I think you have come the closest to the way I feel about love.
Your girlfriend MrsM has surely let her life speak!
My prayers ascend for MrsM and for you! |
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Utahfarmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1940 Posts
Portland
Oregon
USA
1940 Posts |
Posted - Sep 29 2005 : 2:32:45 PM
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Susan, you are the definition of unconditional love. God must have a big smile on Her face right now.
Love,
Patricia
Happy Wishes! |
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MeadowLark
True Blue Farmgirl
2206 Posts
USA
2206 Posts |
Posted - Sep 29 2005 : 2:39:38 PM
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Beating the tribe's drum in honor of BlueEggBabe!!!!
If I keep a green bough in my heart, the singing bird will come. |
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KJD
True Blue Farmgirl
402 Posts
402 Posts |
Posted - Sep 29 2005 : 4:02:39 PM
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| I'm sorry to hear about her fierce privacy - I'd been thinking all day how MJ could pass along her story and lessons in a future book or magazine. She reminded me of some of the ladies that have already been mentioned in the book, from MJ's youth. Saying that, I completely understand - I'm very private myself. I admire your unconditional love and grace, as someone said. God treats us in that way - we would all do well to emulate HIM. |
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Kim
True Blue Farmgirl
146 Posts
Kim
Pflugerville
Texas
USA
146 Posts |
Posted - Sep 29 2005 : 7:18:43 PM
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Susan,
I knew a lady similar to Mrs.M. When my BF's mom invited her over for Thanksgiving one yr, a lot of time s she was quiet and when she did speak, it seemed she was saying things like a backhanded compliment. Spinster Latin school teacher (literally). Still watched the Illiani games at 95. When she was in the hospital, same time as BF's mom. I went to visit her and brought her flowers. She barely knew me from Adam, but I always inquired about her to BF's mom and I think she passed it along to Eulala.
Well, when she was in the hospital and I took her her flowers, they were HUGE compared to the ones her nephew brought. And I just picked mine up at a grocery store. I chatted with her while she ate and when I had to go, I said "May I give you a hug and a kiss?" I wanted to cry when she said "oh, yes, it's been a long time since anyone gave me one of those!"
She has since passed on, but I am blessed with our brief relationship.
farmgirl@heart
Be at peace with yourself and the rest will follow |
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mollymae
True Blue Farmgirl
694 Posts
Molly
Visalia
California
USA
694 Posts |
Posted - Oct 02 2005 : 12:50:14 PM
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Thank you for sharing those beautiful thoughts about Mrs. M, and I will never eat another "tomahto" sandwich without thinking of her.
Cead Mile Failte,
Molly
"This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet."~Rumi
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Across the Fence: My favorite farmgirl....... |
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My favorite farmgirl.......
