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Here's to Your Health:  Really struggling here -- *Update on page 2*  |
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happymama58
True Blue Farmgirl
1210 Posts
Patti
Missouri
USA
1210 Posts |
 Posted - Jun 06 2007 : 08:24:24 AM
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Ladies, I don't even know how to begin this. I left for a little over a month because there were some things I was/am trying to work out. I wanted then to share some things with you, but I was (still am, but . . .) somewhat scared to share so openly on a public forum. What will people think? That sort of thing. I've been struggling with so many things the last 14 months or so -- losing my job, selling our in-town home, living in a trailer, financial problems, the choas of living in a house while finishing it, dealing with partial empty-nest, etc., etc. It seems like everything has been a struggle. I don't think anyone who knows me "in person" has any idea how desperately I hang on. I'm better when there are people around, but it's still hard. It seems like tears are always just below the surface, that the littlest things are hard. When I'm alone, it takes nothing really for me to cry. My son has been home the last few weeks but is leaving again Saturday for summer school. I knew this weekend would be horrible; when he left after Christmas and again after Spring Break I really, really struggled. A few days I felt like I couldn't stop crying. I worry about what people will think but I just need somewhere that I can be open and not worry about keeping up appearances. I made a doctor's appointment with a new (to me) doctor (mine retired last summer), and I go today at 1:00. I'm sure he's going to tell me I'm dealing with depression (I don't know what else it could be), and I'm hoping he'll give me somthing to deal with this.
I feel so bad about not being part of this group for awhile, for leaving, and for now just coming back and dumping on you all. I can't explain it, but it was like I was just hunkering down and "hiding" from everything I could. I want to get back to "normal" and am going to do the best I can to just plow through. I'd really appreciate your prayers. Thank you!
Some people search for happiness; others create it.
Please visit me at www.marykay.com/pmiinch |
Edited by - happymama58 on Jun 07 2007 05:52:07 AM |
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Alee
True Blue Farmgirl
22941 Posts
Alee
Worland
Wy
USA
22941 Posts |
Posted - Jun 06 2007 : 08:50:11 AM
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Hi Patti!
First of all I want to give you a big farmgirl hug!
I am so glad that you came back to talk with us. I think one of the best things about being a farmgirl is that we are there for each other no matter what! Sometimes I think we are even more supportive of each other when things aren't going so great.
I know from experience that having money issues makes everything else more stressful. I know I have a hard time not stressing over finances, especially when I know things are tight or the books just won't balance at the end of the month.
I just became a mom 2 1/2 months ago. I can't imagine what it will feel like when Nora leaves the home. It really makes you long for the days when the whole extended family lived in the same house or neighborhood, doesn't it?
*hugs!* I hope your doctor helps you and I hope coming back to the forum helps too!
Alee |
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Jana
True Blue Farmgirl
482 Posts
Jana
Eau Claire
Wisconsin
USA
482 Posts |
Posted - Jun 06 2007 : 08:53:35 AM
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Patti, welcome back! I think you and I are at the same stage in life and it can be rough! Lots of changes. Taking stock of things. Letting go of some of our dreams and forming others. Sometimes you need to take some "down time" as I call it, and regroup. Sometimes there is a realization that you are at that "certain age" and things just are what they are and you have to live with them.
Good luck with your doc appointment. I know very well what depression is all about. Have been on meds for years. It definitely can help you get your life back.
Jana |
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Tina Michelle
True Blue Farmgirl
6948 Posts
Tina
sunshine state
FL
USA
6948 Posts |
Posted - Jun 06 2007 : 09:04:39 AM
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oh Patti, first of all a great big hug, and secondly..welcome back.
ya know it also could be a hormonal imbalance you might be going through too. So I really hope that your dr. visit goes well.
Stress/finances are no fun.
I hope you get some time just to take a nice long bath,unwind,and light a smell good candle, cry for a few minutes if you need to..but remind yourself that behind every gray cloud there is a silver lining..and you will begin to do your best to start looking for the sunshine in every day..because it is there.
Keep your chin up...and know that we care about you.Here's wishing to you a happy day..and that your smile will come back really soon.hugs to you.
~Seize the Day! Live, Love, Laugh~
visit me at:
http://gardengoose.blogspot.com/
and at www.stliving.net
you can also check out my etsy shops at:http://GardenGooseGifts.etsy.com |
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Amie C.
True Blue Farmgirl
2099 Posts
Finger Lakes Region
NY
2099 Posts |
Posted - Jun 06 2007 : 12:40:12 PM
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Hi, Patti. Nice to hear from you, but I'm sorry things are tough for you right now. I think a lot of us have been where you're at. Haven't there been several people posting here with very similar feelings just in the past year? Don't worry, it's absolutely normal to feel sad and overwhelmed when sad and overwhelming things are taking place. I'd be more worried about Depression-with-a-capital-D if everything was fine and normal, and you still were crying every day.
This is just my opinion, but I'm not sure I would be looking for quick fix in the form of medication. I know that medications help a lot of people with serious mental illnesses, but they also come with a lot of side effects. Sometimes it takes years to figure out the right med and the right dosage. If I were you, I would try some other tactics first. For instance, just recognizing that things are hard right now and you need to be nice to yourself. Make time for relaxing things, whatever works for you, on a regular basis. I know that studies have shown sleep, exercise, and healthy diet to be effective at relieving symptoms of mild to moderate depression. Of course, you and your doctor will decide if medicine is a good option for you, but these simple little things can really help. Unless you stress out too much trying to work them into your schedule! (I've done that!)
Please give us an update and let us know how you are doing, if it isn't too difficult for you to get internet access. I'm sure we'll all be thinking of you, and you don't have to keep up appearances here.
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junebug
True Blue Farmgirl
2421 Posts
Sue
West Plains,
Mo.
USA
2421 Posts |
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catscharm74
True Blue Farmgirl
4687 Posts
Heather
Texas
USA
4687 Posts |
Posted - Jun 06 2007 : 12:56:00 PM
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Patti- BIG HUGS!!! Secondly, I swear you just described how I have been feeling and I am just recently, diagnosed with depression. It is one step in the huge walk of life, but please get some help or get checked. I cry CONSTANTLY- for no good reason- and what seems the dumbest things. I had no joy in my life, even with a baby and nice sunny weather, the ocean right outside and a good life for the most part, I was and am still a little sad, depressesd, angry, mad, sick, tired, down, up....well you get it...hang in there and I am sending you all the good vibes I can muster!!!
((HUGS))
Heather |
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Firemama
True Blue Farmgirl
1731 Posts
Amanda
Medical Lake
WA
USA
1731 Posts |
Posted - Jun 06 2007 : 1:07:16 PM
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Oh Patti I hope you get some help soon, I have struggles with depression, there is light at the end of the tunnel, sometimes we all just need a little help getting there!! HUGE HUGS!!!!
Mommy to 2
Your FreckleFaced Farm Girl!!
Help when you can, Pray when you can't. |
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blueroses
True Blue Farmgirl
1323 Posts
Debbie
in the Pandhandle of
Idaho
USA
1323 Posts |
Posted - Jun 06 2007 : 1:13:16 PM
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Patti,
You know we all love you. It's okay to let down your guard with us. Hugs to you. You've had so much going on..it's only natural that you may be suffering from some depression. It's nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. I'm glad you have us to talk to. Hope all goes well with the doctor.
"You cannot find peace...by avoiding life."
Virginia Woolfe |
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Maryjane Lee
True Blue Farmgirl
2195 Posts
Maryjane
CA
USA
2195 Posts |
Posted - Jun 06 2007 : 1:13:24 PM
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We are here for you Patti. Will keep you in my prayers and know that you are loved. Let us know what the doctor says.
Hugs,
Maryjane Lee
"Cherish the memories and in our hearts they shall live forever!" |
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OregonGal
True Blue Farmgirl
511 Posts
Chris
No. IL
USA
511 Posts |
Posted - Jun 06 2007 : 1:22:41 PM
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I went thru alot of anxiety and crying spells and sleeplessness when going thru menopause - add that to a divorce - yikes, it was terrible cause i thought i was going crazy. good idea to go to the doctor and see if you all can find out the reasons (other than the obvious ones you've mentioned) but one thing I'd like to say is, don't ever use a permanant solution for a short term problem. In life, all things change. These
problems that you are having will one day change too. So hang in there. I did alot of praying too for God's comfort at stressful times and was
amazed when feelings of anxiety disappeared. God bless....and take care of yourself. |
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Runbikegrrl
True Blue Farmgirl
250 Posts
MaryAnn
Waterbury Ctr
VT
USA
250 Posts |
Posted - Jun 06 2007 : 1:39:12 PM
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Hi Patti - You are dealing with alot if you weren't a bit depressed I would worry more! It sucks when your in it! I am going through some bumps myself right now, huge crisis with my youngest son (I'm a single mom), money troubles, isolation (friends all far away) I cry alot too and just wish I could stay in bed all day (thank god I'm so busy I can't).I tell my self it will all pass and someday I can look back on this part of my life and see that it just made me stronger and more of who I am. Hang in there girl! And know there is at least one other farmgrrl out there crying right along with ya!
"So many interests so little time!"
http://lovelifelivegrrl.blogspot.com/ |
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KYgurlsrbest
True Blue Farmgirl
4853 Posts
Jonni
Elsmere
Kentucky
USA
4853 Posts |
Posted - Jun 06 2007 : 1:55:45 PM
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Hi Patti...farmgirl hugs for sure! We all experience what you're feeling at some point in our lives. I think women especially take on such stresses, personal and otherwise, and eventually you just get eaten up inside, trying to do it all, control it all, make it all better for everyone else. We usually forget ourselves and find out too late, when we're kindof where you are right now. I know from personal experience, that after my divorce, money was so tight, and there was such uncertainty for my future. My divorce was sucky, but more than that, I was wound so tight with worry over what would happen to me that I sometimes thought I wouldn't make it another day. I cried at the drop of a hat, and felt completely helpless, and really felt like I couldn't burden my friends with all that I felt--maybe wouldn't burden them. I saw my regular physician, and she suggested a "prescription" for depression, but I wanted something the heal ALL of me, soul and all.
Do you have any home church or pastor you can speak to?...I know for me, I had been away from church for a while when this happpened, and I felt alone there even MORE during all of it, but he sent me to a counseling service and there I found true peace and strength for what was to come. I had no money, and the fee was based on my income (laughable!), and it was the one "pleasure" I had during my week. She was truly a light in the storm for me. I wish you the same.
J
"In the spring, at the end of the day, you should smell like dirt." Margaret Atwood
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Aunt Jenny
True Blue Farmgirl
11381 Posts
Jenny
middle of
Utah
USA
11381 Posts |
Posted - Jun 06 2007 : 2:31:45 PM
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hugs from me too!! I will sure be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers..I hope the new doctor is some help today..please update us!
I had a hard time when my oldest boys moved out too..it is hard for most of us I bet...and still when they come and leave again it is so hard...you arn't alone. I wish I could be more help to you..or be there to drive you to the doctor and talk afterwards. Please take care..we are here for you!
Jenny in Utah
Inside me there is a skinny woman crying to get out...but I can usually shut her up with cookies
http://www.auntjennysworld.blogspot.com/ visit my little online shop at www.auntjenny.etsy.com |
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Huckelberrywine
True Blue Farmgirl
1607 Posts
Michelle
Rosalia
1607 Posts |
Posted - Jun 06 2007 : 4:08:33 PM
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Just adding my voice to your support crew here. Lots of great advice here already. Wanted you to know we're here for each other. Big hug, it does get better.
We make a difference. |
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LadyCrystal
True Blue Farmgirl
593 Posts
Alicia
Rhode Island
USA
593 Posts |
Posted - Jun 06 2007 : 4:27:57 PM
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Big Hugs Patti. Let us know how your Drs appointment went. We all are always here for you if you need a shoulder.
Alicia
http://fromcitytocountrygirl.blogspot.com/
follow your dreams |
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Cindy Lee
True Blue Farmgirl
510 Posts
Cindy
Sparks
Nevada
USA
510 Posts |
Posted - Jun 06 2007 : 5:07:40 PM
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Patti...sounds like all your farmgirl buddies are here for you! Not a one in the bunch that isn't understanding and ready to listen! Gosh, I think you are just going through a rough time and will be back in the saddle again soon.
Please let us know what the Dr. has to say and know that we will keep you in our hearts and our prayers.
Cindy |
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nut4fabric
True Blue Farmgirl
885 Posts
Kathy
Morgan Hill
CA
USA
885 Posts |
Posted - Jun 06 2007 : 5:25:03 PM
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Hi Patti I have been on anti Ds for 12 years now, and no regrets about taking them. Once I started taking them I was able to deal with all that was going on in my life and deal with the issues, something I could not do with tears fallling constantly and not wanting to get out of bed. Life is still not wonderful but I can face it. I am not saying that I don't need prayer but I think prayer is what brought me to a Doc for meds. I miss my kids too the youngest has been out of the house for 8 years now, but I am so happy for the wonderful phone calls and visits. Hang in there!!!!
Hugs, Kathy |
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mima
True Blue Farmgirl
1573 Posts
1573 Posts |
Posted - Jun 06 2007 : 5:31:27 PM
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| I can sooo sympathize with you! Depression is rough and it definately has a stigma - you don't want anyone to know. Last spring I had really spirled out of control and was having suicidal ideation.That landed me in a pysch hospital- one of the most terrifying expirences of my life!!! Think One Flew Over the Cuckooos Nest. I did get anti- depressents and a therapist and it me helped understand things. I'm much better but it's a struggle. I have alot of mental illness in my biological famly and I sooo don't want to go down that road. Good luck to you and many hugs! There is help out there. |
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Nancy Gartenman
True Blue Farmgirl
9093 Posts
Nancy
West Seneca
New York
USA
9093 Posts |
Posted - Jun 07 2007 : 04:59:36 AM
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Patti,
Sorry to hear you are having a down time. Is there something positive you could focus on? How is your new house coming along? Are you able to be outside and plant anything yet? I know this past year has been hard on you, so so many changes, I was concerned about you way back when you seem to be dealing with to many big issues at the same time. Hope your new doctor is able to help you, and try and focus on something that you can control so that you get some positive feed back for yourself.
NANCY JO
www.Nancy-Jo.blogspot.com |
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Mumof3
True Blue Farmgirl
3890 Posts
Karin
Ellenwood
GA
USA
3890 Posts |
Posted - Jun 07 2007 : 05:24:52 AM
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Patty- A big farmgirl (((hug))) to you. I hope that you were able to open up to your doctor the way you have with us. My goodness, you have had so many upheavals in the past few months, it is no wonder that you are feeling blue. You have made the big step trying to get this sorted out and that's a good, positive move in the right direction!! Good for you. We're always here for ya!
Karin
Wherever you go, there you are.
Come visit me at:
www.madrekarin.etsy.com
www.madrekarin.blogspot.com |
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happymama58
True Blue Farmgirl
1210 Posts
Patti
Missouri
USA
1210 Posts |
Posted - Jun 07 2007 : 05:51:08 AM
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First of all, I want to thank you ladies for your wonderful support. Although I was nervous about being so open, I felt this was a safe place -- thank God for the farmgirls!
The doctor was very nice, spent lots of time with me, asked lots of questions, etc. He felt it was probably depression and gave me a 2-weeks' sample of Lexapro. But based on my family history & some of my physical symptoms, he thought there was a chance that a thyroid condition might be contributing to the problems. He's running some sort of blood test (T something or other) and will have the results tomorrow. In the meantime, though, he wanted to start me on Lexapro because he felt like I needed some relief or help now. I go back a week from Monday to talk about my test results, how I'm feeling, etc. The visit was difficult, but I'm so glad I went. It was nice to be totally open with someone who could help, wouldn't judge, etc.
I hadn't told my husband how bad I was feeling. I figured he's under enough stress already (prime age for heart attack) with doing most of the interior work, dealing with finances, and work issues of his own. Last night I just told him the bare basics, not as much as I told the doctor or shared here. That may sound strange, but to be honest, I don't think he needs to know and now that I have been able to get it out of my system (thanks, ladies and doctor), I don't feel so alone and in need of someone to share it with. I hope that makes sense.
As far as the medication goes, I feel really good about the course of action. At first, I was so hesitant to even think of an anti-depresent. For a year now, I've felt this growing, and I tried really hard to deal with it through exercise, prayer and Bible study, etc., but things were steadily getting worse. This doctor is an osteopath and very concerned with the whole person. He told me he wants me to be on this for 3 months, while at the same time we're going to talk about and incorporate other things that should/might help. Things like no sugar, that sort of stuff. At the end of every 3 months, we'll evaluate where I am and whether or not it's time to wean me off the medication.
One thing he said that stood out to me is that our bodies have different ways of dealing with stress. Some people develop ulcers, some have heart attacks, some develop depression. I'm sure there are more, but these were the three he mentioned. At this point, I would rather deal with depression than have a heart attack or an ulcer. So, not to sound like a Pollyanna, I realize my situation could be much worse.
Well, it's time to get up on a ladder and finish painting the living room. Ladies, words don't express how much it meant to me to read your posts and know I have your support. Thank you sooooo much for taking the time to read all of this and for being there for me.
Some people search for happiness; others create it.
Please visit me at www.marykay.com/pmiinch |
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Beemoosie
True Blue Farmgirl
2077 Posts
Bonnie
New York
USA
2077 Posts |
Posted - Jun 07 2007 : 06:05:41 AM
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Patti, I am so glad you are taking action. I have been going through similar things the last 3 years, only realizing how bad it was last spring and going to the doctor. It was such a blessing to find relief. They checked my thyroid also, but found it to be normal. I've been on a PMS med, which is technically an anti-depressant for a year. It's a med that I can start when I feel symptoms and stop when I don't need, so that tells me it's very low dose. But it has done wonders. I agree that stress triggers some wacky things in our bodies, including depression and HORMONES!
Praying for everything to go well for you.
(((HUGS)))
My soul magnifies the Lord, And my spirit rejoices in God my Savior. Luke 1:46,47
www.beequilting.blogspot.com
http://beemoosie-picture-diary.blogspot.com/ |
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Mumof3
True Blue Farmgirl
3890 Posts
Karin
Ellenwood
GA
USA
3890 Posts |
Posted - Jun 07 2007 : 06:14:19 AM
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Patti- I've been on Lexapro for the past three years. It's a loooong story, but I'm here to say that it has made a world of difference in me. :) Take care- things are looking up!
Karin
Wherever you go, there you are.
Come visit me at:
www.madrekarin.etsy.com
www.madrekarin.blogspot.com |
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mkmomus
True Blue Farmgirl
248 Posts
Merle
Greensboro
NC
248 Posts |
Posted - Jun 07 2007 : 06:40:48 AM
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Patti,
I am glad you feel good about your Dr visit. I too wa given an anti-depressant but then about 2 years later another dr found a thyroid condition. It turns out the pill for depression (which was diagnosed for menopause) made the thyroid condition worse. When I finally got medication straight things started looking much better. Situations were still sad at times, but I didn't overreact. My point is, if one treatment (chemical or otherwise) does not do the trick just try to hold on and try something else. I'll keep you in my prayers. Take care
Merle |
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Tina Michelle
True Blue Farmgirl
6948 Posts
Tina
sunshine state
FL
USA
6948 Posts |
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Here's to Your Health: Really struggling here -- *Update on page 2* |
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Really struggling here -- *Update on page 2*
