| T O P I C R E V I E W |
| vintagechica |
Posted - Mar 07 2007 : 09:07:37 AM
We are in full fledged gun mode around here. EVERYTHING gets turned into a gun or sword or bow and arrow. Now, I knew this was going to happen. It just does with boys I've been told. So, that is not what bothers me. It is the words that go along with the actions. I keep hearing "Im going to cut your head off" and "I got you, you're dead now". I also know that they dont really understand what dead is.
But I am wanting everyone's opinion on this....I think that there should be some rules, like we don't shoot people and we dont kill our brothers, only the bad guys, etc. But my husband tells me that you can't put "rules" on how they play. But we already have rules like you cant throw the crayons all over the room, and you can't break the lincoln logs in half. So why is this any different?
The only gun we have in the house is a bb gun that he uses to get the skunks in the summertime (put away in the top of the closet). He keeps his other guns at work (military). So, we are responsible about having them around the boys and are not concerned in that way. More of a concern for human life. You know?
I am kind of rambling now, but do you all have rules about how your boys play with weapons?
Thanks in advance for any opinions, especially those of you who have BTDT (been there done that).
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
A sure way to avoid housework...live outdoors.
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| dewdrop sewing |
Posted - May 17 2007 : 04:32:31 AM
My son also (age 3) is into guns, swords and anything typically boy - including finding and picking up every snake, salamander, and toad within sight of our home. His father is an avid hunter and our home is filled with every form of hunting paraphenalia imaginable. That being said it was quickly decided that all hunting apparatus would be designated to a room with a locked door in our basement. This satisfied my husband (he is a bit obsessive compulsive about his hunting) and myself (I want them locked up away from curious fingers). But, in all reality hunting is part of our lives and so are the tools that go with it, it keeps meat in our freezer and on our shelves through the winter. That being said, we started at a very young age (1 for Will when he first showed interest) discussing the fundamentals of hunting, guns, etc. We have strict rules about no pointing guns at people, and we have been very honest with him about what can happen to a person if they are hurt by a gun or sword.
However, when it comes to things said by young boys with guns, etc. I'm not sure where that comes from. Our son has said things like bang, and I shot that - but as other commenters have stated he is very restricted in how he is influenced through the media and our actions. I'm not sure where they come up with some of the things they say and imagine - perhaps it is encoded in their male DNA? (ha ha) I think it is important that children know that guns, etc. are tools - they are real and can be very damaging to people and animals alike. In our society with movies, tv, video games,etc. desenistizing our children and ourselves to violence, language, promiscuity, and degrading morals in general it is important to teach your children that their are consequences to each of their actions, some are good and some are bad, and they must think through things before they act. |
| juliet79 |
Posted - Apr 25 2007 : 1:10:24 PM
My dad taught me and my three sisters how to shoot guns for target practice. I had a few friends who were never taught how scary a weapon could be, and when one was found at a friends house, two kids died! Long story short, I think children need to be shown what a weapon looks like, what it sounds like, and what happens. That way, if ever confronted, they will know what to do! |
| OhSoBlessed |
Posted - Apr 24 2007 : 10:37:48 AM
My boys, 9 and 5, also have play as well as real guns - BB and a .22 - and they roleplay too when their friends are over. Hubby is a policeman on swat team and a bomb tech as well as a lead firearms instructor so these things are a natural part of life for us. There are 4 gun safety rules that the boys know by heart and must abide by. The oldest has shot a few critters at the farm and cried after he did. His brother hasn't been trained by dad yet so isn't allowed to touch a real gun. The little one cried too. They also were frightened by the loud sound the gun makes when fired. When they play with the toys we use that as an opportunity to reinforce what dad is teaching. We are a hunting family so unless there is a danger to the family, livestock, or crop, you kill an animal only to eat it. I get to hear what they are saying when they play so if I think there is a problem, we can address it. We don't point the gun at anything we aren't willing to destroy, including brothers. But we have the nerf guns that even dad will play with and they know the difference between reality and fantasy. Hubby is -obviously- really big on safety and thinks that the sensuality of guns is reduced with constant training and rules.
Hope you can find peace about it!
Renee
GRATITUDE is when memory is stored in the heart and not in the mind. - Lionel Hampton |
| mtngirl1 |
Posted - Apr 19 2007 : 3:23:45 PM
I have 2 boys that also like to play with guns, swords, sling shots-you name it. The only rule we have is you can't point at the head. My husband hunts and so do my boys. When I was 10 my father had me shoot his 12 guage shotgun so I could realize the power it had (he was a cop and we had guns in the house) Needless to say we never messed with his guns once we saw for ourselves what they could do, however my brother and I would chase each other around the house with the kitchen knifes ( I no longer do that) Once they get interested in girls all that gun stuff will go right out the window. |
| bboopster |
Posted - Mar 13 2007 : 1:30:16 PM
Children will be children. They need guidance, rules and limits. They need to learn respect and pride. They need to know that weapons are not toys and that they can hurt or kill others if mishandled. I did not allow toy guns or weapons in my house when my children were growing up. Because guns and weapons are not toys. I was raised in a hunting/fishing home and my children were also. My girls and boys made guns out of everything at one point in their lives. I did not allow video games in my house at all and watched what they watched on TV. I'm sure we were the only house on the block and in town that did not have video games or cable TV or at least that is what my children told me quite often. But my children did learn to respect weapons and that they were not toys. From little on they were included in shooting ranges, bow shoots, knife throwing contests, hunting trips, paintball courses ect.. They did learn early on that weapons are not toys and are not used on or pointed at people. My youngest had a horriable experence his first time deer hunting when he brought down his first deer. He cried and cried when he saw it dead and knowing he was the cause. (we both shot with our camera now when it comes to hunting.) All three of my boys are now Army and very good shots (as are my girls) but I know from our talks that they still do not like the fact that someday they may have to use their weapon to save their life or someone elses. We live in a society that does not demand respect any more. Children are left to fend for themselves. They watch very graphic movies or TV shows that I think has caused them to become desensitised to the worth of a human life and that is were the guns and weapons cause the problems. Children are children and making weapons out of anything will happen no matter how hard you try to stop them, but with guidance,rules and limits I do believe that children will play safely and grow to become responsiable adults. A weapon alone can not cause harm, it is the person behind that weapon that causes the harm. There will always be guns and weapons we just need to teach our children respect for their fellow human beings and weapons. 
P.S. I'm not a fan of war and want all our troops home NOW but I do honor those who fight for our freedoms to have these conversations.
3 Blue Star Mother and Proud of it!
Pray for our troops to come home safe and soon.
Enjoying the road to the simple life :>) |
| ArmyWifey |
Posted - Mar 10 2007 : 2:01:17 PM
Very well written article --- thank you! Although I agree with the writer who states that much of the issues come because of the feminization of men in our soceity. Except where we live.............HOOAAH!! ;)
As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!
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| birdie |
Posted - Mar 10 2007 : 09:31:13 AM
There was an article in Mothering Magazine a few months ago about this same topic (link below). If you have a weapon-free home and your child bites his PB&J into a gun and starting "shooting", what is a mom to do? I thought the article shares an interesting perspective.
http://www.mothering.com/articles/growing_child/discipline/bang-bang.html
At 17 months, my son isn't in the weapon stage yet, but I'm sure we'll be facing it eventually! Enjoyed reading everyone's views! 
Amy |
| primjillie |
Posted - Mar 09 2007 : 07:56:31 AM
I am another mom totally against guns. Much to my husband and his family's dismay (they are all military, except my dh), no guns were ever allowed in our home and never will be. I've lived without a gun for 51 years and never needed one. It is hard to restrict what kids can play or not, but I think if you talk to them and guide them in the right direction, you will be happier. If you don't want them to play "kill" and other games, that is your right. I was one of the few moms in our neighborhood who would check with my child's playdates and friends to make sure there were no guns in the house. My kids didn't quite understand this until there was a shooting in our neighborhood, while one young teen shot another as the parent slept on the couch in the same room. They were just playing around, but it left a lasting impression on my children as they saw a friend of theirs die needlessly. Just do what you feel is right for your family and you will be okay! |
| shmeg |
Posted - Mar 08 2007 : 6:51:54 PM
I mentioned in an earlier post that my 4 year has a wooden toy gun but is not allowed to point it another person ever. My husband was a sniper for the Army and is very knowledgeable and interested in guns. But he doesn't involve our son in that other than to teach him that they are serious things, not toys. he absolutely respects an agrees in the rules and limits of the gun play. However, I am a nanny for a 20 month old boy whose father was a Marine recon. He brought his son over today and he started to pretend shoot my 2 and 4 year olds. His dad just laughed and said that he loved that he plats with guns and how great guns are. This was followed by a comment about how we have a population problem. Yikes! Daddy might not like it but his little boy will have to obey by my rules when he is in my house. His dad also lets him watch anything. He told me there were no limits to what he was allowed to watch because he wanted him to grow up with "all forms of art". |
| BarefootGoatGirl |
Posted - Mar 08 2007 : 1:29:07 PM
If there were not guns or knives in my house, it would be nearly empty. Hubby loves guns and knives of all sorts and is even learning to smith his own blades. My boys play combat on a daily baisis and I agree with Robin about it helping them sort out some of the more complicated aspects of life (my husband is a soldier and we have lost friends in battle, so war is something that really hits home here). At this point I have no concerns with thier play, they know the rules (we do not murder or shoot cilivlians--ladies, talk mean, or torture). They often play against invisable bad guys who are "threatening" thier sisters. As for hunting, when they are older daddy will take them hunting, but they already realise that all creatures belong to God and we are only to kill for meat (they do participate in butchering here at home). Infact, sometimes they are too respectful of God's creatures and have been caught feeding the ants IN THE HOUSE!
Talking about boys...they are in my kitchen and I had better go rescue what ever food is left! That was about my two bits anyway...oh, we do keep guns put up, but just in case we train our children from the time they are able to crawl NEVER to touch a real gun. At about 4 they start target practicing with daddy, but then they learn that the exception is if it is handed to them by a PARENT. They have also been taught to clear a weapon no matter who hands it to them.
Trina
'
Of all the things I have created, my children are the best. |
| tziporra |
Posted - Mar 08 2007 : 10:12:12 AM
When I was a kid we had guns in the house all the time. So the rule was, if it LOOKS like a gun (or a bow), you may not point it at another person. Ever. For any reason. If it didn't look like a gun - no rules, including on what was said.
I agree with your husband regarding rules on speech (as long as the speech befits gentlemen) in play. Kids explore concepts like death and good and evil in play, and it can be confusing and scary when we put restrictions on that play. I do think it's perfectly reasonable to put restrictions on where certain kinds of language (or loud voices) are used. For instance, rather than nag my kids endlessly about potty talk (innocent kinds of potty talk, not swearing kind) I make them go to the bathroom to talk about bodily functions. It loses charm pretty quickly that way. If you prefer not to hear about killing each other, you might send them outside -- we don't kill each other in the house.
Best,
Robin |
| _Rebecca_ |
Posted - Mar 08 2007 : 07:43:44 AM
I had my own bee-bee gun as a kid. My father had a gun (a pistol) somewhere in the garage, maybe even a rifle. My Uncles were quite scary even without guns, but they also had guns. My grandmother had a shotgun.
I think that you can eliminate all guns from the entire world, but there will still be violence and murder. Cain didn't have a gun and look at what happened to Able. And he didn't watch tv.
It's more an issue of the heart. Guns are just exterior.
I think you should tell your children what is dangerous, explain to them what happens around fires, electricity, water, guns, medications, cars. Teach them to use wisdom not foolishness. You can't be too careful. My mom's cousin, when he was two, shot and killed his father.
Whether it's knives, guns, or belts, (I think someone mentioned a kid using a belt to tie up another kid), or ropes, or anything, you just have to stay on top of it and keep your kids from harm.
My dad's rule was that you never point guns at cars or people. And he was a very gentle soul, so I didn't even dream of shooting birds or squirrels. I think teaching your sons and daughters to care for small creatures is important too.
My dad was a Marine, and he also spent quite a bit of time teaching me how to defend myself. I usually rolled my eyes at him, but wouldn't you know, the THIRD month of my marriage our apartment door was KICKED in and a guy hit me and knocked me down. He told me he had a gun and he told me to turn over. I screamed and kicked him in his groin a couple of times and he went away. (Angels were watching over me and I believe that God had provided me with a loving earthly father who had given me preparation to take care of myself).
So, I believe in educating children about the evils of the world, the dangers of our physical environments and the difference in living wisely or foolishly, all this in addition to moral and ethical and spiritual education.
Your sons playing with guns brings up good opportunities to talk to them about these things. Guns are a part of life, just like everything else.
.·:*¨¨* :·.Rebecca.·:*¨¨* :·. |
| Tina Michelle |
Posted - Mar 08 2007 : 06:06:07 AM
I tell my son that the only thing he better ever be shooting out of a pretend gun is "love darts". I tell him that I certainly hope he's sending me alot of love and that we don't say things like "bang-your dead" or anything mean .
He doesn't do the gun thing hardly ever..but when he does he'll say "sending you some love darts"
He mostly plays pirates around here...and lately he pretends like he is a tree and he'll say "timber"..stiffen up and make himself fall straight over! LOL but he always watches and hasn't hurt himself yet.
LOL
He tends to rough house sometimes..typical boy..but we quickly tell him to settle it down, or have him go run it off outside.
~Seize the Day! Live, Love, Laugh~ |
| ArmyWifey |
Posted - Mar 07 2007 : 7:23:48 PM
A funny .... after posting on here I asked ds#2 who's 7 to get my high heels for me. He came down the stairs holding them by the heels and "shooting" me with them!
Another thought --- growing up our guns never were locked up or the ammo either (ammo was in a seperate spot) but we never used them in anger or had accidents. Now my cousin on the other hand tried to shoot his toe off --- but that was actually my Grandfather's fault for leaving it down where he could reach it. I actually would like to buy a gun because hubby is gone so much.
Blessings,
Holly
As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!
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| bramble |
Posted - Mar 07 2007 : 7:07:16 PM
I have to also say we didn't have any video games in our house until after 3 grade and never any that had violence of any kind. We saw such a difference in "the cousins" who were playing any M rated game they chose from age 5 and were constantly inflicting violent behavior on each other to the point of multiple hospital visits. I would not trust these children with an Air Soft gun let alone the real thing. It does depend alot on how you are raised.
with a happy heart |
| Love-in-a-Mist |
Posted - Mar 07 2007 : 5:13:53 PM
Another thing our family does is teach respect for all life no matter how small. If it's not something you are going to eat, than don't kill it. This has gone along way towards "pretend" shooting things.
My stall cleaning helpers
http://shannon-love-in-a-mist.blogspot.com/
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| Love-in-a-Mist |
Posted - Mar 07 2007 : 4:21:16 PM
I also think it depends on the child and the parents. We are a hunting, gun enthusiast family. I own 2 myself. We have 2 gun safes and guns are always locked up. We teach our children to respect guns and are very strict about rules. Guns are normal everyday life for my children. They don't even play shooting games anymore, they are bored with them.
I have a nephew though, that I would not give a toy gun or any play weapon to. He is very mean spirited and I don't leave my children alone with him. He is only 6, but he has been this way since he was 2. Last time he was at our house, shooting the toy gun wasn't enough, because nothing was happening, so he smacked my son across the face with it in front of the whole family. He got in trouble and the toys were taken away. Then he punched my 2 year old daughter in the stomach. He is allowed to play graphic video games and my children are not, but mostly I think it started with his lack of parenting. His family does not own a gun, thank the Lord. I wouldn't be able to sleep at night.
I think you should sit down with your husband and discuss your concerns. Evaluate what kind of children you have and compromise on rules.
My stall cleaning helpers
http://shannon-love-in-a-mist.blogspot.com/
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| bramble |
Posted - Mar 07 2007 : 2:25:41 PM
I have to say my opinion is close to Aunt George's. I didn't have guns of any type during preschool and yes I did frequently see my son turn something into a gun when playing with other children. Do I think that behavior is inherent? No, I think it is learned from others who have been exposed. We had water pistols that were in the shape of animals and the rule was never to aim at anyone's face.
As he got older, he wanted plastic swords for knight's and dragon play, and he did get as a gift a nerf gun for his birthday as a gift from a relative. At scout camp he had the opportunity to take gun safety and shooting and took it. Do we have guns? No. Will we? No.
And yes I too asked the parent of every play date if they had guns in the home and how they were stored. I actually offended one family who's Dad is a cop, but later he apologized and said he wondered why more parents didn't ask that question knowing what he does for a living. That prompted a gun safety program in the schools. Both Grandfathers and his Dad have hunted, but I doubt that Z will, he is too soft hearted about animals. This is a topic my husband and I do not agree on but I am adamant, there will never be guns in a house I live in. You can tell me til your blue in the face that gun safety and gun education can prevent mishaps but if the Vice President of this country can't prevent himself from shooting someone in the face I don't want to risk my kids or yours.
with a happy heart |
| horse |
Posted - Mar 07 2007 : 1:06:13 PM
When my boys were little, they wasn't allowed to have guns whether it was play or real. When they turned 13 they each went to the hunter safety class and joined the shooter club in 4-H. That really helped alot. You can't help but worry when they are gone out whether hunting or at a shooting sport. That's just the Mother in us.
Laura
www.2lmzfarms.blogspot.com |
| MustangSuzie |
Posted - Mar 07 2007 : 1:00:08 PM
My nine year old son learned a hard lesson this year during his first deer hunting experience of actually getting to shoot. I think it bothered him to fire the real gun and to kill the deer. But I'm glad he did it so that he knows what the consequence to shooting a living thing. And he sure has enjoyed eating the venison this winter. He smiles very proudly when I tell him that he put supper on the table for us.
Blessings....
Sarah
"In our every deliberation, we must consider the impact of our decisions on the next seven generations." -From The Great Law Of The Iroquois Confederacy.
REDUCE, REUSE, RECYCLE!!!!
http://mustangsuzie.wordpress.com
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| shmeg |
Posted - Mar 07 2007 : 12:47:17 PM
This is a hard topic for me too. I have a four year odl son who is actually a very sensitive little buy. If he hurts someone he cries and is more upset about it than whomever he hurt. But, he loves guns and swords, etc. For now the rule is that he can shoot the toys and other pretend things but he may not point the gun at another person. He is actually very good about this. When he isn't the gun gets put up indefinitely. It isn't my ideal situation but for now is a compromise that I can live with. Oh, I also don't let him have very realistic guns that make noises and things. He has two wooden/handmade guns. For some reason that seems more innocent.
-Megan |
| lamarguerite farm |
Posted - Mar 07 2007 : 12:43:49 PM
I have a boy that's 19 now and one that's 8 and they are "typical boys" as well. I've also been a preschool teacher and the boys would take a bite out of a cracker and then pretend it was a gun. It wasn't allowed at the school, but they had to be reminded often. It's almost like there's something instinctual(is that a word?)in boys. I don't allow guns to be pointed at people or animals and I don't go overboard buying toy guns, but Christien has a couple and usually only plays with them when his friends come over to play and they run around outside playing "cops and robber", etc. I think more than anything, there needs to be balance. Don't go out and buy them tons of toy guns and let them play carelessly with them, but on the other hand, don't be too restrictive and paranoid about it( I think that would create even more curiosity over it). So, I think monitoring there play is good, but let them expess themselves and be boys as well. I think each child's personality should be taken into consideration as well and their maturity level.
Blessings,
Missy
If you have a dream, even if you don't feel qualified to accomplish it, just try your hardest.-Maggie Jensen
http://18happyhens.blogspot.com
http://LamargueriteFarm.etsy.com |
| shmeg |
Posted - Mar 07 2007 : 12:43:47 PM
This is a hard topic for me too. I have a four year odl son who is actually a very sensitive little buy. If he hurts someone he cries and is more upset about it than whomever he hurt. But, he loves guns and swords, etc. For now the rule is that he can shoot the toys and other pretend things but he may not point the gun at another person. He is actually very good about this. When he isn't the gun gets put up indefinitely. It isn't my ideal situation but for now is a compromise that I can live with.
-Megan |
| ponyexpress |
Posted - Mar 07 2007 : 12:27:13 PM
Guns aside, when the boys use the words that go along with the play-fghting, what is the emotion or context behind it? Are they mimicking what they hear on TV or video games? Does there seem to be an anger or intensity behind the words other than play-fighting?
I think that seems to be the essence of your concern, rather than whether or not it is okay for boys to be playing with pretend guns. Maybe you could suggest some different language for them to use rather than the disturbing words.
I've tried to find a suitable exercise video for women my age...but they haven't made one called "Buns of Putty" |
| MustangSuzie |
Posted - Mar 07 2007 : 12:09:21 PM
It isn't guns that scare me but the people behind them. Without the person behind them they are just another ianimate object such as scissors, knives, needles, sharp glass etc. I feel that as long as the owner is responsible in the keeping of the gun and everyone is taught proper safety and respect of the weapon, there is no need to fear them.
My boys also turn anything and everything into guns and bows and arrows. I constantly remind them that we don't shoot people, we shoot for food. I don't let them watch things they shouldn't on tv, but I know that when they are at their dad's they watch everything, including violence. They have to be taught that is wrong. I do think that guns should be locked in a gun safe or locked cabinet with children around. You can get saftey gun locks for free I believe from your local sherrifs office, or they can tell you where to get them. These lock the trigger so that the gun cannot be fired.
My ex left a gun laying out in our basement one time. No major accident happened, but you can bet he got an ear full and didn't do it again.
Boys will be boys, when you are looking and more so when you are not. I guess it is their inner sense of being protector, defender and provider as males.
Blessings....
Sarah
"In our every deliberation, we must consider the impact of our decisions on the next seven generations." -From The Great Law Of The Iroquois Confederacy.
REDUCE, REUSE, RECYCLE!!!!
http://mustangsuzie.wordpress.com
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