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Across the Fence:  Touchy Subject  |
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sunshine78
True Blue Farmgirl
106 Posts
Cynthia
Western
Nebraska
106 Posts |
 Posted - May 06 2008 : 09:52:48 AM
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Yesterday I was hanging out with Emma when UPS dropped off a box. I didn't order anything so hmmm what could it be. It was from my Toby's parents. What was in this big box was a whole lotta packing peanuts and a little plastic container with a ziploc full of pretzels and some mini M&M bags. A note said happy May Day from grandma and grandpa. Okay, so this is for Emma? She is only 4 months old-she can't have anything in here. Toby and I both think that this is such a waste -packing, shipping cost, box, sending food. I mean things get a little lean around here sometimes, but come on we don't need food delivered to our doorstep. I just don't know how to handle this because it goes against what we believe (environmentally speaking). She does this quite often too. Don't get me wrong I don't want to come off unappreciative, but I really do think it's unnecessary. Any suggestions or do I just not say anything?
Cynthia
www.vintageprairie.blogspot.com |
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Peanut
True Blue Farmgirl
603 Posts
Jennifer
Waverly
Virginia
USA
603 Posts |
Posted - May 06 2008 : 09:57:50 AM
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You're probably not going to change anyone's mind - grandparents are notoriously stubborn about things they want to do.
I'd just find some way to recycle the packaging material.
My blog: http://thecottonwife.wordpress.com/
"John Deere. We stand behind everything we sell. Except the manure spreader." |
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
Posted - May 06 2008 : 10:10:34 AM
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My mom STILL send junk to me in the mail- I mean at least a box a month. Half of it is ...umm... dollar store crap I don't want and it all smells like cigarette smoke. I just put it all in a bag and donate it. There is nothing I can do about it. I don't feel unappreciative since I live a certain lifestyle for so long and they don't know me and just ignore my pleas. My mom even sent a PINK little jumper- umm..I have a boy. Just let it go and do your thang farmgirl friend!!
Heather
Yee-Haw, I am a cowgirl!!!
FARMGIRL #90 |
Edited by - catscharm74 on May 06 2008 10:27:51 AM |
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KYgurlsrbest
True Blue Farmgirl
4853 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4853 Posts |
Posted - May 06 2008 : 10:18:01 AM
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Oh, I don't know...you may not appreciate the packaging, and no, she can't eat the candy but one day they'll be gone (grands). Like Jennifer said, reuse, recycle the stuff anyway you can. Lately, with all my farmgirl swaps and packages, I take any box I can get my hands on, even from the neighbors!
Farmgirl Sister #80, thanks to a very special farmgirl from the Bluegrass..."She was built like a watch, a study in balance ... with a neck and head so refined, like a drawing by DaVinci"...
NY Newsday sportswriter Bill Nack describing filly, Ruffian.
http://www.buyhandmade.org/ |
Edited by - KYgurlsrbest on May 06 2008 10:21:23 AM |
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Leezard
True Blue Farmgirl
950 Posts
Elizabeth
Novi
MI
USA
950 Posts |
Posted - May 06 2008 : 10:24:58 AM
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I don't know that there's much of a way to handle it without unintentionally offending grandma and grandpa. Sure you could tell them "Thanks but it's really not necessary" and then go on to explain why but with the kind of gift this sounds like it was just supposed to be something cute and they'll most likely take offence to being put in their place, so to speak. Now it is a little odd to be sending a 4 month old food like that but it may just be easiest to take it in stride and let it go. It might be a good idea, if the chance arose, to talk to them about your feelings about being environmentally aware and what you believe about it, I don't know if I'd put it in context with an innocent gift they sent though. In the future if they were to send something totally inappropriate or way overboard you might say something about it...though, like the other two ladies said, some grandparents are stubborn or think they're being generous and loving toward their grandkids and they'll feel offended no matter what or just ignore you.
http://ruby--slippers.blogspot.com/
www.leezard.etsy.com |
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Kathie
True Blue Farmgirl
2436 Posts
Kathie
Thonotosassa
Florida
USA
2436 Posts |
Posted - May 06 2008 : 12:06:10 PM
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I agree with Jonni..
I think your going to find your self soon WISHING for that box 20 times over again if you stick around this Forum over the next year or so! You'll become so familiar & friendly with the Girls & looking forward to some of the Swaps! Your going to start hoarding boxes & things to pack around all your little treasures your shipping off to your new Farm Girl Sisters!
So she's too young for M & M's.. are you too?
Chalk it up to just something goofy our Parents come up with.. enjoy their good intentions.. & move along to something more worthy of worrying about..
Possibly mention to her that the filler she uses isn't really environmentaly friendly.. & not use the Peanuts.. suggest something else.. that way your not shooting down the entire thougtful jesture.. just HOW she send the package..
Kathie.. Farm Girl Sister #29
"In a World Where you Can Be Anything, Be Yourself".. |
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a rose
True Blue Farmgirl
443 Posts
Linda
Waterford
NY
USA
443 Posts |
Posted - May 06 2008 : 12:42:20 PM
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It's not so much the gift as it is the thought. We Grandma's do silly things and we tend to forget why we do the things we do. Our intentions are always good. Our minds start to fail and we tend to do childish things (like the little one who brings a bunch of pretty flowers that are really weeds.) So think twice before you say something that you might regret when Grandma is gone. Be thankful for the package it shows she's thinking of you.
Remember me as a rose. |
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kydeere40744
True Blue Farmgirl
1132 Posts
Jessica
Kentucky
USA
1132 Posts |
Posted - May 06 2008 : 2:17:28 PM
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I think she put the happy May Day as a "small holiday" as it is usually about doing something for others. I think it is the thought that counts. I know with my nephews, I'm always sending them silly stuff. Even for their first easter, I still put together an easter basket but made it a "family basket" so there was a little something for everyone in it. Some are fortunate to still have their grandparents around while others don't. I think just a simple "thank you" will be nice enough. You can always recycle the peanuts & packaging for other things. Maybe later on mention something that the little one needs or something you are always buying of (formula, baby food, onsies, sleepers, etc). That may give her hints of ideas to give her.
~Jessica in Kentucky & Farmgirl Sisterhood #137~
Be sure to visit my blog & Crafty Clipart for some of my photographs:
http://bluegrassprincess.blogspot.com/
http://www.craftyclipart.com |
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Moonsanity
True Blue Farmgirl
107 Posts
Brenda
Michigan
USA
107 Posts |
Posted - May 06 2008 : 4:52:50 PM
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I agree...old people especially think of May Day as a holiday and I'm sure she really means well, and is just tickled that she can do it. I would save the note to scrapbook/save for your daughter because time goes too quickly and our grandparents won't be around any longer. Good idea that you can recycle what comes... and eat the candy. LOL
~Brenda
Journey of Grace and Whimsy
http://grace-whimsy.blogspot.com/ |
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ruralfarmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
4309 Posts
Rene'
Prosser
WA
USA
4309 Posts |
Posted - May 06 2008 : 4:56:29 PM
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One of the hardest lessons we all get to learn is how to love people where they are, and to except the "love" they have to give...It isnt easy!... But I am trying hard to see peoples hearts and not thier fleshy side....
I wish that those closest to us could love us.. the way we want or need to be loved, but usually.. we get to take it they way it comes...and "recylce it ourselves".......
Rene~Prosser Farmgirl #185
" Plant goodness, harvest the fruit of loyalty, plow the new ground of knowledge. Hosea 10:12 |
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Georgia Girl
True Blue Farmgirl
212 Posts
Denise
Atlanta
GA
USA
212 Posts |
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emsmommy5
True Blue Farmgirl
1547 Posts
Angie
Buckley
WA
USA
1547 Posts |
Posted - May 06 2008 : 6:25:43 PM
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Presume good intent. I made the mistake of asking my husband to ask his mother to not send so much stuff when our first was born because I felt it was going to become "expected" by the kids to get a pile of stuff on every holiday or presumed holiday. SHe sent huge boxes stuffed full of baby clothes, toys, etc. I sincerely wish I had never said anything. It hurt her feelings, and truth be known, years later I regretted it because she became paranoid about sending things at all. I believe that if I had just accepted it, thankfully, the over abundance would have tapered off on its own. But I was very young and highly influenced by my own mother who thought it was ridiculous and encouraged me to put a stop to it. But that's another story.
Just presume good intent. Recycle. Regift. Reuse. Allow grandparents to show love in the ways they can and enjoy. They aren't always around for a long time and we just need to have patience and love.
thats my two cents for what it's worth.
Every path has its puddle. We have a choice - Turn around, walk around, or jump in and have fun! |
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kissmekate
True Blue Farmgirl
890 Posts
Kate
Delano
Minnesota
890 Posts |
Posted - May 06 2008 : 9:17:47 PM
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Speaking as someone with overly indulgent stubborn parents towards the grandchildren. Just bite your tongue and smile.
If your parents are anything like mine, they will do it anyways.
My Mom is especially bad for the "I'm-the-Grandma-I-can-do-what-I-want..." style of grandparenting. I have learned to let it go most of the time, and pick my battles.
Don't miss out on a blessing, just because it isn't packaged the way you expected. ~MaryJo Copeland |
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CabinCreek-Kentucky
True Blue Farmgirl
8529 Posts
Frannie
Green County
Kentucky
USA
8529 Posts |
Posted - May 06 2008 : 9:48:25 PM
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I would give them a call or send a sweet note from you and Emma thanking them for the 'sweet' surprize. Sunday is mother's day .. and gramma sure is a momma. that might be the perfect time to contact them to thank them.
Our grandparents values are not always the same as our parents values. our parents values are not always the same as our values .. and someday ... our children's values will not always be what ours are.
ACCEPTANCE is a lovely word.
True Friends * Frannie
adopt a 'rag-chile'
http://sistermercysfoundlinhome.blogspot.com
treasures .. new and olde .. http://mudpiemanormercantile.blogspot.com
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Annab
True Blue Farmgirl
2900 Posts
Anna
Seagrove
NC
USA
2900 Posts |
Posted - May 07 2008 : 03:37:11 AM
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Its the thought that counts.
For years now I continue to get a little note w/ the week's coupons in the mail from my mom.
I have started saving the notes in a scrap book, for some day those notes will stop.
Be gracious that family members take the time to care anyway.
Just recycle the packing material and get on with it.
As grandparents, they are entitled to spend their $$ as they see fit.
I'd keep smilin' and accept the gifts w/ gratitude. Lord knows there's enough badness and negativity in the world, so embrace the positive |
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Mumof3
True Blue Farmgirl
3890 Posts
Karin
Ellenwood
GA
USA
3890 Posts |
Posted - May 07 2008 : 05:36:10 AM
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I don't know if I can add anything else to what these wise women have offered to you. I think sometimes we have a tendency to see the worst intentions when it comes to family members that we hold with less than affection, where the kindest deed becomes an ulterior motive. We have a tendency to project our ill feelings onto them, and that may not be the case at all. When it comes to prickly relationships, one thing you might want to do is to remember that they are just people who love you and are trying to be a part of your life, with tender hearts and feelings. If what they offer isn't perfect, that's ok. Like Jonni said, they will not be here forever. Just forgive them for their mistake, thank them, and move on.
I did that with my MIL, when she sent me a purple terrycloth romper for my birthday the first year Jim and I were married. I couldn't even stand up straight in it because my boobs would pop out the top. lol Now that she truly knows me, her gifts are much more subtle and appropriate. Things have a tendency to just work themselves out. Every time.
Karin
Farmgirl Sister
# 18 :)
Wherever you go, there you are.
www.madrekarin.blogspot.com
www.madrekarin.etsy.com |
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jpbluesky
True Blue Farmgirl
6066 Posts
Jeannie
Florida
USA
6066 Posts |
Posted - May 07 2008 : 05:51:51 AM
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Being a grandma myself now, I think she is missing you and your hubby and the little one. My mom used to send me random things, and so did Tom's parents.....when they visited, their car would be full of "stuff" they wanted us to have. I wish I could get one of those boxes now, or see them pull up in the driveway. Call her on Sunday and thank her and tell her you love her. Then recycle the packaging. Make a wonderful result come of a small irritation. You are a farmgirl! So you are good at that!
Farmgirl Sister # 31
www.blueskyjeannie.blogspot.com
Psalm 51: 10-13 |
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Kathie
True Blue Farmgirl
2436 Posts
Kathie
Thonotosassa
Florida
USA
2436 Posts |
Posted - May 07 2008 : 11:30:27 AM
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I think we've got it right on the nose..
& the timing is perfect..!
My Mother ALWAYS sends the most absolute INSANE things.. always has..
Those of you that really KNOW me can only imagine how off the wall my Mom could be! So picture her care packages.. Wow..
She works for the School Sytsem.. so she finds the craziest things.. & SENDS them to us! Like 5 pair of Kindergarden scissors.. Big fuzzy wool caps & Mittens that i KNOW were in the Lost & found..!
PE T-Shirts with the Schools name on them!
ok.. My Kids are all soon to be .. 27..28.. & 29.. I have NO grandkids.. AND I live I FLORIDA!! Little kids Scissors???  Wool Caps??  WORN Gym Shirts? 
Girls..!!! I'll Trade ya the M&M's!!
But.. It's Still from Mom.. or Grandma or Aunt Phil.. & to all of us that she sends these sometimes VERY strange gifts of hers.. there will be a day.. when they stop..
& i don't ever want to look back have have to say..
"Why did i scold her for that one bit of pleasure she gave herself?"
Those Silly little quirky things about My Mom..
Because although she does it for us..
She seems to get so much more out of it!
She has an excuse to call & ask "did you get it.. what did you think about this or that.. or where are you going to put that? what did you do with that? or I think you should do this with that..!!
She never needs an excuse to call.. but this gives her a reason to chat now & then.. & she loves it!
I would never begrudge my Mom this..
Linda.. Karin.. Jeannie.. Jonni.. I love You Girls!!!
Happy Mothers Day My Ladies!!!!
Everyone.. I'm sure I've missed some of you..
I am sending you the Happiest of Mother's Day Wishes!!!
But you four Know I think about you often!
Have a great weekend Ladies!
Lots of love Always!
Kathie
Kathie.. Farm Girl Sister #29
"In a World Where you Can Be Anything, Be Yourself".. |
Edited by - Kathie on May 07 2008 11:33:56 AM |
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KYgurlsrbest
True Blue Farmgirl
4853 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4853 Posts |
Posted - May 07 2008 : 12:03:47 PM
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Oh! Kathie...I'm all teary eyed...not because you love me (well, ok, a couple of little sniffs for that) but because of the sentiment in which you express your true understanding and love of your mom. It's just me and mom now, all my grands are gone and I never, ever want that day to come...but it will, and when it does, I will have all these little stuffed animals she STILL gets me, or the silly cards she sends for no reason, or a hedgehog night light "that she just knew I needed". Sentimental, yes..wasteful...no way. Not when my heart soars. And I wouldn't trade any of these things for a gazillion dollars.
P.S. Kathie, Happy Momma's day to you and yours!!!!
Farmgirl Sister #80, thanks to a very special farmgirl from the Bluegrass..."She was built like a watch, a study in balance ... with a neck and head so refined, like a drawing by DaVinci"...
NY Newsday sportswriter Bill Nack describing filly, Ruffian.
http://www.buyhandmade.org/ |
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goneriding
True Blue Farmgirl
1599 Posts
Winona
Central Oregon
USA
1599 Posts |
Posted - May 07 2008 : 12:18:26 PM
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Speaking as a "meemaw" myself, I send all sorts of stuff to my 'grands' and my daughter just says thank you. I don't know what she does with the stuff as the kids aren't really old enuf to tell me just yet. However, my daughter knows my heart is in the right place and I'm trying to be in their lives but not be pushy either. I have learned to call my daughter first and see if so-and-so is okay to send but sometimes I see something sooooo nifty, I buy/send it cuz it's just neat, in my book.
If your grandparents want to spend the money buying, shipping, packaging, etc, that's their deal if they feel they can afford it. As I see it, your place is to be appreciative and thankful that they care enuf to send somehting, even something 'wrong'. As an aside, I read this in a book that was akin to the Miss Manners etiquette book...or it might have been her book, it's been a long time ago but I did read it.
Be thankful they care!! I wished I had family that did in my youth...or even now! :-)
Winona :-)
When you lose, don't lose the lesson!!
http://goneriding.wordpress.com/
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therusticcottage
True Blue Farmgirl
4439 Posts
Kay
Vancouver
WA
USA
4439 Posts |
Posted - May 07 2008 : 11:43:32 PM
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I would give anything if my parents were still alive to spoil their grandkids with little random gifts like that. It may not be something that is practical but it's definitely the thought that counts. I've always taught my children that even when we get gifts that we don't like or can't use to be polite, say thank you, and then do what they want with the gift when they get home.
I'm a grandma and love to spoil my grandson's whenever I can. I look at it as my privilege since I wasn't able to much of that with my kids. Your little one is lucky to have grandparents that care so much! Amen to what Frannie said!!
Handmade Soap and More! - http://www.therusticcottagebath.com
The Rustic Cottage Blog http://therusticcottage.blogspot.com
I'm A Rusty Chick!!!
PROUD FARMGIRL SISTER #100 |
Edited by - therusticcottage on May 07 2008 11:48:25 PM |
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Tina Michelle
True Blue Farmgirl
6948 Posts
Tina
sunshine state
FL
USA
6948 Posts |
Posted - May 07 2008 : 11:55:24 PM
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as has been mentioned..as silly as the gifts may seem...one day the giver will be gone.and the love and care expressed from that person will not be there..and I dare say..you will miss it..trust me....embrace it while you can. it's really a blessing in your life..if you can see it as that.
packing peanuts and big boxes included.
~Seize the Day! Live, Love, Laugh~
visit me at:
http://gardengoose.blogspot.com/
and at www.stliving.net
you can also check out my etsy shops at:http://GardenGooseGifts.etsy.com |
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Kathie
True Blue Farmgirl
2436 Posts
Kathie
Thonotosassa
Florida
USA
2436 Posts |
Posted - May 08 2008 : 1:54:46 PM
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Ok..
CRAZY Mother Update!!!!
I got a Package in the Mail from the Goofy Girl yesterday Afternoon!
& I WORE the Most ABSOLUTE REATRDED Sweater to work today in Honor of YOU girls today for MY Whacked out Mother!
She's been yard saling of course.. WHICH WE ALLLLlll love doing right..?
I now have a new Amber colored Ashtray..Because She KNOWS I love Amber.. (EARRINGS ......... JEWELRY!!) And now I KNOW i don't EVEn have to tell you.. I have never Smoked a day in my Life!
TUBE socks.. Really?? yes.. Apparently they DO still make them!! AND with red & blue stripes on the tops!
some more odds & ends.. a ring that ADJUSTS!! I'm not sure what happened to the lovely 'case' that it came in.. you know the one.. the oval shaped egg like thing that usually is colored on the bottom.. & clear on the top so when it rolls out of the machine after she's dropped her quarter in it she won't have to waist ANY time seeing which lovely ring she got!
A box of Good-n-Plenty.. because I believe she said something about them being fresher up there by her or something..
AND MY SWEATER!! ok.. creamy off white with these . like diamond shapes in it.. It's a cardigan.. I swear i've seen the exact same sweater on her sister in a picture from like 40 years ago.. or wait.. maybe it was My Great Aunt Shirley when she was in the nursing home.....?
any way.. it has Pockets.. for my smokes i suppose.. ( ? )
but the tricky part here is um.. The Size..
Now.. She KNOWS that i'm not teeny..no..
thats not even fair..
She Knows I'm an even larger version then her.
wait..
THATS still wrong..
SHE KNOWS that i wear a freaking size 18 ! give or take!
THIS Sweater says LARGE!!
now..
girls..
WHERE does an 18 go into a large..?
no.. sweet heart..
Who ever is reading this right now & saying to them selves that
'Well ,I wear an 18 & I can wear a large.."
Then you my lovely should park it in front of a full size mirror for an afternoon..!
Because it doesn't matter the mass.. the weight.. the bulk or the fluff..
An 18 DOES NOT pack well into a Large!
There are just too many extra peices that show.. that REALLY does not need to be!
So.. In appreciation of The Mamma that I dearly love.. & this AWESOME LITTLE sweater that she sent me.. &.. after making sure last night in our conversation that she had NOT intended this thing for my 27 year old 5'8' .. 125 pound daughter!
I decided that I was going to put my money where my mouth was..
& wear it today!
I am here at work.. I went for a look.. & i tell ya.. I DID get some looks! But I pulled it off relatively well.. that.. or well yeah.. ok.. most of them probably are too afraid of me to actually tell me what they REALLY think anyway..
But here it is..
Loafers.. Jeans.. a Sage green & White polka dot capped sleeve thin t-shirt type deal.. with a teeny ribbon at the bust.. & my TEENZY girl Sweater.. It won't button closed because my boobs are too big for it.. & the sleeves are too short & NOT because they are Quarter length EITHER! But they DO meet about an inch an a half or 2 above my wrist!
AND a Big Girl no no.. it does NOT even Cover my BUTT!
Fortunatly the t-shirt does!
(As I was Leaving for work this morning my husband looked at me & said.. "Are you off today?" I said.. 'Honey, I'm Always off..' he just shrugged..)
So.. sleeves pushed up.. Not too bad an ensemble really..
Kinda Bobbie Soxer look I thinkin' I should have thought ahead & told everyone we were going with a 50's theme today! I was In!
Well That was MY Mom's Mail up Date for awhile I think!
Hope you girls get some good Mail!!
Behave your selves!!
Lots of Smooches Jonnie Girl!
Love you all!!!
Kathie.. Farm Girl Sister #29
"In a World Where you Can Be Anything, Be Yourself".. |
Edited by - Kathie on May 08 2008 1:57:42 PM |
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Tina Michelle
True Blue Farmgirl
6948 Posts
Tina
sunshine state
FL
USA
6948 Posts |
Posted - May 08 2008 : 2:04:35 PM
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but ya know what?? if mom hadn't have sent that package Miz Kathie..your day wouldn't have been so fun now would it have.? wacky little sweater and all..hee hee.
now about the ashtray..use it to hold jewelry or buttons.
or make up in the bathroom.
or even as a soap dish for little tiny soaps.
or even for a sponge/soap next to the kitchen sink.
~Seize the Day! Live, Love, Laugh~
visit me at:
http://gardengoose.blogspot.com/
and at www.stliving.net
you can also check out my etsy shops at:http://GardenGooseGifts.etsy.com |
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Kathie
True Blue Farmgirl
2436 Posts
Kathie
Thonotosassa
Florida
USA
2436 Posts |
Posted - May 09 2008 : 10:45:37 AM
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Your right girl..
I Do love the Glass that some of these old Ash trays are made of.. so nice & clunky & thick.. & they ARE perfect for holding things.. but..
It's the fact the i KNOW she is NOt thinking along the same wave length as you & I.. she was going with the whole 'Amber' thing!
She's really such a hoot..
I can't WAIT to hear from her today..
I sent her flowers for Mother's Day.. She will FLIP her Lid!
She makes such a fuss over my sending flowers..(the whole swating that kinda money on FLOWERS on HER! ) she thinks is rediculous!
It's adorable though..a Blue & While Delft..Dutch looking Pitcher/Vase,
with ALLL White Tulips!
Pretty different i thought..
AND i had it sent to her office to be delivered today.. so they will REALLY make a fuss over her..
She will REALLY be flipping out on me tonight huh?
AND!! Can you imagine how she'll react when the Fannie May Caramel & Chocolate Cheese Cake arrives next week at her office
??????
HA HA!!
Happy Mother's Day MamaZita!!
Kathie.. Farm Girl Sister #29
"In a World Where you Can Be Anything, Be Yourself".. |
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Mumof3
True Blue Farmgirl
3890 Posts
Karin
Ellenwood
GA
USA
3890 Posts |
Posted - May 09 2008 : 10:46:41 AM
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If you hadn't received such a gift, I would have dry pants right now. And there is nothing like fresh Good 'n' Plentys!! Fill those tube socks with rice and stick them in the microwave the next time you need your muscles relaxed.
Yep, there's good in everything. Except wet pants.
Karin
Farmgirl Sister
# 18 :)
Wherever you go, there you are.
www.madrekarin.blogspot.com
www.madrekarin.etsy.com |
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Across the Fence: Touchy Subject |
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Touchy Subject
