| Author |
Family Matters:  Figgered out how to deal with the in-laws...  |
|
|
goneriding
True Blue Farmgirl
1599 Posts
Winona
Central Oregon
USA
1599 Posts |
 Posted - Mar 24 2008 : 7:33:44 PM
|
This is going to either have you rooting for me or have you telling me how rotten a brat I am!
After reading and talking with other ladies (mostly at my horse barn where I board) I came to the conclusion that MIL's and step daughters just don't like the new woman in their man's life (their son and father respectively). Nothing is going to change them so I have to change the situation, right? (BTW, I have a DIL that I try to show how much I care for her cuz I know how much the other hurts.)
Well, after years (about 6 or so and being married for 1 1/2 yrs of this) of them ignoring me and being really rude and the quiet insults when he isn't around, I gave up. I mean really gave up. Quit trying, period. Effectively said to him that he's on his own with his kin and I'm going to the barn instead while he visits. When their b-days roll around, I don't make any effort to call, just let him and then tell him to say I said Happy B-day. One of my step daughters once told me that the family doesn't care about me so now I ignore her. I could go on with examples but you get the pic. Oh, and when some piece of gossip floats up, that I may or may not hear from hubby, I just ignore it and pretend (or just don't listen that well) that all is well. Not letting them under my skin in other words.
Turns out, that bugs the bejeezus outta them, a lot. My b-day was the other day and the above mentioned step daughter actually left a gift for me! They seem to thrive on drama and I'm not that type.
Just a couple of days ago, my other SIL called, really upset, and said something and all I could think of was 'they are playing games with her' but I didn't say anything. She's afraid to stand up to them but I'm beyond that now. I'm being me and I usually don't put up with nonsense for too long...but I did with them for my hubby's sake.
Big mistake. No more. So while the pot boils over there, I'm happily going along with my hubby and am enjoying life. If all else fails, I still have the barn to go to! hehehehe....
Winona 
When you lose, don't lose the lesson!!
http://goneriding.wordpress.com/
|
|
|
nut4fabric
True Blue Farmgirl
885 Posts
Kathy
Morgan Hill
CA
USA
885 Posts |
Posted - Mar 24 2008 : 7:47:16 PM
|
Way to go Winona!!! Now they are their own problem not yours. I did the samething with my MIL about 13 years ago and she has finally wised up and we now get along fine. I got so tired of the BS I just shut her out of my life and all she had was her own miserable self.
Hugs, Kathy |
 |
|
|
catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
Posted - Mar 24 2008 : 8:04:19 PM
|
YEAH WINONA!!! Can I get a yee haw!!! That is awesome. I have found the same in my life- remove myself from the drama and it drives them NUTS!! HA!!!
Best to you!!
Cheers,
Heather
FARMGIRL #90 |
|
|
|
La Patite Ferme
True Blue Farmgirl
623 Posts
Jenn
CA
USA
623 Posts |
Posted - Mar 24 2008 : 9:06:01 PM
|
Two thumbs up Winona. You should be proud of yourself.
And if they try to pull you into their drama talking about stuff just say "oh my gosh what are you gonna do about that???
Sis gave that to me and it works like a charm for many situations. |
|
|
|
Farmtopia
True Blue Farmgirl
1465 Posts
Zan
New York
New York
USA
1465 Posts |
|
|
Tammy Claxton
True Blue Farmgirl
1559 Posts
Tammy
Glen Burnie
Maryland
USA
1559 Posts |
Posted - Mar 25 2008 : 08:09:54 AM
|
Good for you! You seem to have a handle on them!
Crafty Bay Farmgirl Chapter
"A friend is someone who does things that count, but never stops to count them"
Farmgirl #152
http://countryintheburbs.blogspot.com/ |
|
|
|
farmgirl blessings
True Blue Farmgirl
777 Posts
Lea
TN
777 Posts |
Posted - Mar 25 2008 : 10:40:54 PM
|
Winona, you're telling my story! I'm so proud of you! Love the way that you have handled the situation. No harsh words. No drama. I've just begun this approach with my in laws and I'm so much happier. After reading your story, I'm certain I'm on the right path! Thanks.
Blessings, Lea
www.farmhouseblessings.blogspot.com
www.farmhouseblessings.etsy.com
|
|
|
|
newheart
True Blue Farmgirl
471 Posts
Margie
Owings Mills
Maryland
USA
471 Posts |
Posted - Mar 26 2008 : 05:56:03 AM
|
My MIL was a prize and a half.. I also was the 2nd wife.. In the beginning she totally chose to ignore me and my 2 children completely..Giving them $2.00 for each birthday and for Christmas..I finally responded by writing on all her "cards" Mrs.Cole never Mom or her name.. It would "tick her off when she opened it/them I'd just sign his name but NEVER mine or the Kids..Those kind you can't nor should you let into your lives.
Newheart..
There is a time for every season. 
and a reason to believe... |
Edited by - newheart on Mar 26 2008 05:58:29 AM |
|
|
|
palmettogirl
True Blue Farmgirl
571 Posts
sue
camden
south carolina
USA
571 Posts |
Posted - Mar 26 2008 : 06:46:28 AM
|
| good for you!! i appreciate your allowing us to see revenge-so-sweet. (ususally i always hear what goes around, comes around but i never seem to see the crappy person "get theirs")...so, like i said, thanks for sharing. incidently, what zan said about those people being miserable with themselves....she's right! and i also find, if i try to still maintain some class and dignity with myself, and not sink to their really low, rotten ways, that does seem to really tick those mean people off!! |
|
|
|
goneriding
True Blue Farmgirl
1599 Posts
Winona
Central Oregon
USA
1599 Posts |
Posted - Mar 26 2008 : 07:26:17 AM
|
Thanks for the support! I call my MIL by her first name. My hubby's sister, not the one written about above, once told me she didn't want me to call their mom, "mom". I looked at her and said I had a mom and why whould I do that...she just looked at me kind of crestfallen.
I am trying to have a little dignity about it, whenever I hear something, I just think about how it will affect me a year from now. They do seem to thrive on stuff like this, which just bogs me down. So, my natural, practical self in-the-real-world wouldn't put up with people like this, why should I put up with them just cuz I'm married to their son/father?? I'm telling you, it takes a GREAT weight off and my hubby just has to deal with it. I hate to say it almost (I said, almost) but it's his problem to deal with them AND me and he's had to make some decisions. I told him what I wanted and asked if he could deal with it, think about it. So we'll see how it works out but for now, I'm still here and NOT going to be miserable around them...
Plus, I still have to barn to go to while he visits!! hehehe...
Winona :-)
When you lose, don't lose the lesson!!
http://goneriding.wordpress.com/
|
|
|
| |
Family Matters: Figgered out how to deal with the in-laws... |
|
Figgered out how to deal with the in-laws...
