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Family Matters:  Troubled Daughter  |
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lmillward
True Blue Farmgirl
111 Posts
Lorie
Riverton
UT
USA
111 Posts |
 Posted - Dec 12 2007 : 7:45:59 PM
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I just left my daughter at yet another rehab facility. She is in her 20's now but has been dealing with drug addiction since she was 13. Although this is not the first (or I suspect the last) time I have been through this with her it is still very difficult. I'm struggling to find that, almost invisible, line between enabling her and supporting her. It seems to be getting harder as she gets older and has more to lose.
Thanks for listening
Lorie
Wonder, explore, learn, love... act! |
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mikesgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
3659 Posts
Sherri
Elma
WA
USA
3659 Posts |
Posted - Dec 12 2007 : 7:50:09 PM
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| Lorie - you are not alone in this. I suspect many of us have been through this with our children. I know that I have and it was a very difficult time in my life. I knew my son was inside of this stranger somewhere and I had to have faith that he would emerge again and he has. He has over a year of sobriety now, and I am cautiously optomistic. Have faith - believe in her but know that my son didn't start to recover until I stopped enabling. God bless. |
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lmillward
True Blue Farmgirl
111 Posts
Lorie
Riverton
UT
USA
111 Posts |
Posted - Dec 12 2007 : 7:59:57 PM
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Thanks for the response Sherri! It's good to know others have been through this too.
Wonder, explore, learn, love... act! |
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miss wilma
True Blue Farmgirl
3410 Posts
Wilma
Knob Lick
Ky
USA
3410 Posts |
Posted - Dec 12 2007 : 8:10:01 PM
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LORIE I REALLY FEEL FOR YOU I HAVE A LITTLE COUSIN THAT IS IN THE SAME THING It is so hard on them and their families, Just want you to know I will remember you. Miss Wilma
I am a farm girl married to a sewing machine
http://misswilma.blogspot.com/ |
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lmillward
True Blue Farmgirl
111 Posts
Lorie
Riverton
UT
USA
111 Posts |
Posted - Dec 12 2007 : 8:18:40 PM
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Thank you thank you, Wilma. I appreciate the support.
Wonder, explore, learn, love... act! |
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Aunt Jenny
True Blue Farmgirl
11381 Posts
Jenny
middle of
Utah
USA
11381 Posts |
Posted - Dec 12 2007 : 8:46:55 PM
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I will sure be keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers!! I hope it works this time. It dosn't get easier to be a Mom as our kids grow up, does it?? ((((((hugs))))))
Jenny in Utah
Proud Farmgirl sister #24
Inside me there is a skinny woman crying to get out...but I can usually shut her up with cookies
http://www.auntjennysworld.blogspot.com/ visit my little online shop at www.auntjenny.etsy.com |
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country lawyer
True Blue Farmgirl
1022 Posts
1022 Posts |
Posted - Dec 13 2007 : 08:20:29 AM
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| Thinking of you... |
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frannie
True Blue Farmgirl
2246 Posts
fran
bonham
texas
USA
2246 Posts |
Posted - Dec 13 2007 : 09:49:16 AM
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dear lorie, i am so sorry to hear that you and your daughter are going through this. i have 4 grown children, but i have had this experience myself, and i believe i can understand the heartache that you are feeling.
my experience with my children(yes, more than one went down this road)
taught me a few lessons that i still believe are true.
i do believe that the older the child is the more chance that they will make it out. i do believe that we cant reason with them when they are using. i do believe that it is in part a spiritual problem and until they are ready to embrace a spirituality it is just not something we can give to anyone else, but we can model that when you have a faith, whatever that may be you have an ability to live without chaos and confusion, and to live through chaos and confusion. the prayer of AA is so simple and so profound:
help me to change the things i can.
accept the things i cant change
and the wisdom to know the difference.
i will keep you and your family in my thougts and prayers. i really understand and hope the best for your daughter and you.
love
fran
(http://farmfolks-frannie.blogspot.com/) |
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Lainey
True Blue Farmgirl
2401 Posts
Elaine
Waco
Kentucky
USA
2401 Posts |
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shawna
True Blue Farmgirl
241 Posts
missouri (north)
241 Posts |
Posted - Dec 13 2007 : 2:30:51 PM
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this is very sad. i am very sorry for the heart ache you are dealing with. i must say that i played that game with my life, not for very long, THANK YOU GOD! it's hard for even someone who wasn't in it for much longer than 2 yrso come out. people have to understand what they want from life, and if thats not a drug induced coma with no fam. or real friends, they have to change. people want it both ways--normal and crazy, you have to let something go. for me it was down to life long dream of my fam. or drugs and many unhappy mornings. i pray that your dd decides she has something in her life that is worth turning for., if not maybe you could put that idea in her head!!! she must be very upset about something, we have our reasons for wanting to stay "fuzzy" she needs to come to terms with this in a very "raw" way.
(this is more than i would ever want you gals to know about me)
xoxxo MERRY CHRISTMAS xoxxo |
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Nance in France
True Blue Farmgirl
1438 Posts
Nancy
St. Laurent de la Salanque
France
1438 Posts |
Posted - Dec 14 2007 : 09:56:12 AM
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| Lorie, sending you a hug, and keeping you close in prayer. It is a tough time, so keep close to God and pray for guidance; He will not let you down. Keep your spirits up and positive so that you will be ready to help when your daughter is ready to lean on you. Nance |
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goneriding
True Blue Farmgirl
1599 Posts
Winona
Central Oregon
USA
1599 Posts |
Posted - Dec 14 2007 : 7:01:45 PM
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I'm so sorry you are dealing with this but I have a daughter who has been sober for over 3 years now. I had to finally 'give up' on her and let her fall flat, hit bottom HARD and stay there till she decided to pick herself up and get with the program. She has done all the rehab herself as, even tho I love her, I won't be here/there to pick her up and she knows it. According to a counselor, she wasn't even supposed to make it this far...that's how bad she was.
My daughter knows I won't even be there for her to lean on me, she has to be that strong for herself. I helped her with money for a bit and then cut her off as soon as she found a little job to pay the basics. That's all I'll do for her and she knows it. Now she is doing fabulous and is trying to buy and established business.
Not that I'm trying to brag on my daughter, the point is I finally just gave up and let go and let the chips fall where they may. Truely both my daughter and I are relieved and we have a very strong bond that can't be broken.
Maybe something from my story will help you in your problem...I hope so...
Winona :-)
When you lose, don't lose the lesson!!
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lmillward
True Blue Farmgirl
111 Posts
Lorie
Riverton
UT
USA
111 Posts |
Posted - Dec 14 2007 : 9:04:49 PM
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You are all so amazing! There is something so liberating and yet so comforting about sharing a hard situation with other women and mothers. Through the years I have certainly gotten to know many mothers dealing with this same issue through the various programs we have been involved in and felt support from them as well. The difference, however, is that y'all don't know me or my daughter personally and yet, you still provide comfort, prayers and support willingly and with no expectations or judgement. That is indeed rare and a testament to the fundamental nature of a farmgirl. I am so proud to be one of you!
Thank you for answering my prayers for comfort and understanding.
Lorie
Wonder, explore, learn, love... act! |
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lmillward
True Blue Farmgirl
111 Posts
Lorie
Riverton
UT
USA
111 Posts |
Posted - Dec 19 2007 : 8:33:16 PM
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My daughter came home today. Now for the hard part...
Long live the weeds and the wildflowers! ~John Muir |
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shawna
True Blue Farmgirl
241 Posts
missouri (north)
241 Posts |
Posted - Dec 20 2007 : 07:09:04 AM
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we will all be keeping you both in our prayers! best of blessings!
xoxxo MERRY CHRISTMAS xoxxo |
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Ronna
True Blue Farmgirl
1891 Posts
Ronna
Fernley
NV
USA
1891 Posts |
Posted - Dec 20 2007 : 09:58:13 AM
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I don't think there's a family around that hasn't been affected by drugs and the damage it does to everyone. My daughter got really mad when I told her paybacks were a [bleep]. My grandson, 17, will be going to live in Utah with my son and hopefully get his head on straight and do something constructive with his life. My son is just 16 years older than him, but has always been the strongest male in his life and that's a plus.
I also have an adopted sister, just 5 weeks older than my daughter, who has been in and out of prison and rehab for at least 15 years and struggles every day. In a small town, it's hard for people to believe she's clean and trying to be a good person. My heart is with you in this long hard journey. Hopefully, both of you, and the rest of the family will come through with more wisdom and understanding.
Ronna |
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julia hayes
True Blue Farmgirl
1132 Posts
julia
medical lake
wa
USA
1132 Posts |
Posted - Dec 20 2007 : 11:38:10 AM
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my heart just aches Lorie!! I loved your last post..'my daughter came home today...now for the hard part.' isn't that the truth! I will keep you so close to my thoughts and prayers..I don't know what to say other than I'm taking a deep breath....~julia hayes
being simple to simply be |
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lmillward
True Blue Farmgirl
111 Posts
Lorie
Riverton
UT
USA
111 Posts |
Posted - Dec 20 2007 : 4:23:12 PM
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Thank you all for your thoughts and concern. It makes me very sad that so many families are effected by this kind of situation. It can be devastating for the person and the family who loves the addict. Ronna- I pray that the move will help your grandson and show him how much support he has from his family.
Julia- I appreciate your understanding of the feelings I have right now. My husband and I (along with our other girls) are really scared. We've been through this many times and I think it gets harder each time.
Long live the weeds and the wildflowers! ~John Muir |
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lmillward
True Blue Farmgirl
111 Posts
Lorie
Riverton
UT
USA
111 Posts |
Posted - Dec 23 2007 : 11:01:10 PM
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4 days into being home and everything is OK so far. She came to the family christmas party (which is saying alot since I have 9 siblings all married with kids- so around 50 people or so arrive for any get together!)!!! They have started a "Heroin Anon" group at the University where I work so she is trying to get involved in that too. Feeling hopeful.
Long live the weeds and the wildflowers! ~John Muir |
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brightmeadow
True Blue Farmgirl
2045 Posts
Brenda
Lucas
Ohio
USA
2045 Posts |
Posted - Dec 24 2007 : 07:59:51 AM
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I'm glad you're getting through this. This is a really hard time of year for a lot of people, and it sounds like you and your daughter have a strong support network. Keep reaching out to others, there are lots of people who have been there and who understand.
My daughter didn't get involved in drugs (at least, I don't know it) but she's found lots of other ways to cause heartache in her late teens. She's getting better now - time really does heal all wounds.
I'm thinking of you, and pulling for you and your daughter.
You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands - You shall be happy and it shall be well with you. -Psalm 128.2
Visit my blog at http://brightmeadowfarms.blogspot.com ,web site store at http://www.watkinsonline.com/fish or my homepage at http://home.earthlink.net/~brightmeadow |
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lisamarie508
True Blue Farmgirl
2648 Posts
Lisa
Idaho City
ID
USA
2648 Posts |
Posted - Dec 27 2007 : 4:25:31 PM
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Lorie, I also know what you've been going through. I would not wish this kind of heartache on my worst enemy. Our middle son got involved in drugs and what a horrible experience for our family for about 4 years. It almost ended our marriage, it got so bad.
We lived in West Valley, UT at the time. The last time our son was arrested (for felony charges) we convinced the judge to commit our son to rehab. The judge put him in Odyssey House in Salt Lake two weeks before his 18th birthday.
After everything we had done or tried to do with him that didn't work...I'm so glad the judge listened to us. I'm convinced that judge saved my son's life because I was sure he was either going to end up in prison or dead if he continued on the path he was on. That was in early 99. My son spent 8 months in Odyssey House because he had continual setbacks (he was not there by choice) and they're policy was not to release patients until they were certain that they were ready and could make good life choices.
He's been clean for more than 7 years now. He has a good job, goes to school at night to be a nurse, is married and expecting a baby in June! I got my son back and I couldn't be more proud of him now.
I pray your daughter's life turns out just as well. My heart goes out to you.
Farmgirl Sister #35
"If you can not do great things, do small things in a great way." Napoleon Hill (1883-1970)
my blog: http://lisamariesbasketry.blogspot.com/
My Website:
http://www.freewebs.com/lisamariesbasketry/index.htm |
Edited by - lisamarie508 on Dec 27 2007 4:26:07 PM |
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lmillward
True Blue Farmgirl
111 Posts
Lorie
Riverton
UT
USA
111 Posts |
Posted - Dec 27 2007 : 8:15:34 PM
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Thank you, Lisa for telling me your story. I am always heartened to hear success stories. After 7 years and 9 treatment programs it gets harder and harder to feel optimistic but I am trying. As you say- it is incredibly hard on the family. It is hard to have the energy to give to my other daughters in the midst of all the stress and worry.
I appreciate you thinking of me- it really helps - more than I ever thought it would!
Long live the weeds and the wildflowers! ~John Muir |
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lmillward
True Blue Farmgirl
111 Posts
Lorie
Riverton
UT
USA
111 Posts |
Posted - Jan 10 2008 : 9:36:44 PM
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Well, she got a job and has been there for 4 days! I hope this works out. In counseling they told us that she really needs to be in a residential treatment for several months
Long live the weeds and the wildflowers! ~John Muir |
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lmillward
True Blue Farmgirl
111 Posts
Lorie
Riverton
UT
USA
111 Posts |
Posted - Jan 10 2008 : 9:43:01 PM
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OOPS! Hit the wrong button. Any way, residential treatment programs are VERY expensive- on the order of 20-40K per month- and insurance doesnt cover it (at least not mine). The counselor matter of factly suggested we borrow the money from a family member. Obviously he has never known monetary hardship and was quite surprised when we told him our family was poor (an awkward thing to have to tell someone especially when they dont understand).
It made me realize how many people will never be able to get treatment or quality care because of their socio-economic status. At least we have been able to do what we could but I'm afraid it's going to bankrupt us (again).
Thanks for listening
Long live the weeds and the wildflowers! ~John Muir |
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lmillward
True Blue Farmgirl
111 Posts
Lorie
Riverton
UT
USA
111 Posts |
Posted - Jan 17 2008 : 08:44:39 AM
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Looks like my daughter will be going back into detox today. Not even a month out of the last time. She is finally afraid she is going to die- as I have been for a long time. I'm just about worn down.
Long live the weeds and the wildflowers! ~John Muir |
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frannie
True Blue Farmgirl
2246 Posts
fran
bonham
texas
USA
2246 Posts |
Posted - Jan 17 2008 : 08:56:45 AM
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lorie,
i am so glad to hear from you, i have wondered how things were going.
i believe from my own experiences that your daughter needs this fear to begin her journey back.
the addiction to opiates is a very strong one as you know, and there is a very strong physical component. the pain receptors in her brain have to be extinquished and will power alone cant do that they have to be starved out. so every day that she is without a substance progress will be made.
i will continue to have you and your daughter in my prayers and thoughts. i want you to try to take this time to refresh and renew yourself. please do what ever you can to take an emotional break from this very weary journey you and your daughter have been on.
you have provided the best circumstance for recovery that you can and now it is in the hands of the pros and your daughter and in my world
God.
i call on all our farmgirl sisters to please send out prayers whenever you can for our farmgirl sister and her daughter.
love
fran
(http://farmfolks-frannie.blogspot.com/) |
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Family Matters: Troubled Daughter |
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Troubled Daughter
