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Here's to Your Health:  Alzheimers  |
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mikesgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
3659 Posts
Sherri
Elma
WA
USA
3659 Posts |
 Posted - Jun 25 2007 : 10:53:54 PM
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| Are any of you dealing with Alzheimers in your family? It's such a devastating disease and it affects loved ones so much. My mom got it and it took a while for me to accept that was what was happening. I tried to be her caretaker for awhile, but she rejected me and it was too hard to be there 24/7. I don't have brothers and sisters, so there was no help available - she wouldn't let anyone else in her house - she got very aggressive and mean. I wish I had discovered this forum while I was trying to care for her. It's a very very hard job, and with no other support I really needed a place to vent. She's in a home care facility now - it's a good place, but DH and I are financially responsible for her. She makes too much money through social security and my dad's pension to get help from the state, but not enough to pay her bill at the facility + medicine + insurance etc. We have no choice but to pitch in the extra money. I went to see her Sunday and when the caretaker said "MYrtle, look who's here - look who's come to see you" She just looked at me and said "Who are you?" Breaks my heart. |
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Runbikegrrl
True Blue Farmgirl
250 Posts
MaryAnn
Waterbury Ctr
VT
USA
250 Posts |
Posted - Jun 26 2007 : 03:20:38 AM
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Sherri - I wish I were in your town so we could sit down and talk. I work with the elderly and deal with dementia daily...it is so hard on families. Often the parent/loved one is just as healthy as can be physically but unable to be independant due to the memory issues. It is a mystery as to the differing levels of loss and how quickly it progresses. My work involves matching up folks to live in the home to enable the elderly person to stay in the home...it is mostly barter...but soemtimes cash is exchanged. The program is called Home Share (not in all states, and called different names in some) Right now I am working with a family where the 90 yr old father is still at home alone and is doing ok (other then he forgets to eat and change his clothes...we're working on that) The family decided he should no longer be driving (amazing he was at 90)because he sometimes can not remeber how to get home and just drives around till he runs out of gas...one night he had a credit card with him and drove for almost 24hrs until the local police noticed him going in circles around the green, pulled him over and called the daughter. He is upset to lose his licence, the family is upset treating him like a child...but I tell you life is afull circle their is not so much difference between how we start out as young children and the final progression of aging and end of life. What is important is that you love your mother...some folks stop visiting saying "well, they do not recognize me anyway". I believe on another level they do! It is hard for you to see her like this and there is no way to make it less painful. Be in the moment if you can...bring her her favorite ice cream, play her favorite music, take her out to the places she loves....what I am trying to say is she can not remeber things and may even react negatively to caring but if you can help her be happy in the moment that is a special gift! Know that you are doing the best you can! My thoughts are with you and your family. Big Hug!
"So many interests so little time!"
http://lovelifelivegrrl.blogspot.com/ |
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Amie C.
True Blue Farmgirl
2099 Posts
Finger Lakes Region
NY
2099 Posts |
Posted - Jun 26 2007 : 07:49:30 AM
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My grandmother has Alzheimers and it is really sad. Mostly for my grandfather, who is over 80 himself and is her caregiver. I worry a lot about what will happen to them in the future. If he were to die or become incapacitated, she would have to go to a nursing home and she would hate that. If she were to get so bad he couldn't care for her, would he have to sell the family home to pay for her care? And then where would he live? I just don't know what will happen, and it keeps me up at night.
My parents and grandparents live close by, so I see my grandparents at every family party and gathering. My grandma can't really have a conversation anymore, the words just don't come out right. But I try to keep up the chat like there's nothing wrong. I think it makes her happy to feel like everything's ok, and it distresses her that my grandfather often can't hear what she's saying. I wish there was more we could do for them. |
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mikesgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
3659 Posts
Sherri
Elma
WA
USA
3659 Posts |
Posted - Jun 26 2007 : 08:51:48 AM
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| I keep up the constant chat when I'm with Mom too, you never know - some of what you're saying might be getting through. I did sell her home to help pay for the care. Even with the $600 a month that I get for house payments, DH and I have to pitch in another $600 in addition to her social security and pension. It's a shame the way they've got things set up in this country. My dad thought he was doing the right thing by setting up his retirement so she would get the most money per month. All that did was disqualify her for help. If she was on straight social security, the state would pick up the balance. Instead, we are. |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22937 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22937 Posts |
Posted - Jun 26 2007 : 11:37:35 AM
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Oh Sherri! It breaks my heart that you have the financial burden to deal with as well as the emotional one! It really is a shape the way this country deals with the elderly. *big hugs* You are being a wonderful daughter to take care of your mother and visit her even though it is hard on you!
Alee
The amazing one handed typist! One hand for tying, one hand to hold Nora! |
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mikesgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
3659 Posts
Sherri
Elma
WA
USA
3659 Posts |
Posted - Jun 27 2007 : 6:39:54 PM
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| Thanks Alee - that's really sweet of you to say that. It means a lot to me. |
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mellaisbella
True Blue Farmgirl
1862 Posts
melanie
living on Anne of Green
Gables land
Canada
1862 Posts |
Posted - Jun 29 2007 : 06:11:53 AM
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Dear Sherri
Big hugs to you my friend. I, like MaryAnn, work with Alzheimer/dementia patients. Although every person with the illness is different, I agree with MaryAnn, play her favorite music, bring her her favorite foods. try things from her past and that might help you.
I have to say that I am blessed to live in CAnada as our government run facilities are free for people to live in. Everything including medication is paid for.
Oh Sherri, how I wish some of us could be closer to you and sit and have a cup of tea and a good cry. Blessings to you and your family.
"learn to watch snails" SARK |
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mikesgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
3659 Posts
Sherri
Elma
WA
USA
3659 Posts |
Posted - Jun 29 2007 : 07:44:31 AM
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thanks Melanie - I wish I did live closer to some of the Farmgals. I made one friend off this site in Olympia which is about 1/2 hour away. I hope to be getting together with her some this summer.
The US should take a hint from Canada on health care. The way ours is set up, people can work their whole lives for their retirement and lose it all to overpriced medical bills in a flash. Just like us - these aren't even our bills, but there's noone else to pay them, so we do. No one's been able to tell me what would happen to her if we weren't here to pay the bill. |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22937 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22937 Posts |
Posted - Jun 29 2007 : 11:19:33 AM
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Sherri-
She would be downgraded to a government run facility. We have one here in Moscow. I try to make sure I visit it as often as I can. It is a decent facility, but the rooms are not as big as other places, and they often have to share rooms with other people.
Alee
The amazing one handed typist! One hand for tying, one hand to hold Nora! |
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mikesgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
3659 Posts
Sherri
Elma
WA
USA
3659 Posts |
Posted - Jun 29 2007 : 2:37:56 PM
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| Oh - I could never let that happen. When I was little, she doted on me - I could never do less for her. |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22937 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22937 Posts |
Posted - Jun 29 2007 : 2:44:34 PM
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I also forgot to mention that before that happened, the government would sieze all assets to pay for care. It wouldn't matter if she had willed them some where and I believe she would have had to sell major assets something like 4 years before the need for the siezure for the profits to be safe. I can't remember exactly. Basically the system is set up to protect the government, not the relatives. :(
Alee
The amazing one handed typist! One hand for tying, one hand to hold Nora! |
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mikesgirl
True Blue Farmgirl
3659 Posts
Sherri
Elma
WA
USA
3659 Posts |
Posted - Jun 29 2007 : 3:29:16 PM
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| Well, we're beyond that. I have sold all her assets already to pay for her care. I sold her house and her property she had on Hood Canal and use the monthly payments to pay on her care. It's thousand of dollars a month for the home plus she has medication (Alzheimer's meds are 450 a bottle, but after the deductible they're $75) plus insurance 250 a month (doesn't pay for her long term care, only medical), and assorted other needs. She gets 1300 social security, 900 retirement, 550 for house payment and 300 for property payment. There wouldn't be anything left for them to take. She didn't drive, so she didn't have a car. Enough of that - I don't want people to think I'm complaining about caring for my mom, but I get frustrated about the system we have in this country and how people don't understand it until it's too late. She would be horrified if she knew what was going on. She would have gotten long term care insurance if she would have had any idea that this would have happened. she could never imagine that care would cost upwards of $150 a day. |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22937 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22937 Posts |
Posted - Jun 29 2007 : 4:33:37 PM
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Sherri-
We know you aren't complaining! Unfortunatly, long term care is a burden to many in our society. Long term care insurance is a great idea, but I think a lot of people avoid getting it because they don't want to think that they might ever have to _be_ in long term care.
I still think you are super wonderful for taking care of your mom! It is hard to do, especially with Alzheimers. Hopefully someday we can reform the medical care system.
Keep doing such a great job!
Hugs!
Alee
The amazing one handed typist! One hand for tying, one hand to hold Nora! |
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mellaisbella
True Blue Farmgirl
1862 Posts
melanie
living on Anne of Green
Gables land
Canada
1862 Posts |
Posted - Jun 30 2007 : 11:41:25 AM
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Oh Sherri, do not think that you are comlaining, it is good to get things off of your chest. Us girls are here for you!!
"learn to watch snails" SARK |
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_Rebecca_
True Blue Farmgirl
568 Posts
Rebecca
OK
USA
568 Posts |
Posted - Jul 06 2007 : 2:16:31 PM
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Yes, it was very sad in my dad's last year of life when he couldn't remember peoples' names. I can only say that I understand. Sorry that you are going through this.
.·:*¨¨* :·.Rebecca.·:*¨¨* :·. http://boinglink.blogspot.com/ |
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sewgirlie
True Blue Farmgirl
1894 Posts
Sheryl-lyn
Calverton
NY
USA
1894 Posts |
Posted - Jul 06 2007 : 6:03:46 PM
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Sherri: I feel so sad for you all. This is such a terrible situation for the entire family. We went through this with my dear Nana and we all took turns taking care of her (I had one week a month--I lived 5 hours from her) and I would stay with her in her apartment. It was so sad to see her go through the stages of Alzheimers but we did as much as we could that was normal within her day.
This is sad, but since she was poor, she did get government assistance, while the rest of us will get everything taken from us when our time comes. I wish I could offer you more than friendship and good thoughts headed your way. You are a good daughter and she will always know that.
Sheryl-lyn |
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Annab
True Blue Farmgirl
2900 Posts
Anna
Seagrove
NC
USA
2900 Posts |
Posted - Jul 08 2007 : 1:51:35 PM
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I had one grandmother who was fortunate enough to have her body poop out from beneath her. She was totally coherent her whole life, but her back gave her such pain. She just gave out and passed when my mom was there visiting. (Weird but cool too) On the other hand, my other grandmother had dimentia and passed this way. She ended up being vegitative. Both are heartbreaking regardless
Right now hubby and I are dealing with a dear frined of the family who has been more of a grandmother than my real kin. This lady's family moved her to assisted living about a month ago. The lady is weak and will still carry on a conversation, but her short term memory is slipping badly. She is so angry at her family too.
I'm a Christian, but when I see stuff like this, I wonder why end of life suffering has to be like this.
Visits with our friend have been eye opening when I see all the other people there too and in various conditions. It's so strange and very much worth studying.
My folks are in their 60's and look and function like they are in their 40's! Mom maintains her social circles, does pilates and takes a spinning class. Dad still works because he wants to (self employed) and I think his fireworks hobby will keep him mentally young since his shows are all mostly put to music, and the mental hutzpah it takes to do this is astounding.
My heart breaks for anyone dealing with aging issues. |
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Here's to Your Health: Alzheimers |
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Alzheimers
