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Across the Fence:  I need advice (long and rambling)  |
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mikesgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
3659 Posts
Sherri
Elma
WA
USA
3659 Posts |
 Posted - Sep 19 2007 : 09:42:40 AM
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| Once again, dh is headed out of state for a job. He is going to Sedona AZ, I think I mentioned the possibility a while back. Well, I really need to vent, or need advice or something. He expects me to go with him - that's why he bought an RV and lives in it instead of the hotel his company puts them up in. Well, I don't think he realizes the impact a trip like this has on me. First of all, with my business, you have to schedule shows months in advance. If I don't know what state I"m going to be in when, it's nervewracking to do this. I do my work in the RV, but with a business like this you can't possibilty take everything you might need for 6 months in a trailer.I would love to go with him, and just stay in the RV and work on my product and not worry about any of these things, but they are responsbilities and realities. Then, theres the matter of our house - it needs to be winterized, maintained, etc. - no husband around. Do I stay home to make sure this gets done, or do I go? Dental appointments scheduled 3-4 months ago - do I stay or do I go. I just joined Weight Watchers - with his blessing. Who knows if there wil be meetings close to where he'll be staying. Pets - 2 dogs, 2 rescue cats - do I stay home with them, or take 4 animals in an RV. Mail - bills need to be paid - I can do it on a computer, but what about unexpected bills - and will a computer be available to me. My mom - what if something comes up with her? (Alzheimers) Fiddle Fest - I have planned and looked forward to this for about 3 months - that would be out of the question. I've been wanting to sign up as a CASA, but that is a responsibility you just don't run out on. You HAVE to be here for court dates on your cases. I love traveling with him - we have a good time when we're out of town, but what about all of this other stuff. Sounds like this will be a 6 month or so job. That would mean I would be Christmas shopping for the third year in a row, out of state. We have been in California that last two years at Christmas time and you just can't find stuff for my sons who love fall and witner outdoor activities in San Franciso and San Diego. Ever try to find a flannel shirt in the Bay area? And to top it all off, he may have to leave this weekend. This weekend is the last weekend of the fair that I have been in for the last 2 weeks. Tear down is Monday - what would I do about that? I think what really bugs me the most is - he comes home all happy about going to Arizona without a single thought to what it means to me. All he has to do is throw a few jeans and orange shirts in a bag, hook up the trailer and be on his way. He knows that I will take care of everything, just like I've done for the last 36 years. I really truly believe that my place is with him and that our relationship is the most important thing, but a responsible adult does have to consider the big picture, right? What do I do? Do I stay or do I go? (BTW, him not going is not an option - he would NEVER refuse to go where his employer sends him.) Ok I'm done. |
Edited by - mikesgirl on Sep 19 2007 09:54:54 AM |
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JudyBlueEyes
True Blue Farmgirl
657 Posts
Judith
Spokane
Washington
USA
657 Posts |
Posted - Sep 19 2007 : 10:02:32 AM
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Wow, Sherri! That's a tough one. My first reaction is that you stay home, take care of your responsibilities and make some extended visits when it fits in to your schedule. Second thought is make a Pro and Con list. On the Con side would be all the reasons you listed in your post about the fairs, medical appointments, weight watchers, home-keeping chores, animals, etc. On the Pro side, would be ... being with him... But if you look at your schedule for the next six months and pencil it out as to commitments you have made and for your business, then it will be easier to make an informed decision. Going grudgingly might not be the best option for either of you. Blessings on you as you make your decision!
We come from the earth, we go back to the earth, and in between, we garden! |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
Posted - Sep 19 2007 : 10:35:24 AM
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Hey Sherri!
It sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now. What about sending him down there with the RV and then following in a month or so when you get the house winterized.
I would take the pets with you- They will adapt to the smaller living quarters and will be happier being around you then kenneled while you are gone. You can also get your mail forwarded down to Arizona by filling out a change of address card once you have a campground or wherever you are staying worked out. Then when you come back up just fill out another change of address card. You can get these at the Post Office.
I am pretty sure there is a Weight Watchers meeting pretty much everywhere now, so you should be able to keep up with that while you are gone.
When is your dental appointment? Maybe you could do that and then go down?
Or maybe you could just go down and for a couple weeks at a time?
Alee
The amazing one handed typist! One hand for typing, one hand to hold Nora!
http://home.test-afl.tulix.com/aleeandnora/ |
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Hideaway Farmgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
1553 Posts
Jo
Virginia
USA
1553 Posts |
Posted - Sep 19 2007 : 11:22:43 AM
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Sherri,
How far is Sedona from where your house is. I think it's way too short notice to try and pack up and go this weekend, especially if you have one more weekend of the existing fair you committed to, and which I assume is your means to providing income? What's his feeling about you staying home for a bit longer and joining him later on, for the remainder of the work assignment or making several shorter trips to be with him throughout the tour of duty?
Jo
"Wish I had time to work with herbs all day!" |
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Nance in France
True Blue Farmgirl
1438 Posts
Nancy
St. Laurent de la Salanque
France
1438 Posts |
Posted - Sep 19 2007 : 11:24:37 AM
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| Oh tough decision to make. But I agree with the gals; you are definitely not the "sitting on the couch eating bon bons type of wife who can just pack a sack and hit the road without a backward glance! You would be worrying/fuming/mentally wringing your hands with all the unfinished business at home! I think letting him go ahead is a good option; you can follow, even if you know it is just for a short visit of several weeks, once or twice. And if you went for just a few weeks, it would be easier to lug everything you would need for that time period. Hope everything works out for the best! Nance |
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Past Blessings
True Blue Farmgirl
1083 Posts
Brenda
Orchard Prairie
WA
USA
1083 Posts |
Posted - Sep 19 2007 : 11:44:42 AM
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Hi Sherri,
I think the pro and con list is a good idea. Based on what you have told us, if I were you, I would go, but not for a couple weeks. Fly down when you have loose ends tied up. Then prior to going, I would try to get the dental appt. moved up. If that can't happen, if it is just a check up, it can wait 6 monthes. If it is more, schedule a dentist in Sedona. As for the mail, you only need a days notice to stop the mail or have it forwarded to your new location, so that is just a matter of stopping in at the post office. I would definitely complete the fair and have time to take it down properly. Then over the course of the next two weeks I would ready everything at the house and fly down when you are ready. He can take the big things in the RV and the pets (they would probably charge a fortune to fly 4 pets! Animals will adjust . . . though the kitties will hide for the first week or so! As for Fiddle Fest, other shows, CASA, etc. that is a decision you will have to make . . . do you want to do that more than joining him at the RV for the next 6 monthes. I think a compromise where you find a few local to Sedona shows might be a good option. I think it could be a fun adventure, but you need more time to plan, so my advice would be to go, but to go later when you have tied up all the loose ends. In regards to your mom, alzheimers can go on for years. While yes it could become a crisis, it also very likely will not. I don't think we can live our lives based on the "what ifs". If something did happen, most airlines have "Family crisis" space available at the last minute and often, if you tell them the circumstances, they will even discount the flight. I know my friend had to fly down to a Carribean island after her elderly mother fell and broke her hip on a cruise ship. The airline actually gave her the ticket. I think it is called "Benevolence" but you can check with the airlines if this should happen. But I guess my point is I wouldn't let that deter you or effect your decision.
Best of luck. Now tell your hubby to wipe that silly grin  off his face and help you start getting the RV ready to go! LOL!
Hugs & blessings,
Brenda
Past Blessings . . . Celebrating Life as it used to be . . . when people loved God, loved their families and loved their country. |
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nut4fabric
True Blue Farmgirl
885 Posts
Kathy
Morgan Hill
CA
USA
885 Posts |
Posted - Sep 19 2007 : 4:09:37 PM
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Tough choice to be sure, but I can tell you that you would like Sedona and the surrounding areas. Certainly there is a Weight Watchers there and mail can be forwarded and I think most major campgrounds these days have computer hookups available. Don't miss the chance to spend some time in this beautiful part of the country.
Hugs, Kathy |
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Carol Sue
True Blue Farmgirl
4033 Posts
Carol Sue
Washingtonian
USA
4033 Posts |
Posted - Sep 20 2007 : 12:05:04 AM
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Souor dh. herri,
Oh girl, not an easy decision to be making. I agree with writing down a list and honestly answering them. Then sharing them with your dh, and a question I have is what do your really have peace about doing right now. You talked about visiting him off and on a while back while you take care of house and home. Do you need to secure the cabin as well for the winter?
Vent anytime sweetie and we will be here.
Carol Sue
Enjoying life. |
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frannie
True Blue Farmgirl
2246 Posts
fran
bonham
texas
USA
2246 Posts |
Posted - Sep 20 2007 : 04:58:52 AM
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sherri,
first off, i want to know how you made out at the show you are doing?....ibet everyone loved your work!
anyhow, this is a toughie, it sounds a little overwhelming to look at, but if you break it down into small workable things to take care of i know you can take care of it all.
if you decide to go, i think it would probably be a good idea to ask your dentist first if he has any refernces for dentist in that part of the country. it would be a good thing to know whether you need to go during your stay there or not.
as far as your kids christmas presents you can find anything on the internet and have it sent to them. ie.ll bean.
have you done a computer search for craft shows in that part of the world for the next 6 months? almost all of the craft shows now can be accessed through the web and it is fun to see what kind of shows occur in different parts of the country. maybe some of our famrgirls here that live in that part of the world could help you with local craft or local festivals that will be occuring in the next 6 months.
please keep us posted on what you decide.
as far as your mom goes, if you have any friends or church members ask them if they could check in on your mom and email you about what they see on their visits. i know what you have been doing is a lot with her for one person, but if you asked several people, ie, 6 folks to help you with this they would only have to commit to 1 visit per month, for you to cover six visits, or if they could commit to 4 visits they could cover 1 visit per week.
some kind of arrangement like that.
in any case, i would encourage you to search your heart and think what you would do if you just follow your heart, and i think that would tell you what you want to do and where you want to be, then the next step would be to set up the schedule that would allow you to do that.
at any rate i'm thinkin of ya, sherri and what ever you decide i hope ya have a ball!
any one who works as hard as you do deserves to have a fun time!
love
fran
(http://farmfolks-frannie.blogspot.com/) |
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Amie C.
True Blue Farmgirl
2099 Posts
Finger Lakes Region
NY
2099 Posts |
Posted - Sep 20 2007 : 06:43:57 AM
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| One thing you don't mention is: how does your husband feel about you traveling with him? Does he expect you to be there with him to take care of things for him in the RV? Or does he just like your company? Would he be upset if you told him to go ahead and you'll join him in a few weeks? That's a whole other aspect of the situation besides the practical details. If your business was not such a pressing concern when the two of you bought the RV and got in the habit of going together on his work, you may need to talk this over. Maybe the situation is different now and he hasn't realized it. |
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mikesgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
3659 Posts
Sherri
Elma
WA
USA
3659 Posts |
Posted - Sep 20 2007 : 08:11:55 AM
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| Well, leave it to you gals to put things in perespective. When I wrote this, (as you could probably tell) I was overwhelmed, looking at the big picture, feeling dumped on, and stressed out. If I would have taken time to analyze things, I would have come up with what you have told me on my own probably, but coming in the middle of the fair, it was tooooooooooo much! I AM going to take your advice - take care of things here at home and join him later. I know he can survive on his own, he just works all day, comes home and pops a microwave dinner in and reads a book til bedtime when he's out of town. I think what he wanted me for the most was company on the long trip down there. I can understand that - that is a very long drive. He will probably have to sleep over two nights on the way down. Anyway, thanks ladies, so much for calming me down, helping me break things into manageable bites, and making my decision. I"m still wrestling with what to do with the kitties and dogs if I fly down - kenneling them would be a fortune if I went for two weeks. I flew down to San Francisco last year when I just had one dog, put him in the kennel and it was almost $100 a week. Imagine 4 pets for 2 weeks, so I will have to do some research about that. Anyway, thanks again ladies - I knew I could count on you!! PS Frannie - the fair is going very well! |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
Posted - Sep 20 2007 : 09:49:47 AM
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Sherri-
Can you send the pets down with him or drive down yourself?
Alee
The amazing one handed typist! One hand for typing, one hand to hold Nora!
http://home.test-afl.tulix.com/aleeandnora/ |
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mikesgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
3659 Posts
Sherri
Elma
WA
USA
3659 Posts |
Posted - Sep 20 2007 : 11:37:43 PM
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| I don't think I can send the pets with him - our old doxie is so used to having someone home all day I think he would really have trouble. And he wouldn't take the cats if they had to stay in the trailer all day while he was at work. I'm trying to work out something with our son to take them if I just go down for a couple of weeks at a time. |
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Carol Sue
True Blue Farmgirl
4033 Posts
Carol Sue
Washingtonian
USA
4033 Posts |
Posted - Sep 21 2007 : 03:45:02 AM
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Hey Sherri,
You just needed a little breathing room to think. Love ya girl,
Carol Sue
Enjoying life. |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
Posted - Sep 21 2007 : 08:20:55 AM
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Sherri-
Does you husband like books? Have you ever thought of having him listen to audio books on the drive down for company? I have several from Orson Scott Card that you could "borrow" and you don't even have to worry about returning them- they are on the internet (and the program lets you burn them to CDs too)
Alee
The amazing one handed typist! One hand for typing, one hand to hold Nora!
http://home.test-afl.tulix.com/aleeandnora/ |
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Across the Fence: I need advice (long and rambling) |
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I need advice (long and rambling)
