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Across the Fence:  OK I'm freaking out...  |
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mikesgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
3659 Posts
Sherri
Elma
WA
USA
3659 Posts |
 Posted - Jul 26 2007 : 09:57:57 AM
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| allow me to freak out and vent before I sit down and try to figure out the solution to this. I just checked the mail and along with a bill from the lady who cares for my mom, was a letter stating that since her condition has worsened, she was raising the price of her care by $400 a month. Mind you, this is in addition to the $300 or so my dh and I kick in now. while I understand that she requires more care than she used to, and I don't begrudge this wonderful lady her money, there is no way we can come up with another $400 a month without drastic measures. I don't know what, but, maybe sell our house, or I will give up my business and get a job. Oh, I feel so bad to tell dh this when he gets home!! |
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levisgrammy
True Blue Farmgirl
9441 Posts
Denise
Beavercreek
Ohio
USA
9441 Posts |
Posted - Jul 26 2007 : 10:03:59 AM
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Sherri,
So sorry to hear that you have this to deal with. Maybe you and your husband can brainstorm about someone else for a caregiver who would be willing to do it for less.
Sometimes when they think they are going to lose a job they rethink how much they actually need to get that extra money. Best to talk to your husband though and glean his wisdom. Will be keeping you in thought and prayer for this.
"The earth is the Lord's and the fullness thereof and all that dwell therein."
www.torismimi.blogspot.com |
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mikesgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
3659 Posts
Sherri
Elma
WA
USA
3659 Posts |
Posted - Jul 26 2007 : 10:10:12 AM
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| Mom lives in an adult care home and before I put her in there I searched for a couple of months before I found an opening. I have already sold her house to pay for her care, so it is not an option to take her back home and find someone to come in and care for her. I really blame the social service system - there is no way to ever get help for her from the state because her income is above $1700 a month - which is nothing compared to what her care costs, but it is the state cut off. Ironically, the money that puts her over the limit is my dad's state teachers retirement benefit. I tried to refuse it, but they wouldn't let me. That, combined with her SS, puts her over the limit. This issue, combined with the recent trouble I am having getting medicare to pay her doc bills is too much. Why am I having to deal with all of this? What would happen to her if she were childless? |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
Posted - Jul 26 2007 : 10:23:28 AM
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If she were childless she would be assigned a social worker who would do everything you are doing, but would probably put her in a lower grade place so that her income would pay the bill.
:(
How are you doing today? I hope you get some answers soon!
Alee
The amazing one handed typist! One hand for typing, one hand to hold Nora! |
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mikesgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
3659 Posts
Sherri
Elma
WA
USA
3659 Posts |
Posted - Jul 26 2007 : 10:28:48 AM
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| Thanks for asking Alee - sometimes I feel invisible in all this. One possibility I have been looking into since I first posted, is to become a sub at Head Start. I have my degree in ECe and have been a HS teacher and home visitor in the past, so I would think they might hire me as a sub. In that case, I could still work on my business on the days I'm not needed, plus keep my obligations to shows I've already applied to. Just a thought I'll run by dh. |
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levisgrammy
True Blue Farmgirl
9441 Posts
Denise
Beavercreek
Ohio
USA
9441 Posts |
Posted - Jul 26 2007 : 10:31:29 AM
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Sherri,
Is there anyone who regulates the cost of the care since she is in an adult care home?
It is a shame that there are so many regulations for every thing except costs. Seems everything else is being regulated but never the rising costs of living.
"The earth is the Lord's and the fullness thereof and all that dwell therein."
www.torismimi.blogspot.com |
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mikesgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
3659 Posts
Sherri
Elma
WA
USA
3659 Posts |
Posted - Jul 26 2007 : 10:36:33 AM
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| Denise - I don't know how to find out about whether there is anyone who regulates the cost of the care. Is there an agency that would tell me this? It's hard to believe how ignorant you are of some things until they slap you in the face! |
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Luzy
True Blue Farmgirl
922 Posts
Luanne
Pueblo
Colorado
USA
922 Posts |
Posted - Jul 26 2007 : 10:54:00 AM
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Denise, was your Dad a Veteran? That was the solution for my FIL, a veterans care home and we also found out that a spouse of a veteran is also eligible for care in a Veterans home care facility. We were lucky and found a wonderful place for my FIL nearby. Good luck! Lu
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May I always be the kind of person my dog thinks I am.
http://luzy.etsy.com- My etsy store! |
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mikesgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
3659 Posts
Sherri
Elma
WA
USA
3659 Posts |
Posted - Jul 26 2007 : 10:55:03 AM
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| Well, I just found something out about myself since I got this news. I didn't realize how much of a stress eater I was before, but I just realized that since I got this news at about 9:30 this morning, I have been back to the kitchen about 9 times to get something to eat and nothing is satisfying me. I guess stress must have contributed to the extra 50 pounds I'm carryng around, huh? That's bad - I need to get a handle on that. |
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Marybeth
True Blue Farmgirl
6418 Posts
Mary Beth
Stanwood
Wa 98292
USA
6418 Posts |
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mikesgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
3659 Posts
Sherri
Elma
WA
USA
3659 Posts |
Posted - Jul 26 2007 : 11:39:11 AM
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| She's not eligible because she makes over $1700 a month - regardless of her expense. |
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_Rebecca_
True Blue Farmgirl
568 Posts
Rebecca
OK
USA
568 Posts |
Posted - Jul 26 2007 : 12:03:34 PM
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I like the sub idea. What qualifications do you have to have?
.·:*¨¨* :·.Rebecca.·:*¨¨* :·. http://boinglink.blogspot.com/ |
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mikesgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
3659 Posts
Sherri
Elma
WA
USA
3659 Posts |
Posted - Jul 26 2007 : 12:06:12 PM
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| I have an associates degree in Early Childhood Education and I have taught Head Start as a lead teacher, and been an Early Head Start Family Development Specialist. I loved teaching and had to quit to move closer to my mom when she got Alzheimers. I haven't worked in the field for about 5 years, but I think the basic principals are still the same. |
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ArmyWifey
True Blue Farmgirl
712 Posts
Holly
Abilene
KS
712 Posts |
Posted - Jul 26 2007 : 1:32:34 PM
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You didn't specify if your Dad was a vet... or her. As the other poster stated Veterans Homes will care for spouses. You have to meet their conditions but it might be possible.
Whatever the solution God has the answer - not the fridge! I too tend to eat but am learning to run to Him. Very often He will have an answer you haven't even thought of!
Hugs!
Holly
As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!
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Carol Sue
True Blue Farmgirl
4033 Posts
Carol Sue
Washingtonian
USA
4033 Posts |
Posted - Jul 26 2007 : 4:07:34 PM
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Oh Sherri, that way way way suckkssssss. Ya know it would be different if we didn't care, but we love our parents and want the best for them even if they don't remember us.
I wish I had an idea to help, with dh's mom she made too much for help and it was a major major pain. Finally found an assisted living that would take her but she had no money and I mean no money to spend. She threw a major major fit and then her daughters threw fits at us, and they got the whole enchilda to deal with. We stepped out, She lived for another year.
You cannot get blood out of a turnip and I bet you feel like you are majorly getting squeezed. I think the idea of subing may be your best, talking to the lady whose home she is in, and defininetly talking to hubby.
Girl I will be praying for you. That you can find some stress busters for yourself at the same time. One of the things that happend are caretakers in wahtever capapcity get burned out and can get ill. Make sure you take care of yourself girl. Your dh loves your mom, two heads are better than one to figure things out. We will add our 2 cents worth so see if it helps.
Right now I just want you to know, call me anytime girl, just to yell scream and sputter if you need to.
Love ya and major (((((HUGS)))))
Carol Sue
Enjoying life. |
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mikesgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
3659 Posts
Sherri
Elma
WA
USA
3659 Posts |
Posted - Jul 26 2007 : 4:56:17 PM
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| Holly - I'm sorry I didn't respond to that vet question - I thought it was directed to Denise. Yes, my dad was a WWII vet. Do you suppose there's any chance that they could help? |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
Posted - Jul 26 2007 : 5:40:53 PM
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Sherri- It is certainly worth checking out!
Alee
The amazing one handed typist! One hand for typing, one hand to hold Nora! |
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mikesgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
3659 Posts
Sherri
Elma
WA
USA
3659 Posts |
Posted - Jul 26 2007 : 5:47:21 PM
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| I sent an e-mai asking if there was any help for that situation. Supposed to take 5 days to get back to me. I'll certainly let you know what I hear in case it can help someone else. |
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gateway girl
True Blue Farmgirl
135 Posts
Shari
Missouri
USA
135 Posts |
Posted - Jul 26 2007 : 7:46:04 PM
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Sherri, I'm sorry to hear you are going thru this. I used to work at several nursing homes and I was also a home health aide for several people in my younger years. Most states have a Department of Health and Senior Services. Google exactly that and find the one for your state. They should be able to help you. If I can be of any further assistance please email me anytime.
Shari
Life is a chain of moments of enjoyment, it's not just about survival. Live every second to it's fullest!
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gateway girl
True Blue Farmgirl
135 Posts
Shari
Missouri
USA
135 Posts |
Posted - Jul 26 2007 : 7:50:32 PM
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Sherri, here is another site for you to check out http://www.aasa.dshs.wa.gov/ they can also help.
Shari
Life is a chain of moments of enjoyment, it's not just about survival. Live every second to it's fullest!
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mikesgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
3659 Posts
Sherri
Elma
WA
USA
3659 Posts |
Posted - Jul 26 2007 : 8:44:34 PM
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| Everyone is being so helpful. Thank you so much - I am following up each and every one of these leads. DH came home since I was online earlier and he is so calm, so collected, so helpful. He's like "You've got a few weeks, just take your time, research everything before you jump into a job you don't really want." What a sweetie. |
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Shirlaroo
True Blue Farmgirl
297 Posts
Shirley
Australia
297 Posts |
Posted - Jul 27 2007 : 12:16:44 AM
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I hope you find a solution soon. I love all the brain storming ideas the other farmgirls have come up with. Your husband is right, try not to freak out so much, ideas will come to you easier if you calm down and focus.
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Edited by - Shirlaroo on Jul 27 2007 12:24:31 AM |
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Past Blessings
True Blue Farmgirl
1083 Posts
Brenda
Orchard Prairie
WA
USA
1083 Posts |
Posted - Jul 27 2007 : 08:43:54 AM
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Sherri,
I am so sorry for your stressful situation. My first thought is that you need to get power of attorney over your mom. The $1700 coming in for your mom's Social Security could be used to help pay the medical bills. Secondly, I hate to ask a morbid question, but is your mom considered "terminal?" If she is, look into whether there is a hospice service in your area. When my grandma was terminally ill, we were able to get free care for her several times a week from wonderful volunteer medical staff of hospice. Just some thoughts to check into. I know as her daughter your main concern is doing what is right for her, but at the same time I don't want to see this financially "sink" your family. My thoughts and prayers are with you!
With hugs & blessings,
Brenda
Past Blessings . . . Celebrating Life as it used to be . . . when people loved God, loved their families and loved their country. |
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mikesgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
3659 Posts
Sherri
Elma
WA
USA
3659 Posts |
Posted - Jul 27 2007 : 09:45:21 AM
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Brenda - I do have POA for mom, it just doesn't work with the SS admin. Mom only gets 1300 from social security, the rest, that puts her over the 1700 is from my dad's pension and house payments (I sold her house to help pay for the care, carrying the contract)
Yes, she is considered terminally ill, but the place where she's being cared for provides hospice care - I wouldn't get a discount or anything if I had volunteers coming in to provide it. I have really tried to think of everything - even to the point of asking the caregiver if I could come in and provide service to discount the bill a little. I'm hoping this doesn't sink our family also, but it very well could. If someone had told me before all this happened, how difficult it is to get help in this situation, I would never have believed them. Even our attorney said that she could get help if she had less than $2000 in the bank, and no assets. Well, those are required, but no one ever told us about the "less than $1700 a month income" requirement. It makes no sense because the state will pay for care for someone making less than $1700, even if the bill is larger than my moms, Mom could contribute more towards the total bill, but they won't help in her case. It's ridiculous. thanks for your help and concern. |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
Posted - Jul 27 2007 : 10:06:05 AM
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I didn't know until recently that there is such a thing as long term care insurance. I am not sure if she could get that now since she is already in long term care, but I think I will add that to my life insurance. If I get it now- it should stay cheap for my whole life. It terrifies me that someday I could be a financial burden on my child(ren).
Sherri- You are doing amazing! I hope the VA can help you. I know you must just be exhausted from dealing with all this. You are a sweet and loving daughter and your mom sure is lucky to have you!
Alee
The amazing one handed typist! One hand for typing, one hand to hold Nora! |
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MulberryMama
Farmgirl in Training
37 Posts
Jill
Prospect Heights
IL
USA
37 Posts |
Posted - Jul 27 2007 : 10:54:26 AM
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When my mother was terminally ill and my father was disabled due to Alzheimers, my parents had to get rid of some land so that having too many assets would not preclude them from state aid for medical bills (they had no insurance). To not lose the money from the sale of the land, we established a funeral trust through the funeral home. I believe it was about $7500 at the time to cover anticipated funeral expenses for my mother and eventually my father. I set it up with a lump sum amount. I don't know if it could be set-up to receive monthly payments, but that may be a way to funnel the monthly payments from the house into another area, and reduce her monthly income. I did this in Wisconsin, so I am not sure about the laws where you live.
If there were a way to reduce the teacher's pension, and take a smaller distribution, (though you did say you had tried to refuse it), that might help to.
Also, what percentage of the total monthly bill is the $400 increase, and what additional services do they really need to provide, ask then to justify it in man-hours, hard costs, etc. the $400 may be their opening position, but there may be a way to negotiate something lower.
If I am saying everything you already thought of, I am sorry. I know that it can be really frustrating. Money doesn't solve everything, unless it's precisely what you need to solve your problem.
God doesn't give us challenges that we are not already equipped to face. It may just take some noodling and talking to other people for ideas. Hang in there.
I wasn't born in a barn, but I was raised in one. |
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Across the Fence: OK I'm freaking out... |
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OK I'm freaking out...
