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Family Matters:  Hard Letter To Write  |
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BarefootGoatGirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1495 Posts
Corrine
North Carolina
USA
1495 Posts |
 Posted - Feb 05 2008 : 2:35:04 PM
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This afternoon, I got an email from Martin's mom. She wanted to know what was going on since the boys refuse to tell her anything. All they have told her is that he is out of the hospital and living with the oldest. So, I just sat here and wrote her a "letter" explaining her son's mental illness, his non-compliance with medical intervention, and that I am divorcing him.
Of all the kids, I am the one she communicates with the most and it was very difficult to tell her that. The crazy part is, I covered for him for so long I know she will have trouble believing it. I continualy stressed the children's safety, hoping that she would be able to atleast sympathise with that. Her youngest son, knows that there is something seriously wrong with his brother, but the other two are either in denial or simply covering for him.
What a mess! I just want to get on with my life and it's one thing after another. Does it ever end? Will I ever be free of him?
What we write today slipped into our souls some other day when we were alone and doing nothing.
-Brenda Ueland
http://quilandneedle.blogspot.com/ |
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Firemama
True Blue Farmgirl
1731 Posts
Amanda
Medical Lake
WA
USA
1731 Posts |
Posted - Feb 05 2008 : 3:08:21 PM
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Corrine, I hope that this all gets taken care of, and that she understands. I dont think you will ever be "free" of him, you have kids and you are obviously close with his mother, closer than he is. I wish for you all your dreams!
Mama to 2
I am who I am
FarmGirl# 20
http://myfarmdreams.blogspot.com/
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one_dog_per_acre
True Blue Farmgirl
1572 Posts
Trish
Sandpoint
ID
USA
1572 Posts |
Posted - Feb 05 2008 : 3:11:35 PM
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I come from a HUGELY dysfunctional family. I'm quite sure my dad is a sociopath. I have always dealt with horrible things with humor, please don't think I am trying to be inappripriate......it just comes naturally. Here are the best goat jokes I could find. Cheer up little farmgirl :)
What do you call an unemployed goat? Billy Idol.
What do you call a goat at sea? Billy Ocean.
"Doctor, Doctor I feel like a goat".
"How long have you felt like that"?
"Since I was a kid".
Why did the ram run over the cliff? Answer: He didn't see the ewe turn.
Why is it hard to carry on a conversation with a goat?
Because they're always butting in.
What do you call a goat's beard? A goatee.
Farmgirl Sister #91
Make cupcakes not war! |
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mikesgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
3659 Posts
Sherri
Elma
WA
USA
3659 Posts |
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BarefootGoatGirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1495 Posts
Corrine
North Carolina
USA
1495 Posts |
Posted - Feb 05 2008 : 4:02:31 PM
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thanks for the support girls. your jokes were great, patricia. i love that you chose goat jokes just for me! humor is always good, sometimes i just need somebody else to come up with it.
What we write today slipped into our souls some other day when we were alone and doing nothing.
-Brenda Ueland
http://quilandneedle.blogspot.com/ |
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mima
True Blue Farmgirl
1573 Posts
1573 Posts |
Posted - Feb 05 2008 : 4:40:07 PM
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Yes!! My biological family could be the poster child for dysfunction!!!!
I think your biggest concern is your beautiful children and you are doing agreat jod!!! Hugs!!!
"No pessimist ever discovered the secrets of the stars,or sailed to an uncharted land or opened a new heaven to the human spirit." Helen Keller |
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queenofdreamsz4u
True Blue Farmgirl
3845 Posts
Stephanie Suzanne
Smoky Mountains Tennessee
USA
3845 Posts |
Posted - Feb 05 2008 : 10:40:56 PM
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Corrine,
Yes, honey, it does finally come to an end but sadly usually not until your plate is so full that you beg for relief! My miseries regarding getting the divorce and other miseries out of him lasted about 18 months.
Just remember that God never gives us more then we can handle!....I used to and still do say He has a really good sense of humor I am stronger than ever for all that I went through and that's a good thing.
You will be too! Just hang strong and know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. He will be a dim memory before you know it.
Stephanie
"Idealists…foolish enough to throw caution to the winds…have advanced mankind and enriched the world." ~ emma goldman
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BarefootGoatGirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1495 Posts
Corrine
North Carolina
USA
1495 Posts |
Posted - Feb 06 2008 : 1:31:09 PM
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More issues, today! I know you all say it will end, but it doesn't look like it. I have more paperwork issues and his sil send me a "praise the Lord," Martin is all better email. ok, i don't want him to be miserable or in pain, but i feel like she is trying to say that there was or is no long term problem and i should give him another chance. She wants to email me some photos...that's the last thing I want. Even seeing a man who resembles him causes me to panic. Doesn't she understand that he has traumatised us? What part of holding his family hostage does she justify? Or how about switching a one year old black and blue? What about threatening his wife with weapons? I just want to disapear and start over with out all this tailing me. Somedays I want to forget that part of my life even happened.
What we write today slipped into our souls some other day when we were alone and doing nothing.
-Brenda Ueland
http://quilandneedle.blogspot.com/ |
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myfairlady636
True Blue Farmgirl
226 Posts
Janice
Fort Bridger
WY
USA
226 Posts |
Posted - Feb 06 2008 : 2:27:52 PM
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Oh Corrine.. Here is a hug from me! (((((())))))) Honey I have been down the road you are on! It is not easy, but it will get better. I promise. Look into the eyes of your children and you will have the strength you need to get through anything! After nearly 14 years of marriage to an abusive husband, I had the courage to jump, just as you are. You can do this. You will be better because you did. We are here for you!
My Fair Lady Farm Girl Sister # 92
"Our lives have meaning, purpose and direction"
http://millberrycottage.blogspot.com/
http://myfairlady636.etsy.com |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
Posted - Feb 06 2008 : 3:34:49 PM
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Corrine- If you need to, change your email address and only give it out to those you trust in his family, or only check the one you currently have for the letters from those who you trust. I am sure that they mean no harm, and they probably feel stuck in a weird place as well, but you have gone through an incredibly hard experience. You are doing such and AMAZING job moving on with your life and helping your children to move forward. Do whatever you need to do to help them to understand that those types of corrospondences are not helping you and the kids. I am just so glad you and the kids are safe! *hugs*
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
Please come visit Nora and I our our new blog:
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com |
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Carol Sue
True Blue Farmgirl
4033 Posts
Carol Sue
Washingtonian
USA
4033 Posts |
Posted - Feb 06 2008 : 10:44:07 PM
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Corrine,
You to me are an amazing woman, who has been in a battle for her life and her children's life. You do what you deem best for your family and you. Emailing may just be too much right now, and just too much for you to deal with. You know that you cannot change their minds on what they believe. You know the truth and have to live accordingly for your own saftey and your childrens.
I applaud you for the hard desicions you have had to make and followed through with. I consider you one amazing woman.
Carol Sue
listening to the quiet moments
Farmgirl #39
www.Quitemoments.blogspot.com |
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BarefootGoatGirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1495 Posts
Corrine
North Carolina
USA
1495 Posts |
Posted - Feb 07 2008 : 04:30:35 AM
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I really do apeciate you girls letting me fuss and vent here. You all are so suportive. I do think I am going to get an new email address for everyday use and just check that one on occasion. I really don't have to READ her emails, but I feel bad just hitting the delete key. We have been friends over the years and she drove all the way from MO to NC to help me out when they first put Martin in the psychward. On the otherhand, all I have to do is talk to my oldest for a few moments to know I am doing the right thing for my children.As for his mom, she is sad over the entire situation, but understands my position. She wants everybody to be safe and just hopes to see her grandbabies again someday. So I can deal with her.
I did get ahold of my mama yesterday after I posted here and she pointed out a few key things. 1)He doesn't let his family see the side I lived with for 10 years, so they really cannot understand what I've been through. With the exception of his younger brother who was Martin's punching bag for 15 years before I came along. 2) It is his family, not him trying to contact me. He is still as emotionaly distant than ever.
Thanks again girls. I know that I am probably through the very worst of it. Getting out was hard. I just never expected the tourmoil to drag on so long. It's going on a year here soon and it's all still hanging on. I guess it'll only get worse again after I file for divorce. There has to be an end in sight...
What we write today slipped into our souls some other day when we were alone and doing nothing.
-Brenda Ueland
http://quilandneedle.blogspot.com/ |
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MasterGardener
True Blue Farmgirl
572 Posts
Chandra
Louisiana
USA
572 Posts |
Posted - Feb 07 2008 : 06:29:13 AM
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Corrine...it seems we all wish we could somehow "fix" situations our "sisters" are experiencing/suffering...I know that it doesn't work that way though; all any of us can do is be here with you to encourage you and love you through it.
I gave this analogy in a previous post: Crabs are caught using traps where they easily crawl in after the bait, but can't escape. When, or if one crab does manage to find it's way out of the trap, all the other crabs will grab hold, continually pulling that crab back into the cage...situations in life often resemble that cage and, well, you understand the rest...just keep climbing out!
I turn toward my Bible, my faith, my relationship with God when I'm in the midst of turmoil & I hope you'll understand that this is MY coping mechanism, these words helped ME to understand & I extend them hoping they'll help you also. I get a monthly devotional from In Touch Ministries & the Nov 2007 issue really helped me understand we're in a spiritual battle. Monday the 19th is titled "The Believer's War Cry (Eph 6:10-14)
http://www.intouch.org/site/apps/nl/content2.asp?c=dhKHIXPKIuE&b=3534341&ct=4539405
Whenever you make progress in the "right" direction, the direction you want to go, more strife will present itself...just remember that eventually the enemy will realize you are more determined than he is, then you'll get the victory.
I read in a post some time back, that you were in college studying holistic health. Are you still? I am a student with Clayton College of Natural Health & would be thrilled to discuss wellness topics, etc.
You're in my thoughts and prayers Corrine -
.• ´¨¨)) -:¦:-¸.•´ .•´¨¨))
((¸¸.•´ ..• -:¦:- -:¦:- Chandra
-:¦:- ((¸¸.•´Farmgirl Sister #64
She considereth a field, and buyeth it; with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.
Proverbs 31:16 |
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therusticcottage
True Blue Farmgirl
4439 Posts
Kay
Vancouver
WA
USA
4439 Posts |
Posted - Feb 07 2008 : 1:05:33 PM
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Corrine - I'm so sorry that you're having to go through all this. It will get better - you just stay strong. I'm going through the same thing right now only my husband doesn't have a mental illness. But he does show a totally different side to friends and family than he shows at home. I moved out 3 weeks ago and I've never been happier in my life. I actually look forward to going home from work at night because I know it will be peaceful!
Change your email and do whatever you have to do to move on. Sending you big hugs from WA.
Kay
My Etsy Shop http://therusticcottage.etsy.com
The Rustic Cottage Blog http://therusticcottage.blogspot.com
I'm A Rusty Chick!!!
PROUD FARMGIRL SISTER #100
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BarefootGoatGirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1495 Posts
Corrine
North Carolina
USA
1495 Posts |
Posted - Feb 07 2008 : 2:16:00 PM
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CathyM
True Blue Farmgirl
344 Posts
Cathy
Tulsa
OK
USA
344 Posts |
Posted - Feb 09 2008 : 08:15:21 AM
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Hey Corrine, I can sympathize with you. all I can tell you is to keep your chin up, change you email, move if you have to, only have contact through an attorneys/mediators when necessary, and do what ever it takes to get through this and stay safe. Sadly he will never be completely out of your life  . I know I have been there. And even though it's been almost 17 years we still here from him.
"Not all who wander are lost"
JRR Tolkien |
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Family Matters: Hard Letter To Write |
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Hard Letter To Write
