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Across the Fence:  Stepping into the next social wrung on the ladder.  |
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
 Posted - Jan 31 2008 : 2:25:14 PM
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I am having a crisis of sort with my job and future. I am moving up on the job ladder very quickly, to the point where I am going to have to start attending social engagements. We are talking an executive level type of job, with the suits, business lunches, the whole nine yards. This is something I have never been around in my life, so I am trying to accept it with open arms. I am not easily intimidated and I know I can hold my own, but this not only affects me but DH and DS to some extent. While I love everything about being a jean wearing, flip flop loving, cowgirl and DH is the best cowboy out there, there are going to be times where he and I will both have to push that aside and put on our best attire to attend a social function. I am worried because I am open to anything new, I will at least try but DH is die hard on not really trying new things when it comes to social circles. He has often made fun of the exact type of people I will be dealing with (like say we are out to dinner in a nicer restaruant and he points out how people are acting or dressed or something and these people are very similiar to who I work with). I feel that people will accept us for who we are but I am truthfully worried DH is going to fight me on this. Yet- he is so encouraging with my job and opportunity. He is not going to loose his cowgirl but at the same time, to I repress opportunity because of his worries or just go for it and let the cards fall as they may? I am just frustrated..and I know this is not coming out like I had it all figure out in my head.
Insight? Please...
Thanks.
Cheers,
Heather
FARMGIRL #90 |
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Peanut
True Blue Farmgirl
603 Posts
Jennifer
Waverly
Virginia
USA
603 Posts |
Posted - Jan 31 2008 : 2:31:54 PM
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Talk to him about your worries, Heather. You might like what he has to say.
I know what you mean about not being "that type" of person ordinarily, but perhaps if he knows that it's just part of your job he'll be more open to it.
Maybe he'll meet a new buddy at these gatherings who is just putting on a costume and playing a part for the night!
"What is a farm but a mute gospel?"
Ralph Waldo Emerson |
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bohemiangel
True Blue Farmgirl
2087 Posts
Bridget
Ligonier
pa
USA
2087 Posts |
Posted - Jan 31 2008 : 2:32:57 PM
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Aw Heather first off CONGRATS!!! you must be very good at what you do and they see even more promise in you!!! I know what you mean. I used to love hoity toity stuff now give me a beer and my jeans and I'm pretty much happy. Unless its hoity toity that can joke and be silly then it doesn't matter! Can you express how exciting this is and the benefits of it all. I'm assuming with the ladder comes more $ so could you even say well maybe in a way to celebrate we could do x or something he'd like. Say I understand this is not our style but it is needed in order to keep my job etc. It sounds like you have a strong marriage so all should be good. I've never been married but I think you'll be fine. You're anticipating the worst be prepared but chances are it will work out. Just enjoy this experience pros and cons:)
**~~Farmgirl Sister #60~~**
"... to thine ownself be true."
http://liggygirl.blogspot.com/
http://liggygirlslonggreen.blogspot.com/
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
Posted - Jan 31 2008 : 2:45:48 PM
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Thank you for the kind responses.
Yes it does mean more money- more than I ever made in my life but I don't look at it like "Oh... I am rich..." I look at it like it can give us the opportunites for a few fun things and security for the future. And Yes, I seem to always think the worse of things like this, those I am trying to adjust my attitude.
They are champagne and I am beer (Shinerbock please!! : ) ) They are quite of few of the women who belong to the golf club and I am interested in playing golf and I think the grounds are just beautiful. They also seem very big on socializing and some part of my job requires me to do it. Whether within the company or within the community, I am going to be part of it.
I noticed that even now, when I go into a grocery store, I am already being recognized by people I have come into contact with socially. It is really weird for me, but this is part of my territory.
I am also very interested in being a career woman. I never had such opportunity and I have worked so hard (since before I was married and now that I am married) to get to this point. It is that constant struggle of ok I made it but that means I have to do this, maybe change a little, even to something or someone I wasn't expecting. But change is always good to me. I have been dreaming about this since I was a little girl- fantasizing about wearing beautiful suits (always being a lady  ), getting my nails and hair done, socializing,...etc..and now it is here!!! 
DH has known from day 1 this is what I was ultimately working towards. Maybe it is the reality of it really happening is starting to shake us both a little.
I want to give him and our son the best life too. I mean, he has worked so hard, had a horrible divorce and I know he worries about money and giving me things or a certain life (that I don't know where that came from, because I am happy as it..everything else is just the icing). I want to take wonderful trips, get him his dream Harley, have a nice little home with dinner parties, etc...but I guess everything has its price and I am just not used to this at all.
Oh...the dilemas!!
Cheers,
Heather
FARMGIRL #90 |
Edited by - catscharm74 on Jan 31 2008 2:51:55 PM |
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BarefootGoatGirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1495 Posts
Corrine
North Carolina
USA
1495 Posts |
Posted - Jan 31 2008 : 3:01:10 PM
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i'm seen some really hot cowboys wear polished black boots with a tux...it can be done. let him be himself.
What we write today slipped into our souls some other day when we were alone and doing nothing.
-Brenda Ueland
http://quilandneedle.blogspot.com/ |
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nashbabe
True Blue Farmgirl
687 Posts
687 Posts |
Posted - Jan 31 2008 : 3:03:00 PM
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The fact that you are a little different (but in a good way) can be helpful, IMHO. Why be just like the other ladies? It can be a challenge making money...sometimes I've made more than my husband, and sometimes he's made more than me. Worth talking openly about with your hubs. Business can be a great and very interesting game...I've lived it! Do take extra good care to stay in lots of good communication with your hubby. I've been known to work way too many hours and don't let it get the best of you. Guys in business often seem to delegate a little more successfully and spend less hours than some of the women in biz...but use all the supports/admin help you can to keep your life as even keeled as you can. Because of course, with more money, inevitably comes more responsibility. Have fun...and be mindful as you do it! :-)
Crunchy crafty goodness and psychoses...;-)http://nashbabe.blogspot.com
groovy stuff 2 buy...http://www.alittlesplurge.etsy.com |
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MasterGardener
True Blue Farmgirl
572 Posts
Chandra
Louisiana
USA
572 Posts |
Posted - Jan 31 2008 : 3:16:23 PM
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Can he wear an expensive "Western/Cowboy" cut suit that will preserve his identity, but fulfill the "business/professional" dress-code required?
.• ´¨¨)) -:¦:-¸.•´ .•´¨¨))
((¸¸.•´ ..• -:¦:- -:¦:- Chandra
-:¦:- ((¸¸.•´Farmgirl Sister #64
She considereth a field, and buyeth it; with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.
Proverbs 31:16 |
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
Posted - Jan 31 2008 : 3:19:19 PM
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I am sure he can boots with a suit...I think it is all an huge adjustment for us. I guess just take it one event and one day at a time. It is strange for him to see me in a full suit with heels and make up on and being all professional...yikes!! I would be scared too!! LOL
Cheers,
Heather
FARMGIRL #90 |
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JessieMae
True Blue Farmgirl
702 Posts
Jessie
Raleigh
North Carolina
USA
702 Posts |
Posted - Jan 31 2008 : 5:36:09 PM
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| Does your husband HAVE to go with you to work functions? I worked for a Fortune 500 company for two years, and I can't think of more than two or three times a year where other executives brought their spouses. Maybe he can pick and choose the ones he wants to go to...like corporate day at the ballpark or the Christmas party, but skip the stuffy stuff. |
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
Posted - Jan 31 2008 : 6:14:05 PM
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There are some really nice dinners after work and some stuff that happens on the weekends (they even include kids sometimes, which is nice). I mean, maybe once or twice a month at most.
Cheers,
Heather
FARMGIRL #90 |
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CabinCreek-Kentucky
True Blue Farmgirl
8529 Posts
Frannie
Green County
Kentucky
USA
8529 Posts |
Posted - Jan 31 2008 : 6:17:03 PM
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congrats heather .. if there is more to this job than money (challenge, education, learning more about life, meeting people from other walks of life) that you enjoy .. much happiness to you. remember .. don't judge a book by it's cover .. just as you don't want them judging you by your cover! i've met wonderful people in all walks of life .. from the white house to the cleaning people in our government buildings. i've known city folk and country folk .. and there truly isn't much 'basic' difference .. once you non-judgementally get to know them. i've known UPPITY, SNOBBY (O.K. .. judging there!) country women and city women. but .. i honestly believe these people are 'working something out' .. or have come to LIKE the lifestyle they are living (or wish to live) no matter what it is. just be yourself .. love yourself .. and be true to yourself .. follow your bliss .. whether you might one day be wearing a corporate suit or osh-kosh's by gosh's. ONE is NOT better than the other!!! just different!
Bobby Kennedy, brother to President JFK .. and Attorney General of the United States Department of Justice when i worked for him .. was GENUINELY one of the nicest people i've ever met ... on 'city sidewalks' or 'down on the farm'. I've witnessed him be kinder to 'the cleaning folk' .. than i've witnessed some country women be kind to their neighbors. BUT .. i only tell that story .. because he was RICH .. SUCCESSFUL .. and SURROUNDED BY POWERFUL PEOPLE. He was also KIND .. GENTLE .. COMPASSIONATE ... it does NOT matter what 'costumes' we wear .. it's not what's OUTSIDE that matters .. but what is INSIDE.
i dare say that country women who judge city women .. probably don't know them very well .. and might even be a 'tad' jealous. i dare say that city women who judge country women .. are more ignorant than they 'think' the country women are!
GURLZ .. let's stop taking human beings out of context .. yes!!! maybe we've known some mean-spirited social climbers .. and girls .. living in the CITY and liking that lifestyle .. or living in the COUNTRY and likeing that lifestyle .. isn't what makes a person good or bad.
I have been a professional woman in Washington, D.C. surrounded by the most powerful people in this nation .. .I have been a 'mountain mama' and surrounded by nature lovers .. i have been a country girls and have been surrounded by a quaint lifestyle. I have enjoyed wearing suits, pretty sexy dresses, blue jeans, gypsy skirts, overalls, high heels, boots, flip flops. They are all just 'costumes'!!! We need to wear what makes us happy and let others do the same.
IT IS NOT WHERE WE ARE FROM OUR OUR CITY OR COUNTRY LIFESTYLE CHOICES .. it comes from WITHIN as to who we are!
If your honey-man is encouraging your to 'go for it' .. it shows he is 'on-board'. If he sees 'both' sides of you .. city and country .. and loves your for who you are .. what else should matter?
If he feels uncomfortable going to business social events .. well .. let him work that out for himself. WHEN you come home and tell him of all the fun you had and the nice people you met (and we WILL meet nice people if we are not feeling insecure or jealous .. and using those feelings to only see 'the negative').. he may still choose to stay home .. or he may choose to come with you sometimes. Both are o.k.!
From what you write .. i believe your man is fine with it .. so why be worried? You might just find that you are VERY happy and comfortable playing different parts in your life (remember that shakespeare quote i gave the other day ... all of life's a stage .... and we play many parts').
I personally believe that although it is certainly not NECESSARY .. i believe meeting people (and becoming friends) with other life-values is very exciting and makes for a much better me .. i believe some people like different lifestyles at different points in our lives .. i believe that some are content to ALWAYS be 'cityfied' or countryfied'. and both choices are valid and good. UNDERSTANDING and not 'judging' each other is what is truly important.
And if there are city or country people that we choose not to socialize with or be with .. that is o.k. too .. i've met both .. and simply walk away from either that are mean .. there are zillions of people in the world .. we may have to be 'civil' .. but we don't have to become 'friends'. and that is o.k. too.
well, gurlfren .. JOSEPH CAMPBELL said it best: FOLLOW YOUR BLISS!
AGAIN .. CONGRATULATIONS!
True Friends * Frannie
HEAR MY STORIES
come, visit my:
"GATHERING ROOM" ..
http://freedomvalleyfarm.blogspot.com
adopt a 'rag-chile'
http://sistermercysfoundlinhome.blogspot.com
treasures .. new and olde .. up for adoption:
http://mudpiemanormercantile.blogspot.com
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
Posted - Jan 31 2008 : 8:07:05 PM
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Frannie- my golly!! You could give Dear Abbey a run for her money and you make a heck of lot more sense!! HA!! You are awesome..
Yes, I will try to just enjoy the moment and indulge in all the this job has to offer. I just never have been in this type of situation before, so my palms are a bit sweaty... I have never even put on a suit more than for an interview and smooshing and canoodling are new concepts to me, But, I can hold my ground and most people consider me a true friend once they get to know me. Trust me, I grew up being judged very harshly by my family and was expected to project a certain image and I try to catch myself before I do it now, either to myself or someone else. I learned alot about diversity, culture, team work, openess in the military, I will live in the moment, breathe and be....
I think with DH, it is a matter of the unknown too but usually when I jump, he is not too far behind me... : )
Thanks for all the kinds words and wisdom.
Cheers,
Heather
FARMGIRL #90 |
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kydeere40744
True Blue Farmgirl
1132 Posts
Jessica
Kentucky
USA
1132 Posts |
Posted - Jan 31 2008 : 8:09:17 PM
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Heather,
You are in a situation that I was in with my last job. My husband was very uneasy and did not want to go to functions that required to dress up. I also hated having to dress up too, but we did. Usually if it was a function that didn't require a spouse (say an art show, etc), I would bring one of my best friends that was female. Needless to say, it helped play catchup and you got to see each other's side of their job. If it was a dinner or something with spouse required, hubby wore a simple suit jacket that wasn't too fancy along with dress pants and black cowboy boots.
The most important thing is to be yourself. Congratulations on this new step in your career. It is always encouraging when you hear of other females moving up in this world and making a difference. May I wish you the best of luck in this endeavor!!
~Jessica in Kentucky & Miss Wilma's Niece~
Gardening is a way of showing that you believe in tomorrow...
http://bluegrassprincess.blogspot.com/ |
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KYgurlsrbest
True Blue Farmgirl
4853 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4853 Posts |
Posted - Jan 31 2008 : 8:57:09 PM
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I'm happy for your advancement, Heather. I hope this affords more opportunities for you and your family! It can be a little trying, but I'm sure you and your husband will find a happy medium....Unfortunately, my dh and I just didn't....and it's not necessarily a bad thing.
Even after talking with Jus about coming to social gatherings (um...1, maybe 2 a year), we've both decided it's just better to leave him at home or him making other plans. He will admit that he's just not comfortable, and no amount of TRYING to be comfortable makes it any better. He either clams up or bless him, has motor mouth (an NOONE says anything at all bad about him, but he feels weird being a server/musician in a group of attorneys)...and I try to encourage whatever comes out, but it's simply miserable for him. Usually, before the Christmas party, we get into an argument where I usually end up saying "you're going", thinking he'll work into it, and it just never happens for him no matter how hard I want it to...I spend so much time worrying about him having a good time that about an hour later, I'm exhausted and ready to leave myself! It's the same for me in certain situations with groups of people he knows (musicians and artists, etc...) I was a dancer, but I've been in a legal field for 8 years and corporate field prior to that for 4 years and sometimes I don't feel I fit in either...and, frankly, it's no big deal. I just let him be who he is and vice versa. Sure, sometimes I feel bad about coming by myself for a MINUTE, but once I get eating and talking, I don't even think of it anymore. I hope that doesn't sound mean. He REALLY prefers staying home and is a much happier individual for it 
Farmgirl Sister #80, thanks to a very special farmgirl from the Bluegrass..."She was built like a watch, a study in balance ... with a neck and head so refined, like a drawing by DaVinci"...
NY Newsday sportswriter Bill Nack describing filly, Ruffian.
http://www.buyhandmade.org/ |
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miss wilma
True Blue Farmgirl
3410 Posts
Wilma
Knob Lick
Ky
USA
3410 Posts |
Posted - Jan 31 2008 : 9:26:12 PM
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Jonnie he can always come spend time with us , I love him and Sterl has worried so much because he had company, and for you girl you got it just right, nothing fake about you , I have a feeling Heather has a head on her shoulders also and I can tell you there are some knock out cowboys in Texas and their manners are the best they know how to treat a lady
Farm Girl #96
http://www.picturetrail.com/misswilmasplace
http://misswilma.blogspot.com/ |
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KYgurlsrbest
True Blue Farmgirl
4853 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4853 Posts |
Posted - Jan 31 2008 : 9:30:01 PM
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Thanks, Miss Wilma--he was VERY comfortable with you! And I know he'd much rather be at your place than at a stuffy restaurant with my bosses and co-workers :) It seems like unless he's serving the "suits" lunch or dinner, he just doesn't feel on his game!
I love him the way he is, and yesiree, I'm SURE there are some gentleman in Texas...heck, George Strait lives there, doesn't he? He's one for sure
Farmgirl Sister #80, thanks to a very special farmgirl from the Bluegrass..."She was built like a watch, a study in balance ... with a neck and head so refined, like a drawing by DaVinci"...
NY Newsday sportswriter Bill Nack describing filly, Ruffian.
http://www.buyhandmade.org/ |
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miss wilma
True Blue Farmgirl
3410 Posts
Wilma
Knob Lick
Ky
USA
3410 Posts |
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
Posted - Jan 31 2008 : 9:50:02 PM
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OH Did someone say George Strait...Now that is a REAL cowboy to me...oh my!!
Ok- back to discussion...
Cheers,
Heather
FARMGIRL #90 |
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kydeere40744
True Blue Farmgirl
1132 Posts
Jessica
Kentucky
USA
1132 Posts |
Posted - Jan 31 2008 : 10:39:21 PM
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Haha...you gals mentioned George Strait and I'm listening to him..and counting down to the number of days we are seeing him in concert.
Like Heather said...back to discussion. ;-)
~Jessica in Kentucky & Miss Wilma's Niece~
Gardening is a way of showing that you believe in tomorrow...
http://bluegrassprincess.blogspot.com/ |
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
Posted - Feb 01 2008 : 07:10:40 AM
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OH Jessica- PlEASE TAKE PICS AND POST THEM!!! I got a "How about this cowgirl" shirt for Christmas and I wear with pride...ooohhH! I Love George!!!!
Ok--again-off track....
Cheers,
Heather
FARMGIRL #90 |
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La Patite Ferme
True Blue Farmgirl
623 Posts
Jenn
CA
USA
623 Posts |
Posted - Feb 01 2008 : 09:02:36 AM
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Heather, I too live with one foot in the corporate world and one in my country world. If you've gotten this far in the company you can certainly handle this. Just remember that we countrygurlz come with our own set of charms and attractions that interest the outside world, sometimes more than the city slick'n plastic women who can't do a thing. People find it fasinating that I garden, have chickens, and DD shows sheep all over CA. I do however skip the whole slaughtering animals things.
On the practical side, you can probably get by with a few well made suits in basic colors for daytime and of course the little black dress for evening. Since I work for a non-profit I attend many social functions, most of which are black tie events. I bought a tuxedo suit a few years ago and wear that like a uniform, just change the blouse. As for DH, I don't think he needs to change and become part of the GQ crowd. A nice western suit and polished boots should be fine for the few occasions he needs to join you. And, you are in Texas so it wouldn't seem that strange to see a man in a western suit. Also, you may find that people don't really dress up the way we thing they will. Use them, not their spouses, as a guide.
I think in the long run you'll find that these events will be very galvanizing to the path you and DH have chosen. I always come home from one of my functions and thank God that I'm not shallow, stupid, helpless/hapless and pretencious like the people I've just spent the evening with.
Keep your eye on the goal you're working towards - your country life.
Good luck |
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miss wilma
True Blue Farmgirl
3410 Posts
Wilma
Knob Lick
Ky
USA
3410 Posts |
Posted - Feb 01 2008 : 09:19:32 AM
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Jennifer that is great advise, I have often wondered why people from the city think us folks in the country have no life, you know there Aint much us old country gals cant do and Aint done, I have a lot of friends from the cities that have a lot of common sense then you meet up with the ones that come in and try to re EDGETCATE us, Who in the world do they think they are, Jennifer you are my kind of gal and Heather you are going to be just fine, you got back bone
Farm Girl #96
http://www.picturetrail.com/misswilmasplace
http://misswilma.blogspot.com/ |
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
Posted - Feb 01 2008 : 09:32:23 AM
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Ah Thanks everyone!!! Ya'll are too kind!! Makes a girl blush!!! ; )
Cheers,
Heather
FARMGIRL #90 |
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kydeere40744
True Blue Farmgirl
1132 Posts
Jessica
Kentucky
USA
1132 Posts |
Posted - Feb 01 2008 : 09:59:44 AM
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If I can sneak in my big camera again, I will for ya ;-) I we got pretty good seats. Last show we were at was Brad Paisley and I got front row seats (took a lot of hard work to get those babies!). Send me a message and I'll give you a link on where you can see them.
I remember when I was in TX last, the best thing was seeing all those cowboys at functions all dressed up. Woooweee! There were also some of the nicest people I've talked to as well. They had a dance one night and Texas sure did bring it out. What was funny is that we wanted to learn more on 2step and they wanted to learn more about clogging. There was a lady who actually had a vest made out of a tater sack that was really neat and the talk of the night. The ladies wanted to know where she got it and she made it. I think I may have a photo of it. It was very neat looking.
~Jessica in Kentucky & Miss Wilma's Niece~
Gardening is a way of showing that you believe in tomorrow...
http://bluegrassprincess.blogspot.com/ |
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
Posted - Feb 01 2008 : 1:23:06 PM
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Well I talked with DH (this is not the first time we had a discussion about this subject). He is afraid of too much change. He likes his cowgirl, and though I will forever be a cowgirl, there is a side of me that likes the new times, the makeup, clothing, shoes, nails, being girly lifestyle (I had my first martini the other day) and I am really enjoying myself. I have always been a tomboy, even when I worked in offices and now I have chance to be and do something new, the experiences, etc. I am not asking him to change himself, just once in awhile, put on some nice clothes and come have some fun with me, forget everyone else. (I noticed a lot of the men wear khackis and a nice button down shirt and he looks nice in those things...I tell him all the time). He is just really resistent to any change and while I can understand that, I am not going to let opportunity pass me by. I spent a lot of my life taking care of others and working my behind off to get where I am today and now, I wished and it got answered. Such a crossroads for all of us...
I am going just take it day by day and see how it goes...I really just want to enjoy myself for once and that may be selfish of me, but at some point, I have to put my foot down for me.
Cheers,
Heather
FARMGIRL #90 |
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La Patite Ferme
True Blue Farmgirl
623 Posts
Jenn
CA
USA
623 Posts |
Posted - Feb 01 2008 : 3:09:53 PM
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Heather, is it the change DH is really worried about? Or could he be worried about his ability to mix with the corp types. My XH hated the social stuff because the guys stood around talking about the biz trips they were on, the deals they made or were working on. He kept telling me he was just a farmer and really couldn't relate to all that stuff and didn't have anything to talk to them about. I always looked at it like a play I was in and this was my part in the play because my real life was at home on the farm. Could that be your DH's real concern? Might be worth a conversation.
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Across the Fence: Stepping into the next social wrung on the ladder. |
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Stepping into the next social wrung on the ladder.
