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Parenting & Farm Kids:  Mom's with lots of kids...how do you do it?  |
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
 Posted - Jan 24 2008 : 2:03:44 PM
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We only have Charlie right now, who will be 2 very soon. We are considering, sometime next year, maybe, having a second one. But I would like to have 4. So what are your secrets? What do you do to keep it together? Tips for keeping yourself from looking like a wreck? Beauty secrets? Housekeeping, organizing, etc?? Anything and everything you can think of. What have you found helpful? What doesn't work? I MEAN ANYTHING!!!  I would love to have lots of kids, but one thing I am scared of is it is just DH and me and no family whatsoever to help us out. But, I know, deep down, all you need is love...
Cheers,
Heather |
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Canadian farmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
482 Posts
Lori
Ontario
Canada
482 Posts |
Posted - Jan 24 2008 : 3:13:44 PM
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I had 3 kids in 4 years, and managed to survive it! (they're teenagers now)
You have to realize that your house is NOT going to be perfect, and don't compare yourself to magazines and other people who are probably unhappy but have perfect homes. The main priority becomes your family, and the rest does fall into place. Keeping your sanity is important, and having contact with other adults is helpful. I did cook ahead, and freeze meals, just by making extra whenever I was making something. Getting out with the children was helpful, whether it was a walk to the park, or a trip to the library. There are great books there about parenting, too.
Don't be afraid to accept help, either. Even if it's just an offer to babysit from a friend so you can go get your hair done! (Swap babysitting, so it doesn't cost anything) You won't feel great walking around with sour baby puke on your shoulder, either, so find a few minutes for yourself each day.
I just had to take things a day at a time, and always remembered it doesn't last forever, those crazy days. I wouldn't trade them for anything.
Lori |
Edited by - Canadian farmgirl on Jan 24 2008 3:47:31 PM |
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Marybeth
True Blue Farmgirl
6418 Posts
Mary Beth
Stanwood
Wa 98292
USA
6418 Posts |
Posted - Jan 24 2008 : 3:35:41 PM
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I have 4 daughters and they are pretty close in age. I would have them close again. We lived out in the country, in a small house with one bathroom (4 teenage girls) and I didn't drive so I sometimes felt pretty STUCK. But I think we raised one another. I was fortunate to be a stay at home mom. We had horses, chickens and sheep and the whole out doors, so to me it was almost perfect. I do agree with Lori that you can't compare your family to anyone else and just relax about the housework. My girls all grew up and turned out just great. Have another baby....NOW!! MB
www.strawberryhillsfarm.blogspot.com
www.day4plus.blogspot.com www.holyhouses-day4plus.blogspot.com
"Life may not be the party we hoped for...but while we are here we might as well dance!" |
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tziporra
True Blue Farmgirl
234 Posts
Robin
Seattle
WA
USA
234 Posts |
Posted - Jan 24 2008 : 4:36:39 PM
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I think Marybeth found the secret to SANITY as a mother by not driving :)
Seriously!
Among my friends, the moms who drive the most are the most frazzled, the most harried. I try to drive as little as possible. For a whole year I didn't even have a car, and it made my life sooooooo much better. I have one now, but I still organize my life around NOT driving it.
Along these lines, I think that choosing a counterculture lifestyle in one area (having a large family) frees people to examine each area of their lives and fearlessly choose to be counterculture in other areas (not driving, for instance).
And believe me, having a large family IS counterculture. I'm pregnant with our third right now (I'd also like four, my husband wants more) and while I don't think 3 even qualifies as a big family, EVERYONE feels it is their business to give me a lesson on birth control anymore. My best friend has 5, and it's much worse for her.
So mine are 4 and 18 months right now, and I also watch a nine month old for some extra income.
Here is my other tip, which is even harder than the not driving thing: have a schedule for everyone, especially yourself. In the wonderful book Home Comforts by Cheryl Mendelsson, she advocates housekeeping on an "old-fashioned" schedule, which I find makes my life effortless. I do laundry on Monday, clean on Tuesday, sew on Wednesday, bake on Thursday, prepare for our Sabbath on Friday (this includes a mini-cleaning and an extra load of laundry if needed), rest on Saturday, and do "family" chores on Sunday -- those things that require a group effort.
My kids are on a very strict sleep schedule as well, which is not very "attachment parenting" of me, but works amazingly well for our family. I've finished WRITING two novels since quitting my job 4 years ago and am halfway through a third!
I LOVE my life, and am extremely grateful for it. And if something isn't working -- I'm feeling frazzled or too tired or I'm not getting what I need, I reassess and see if anything can be changed within the family to make sure I'm functioning at my very best.
Best,
Robin
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Edited by - tziporra on Jan 24 2008 8:37:11 PM |
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Canadian farmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
482 Posts
Lori
Ontario
Canada
482 Posts |
Posted - Jan 24 2008 : 5:02:15 PM
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Robin, I agree about the driving, too. I had access to a car, but I also had an English pram and walked miles with that (you could load it up with 2 kids and lots of groceries!) We made walks part of our daily schedule. Our life was fairly scheduled, with time every day for afternoon naps and I also kept a strict bedtime. Kids need routine, and I found the most unhappy kids were the ones being dragged from one thing to another, or living with inconsistent rules.
Lori |
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Aunt Jenny
True Blue Farmgirl
11381 Posts
Jenny
middle of
Utah
USA
11381 Posts |
Posted - Jan 24 2008 : 5:04:08 PM
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I have 4 still at home and 3 grown kids too. The ones at home are now 13, two are 11, and one is almost 11 (adoption) so we are busy busy busy. I think being as organized as possible and a bedtime that is consistent is really important. I have limits on how many extra activities each of my kids can have at any one time and we do most things as a family...even reading time..for at least 1/2 hour to 45 min every afternoon. It is crazy but I wouldn't change a thing..and would for sure get more kids..we are thinking about it..but arn't sure yet..maybe just 2 more kids..lots of kids needing homes out there!!
Jenny in Utah
Proud Farmgirl sister #24
Inside me there is a skinny woman crying to get out...but I can usually shut her up with cookies
http://www.auntjennysworld.blogspot.com/ visit my little online shop at www.auntjenny.etsy.com |
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Marybeth
True Blue Farmgirl
6418 Posts
Mary Beth
Stanwood
Wa 98292
USA
6418 Posts |
Posted - Jan 24 2008 : 8:52:10 PM
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I didn't think about it at the time but being scheduled is a plus. Strict sleeping time is a must and for the little ones--nap time. They didn't have to sleep but lay down for a certain amount of time. When I was little we (my siblings and I) had to sit still on a chair and just be still. I think it was just to settle us down but it is a dicipline just like anything else.
We were very strict (lovingly though) and I thinnk back now and wonder if all that was so important and then I look at my daughters and "why yes, I think it was". MB
www.strawberryhillsfarm.blogspot.com
www.day4plus.blogspot.com www.holyhouses-day4plus.blogspot.com
"Life may not be the party we hoped for...but while we are here we might as well dance!" |
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snowberryfarm
True Blue Farmgirl
132 Posts
Michelle
Central Wa
WA
USA
132 Posts |
Posted - Jan 24 2008 : 10:13:19 PM
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Hello. I completely agree with the issue of driving in a car. I just talked about this on my blog, actually, after watching a recent Supernanny episode. Just today, I noticed that the editor of the show commented on my blog! I really think life can be simple, even with a big family, if we just step back, slow down, and be very careful not to overschedule. I am personally making it a goal of mine to have more days at home where I never get in the car to go anywhere.
Michelle |
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Canadian farmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
482 Posts
Lori
Ontario
Canada
482 Posts |
Posted - Jan 25 2008 : 07:06:12 AM
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We had a real "moment" recently where my kids thanked me for being strict with them! They are all older now, 15-19, and were recently with their cousins, one of whom is really annoying, has been since he was 2 and he's 11 now. My son asked me if they ever did some of the things he does, and I told him I would never have let them get away with that, or even get to that point. He then thanked me for not letting them turn out like brats!
They were raised with firm, fair rules, and they did get consequences to learn from. But lots of love, too.
Lori |
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tziporra
True Blue Farmgirl
234 Posts
Robin
Seattle
WA
USA
234 Posts |
Posted - Jan 25 2008 : 08:51:41 AM
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Michelle,
You hit the nail on the head with the simplicity comment. When a big family is our priority, there is an enormous benefit in simplifying the other areas of our life. And if we feel guilty because our kids are not involved to the hilt like in other families where the moms are willing to put in the two-and-a-half-hour daily chauffeur duty (TWO AND A HALF HOURS!!!! I CAN GET ALL MY WORK DONE IN THAT TIME!!!!) just remind ourselves that we are giving them the greater benefit of siblings and the deep life-long relationships that come along with a big family.
I wanted to really encourage the women here to be supportive when you meet someone with a big family too, it can make a world of diffence!!! I was at a wedding shortly after my son was born, and a nice lady stopped to admire the baby. She was obviously expecting, so I asked when she was due, and how many children she had. When she answered that this would be her fifth, I got a big smile and gave an enthusiastic congratulations. She started crying! Of course it was a wedding, and she probably had some pregnancy emotional stuff going on, but apparently all her friends and family had given her such a hard time about her family planning skills that she was completely taken aback to hear a kind comment. I confided in her that I didn't know how anyone ever STOPPED having babies, and how I wished I could always live with a two-year-old in my house (my oldest was then two and SO much fun -- she still is, of course).
Anyway, it was a nice bonding moment with a stranger, and I hope it left us both feeling better about our secret "shameful" love of big families :)
Best,
Robin |
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Sage
True Blue Farmgirl
207 Posts
Pam
Worland
Wyoming
USA
207 Posts |
Posted - Jan 25 2008 : 11:27:39 AM
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I have four daughters, all with families of their own now, and wouldn't trade the large family for anything. We are all best friends and are there for each other good times or bad. This is what helped me - my friends and I, all new mom's, started a mother's support group. We got together once a month and shared parenting and women's issues concerns and tips. When our children were a little older we started a playgroup that met one morning a week. We all took turns and were responsible for the activities when the group meet at our home. This gave each mother a few mornings off each month. Other things that helped were an establised bed time and rest time in the afternoon. No naps required just quiet time on the bed with a book. A home where the children were taught respect and were respected. They were not allowed to have temper tantrums or be disrespectful. If they made a commitment they had to follow through.
As our children got older we all had chores on a rotating schedule, even the parents, for cooking, cleaning, empting the garbage, etc. We worked really hard as parents to make sure our daughters became self sufficient, that they could get a job, balance a check book, maintain their car, work out problems at school or work, cook balanced meals, etc. I also tried to make sure we always talked about their problems and hurt feelings, no using bad language or going to bed mad. I wish you the best because there is nothing like the love of a family. It is the hardest job in the world and you will love it.
www.heritagedesigns.etsy.com |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
Posted - Jan 25 2008 : 12:45:39 PM
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(PS...Sage is my mom)
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
Please come visit Nora and I our our new blog:
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com |
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
Posted - Jan 25 2008 : 12:47:25 PM
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Well, apparently it worked Ms. Pam because Ms. Alee seems to have it together.... : )
Cheers,
Heather |
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Sage
True Blue Farmgirl
207 Posts
Pam
Worland
Wyoming
USA
207 Posts |
Posted - Jan 25 2008 : 1:46:38 PM
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Thanks for the very nice compliment Heather. I know I've learned and (am still learning) as much from my kids as they did from me. Sage
www.heritagedesigns.etsy.com |
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Peanut
True Blue Farmgirl
603 Posts
Jennifer
Waverly
Virginia
USA
603 Posts |
Posted - Jan 25 2008 : 1:55:16 PM
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When I only had my two girls, the smallest errand was stressful. Now I have a daycare and it's nothing for me to take 3, 4 or 5 kids grocery shopping. I guess it's all about perspective.
"What is a farm but a mute gospel?"
Ralph Waldo Emerson |
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
Posted - Jan 25 2008 : 1:59:30 PM
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Yes- perspective is the greatest gift in a moment of "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"!!! lol
Cheers,
Heather |
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BarefootGoatGirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1495 Posts
Corrine
North Carolina
USA
1495 Posts |
Posted - Jan 25 2008 : 2:33:44 PM
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i am a single mom to 4 and right now i feel like i am just getting through one day to the next. one thing that helps me keep going is taking the time to stop and remember that each of my children is a special individual, not another chore on my list. like some of the other girls said, keeping your house clean is not always going to be possible, but my children wont remember that anyway. what they are going to remember is rather or not they felt mama's love and knew they were special individuals.
What we write today slipped into our souls some other day when we were alone and doing nothing.
-Brenda Ueland
http://quilandneedle.blogspot.com/ |
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MereOnceMoore
Farmgirl in Training
33 Posts
Meredith
IL
33 Posts |
Posted - Jan 30 2008 : 6:05:26 PM
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This is a nice thread to find. I currently have two amazing little ones and DH and I are debating more...he says three, but for the sake of even numbers I'd go for four. But I'm on the fence. Being in the burbs makes counterculture-ness so difficult. Seems there are a million people who feel they know better what to do for my children. DD just had a birthday and we requested no gifts just bring a donation to the Humane Society...more than one mama brought a gift..."that's just the way it's done". grrrr......
So the romantic in me says if we can get acerage and get out of the burbs I'm totally on board, but still I sit on the fence.
This was a nice encouraging read...thanks for giving me more to chew on.
Argue for your limitations and sure enough they're yours. |
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FL_farmgirl
Farmgirl in Training
17 Posts
Jen
Florida
USA
17 Posts |
Posted - Aug 25 2009 : 3:30:26 PM
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I know this thread died out a long time ago, but being a mommy of 5 little ones, I had to chime in :P
My kids are 5 6 7 8 and 9 (yeah, yeah...I've been busy!)
I stay at home and we homeschool
Basically my secret to staying sane is that secretly, I'm insane!!
I don't stress out of little things.
I let them be kids...the memories they make while splashing around in mud puddles are more important than the hour it's gonna take me to clean them all up
Unlike some of the other ladies, schedules don't work for me. (probably why never made it in the "working" world)
As babies, the ate when they were hungry, slept when they were tired.
Now, we have rather flexible mealtimes...we all eat together, but it's more when the majority of them are squaking to be fed and less a specific time.
Bedtimes are also flexible. We play it by ear...if they have to get up early or had a hard day, it's early...
Another secret to what I do can be summed up in 4 words my kids hear often..."GO OUTSIDE AND PLAY!!"
Good luck and Blessings :)
Jen |
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fionalovesshrek
True Blue Farmgirl
186 Posts
Paige
kinston
North Carolina
USA
186 Posts |
Posted - Sep 13 2009 : 10:23:32 AM
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I have four boys, age 4 1/2, 6,7, 11 1/2. My husband is currently, and frequently gone to war. So I am a "geographically single mom". I home school, and yes, I'm a little crazy. We do have a schedule but it's loose. Meaning we always have three meals a day, we always have blessings and cuddles at night. We always have time to talk with each other and time to play. But one day to the next looks different. One day we might get loads of school done, or loads of housework done, and another day they play game cube all day and I knit all day! But the constants are constant. I have trained them well to play well with one another, to be helpful to me and listen and obey quickly. I am their mother first, but their biggest cuddle bug next.
The more you have the easier it gets. Well, sort of. MY oldest was nearly 5 when Sam was born and he was extrememly helpful in fetching diapers or binky's or loveys or even sitting with baby while I fixed dinner. But Sam was just 13 months when Max was born and I remember coming home from the hospital and saying to my husband "how will I EVER get to walmart with all three?" and Scott said "You don't have too, just tell me what to get and i'll get it". Disaster averted! I eventually got used to those three, then fell pregnant again 9 months later and oddly enough, that little guy Jack was the easiest baby, and got along with the rest easy peasy, even though husband left for Iraq when baby was just 5 days old.
Let's go back to #1 real quick, just so you can understand it does get easier. When #1 Noah was 5 months old, my husband had to go to training for three weeks. I made it exactly 3 days before I flew to be with my mother. I could NOT do it.
The woman I have become is not the woman I was. Each pregnancy, each labor, each round of sleepless nights, makes you stronger and more capable.
You can do it!
As to the hints and tips. clean things up as you go along, letting baby cry "he can cry he will not die" assuming all his basic needs are met. Shower at night. Or during the day with baby in his oscillating chair in the bathroom with you. YOu sing while you shower and get out refreshed and baby GASP asleep!
Plan meals, atleast know your meal options from what you've got in your house. Don't try to do too much, don't try to do too little. Make sure baby gets plenty of sleep and plenty of "just because" cuddles. Talk to husband about current stressors and issues, hopefully he's the encouraging type. Make friends with someone with a lot more kids, that helps keep your life in perspective. My friend like that has 10 boys and one girl, aged 4 months to 17 years. YAHOO my life is EASY baby! Your's can be too, children are a blessing from God and a credit to your name when trained well and loved well.
www.fionaswampington.blogspot.com
http://homespunhensfarmgirlchapter.blogspot.com/
Man, despite his artistic pretensions, his sophistication, and his many accomplishments, owes his existence to a six inch layer of topsoil and the fact that it rains. |
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HeatherAnn
True Blue Farmgirl
187 Posts
Heather
Rancho Cucamonga
CA
USA
187 Posts |
Posted - Sep 16 2009 : 9:28:56 PM
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i have a almost 3 month old and a almost 16 month old. When I was super pregnant with my second I was standing in line at this store one afternoon with my oldest in the cart and my big ol belly. This lady in front of me she said, oh wow, yours will be close together! And then she told me, it's not as hard as everyone makes you think it is. just don't expect your house to be clean for a few years and try to run a comb through your hair every now again for your husband.
i still think it's amazing advice.
Heather Ann
Apartment Farmgirl
"You got to look at all the good on one side and all the bad on the other and say 'Well, alright then.'" - Aunt Eller, Oklahoma
www.plumblossomknits.etsy.com |
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Parenting & Farm Kids: Mom's with lots of kids...how do you do it? |
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Mom's with lots of kids...how do you do it?
