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Bonne
True Blue Farmgirl
3003 Posts
Bonne
Littleton
CO
USA
3003 Posts |
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Kathie
True Blue Farmgirl
2436 Posts
Kathie
Thonotosassa
Florida
USA
2436 Posts |
 Posted - Apr 28 2008 : 08:33:45 AM
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Nothing Bonne.. you, laughing at me being retarded..
Ok, I'm going to string this puppy up if she doesn't stop peeing in my sewing room!!
Doesn't she know this is the Sacred room!!!
Go do that under Butch's Chair Silly Girl!!
( & YES!! I was being NICE with just talking about the Peeing!!!!!!!!!!)
Dang Puppies..!
What was I thinking.. 'Oh.. yes.. lets get a Puppy.. How fun.. haven't had one in so long,. we need a puppy around.. oh gosh.. yes.. lets!!!"
So NOW!!
I have JAKE! The Senior Citizen German Shepard with incontinace that DOESN"T have a Cluse that he is PEEING!! OR EVEN TAKING A DUMP!! as he walks THROUGH OUT THE HOUSE!!!
So when he ways.. thay drunken staggering zig zag old German Shepard waltz that he does EVERYWHERE.. he leaves a trail od PEE!! that no.. can't ne a straight line os PEE!! No.. IT"S a ZIG ZAG OF PEE TOO!!! & WHAT!! WHY DOES THE SMELL OF OLD DOG PEE GET WORSE??
No.. Dog pee.. ESPECIALLY MALE Dog Pee has to be Bad.. BUT Old Man Dog PEE!!
HOLY CRAP!! WHAT HAPPENS To these Guys!!! i'm like.. unbeilevable..! The STENCH of Old man dog pee..!! Rancid! Like they SAVE it up or something.. but I KNOW this just aint so.. because he PEE's CONSTNTLY!!
Jake,!!! Man.. do you NOT See this man?? Do you NOT Notice that You've just Pee'd ALLLLLLllll down the hall way??
Well he looks at me like .. "yes you stupid woman.. why do you think I came in here to see you? There's PEE down THERE!!" then he looks at Butch as if to say...
"She REALLY is dense.. isn't she?"
THEN There is the Poop! HE will walk & poop.. as if he AGAIN.. does Not REALIZE that he's doing it! ok.. yes.. this too is something PLEASE PLEASE!! PROMISE ME GIRLS THAT YOU WILL TELL ME & STOP ME IF I BEGIN TO DO!! LIKE THE OLD LADY WARDDROBE THING PLEASE!!!
But If I get to the Point where i begin to NOT REALIZE THAT I AM WALKING & POOPING & NOT
KNOW THAT I AM DOING IT!! SOMEONE BETTER DARN WELL BRING THIS TO MY ATTENTION!!!!
So here's Jake walking.. & dropping..
AND THE WORSE.. They ABSOLUTLE VERY WOSRE!!
I will Smell Crap! I will be on the Hunt.. Butch is fase of course.. he is in his throne.. the beloved recliner.. you know. .. hallowed ground.. So i know HE won't accidentally find it!
So there King Butch will be sitting.. I will say.. "Do you smell that"
His answer is ALWAYS!!! ALWAYS!!! "smell what"
Because You KNOW..if he admitted that he smelled something.. he'd have to leave the throne! & THAT AINT happening!
So.. i say it again.. "THAT.. That Dog crap smell! DON'T You Smell it?"
well of course he doesn't.. so.. i'm up.. i'm on the move now.. Get Smart WILL find the alleged crap NOW!! But the King says from the safety of his chair.. " i don't SEE anything.." as he glances around..
again.. i have visions of flipping the chair backwards.. but this wonderful fantasy will have to wait.. i MUST find this dog crap!!
I search i look.. allllll of the stupid Little dogs are helping me.. they follow me around like a pack.. " Where is it mom.. where could it be? It wasn't me.. it does smell awful though.. huh? I wonder who did it..? Maybe it was Bruno.. He always does things like this in the hous.. then Bruno jumps Pearl for throwing HIM under the Bus.. Odie the Border Collie screams because he sences the fear of his OWN impending Alzhiemers..So close to Jakes & he can't remember what we were looking for just now.. so he brings me a sock.. No odie.. NOT a sock.. so he tackles Annie the Puppie.. WHAT have you done to mom.. SHE's VERY upset with you.. & Annie Screams! So the other three decided that YES.. this whole thing MUSt all be ANNIES fault.. Get her!! So there's a tussle.. Then Annie runns under the chair.. Brunno Pee's because of all the excite ment.. & Jake decides that they are MUCH to close to where he was quietly lying taking in the fiasco.. & as he stands to walk towards another room THERE we find the dreaded poop!! JAKE had crapped as he was lying down.. because Yes. .. HE has dicovered as an old man now that HEY!!
COOL!! "Apparently.. I DON'T even have to be STANDING anymore to do this now!!!
If I am positioned JUST SO.. I can lie here & do it too.. & so i can just relax & be a slug.. & let it all go! WHO needs to STAND & take a Dump?? When you can NAP & crap too? WHY over exert yourself at My AGE! Besides.. MOM looked looks like SHE needed something to do"!
& Hey.. WHILE YOUR AT IT LADY.. Come & WHIPE MY BUM TOO!!
How Dare you even THINK You wanted a Puppy you SILLY Woman You..
JAKE is SOoooooooo Much more fun then a puppy could Ever be!
Yes.. 5 dogs.. That's JUST what you needed you idiot!
ok.. Thats quit enough..
I'm thinking Jake is 15 or so.. i'd have to sit & think.. i have to figure my kids ages in school when we got him.. he's an old fart though.. lots of fun.. & always a sweetie pie..
Always has been a Gypsie though.. Turn your head for a second & he's gone!
Odie is 14 I think maybe..
Pearl & Bruno are both 5 years old.. Bruno has flat our Refused to be house trained..
He was born in the hood.. & has absolutley no mammers what so ever.. Think of every bad Rap song you could ever imagine in your entire life.. they were written for Bruno.. He's a Chihauha..
Pearls his wife.. But refuses to be bread.. until he changes his lifestyle..
She will NOT be havin' no babies by this man until he comes clean.. This is what she tells me anyway.. she says she aint gonna hafta tell her babies why thier daddy is in the pen..
So if he wants to be the daddy to her babies.. he needs to have some major life chages.. & they need to go to the Maury show to get a few things straightened out first..!
& then of course Annie the little Raptur.. she has so many endearing qautities.. aside from
peeing all over the sewing room..
She has razor sharp teeth.. so hence the raptur.. she really looks quite like a baby Tazmanian devil.. & acts like one.. She looks a bit like Stitch from Lilo & Stitch.. & yes.. all of his great habits of getting himself into trouble.. Annie to a T..
God I love Dogs..
Kathie.. Farm Girl Sister #29
"In a World Where you Can Be Anything, Be Yourself".. |
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smoothiejuice
True Blue Farmgirl
6309 Posts
Jessica
Bloomington
Indiana
USA
6309 Posts |
Posted - Apr 28 2008 : 08:48:54 AM
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omg...and i thought i had a lot of stuff to deal with at my house..1 dog is enough for me.
#56 |
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Bonne
True Blue Farmgirl
3003 Posts
Bonne
Littleton
CO
USA
3003 Posts |
Posted - Apr 28 2008 : 09:51:03 AM
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Here I go again, ROFL!!
This is why I don't have dogs~I just pet sit them. It's like grandchildren~you can leave them at their home when you've had enuff.
When my mother was a child and asked my grandfather for a pet dog, he replied,
"animals belong in the barn". LOL I think he was on to something....
Don't ask me about my spoiled brat cats now..........I'm a hypocrite there.....;)
 http://bonne1313.blogspot.com/ BLOG
http://www.bonne1313.homestead.com/soap.html SOAP |
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smoothiejuice
True Blue Farmgirl
6309 Posts
Jessica
Bloomington
Indiana
USA
6309 Posts |
Posted - Apr 28 2008 : 11:07:27 AM
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cats are different..laid back, calm most of the time, quiet, dainty...i could go on and on...5 dogs Kathie..have you lost your mind?
#56 |
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electricdunce
True Blue Farmgirl
2544 Posts
Karin
Belmont
ME
USA
2544 Posts |
Posted - Apr 28 2008 : 11:37:41 AM
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I love other people's dogs, of course I have too many frigging cats to ever consider getting a dog. My cats occasionally let me know thry are displeased with something by peeing in or on something of mine. My daughter's Siamese kitty, mab, who lives here, is the worst. When I go away for a few days (once a year I go to a qquilting retreat in Michigan) she makes her feelings known quite plainly. The first year she jumped in my purse and peed it. That was delightful...i managed to salvage most of the stuff, thank goodness they make money out of cloth, so I could wash all my yard sale ones. I don't think you get to bargain if your money smells o cat pee. She also pedd my wonderful old black veolvet hat, and that could not be rescussitated. (I know I spelled that one wrong but I'm too lazy to look it up). I was quite pissed about that...sorry. One time Mabby decided to pee everyone's shoes, this was when my son and daughter were both at home, that was a pretty grisly episode. My daughter has promised me she'll find a cliff and push me off it if i start peeing in things or otherwise disgracing myself. One time she saw one of those horrible "collector" plates, a mother's day one, that said, " Always my mom, now too my friend." She showed it to me and told me she'd wait till they came out with the "Always my Mom, now too my burden" one. She's a funny one.
Kathie you are just going to have to invent some Old Mr. Doggy Diapers. I'm sure there probably is such a product on the market, but I know you could put a special twist on them that would have them selling like hotcakes...Fashion Statements for Elderly Incontinent Dogs. It is so hard, because the old dogs are usually the sweeties.
I'm quite familiar with the variation on "Don't you smell that?" question " Smell what?" response. When the cats could go outside at our other house they would always drag in something special to give us, often not in its entirety, but sometimes alive. I could get the kids to catch and return the living things to the outdoors, mice, frogs, birds, snakes, but they weren't too enthusiastic about cleaning up the three quarters of a chipmunk or a little pile of assort organs deemed uneatable by the cats SO I had to establish the Cadaver Rule, first one who spots a carcass or bits of the same has to clean it up. Needless to say, "What cadaver?" they would say when there was half a squirrel at the bottom of the stairs and they HAD to have seen it...ho hum...KKarin
Farmgirl Sister #153
"Give me shelter from the storm" - Bob Dylan
http://moodranch.blogspot.com
http://domesticnonsense.etsy.com |
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smoothiejuice
True Blue Farmgirl
6309 Posts
Jessica
Bloomington
Indiana
USA
6309 Posts |
Posted - Apr 28 2008 : 12:59:14 PM
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Animals are fantastic!
#56 |
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Kathie
True Blue Farmgirl
2436 Posts
Kathie
Thonotosassa
Florida
USA
2436 Posts |
Posted - Apr 28 2008 : 2:36:33 PM
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Oh yes.. you SAY they are fantastic Miss puddin' thats why you only have the ONE DANG DOG!!!
Butch Still say thats not enough.. & as soon as he see's those Grandkids of his there.. YOU WILL begetting a HUGE Pony sized Dog.. OR a Pony.. You get a choice.. so.. make a wise one..
& we aren't going to go into your Rabbit situation..
I love cats.. it's just.. well.. WHY do they insist on puking on all my things?
aside from the yeah.. PEEING all over everything & like Karin says.. that once pee-ed on always marked thing they insist on doing that NOW has completely ruined their claim!!!
WHY puke in my purse? or my shose.. OR MY PILLOW!!.. & WHY must they stroll across my counters?? I don't do this to THIER THINGS!!!
Why can't I spell shoose today.. I think i am slowy getti ng alzheimers.. THIS must be how it slowly happens.. words just simply won't look right to you.. but somehow.. you can't manage to fix it either.. not with out cheating & looking it up!!
screw it..
I think I'm getting a brain tumor.. it started to rain while i was up a tree hanging things.. & my glasses fell off.. Stupid Annie.. (yes.. today she IS now Stupid Annie..) RAN off with them..) So I nearly killed myself climbing down.. remember last year.,.. I got stuck up there for nearly TWO dang hours THANKS BUTCH!
& so Now with the low pressure system from the dern rain.. Mr. Migraine (Yes.. has to be a man..making me this miserable today!) Is trying to bother me!
So as i sit here trying to visit for a minute.. I have THREE dogs wrestling & 'talking' under my chair..
raining.. fighting dogs.. jeffs stereo too loud.. he's now sleeping & snoring on the couch.. Butch on his way home... 1st thing he's say. you KNOW.. is.. what are we having for dinner..
Oh.. i've only been running errands for EVERYONE ELSE TODAY ON MY ONE DANG DAY OFF!!!
I think I'm running away today..
Wish I had a Crawlspace.. Me & a Pillow & a Flashlight.. Sounds SO Lovely right now!!
Oh.. here's Jake.. wonder What news He's Bringing me?? Must besomething grand.. I'm SURE I'll find it as i walk down the hallway!!
he is a Trip!
Did i tell ya that he hides things.. buries them.. then forgets where he did?
Yes.. he'll bury his ham bone.. then i'll look right at him as he JUSt did it.. & say Jake.. Where's you bone.. & he'll look at me & go "HUH??? What Bone? Did you give me a Bone Yet??"
Yep..
Crawlspace..
i need a Crawlspace..
Love ya Girls..
Back to my quilt!!
Kathie.. Farm Girl Sister #29
"In a World Where you Can Be Anything, Be Yourself".. |
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electricdunce
True Blue Farmgirl
2544 Posts
Karin
Belmont
ME
USA
2544 Posts |
Posted - Apr 28 2008 : 2:57:48 PM
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No crawlspaces allowed, maybe it's just because I live in Stephen King country, but there is never anything good about a crawlspace...maybe it is because my brother Johnny always made me watch these creepy movies with him when I was littlish. CrawlSpace =Horror Show. Don't go there! Just lookin out for you, you'll have to trust me on this one...Karin
Farmgirl Sister #153
"Give me shelter from the storm" - Bob Dylan
http://moodranch.blogspot.com
http://domesticnonsense.etsy.com |
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smoothiejuice
True Blue Farmgirl
6309 Posts
Jessica
Bloomington
Indiana
USA
6309 Posts |
Posted - Apr 28 2008 : 3:38:01 PM
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okay well, I will go with the pony. I cannot deal with another dog. Once I had 27 cats and it was such a puking, pissing nightmare that I had to get rid of all but one before my husband ran away. Now my cat thinks he is king of the house and is finally staking his claim to his space when the dog comes bumbling in. And as for my rabbits...hey I only have 10 right now. 
#56 |
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debinmtns
True Blue Farmgirl
925 Posts
Debi
Hope
Idaho
USA
925 Posts |
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levisgrammy
True Blue Farmgirl
9372 Posts
Denise
Beavercreek
Ohio
USA
9372 Posts |
Posted - Apr 29 2008 : 04:10:02 AM
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Kathie,
I think that comment "what, I don't smell anything" is in the husband handbook. Whether it be diapers or dog poop. Mine has had that down for quite sometime and ever since we made the rule that if you find it you clean it everyone around here is going blind!
Pets~ why do we love them so?
farmgirl sister #43
Kind hearts are gardens
Kind thoughts are roots
Kind words are blossoms
Kind deeds are Fruits
www.torismimi.blogspot.com
www.torisgram.etsy.com |
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JenniferJuniper
True Blue Farmgirl
359 Posts
Jennifer
New Hampshire
USA
359 Posts |
Posted - Apr 29 2008 : 06:53:52 AM
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Ok, I have 2 minis more to go and they will be in the mail tomorrow or Thursday at the latest....my 18-year-old bare-bones sewing machine is on its biannual fritz so I have had to sew most by hand (yes girls, check out the backsides on them!)
With what I have spent on machine tune-ups over the years I could have bought it 4 times over. Not to mention the $$ gone into the hypothetical cuss jar. Thus, I am buying myself a new sewing machine with my "stimulus" money (from the local sew-n-vac shop so the $ stays local). |
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yarnmamma
True Blue Farmgirl
4247 Posts
Linda
Clarks Summit
PA
USA
4247 Posts |
Posted - Apr 29 2008 : 07:05:35 AM
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Jennifer, I'm glad to hear you'll get a new machine. Enjoy!
Kathie, you are sooo funny! LOL give me smiles
****************
"NEVER underestimate the power of a woman."
farmgirl #71 Linda in PA |
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Kathie
True Blue Farmgirl
2436 Posts
Kathie
Thonotosassa
Florida
USA
2436 Posts |
Posted - Apr 29 2008 : 11:59:49 AM
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DEB!!! Your Done??
Dang It! I suppose I need to get started!
Ok Shush you Guys.. I've Cut them out! & Yeah.. that whole..'Selecting the fabric IS the worst of it'.. RIGHT? So THAT Obviously is DONE too!!!
Jennifer??? HONEY!!! Buy Hand??? Holy Cow!!! Girl! I am SO Sorry!
I Swear! We will TREASURE Yours Forever!!!! Back Stiches..?? Good God Woman!! & a Cuss Jar? Holy Mackeral! I would need a Cuss Garbage Can!
Bonne.. Jess.. You two be quiet!! My Swearing is an Art form.. Contary to the Turret suspicions...!
Karin..I LOVE the Crawlspace.. DON'T be afraid Pumpkin..it's a GREAT place!
ok.. i'll have to find that stupid Poem i wrote about my Crawl Space.. But you all will have to sign a waiver to still be my friends after reading it 1st.. & not run away from the crazy little girl who liked to go underground!!
Denise your RIGHT!! He never changed diapers either!
I'll have to tell you all a story about the great Basett hound Puking extravagansa one afternoon... It can be one of Carol Sue's bed Time Stories! Poor Butch Baby has SUCH a weak Stomach.. he really is SUCH an easy target!!!
Kathie.. Farm Girl Sister #29
"In a World Where you Can Be Anything, Be Yourself".. |
Edited by - Kathie on Apr 29 2008 12:01:03 PM |
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Carol Sue
True Blue Farmgirl
4033 Posts
Carol Sue
Washingtonian
USA
4033 Posts |
Posted - Apr 30 2008 : 12:14:43 AM
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Bonnie girl I shall have to hurt you because of coarse I went and looked and ooggled and for you information girl, I have 3 to deal with plus my treadle I haven't even messed with.
listening to the quiet moments
Farmgirl #39
www.Quitemoments.blogspot.com |
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Carol Sue
True Blue Farmgirl
4033 Posts
Carol Sue
Washingtonian
USA
4033 Posts |
Posted - Apr 30 2008 : 12:25:49 AM
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Dang buckets I hit the submit instead of enter.
Kathie, I love my bedtime stories.
Okay, for some dumb reason my nose is super sensitive. Now they say that can happen with Fibro but really this is craziness. I keep asking dh do you smell that, it is awful, what is that. He is beginning to shake his head at me. My nose was always sensitive but times that by 100 and here is where I sit. Thank God I still like the smell of chocolate. That would really bum me out.
So you are having lovely dog adventures, I have to say I am having fun with my 2 kitties and the dogs think they are the cats meow. Ohhh geez, I can't believe I typed that. They run up and down this mobile and fly over the top of each other. Mister Buster Kitty has decided that when I am in the sewing room, his place is to be on my shoulder, literally. He comes and sits there and sleeps. By the way he is as good maybe better than my rice bag. Warm shoulders with a prrr added. Chloe will sit on my lap and sometimes sits on my shoulder. Will have to get a picture on here sometime.
They also sat on the table while I sorted out the stuff for my minis. I am having fun with this just darn it slow girls.
Thanks for my bedtime stories, can't wait for more.
listening to the quiet moments
Farmgirl #39
www.Quitemoments.blogspot.com |
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yarnmamma
True Blue Farmgirl
4247 Posts
Linda
Clarks Summit
PA
USA
4247 Posts |
Posted - Apr 30 2008 : 04:56:39 AM
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I have to confess...I stared making doll clothes and neglected my minis....I've still got them cut out...and they are on my table waiting for me.
:-)
****************
"NEVER underestimate the power of a woman."
farmgirl #71 Linda in PA |
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Bee Haven Maven
True Blue Farmgirl
1862 Posts
Beverly
Pennsylvania
USA
1862 Posts |
Posted - Apr 30 2008 : 05:45:04 AM
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OMG, Kathie....I just peed myself catching up on this thread. You REALLY need to quit your day job, and take your stories on the road...you missed your calling.....STAND UP COMEDY....if you can tell it as funny as you write it you will have the audience in the palm of your hand!!
BTW....for some stupid reason, men have underdeveloped senses of smell....they ALL do! And of late in my house, the hearing is not so good either!
OK, now that you made me feel guilty enough, I will try to get working on the darned minis.....geez.
Visit my blog at: www.sewonandsewfourth.blogspot.com
Visit our farm at: www.beehavenacres.blogspot.com
Aprons and other fun things for sale at: www.honeybeez.etsy.com |
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smoothiejuice
True Blue Farmgirl
6309 Posts
Jessica
Bloomington
Indiana
USA
6309 Posts |
Posted - Apr 30 2008 : 05:46:52 AM
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We knew you could do it Bev!
By tghe way..Kathie is funnier in person! You will all love her.
#56 |
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Bonne
True Blue Farmgirl
3003 Posts
Bonne
Littleton
CO
USA
3003 Posts |
Posted - Apr 30 2008 : 06:28:29 AM
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What's this I hear about people's sewing machines on the fritz? Carol Sue~3 machines and a treadle is just warming you up! Get back to me when you are nearer to a dozen. LOL And for Pete's Sake ladies, find you a vintage machine that you can maintain yourselves. There's a reason they're still kickin' arse. Don't make me go all Craig's List on you!
(I better ck it, haven't been there for a couple days.......)
http://bonne1313.blogspot.com/ BLOG
http://www.bonne1313.homestead.com/soap.html SOAP |
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Kathie
True Blue Farmgirl
2436 Posts
Kathie
Thonotosassa
Florida
USA
2436 Posts |
Posted - Apr 30 2008 : 11:26:03 AM
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SEE!! THERE'S my baby Girl Bev!!!! i KNEW You could Do it!!!
My little Engine that Could!!!
& I didn't even have to pull out the whip OR the Cattle Prod !!!
oh jeez.. did we agree on the 5th of May.. Well Toot.. maybe what we REALLY meant was May 15th????
What ever.. I'm easy.. at least thats what i read on the bath room walls at all the rest stops along the interstate!
& REMEMEBER What happened When MY Sewing machine Finally broke down.. I was on the floor throwing a tantrum crying, pushing pins in the eyes of a picture of the man that invented Tampons..
While Butch Baby was on line looking up the closest Sear's Store to run out & buy 'Us' a new one!!
It's a VERY scary day when your trusted machine misbehaves!!!
It's like loosing a much relied upon apendage or something!!!!!
We just CAN NOT Function properly!!
Kathie.. Farm Girl Sister #29
"In a World Where you Can Be Anything, Be Yourself".. |
Edited by - Kathie on Apr 30 2008 11:27:25 AM |
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Naomi Michelle
True Blue Farmgirl
1563 Posts
Naomi
Sunshine State
USA
1563 Posts |
Posted - Apr 30 2008 : 5:07:55 PM
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Hey, Kathie dear....I may be a day or two late getting these in the mail...I've got to get some other stuff done before the 5th, and I havent even cut my minis cut out yet...that ok?
~Naomi~
Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be-Abraham Lincoln
Check out my blog:http://thebellamodiste.blogspot.com/
and my Etsy store: www.shesewsbytheseashore.etsy.com |
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Bee Haven Maven
True Blue Farmgirl
1862 Posts
Beverly
Pennsylvania
USA
1862 Posts |
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levisgrammy
True Blue Farmgirl
9372 Posts
Denise
Beavercreek
Ohio
USA
9372 Posts |
Posted - May 01 2008 : 03:32:09 AM
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Oh Kathie,
You're killing me, it's 6 am and I couldn't sleep so I have been on here since 5. What a way to start the day. You are too funny and if ever we get to come your way again we have got to get together. You are good for whatever ails anyone because laughter IS the best medicine. I wouldn't have been up but I have one of these wicked headaches. Started sewing my minis last night. Oh glad the date is flexible. Between work and the stuff that goes on around here (I won't even get started on that) it's amazing I get anything done. Everyone here seems to be in a state of
'they don't know how to do anything now that I'm working'. Nearly had to threaten with the whip yesterday just to get the lawn mowed. Geesh. I am fed up wih having to finish the family room painting and such myself. Though my daughter keeps offering,bless her heart, but she's got two little ones to look after. She is always willing to help though.
farmgirl sister #43
Kind hearts are gardens
Kind thoughts are roots
Kind words are blossoms
Kind deeds are Fruits
www.torismimi.blogspot.com
www.torisgram.etsy.com |
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Stitching & Crafting Room: Spring/Garden Mini Apron Swap Sign-Up,Now Closed.. |
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Spring/Garden Mini Apron Swap Sign-Up,Now Closed..
