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Across the Fence:  okay this may sound silly  |
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bohemiangel
True Blue Farmgirl
2087 Posts
Bridget
Ligonier
pa
USA
2087 Posts |
 Posted - Jan 21 2008 : 08:42:24 AM
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Not sure where else to post this. I know a few of us have posted relationship issues or heart felt issues. I am just struggling with the winter blues etc. Something is bothering me and it is silly as all get out. I am not amusing myself. Actually our preacher spoke yesterday about how people go into a relationship and expect the other person to give them what they need when they are broken. I am an only child (yes spoiled but not a brat, I always knew I was blessed with what I have family and otherwise) but I have always had something else to amuse me. I am struggling with working 4.5 days a week. I know that sounds silly too. Who wants to work more. But honestly I think I'm bored. I clean the house and I'm happy or I exercise or I get on the net, but I still feel empty. The bf and I have worked out the previous issues and I'm still learning. I realize alot of the problems seem repeated from other relationships so I'm looking inward instead of outward :-p it's me! I expect too much and I expect them to entertain or amuse me. I am happy to just be with him when he is doing what he wants to do. I also am trying to not shop. That is a false filler for my life and I realize that. I have financial goals so in order to achieve them I must not spend all my $. I think I've been changing so much lately but I just don't know what to do. I have hobbies, actually plenty but I always like to have someone do it with me. I started to try to amuse myself with going to the movies alone. I NEVER did that. I had a splendid time! Do you all see where I'm coming from. I rely on others to amuse me in life. I shouldn't have to have that. Or I rely on material things. HELP! I feel so lost in this journey of change.
**~~Farmgirl Sister #60~~**
"... to thine ownself be true."
http://liggygirl.blogspot.com/
http://liggygirlslonggreen.blogspot.com/
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
Posted - Jan 21 2008 : 08:57:27 AM
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Hi Bridget!
I think you might have found your answer when you said you had a "splendid" time going to the movies by yourself.
It takes a huge leap of courage to go off and do things by yourself. It isn't just being an only child that makes it hard to be alone. I think it is our society. Everything we see on TV tells us to always move in packs. Maybe it is a marketing thing where always having people about you creates a competitive environment or maybe it just makes better television. But you never see a TV show about someone off doing their own thing and having a good time.
But it is very very possible to have and amazing time just by yourself. When I lived close to our family cabin, I would often take a week each year and go up by myself and not do much of anything. No phones, no computer, just books, and paper to write on. The first day and a half was always hard- just relearning how to be alone with oneself. But by the end of the week it was actually hard to go back to "Civilization".
Don't be afraid to go do things by yourself. Take a drive in the country and just listen to the radio play, take time to write in your journal every day, volunteer extra time. There is nothing wrong with being busy!
*hugs* I know how you feel. I have worked through periods in my own life like this.
Also, if you start feeling down or really empty, go to a tanning bed place and sun tan for 5 minutes (lights, not spray on). That extra jolt of bright light really does wonders for your mood! I always walk out relaxed and happy. In fact I have recently started to wonder why I ever stopped going in the first place!
Alee
Farmgirl Sister #8
Please come visit Nora and I our our new blog:
www.farmgirlalee.blogspot.com |
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BarefootGoatGirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1495 Posts
Corrine
North Carolina
USA
1495 Posts |
Posted - Jan 21 2008 : 09:26:06 AM
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bridget,
you've taken a huge step just pinpointing your problem. one thing i find that satisfys my inner emptyness is to create. when you work with your intelect, you give of youself and in return you feel filled. cook a meal for a neighbor (so you don't end up gorging yourself and feeling worse), knit a pair of slippers (this pattern is beginer frendly if you don't already knit http://www.white-works.com/slippers.htm), sew, paint, sit down with a notebook and just write what ever comes to your head first...the options are endless. expressing yourself is an amazing way to amuse yourself!
also, if your brain needs extra stimulation try taking a class or find a "teach yourself" book a the library and learn something new. i make a point to read more non fiction that fiction because knowledge enhanses who i am and make me a more interesting person both to myself and to others. if you arn't a reader, try checking out documentarys from the library's video section and watch them while you do those mindless tasks that are part of our everyday life (folding laundry, ironing, etc...)
if you really feel that you need to interact with others (like mj says, we all need community), try volunteering like Alee suggested. go to the local nursing home and visit someone who is truely lonely, help at a soup kitchen or food pantry, or be a mentor through the big sister program.
hope this helps. i feel incredably lonely some days too, but if i focus and get moving i always end up feeling better. also, i am blessed enouigh to have a sissy to call when i really need it...i hope you have a friend to fill that place for you. someone to make you laugh at yourself can be a big leg up.
hugs,
corrine
What we write today slipped into our souls some other day when we were alone and doing nothing. Brenda Ueland |
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Linder
True Blue Farmgirl
592 Posts
Linda
Lake Forest
IL
USA
592 Posts |
Posted - Jan 21 2008 : 2:10:32 PM
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Hi Bridget,
I just read your post and it was so brave of you to share how you're feeling. Sometimes just saying it outloud helps.
I agree with everyone else, you're SO on the right track.
Here are a few things that I do when I'm feeling the way you are now. Some of it may sound goofy but it really helps me make a shift to a better space. I hope it helps!
1. Write a gratitude list (What do I have in my life that I'm really grateful for?)
2. Ask yourself what brings you joy? Think about it or make a list that you can post somewhere.
3. Do those things!
4. Compliment your boyfriend. Praise him when he does something "really right" He may be so excited that you noticed that he keeps on doing it! This works with anyone we love.
5. Do 1 thing a day for the pure pleasure of it! (Maybe you go see another movie or maybe you take a bubble bath.) It doesn't have to cost a thing.
I really had to be gentle with myself when I learned how to be alone and enjoy my own company. It was challenging but I was told by a very wise friend of mine that "First we do it, then we do it well!"
Enjoy your new adventure!
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk to blossom |
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Across the Fence: okay this may sound silly |
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okay this may sound silly
